Gross Movie Reviews #483
Hitchhiker Massacre (DVD) – Like most recent horror films it claims to be based on true events. Honestly I really don’t care just because you already had me at the title so let’s get on with it. Apparently if you are a hottie and hitchhiking outside of L.A. things are not looking good for you. But Sally who has no car and of course hasn’t seen the Rutger Hauer classic “The Hitcher” says fuck it and starts hoofing it to Colorado. While camping, an older dude comes along to check on Sally as she is camping on a hillside near the road. Believing she could trust old dude she jumps in the truck for the free ride and hopes to get to Colorado quicker. Unbeknownst to Sally the hottie is old dude is in the business of slicing and dicing young people out in the middle of nowhere to sell their body parts. It’s a wonderful business according to old dude. He gets a text from the unknown buyer and he precedes carving out that organ and when to get rid of the body. The side plot is the local sheriff who is intrigue with all the desert disappearances and believes he is finally on the right track of capturing the bastard who is responsible. This movie has no business being as interesting as it was and I was happy with actually being entertained when I was fully expecting a big pile of goat crap! For that I give it 2 stars.
Undead Fred (YouTube) – The latest short film from filmmaker Sam Hodge that has a young couple spending an evening together by the edge of the woods. The couple is rudely interrupted when Fred is bitten in the ass by a zombie! Thus starting a zombie apocalypse! A good amount of gore, zombies, and a great intro for a future cool Indy feature that many will love as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. Let’s hope Mr. Hodge and company can give us an Indy zombie feature we all can sink our teeth into?
The Windmill Massacre (DVD) – You gotta love a flick that has the tagline: This isn’t hell. This is Holland. Jennifer is a young woman who is on the run from authorities and her past. She gets lucky and is able to jump on the ‘Happy Holland Tours’ bus before it leaves without a ticket. The tour of course takes a group of people and Jennifer to see the historical windmills of Holland. Along the way the bus breaks down and so is Jennifer as she is trying to decide if her dead father is actually back or she is just seeing things. After one person of the group is viciously attacked and dismembered by a dark figure the group sees an old windmill to take refuge at. As the group of people get to know each other trying to figure out what they should do next in order to get back to civilization things are revealed. This group of people and the bus are there for a reason so maybe it is hell? Great amount blood, awesome kill scenes, and the dark figure happens to be a cool looking creature that makes this ‘massacre’ flick well worth the time of checking out as I give it 3 stars.
The Terror Experiment (DVD) – Here is a bootleg SyFy Channel flick with a solid cast that has flown under the radar of most of us. A virus has been released into the atmosphere of a building in an attempt to expose the U.S. government and all their dirty secrets. The biological warfare is brilliant but has no known antidote. People on the bottom six floors quickly become infected and start attacking anyone that enters. Meanwhile there is some survivors on the upper floors that are just trying to find a way out while government and emergency personal on the outside are not on the same page. Of course the government wants to keep everything quiet. What makes this virus-infected film entertaining enough is that the infected are not flesh eaters but just brutally attacking people. And the film is not trying to reinvent the zombie film but show how the government would most likely fuck shit up to keep it all quiet no matter what cause the virus was released for… So for that I give this little surprise 2 ½ stars.
El Toro Azul’s Monster Movie a Go-Go Presents: Night of the Living Dead (DVD) – The cool little Indy company Witch Doctor Films is at it again where a couple of masked Mexican wrestlers and their beautiful full-figured young lady co-host entertain in segments throughout the Romero classic. NOTLD is always the go to for horror hosts but Witch Doctor Films has done nothing but entertain me since I met up with them a couple years ago. So zombie fans another one for your collection as I give it 3 stars.
Occurrence at Mills Creek (Vimeo) – A short film about a broken family dealing with death but is the family truly broken? As the character Clara has flashbacks of her family trying to think if things could have been different. Is this a dream, a paranormal thing, or something maybe even more evil? One thing is sure this short film is a prelude of a potentially interesting horror feature of the same name coming in 2020 as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
Exposure (Blu-ray) – A young couple (James and Myra) head to the mountains for a fresh start. There is a cabin there that James use to visit every summer as a kid and has some fond memories of. Once there the isolated surroundings begin to affect them slightly but differently. James after some prying from Myra tells the story of the weird going-ons and his family many years ago. As the slow burn story moves along it is apparent something unnatural is trying to unravel the relationship between James and Myra with a wonderful creature effects payoff. I give this slow burn Indy flick 3 out of 4 stars.
Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! (DVD) – A holiday horror that was directed by Chad Ferrin and produced by Trent Haaga that deals with a special needs teenager. Now I was on the fence with the flick because it deals with a special needs kid and didn’t know if this was just gonna be cruel and dumb? So I gave it a chance as it deals with Nicholas who is 16, has special needs and is a big fan of the Easter Bunny! While Nicholas takes the trash out for his mom he has a run-in with a homeless man who trades him an Easter Bunny for a bag of bottles and cans. This makes Nicholas ecstatic as he loves the Easter Bunny. Meanwhile the next day is Easter and mom gotta work a double shift leaving the shitbag boyfriend in charge of Nicholas. Remington is a shitbag of enormous proportions as he is gonna pimp out Nicholas while he goes and gets a couple of girls for holiday pleasure. But if it is up to Nicholas and his new Easter Bunny friend some horrible stuff is about to go down and anybody that has looked at Nicholas funny is about to get fucked up by a bunny-masked killer! The movie gets a little sleazy at times but the slightly surprise ending makes it worth sitting through and cheering for the Nicholas character. I enjoyed the film overall but it could have left another five or ten minutes on the cutting room floor to give it a leaner murderous holiday feel as I give it 2 stars.
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