Tag Archives: Pickaxe

Gross Movie Reviews #694

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Transylvania Tapes (DVD) – Latest project from the talented independent soul Brad Sykes takes us to Bucharest! A dramatic horror found footage/documentary mash up that follows a young woman Mara was born in Romania but moved to L.A. when she was very young. After a family member died in the past year she found tapes of what her mother made in 1997 looking for a possible family property but disappeared mysteriously. Mara travels across the world to make a documentary about her following in her mother’s footsteps to also hopefully find some answers. Mara’s mother was an actress and in theater during the 80s and was very popular in the area as she uses this to help track down some old peers of her mother’s to interview. As Mara gets deep with some of these interviews a curse is mentioned several times which of course Mara refuses to listen to warnings about looking for her mother. The film is quite intriguing and beautiful as this somewhat found footage film comes off genuine compared to many from the past. What also helps this project along is the actor that plays Mara; Valeria Badiuc absolutely has a natural charm that lures you in to be interested in her journey. Now I was a little upset Charles Band or his castle were not in the film and the film runs a little long for me at 109 minutes but Ms. Badiuc’s performance and Mr. Sykes using the beautiful landscape and buildings as a character itself lends this to be a must watch independent film in 2026! I give this light mash up 3 out of 4 stars.

Coven of the Black Cube (Blu-ray) – There was all kinds of cool people from the independent genre that show up in this old school no budget vibe kind of flick. The film revolves a young woman questioning her relationship as she meets the head of a coven named Clover who legit seems to have real concern for the young woman VI. Clover actually sees potential in VI in allowing her into her witchy life for better understanding of what can be better than what she has become accustomed too. The only thing VI doesn’t know is Clover takes great pleasure in helping women kill their husbands/boyfriends with a potion she has come up with. The story at its core is all about Clover being a serial killer with this witchery stuff as the background that is mixed into a very perverse love story that wasn’t meant to be as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Blood Oath (DVD) – A Troma release from 2011 that has friends who tell a story about an urban legend then go looking for it to see if it is at all true? The slim backstory is that a deranged child lives in the woods looking for victims that come to this cabin. Of course said group of friends find the cabin and slowly they are slaughtered by this hulking deranged killer. Not a ton to this bare bones slasher film but also might be why not many of seek it out for a watch as I can only give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Zombies of the Third Reich (Tubi) – It is war time and the Nazis are under extreme pressure by their relentless leader to create super soldiers in some unknown French bunker! Problem is the bunker has gone quiet recently as the Allies were keeping tabs and fear the worst as they send in a recon/rescue team to get one of their own out. The special team gets in quickly but soon understands getting in was never the problem as getting out will be as the Nazi experiment cannot get out in the real world. Believe me you read about this film and will wanna see it and hope it’s even a fraction of ‘Dead Snow’ or ‘Outpost’ but it doesn’t even come close. The film from the beginning fails from poor execution or just plain laziness of getting this project together. Not so much of the characters but everything around them. If you watch you’ll understand and want to forget it as quickly as you chose to watch it as I give it a ½ star.

Island Escape (Tubi) – A team of mercenaries is dropped onto a mysterious island to rescue a scientist where an unknown experiment has been going on for decades. Once the team arrives they immediately find some mysterious but monstrous foes that seem hell bent on attacking the team. In a short span of time the team figures out they have been dropped into an insane wormhole experiment that resets the island every three days and they cannot escape the ongoing experiment. As time quickly goes by the team understands there is multiple versions of them on the island and it’s endless. I enjoyed the concept of this film but it gets a little murky in the middle as it seems to have a tough time of how they wanted to resolve this wormhole issue they were in but still give it 2 stars for being interesting.  

The Creeps (Amazon) – So some old creepy Russian guy opens a portal to a dimension where demons float out to infest snowmen at Finnish ski resort! Sounds corny, sounds like you have seen this ten times before but I advise you have not kids. Now enters our main character Zach who is 17 at said ski resort with a friend (raises way too many questions but that is for a whole other conversation that you will have to ignore that plot point to enjoy this film) who has a love for the 80s nostalgia. The movie wastes no time as the creatures attack a party that Zach and friends attend as Zach hides in an outhouse/porta potty to talk to his Grandpa Joe Dante! Once Zach comes out of hiding the movie shifts into high gear of chaos, blood, and Christopher Lambert with Highlander references that will simply blow your mind in this most entertaining piece of cinema! Kids this project is 4 stars all the way so yinz need to seek it out immediately as Christopher lets us know one more time, “there can only be one”.

Final Caller (Blu-ray) – I still stand by this review but it was time to go check out the Blu-ray version of this film as I feel this is one of the more under the radar projects of Mr. Sheets’ career. The Blu-ray comes with a great BTS segment of Todd just being down to earth and explaining what was going on in his life while this project was going on, there is a commentary of course, and a short film ‘The Request’. Also too it just felt like Todd was trying something out of his comfort zone… : Todd Sheets fresh off the killer ‘Bonehill Road’ and the over the top ‘Clownado’ is back with an ultra-low budget film that involves a shock jock and his show “On Through the Night” where he tells strange stories and takes calls. For Roland the shock jock tonight seems like any other night of doing his show where he is yelling into the mic putting down his fans and spewing conspiracies. But his soon to be ex-wife shows up with the divorce papers and a caller called “The Outsider” who is going to fulfill some kind of ancient ritual by brutally murdering young women. The caller claims it is up to Roland to stop him from being a serial killer but of course Roland takes this as some kind rubbish and hangs up. This begins a hellish downward spiral for the show and all involved as “The Outsider” keeps calling back to yell back at Roland and explain how he devours his victims as he kills them and will visit Roland to complete the ritual. Roland now finds himself in world of crazy shit as he is trying to escape his own radio show and not become part of the bloody body count of “The Outsider”. This is a straight forward gore and even more extreme gore Todd Sheets project that will have his fans screaming for a sequel as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Saurians 2 (Tubi) – Mark Polonia’s son Anthony takes over the reins for the sequel 30 years later to tell the story of a dinosaur or two rising from a mountain in Fossil Valley. It seems the dinosaurs have awaken again and this time around a duo called “Crypto Duo” are not just in the area to interview survivor Alan about his ordeal but to also investigate the new occurrences. There is a lot of filler to this short feature but eventually the duo finds themselves transported into a long lost world debating what should be done with the dinosaurs. If I am being completely honest here this feels like something Mark and Anthony were paid straight up to put out there for content more than giving a strong sequel? It feels like pieces of stock footage from other projects strung together with maybe a few new scenes with the Alan character. It isn’t terrible, I just feel fans would have wanted more since it’s a sequel to a Polonia dinosaur project that fans may have forgotten as I can only give this 1 out of 4 stars.

Pickaxe (DVD) – Well this is a sloppy sex-filled monstrous slasher film that was entertaining as hell. It is 1988 and after a naked blood soaked sacrifice a crazed undead serial killer has returned from the grave to continue his carnage in Woodland Hills. Two people survived the first go around with Alex Black as now one is a cop (A. Michael Baldwin) and the second is drunken crazed person (Tiffany Shepis) that burned down an asylum a year after being committed. These two must answer the call as a group of supposed teenagers have traveled to a cabin near Woodland Hills for a drug induced drunken loud sex before heading to a concert. Alex Black the monstrous mess he is wastes no time hacking off heads and ripping out hearts because an evil amulet he wears. Yeah this blood soaked slasher has its flaws but the chemistry between Baldwin and Shepis’ characters as them not just being cameos help you oversee the flaws of this adventure. This picture also could have used a Matt Cannon for a better score. You may not enjoy the lackluster ending but again this was quite entertaining horror fans and yinz need to seek it out as I give it 3 stars.

One Million Babes BC (Tubi) – This Mark Polonia adventure made me laugh several times throughout the picture. Not sure that was the intention but I see it for what it was and just had fun watching two visitors discover a cave to tell the story that was written on the walls by the first people who could stand and have independent thought. These individuals read the drawings and tell the story of Luna and Ogg who are the superiors of a tribe who are at odds with each other. At some point Ogg feels threaten by Luna and feels she should be sacrificed to the volcano gods to help their tribe. Yes there is a dinosaur farting (oh yes I laughed my ass off), yes Tim Hatch makes a perfect caveman and Jamie Morgan is quite a bad ass, yes they are all wearing flip flops and loafers, but I feel if you watch this through the lens of those 50s and 60s B-movie types that had cave people you’ll find this entertaining and have a few laughs too as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

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Gross Movie Reviews #495

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Gross Movie Reviews #495

Hot Dog the Movie! (Blu-ray) – One of the most talked about sex comedies of the 80s has been restored and has goodies added to it by Synapse Films. We have a wholesome farm boy whom an amazing skier is making his way Squaw Valley, CA, for the winter skiing competition. Along the way Harkin our main character picks up the cute-next door type of girl hitchhiking who decides to tag along with Harkin to see where this leads. Once there Harkin soon makes quick friends with a group of skiers known as ‘The Rat Pack’ with his skills on the mountain during practice. As they all have a common foe in an Austrian skier named Rudi who has disrespected Harkin from the beginning. From there when not on the mountain for the competition ‘The Rat Pack’ is busy partying, creating chaos, and debauchery. Just like films of the same era in “Hardbodies”, “Losin’ It”, and “Porky’s” it gives you all the beautiful naked bodies you can handle in many party scenes. But what separates this fun sex comedy classic from most is not just its romantic element between Harkin and the hitchhiker but the amazing ski stunts and the ‘Chinese Downhill’ event to end the film. The way its shot and how its perform is perfect and I believe sometimes gets lost in all of the glorious nudity that we all remember watching as teenagers in the early 80s on Skinamax or HBO! Now imagine that restored with all the bright colors and cleared to perfection… Yes, I know there will be a few of us that will pause on the scenes of breasts for nostalgia? Believe me I don’t blame you even knowing then that the perfect Shannon Tweed was in the film. But the shots of the ‘Chinese Downhill’ are something to behold my friends. With this new restoration we also get a 50-minute documentary about the film which surprisingly they get a lot of who was involved. We also get a commentary and interviews with director Peter Markle and producer Mike Marvin which were not your usual boring stuff. These guys still show much love to the film and proud of the product they put on film. As usual Synapse Films did a supreme job at restoring one of the best sex comedies of the 80s and bringing it to Blu-ray for us fans to enjoy for many years to come. I give this Blu-ray 4 out of 4 stars and more info or to purchase the film can be found at www.synapse-films.com .

 

The Rake (DVD) – A slow burn horror flick from the talented Tony Wash whose story involves a brother and sister named Ben and Ashley whose father a doctor was working on a diagnosis for an insane person Jacob. One night Jacob shows up in their home to slaughter the parents in front of the children and then commits suicide. Years may have passed since the deaths but Ben and Ashley were adopted by a well-adjusted family and Ben was able to get past it. Ashley on the other hand has been in and out of asylums. Nikki their adopted sister whose family took them in is having a house warming party and wants the siblings to attend. Ashley once there begins to regress and speaks of “The Rake” and explains Jacob wasn’t a serial killer but a vessel for something more terrifying that can infect us all. Again a lot of dialogue, slow burn but the payoff with the monster thing is freaking awesome I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Dead Residence (Blu-ray) – Sean Donohue and Gator Blade Films latest is a found footage flick that has first time house flippers in Tampa tackling a home maybe haunted or worst yet, someone besides them living there? Debbie and Patrick have found the perfect home to flip for their first time. Everything goes great and they spend their first nights in the home so they can get they don’t have to travel to work on the interior of the home. But while they sleep each night the new surveillance video picks up something is in the home watching them. During the remodel tools begin to disappear as does food but the couple are unphased until they find a flash drive that has disturbing snuff videos on it. By time the couple realizes where the videos are being filmed at it is already too late for the two. Sean did a great job in keeping someone like me interested in a found footage film as I am not the biggest fan of them. A fun keeping it simple independent film from Sean that serves as a legit warning to house flippers in the future as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scary Movie (DVD-R) – A definite unknown flick from 1991 that really never got released but pops up a cable network from time to time. Warren is a very sheltered young man who is out for the Halloween holiday with a so-called friend at a haunted attraction. Of course the friend tries to hook up Warren to no avail but Warren’s attention is elsewhere when he hears on a police radio about a convict possibly escaping nearby. This sends Warren into a full panic attack that leads to the misfortune of the attraction shutting down. Interesting movie if there weren’t literally full scenes of nothing going on but Warren losing his grip on reality staring into space. This is one of those films for only the cinema die hards as I give it 1 star.

 

Haunting Inside (DVD) – Sylvia is a young woman who had a mental break because of her parents’ death and her brother Sam is forced to take care of her. She has her good days and bad days as Sam just tries to keep his own life together. Sam, per doctor’s advice goes and purchases several games for Sylvia to help keep her focus and not beat herself up. This excites Sylvia and she takes the Ouija board to her room to play but nothing happens. This disappoints Sylvia but does not stop her interest in the game that is supposed to be about talking to spirits. Second night she tries contacting her parents, still nothing but the next night she breaks through to something or some spirit. The spirit and her develop a relationship even if her doctor doesn’t see much good in this because it is only a game. The spirits look after Sylvia at first but they are actually just preparing her since she is in a fragile state that she doesn’t understand she is being taken advantage of. An absolute wonderful paranormal flick that is well written, well casted, and wish future paranormal flicks will pay attention to “Haunting Inside” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Church of the Damned (DVD) – Another long lost unreleased Polonia Brothers film that wasn’t finished from 1985. It has intro from Mark Polonia recently explaining the issues with the project. It is a project they started in their senior year of high school about a couple cops who are investigating missing persons. While investigating the two cops stumble upon something called the ‘Brotherhood of Darkness’. It isn’t anything groundbreaking but fun to see again the early work of this talented duo as I give it 1 ½ stars for nostalgic sake.

 

5 Years After the Fall (DVD) – A low budget post-apocalyptic affair where five years ago the world walled off 90% of its population because the lack of food. Now present a young man is having a debate with an older man about what humans should do now until the train derails and he finds himself on the other side of the wall. Jacob soon learns the world has survived but only through cannibalism and the strong taking advantage of the weak. Now in the savage land Jacob must fight off cannibal marauders in order to escape a home he thought he found was safe. From the beginning you are able to see there is a disconnect between script and what is on screen as I give it 1 star.

 

Pickaxe (DVD) – Alex Black is a killer in the woods during the early 80s who slaughtered several people in Woodland Hills. Now 1988, he is believed to dead but rumors begin again as a couple go missing recently. Several high school students head to the parents’ cabin for some hard partying, sex, and preparing to attend a concert. After much nudity Alex gets his slaughter on until Tiffany Shepis and the great A. Michael Baldwin try to put a stop to his killing ways! Getting past the enormous amount of nudity the filmmaker thought the film needed there is some great gore shots but I feel if the film is distorted or confusing? I feel the film may have come across better if scenes were in a different order. The concept seems solid but scenes don’t fit together like it was edited to serve some kind of purpose the filmmaker wasn’t sharing with the viewer as I give it 2 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

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