Gross Movie Reviews #674

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Wally Meets Popeye (DVD) – So leave it to the talented Indy filmmaker Steve Rudzinski to decide a fourth Popeye movie was needed in 2025! Wally Griswald returns in this feature where he has won another trip but this time to the island of…  Ohio? If you are a fan of Steve’s work you know the Wally character has been through a lot including Amityville (which there is a quick joke or two thrown in at the beginning). If you don’t know of Steve’s great filmography and like me must watch all the Popeye films, buckle up kids because this plays out like a live action old Scooby-Doo adventure without the dog and the gang! Wally excited for another free trip that somehow he has randomly won finds himself back on the detective job because of a green monster that has scared everyone away from the tropical island of Ohio. Years ago the same thing happened and the monster suddenly disappeared with help of an outsider. Now Steve and his buddy Rick who also just happens to be vacationing on the island need the help from the island’s famous sailor man Popeye. Popeye knowing of the monster has led him to convince the love of his life Olive Oyl to jump on his boat and travel to the other side of the island once he fixes it? Popeye knows all about this “Dawn Monster” legend because it keeps running away from him during fights. Its clear Popeye and the two detectives must team up to stop the reign of terror! Clarence Seybert III as Popeye and Carly Sonafelt Olive Oyl was some of the best casting of an Indy feature I have seen in years as their chemistry and handle of the characters jumps off the screen. Also there is this hilarious off script or maybe on script rant in the middle of the film between Wally and Rick that had me in almost tears laughing. Steve and crew made sure this tight low budget feature didn’t overstay its welcome, was an ass load of fun, entertaining as hell, and made sure its main characters Popeye and Olive were beyond exceptional so thanks to Steve not just continuing the “Wally” universe but giving another reason why Indy film fans should pay attention to the excellent work Mr. Rudzinski continues to do as I give this exciting project 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Shark Girl (Tubi) – A young influencer, Heidi, is pushed to go into the water at Venice Beach for her followers and to add spice for all her socials. But little do her and the douchebag she is with know that a nuclear meltdown nearby has cause the sharks to get weird. Heidi is bitten and disappears while douchebag believes Heidi just left him. That evening Heidi washes up on shore as she has a bit of a new hunger (human flesh). As Heidi continues to change as her hunger grows the word is out on the odd shark attacks along Venice Beach. After enough bodies pile up, Heidi’s friends try to stop the “shark girl” from devouring all of them. The movie has its moments but intentionally or unintentionally this movie makes you hate influencers that much more as I could only give this film 1 star.

Predator: Killer of Killers (On Demand) – So this animated feature shows us the Predator world is pretty bad ass as it takes you through a trio of stories throughout time where Predators pick up the warrior after their so-called battle. We have seen this before in the franchise but I believe this was to branch out the Predator world that much more after the success of ‘Prey’ which was a lot of fun. Will we ever get the one with Arnold that we all wanted most likely not? But I still enjoy stuff like this where the warriors have to face off with something even more imposing as I cannot wait to see where they go next as I give this story 3 ½ stars.

Fear Below (Tubi) – An Australian shark film with mobsters and set in the 40s! Many crates of gold are being transported late one night until an accident finds the truck at the bottom of a waterway that just happens to have a hungry bull shark swimming nearby. The mobster looking dudes go get help from a down on their luck diving crew because they want the job of collecting the crates with no questions asked.  Finding the truck isn’t the problem, the bull shark that is on the prowl as the crew must deal with the man-eater or be shot for not retrieving the gold is. I quite enjoyed the storytelling and how fun this feature was as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Leprechaun: The Beginning (Tubi) – I can’t resist dumb shit as I watched this tale of British bootleg Leprechaun look for his gold. Years ago a man named Nigel apparently caught the Leprechaun and tortured his ass for the pot of gold that he used to build his enormous home. Now after Nigel’s death two sisters come to the house deciding what to do with it unknowing the secret of the Leprechaun? Throw in some uninspiring family drama and a four-leaf clover and the killing is on! To put it simply if this was some kind of weird thing to cash in on the original Leprechaun series… you failed terribly and way too late as I can only give this 1 star.

The Wrong Side of Town (DVD-R) – Wow Indy filmmaker Phil Herman’s first feature was a SOV action film from 1990 that has very little info on it and very little copies of the film out there. The young Phil stars, writes, and directs this 64 minute feature where he stars as Chad, a rich kid looking for a good time. After hanging out in town at a club Chad gets an invite by a lady for a party she is having the next night. Little Chad knows he is being set up from the get go to a couple young ladies needing a tire to be changed to his friend’s car being stolen from him. Chad doesn’t know it yet but he is a victim of a gang that just wants to torture the rich kid to death for fun. After escaping the gang several times Chad is pushed to kill in order to survive the ordeal. By no means had Mr. Herman had the money to pull this wild project off but the passion is what got this project over the finish line. Yeah, you may have seen better but believe me you’ll have a whole new respect for Phil Herman and what he attempted to do so young in his filmmaking days as I give the project 2 out of 4 stars.

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon Volume Two (Blu-ray) – I may never be able to pronounce Addison Binek’s correctly because of my yinzer accent but you cannot deny he is the best at riffing films. This collection from Addison’s YouTube channel tackles films such as: Incredible Melting Man, Blood Shack, Demon Queen, It Conquered the World, Night of the Cobra Woman, Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster, you are getting the picture of what he is going after. Addison shows off his knack for describing these flicks in a hilarious, quick, but knowledgeable manner as episodes are an average of 15 minutes long. His comedic touch to the riffing of the movies is something to behold and I knew I was in for a fun treat when my daughter was loving that I got something new from Addison as she has watched a lot the stuff of his over the years from ‘Movies to Watch on a Rainy Afternoon’. This collection works on a couple of levels for fans as you could watch it with friends while drinking and talk about all the movies or use it to introduce a new generation of movie fans to some older films they may never knew existed? Addison is one of the most brilliant and talented young filmmakers out there as he releases more proof why he deserves 4 out of 4 stars.

Alan (DVD-R) – The Maddie Deering film I wasn’t allowed to watch but I finally have as we had plans to do it together soon. The short film revolves around a young man named Alan who isn’t exactly sure of himself but takes a chance of asking out the cute girl Janet at the Laundromat. They hit it off at dinner as they have a few laughs and a kiss and they quickly become a couple. Alan invites his brother Dave over for dinner one evening to meet Janet. Dave is surprised Alan has a girlfriend besides not being a virgin anymore! But instead Dave gets a surprise he was not hoping for with his brother Alan. The short film is exciting and disturbing at the same time but I totally understand why Maddie wanted to revisit this material and expand it to a feature length film as I give this short film 3 out of 4 stars.

Taeter City (VHS) – Welcome to this Eye-talian feature where in the future a certain city has no crime. If there is crime, the criminals are captured and processed to be fed to other humans through a fast food chain! The “Authority” is a group of highly trained individuals who take great pleasure tracking down criminals and slaughter them. But they have their work cut out for them as there has been a mutation from humans feeding on criminals and this man is fighting back against the system by slaughtering “Authority” officers. This film quickly flies into a gory chaos with a splash of ‘Bad Taste’, the gore of ‘Violent Shit’, and the humor of in-movie advertising of a ‘Robocop’! Another reason to enjoy this feature is one member of the “Authority” looks like a bootleg version of the killer in ‘Nailgun Massacre’. The movie was quite fun with its gallons of campy gore but the one flaw for me was the ending as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Backwoods Bubba (Blu-ray) – Yes I know some of the names involved with this project but it is never a good thing when you hear from one of them saying the movie was “terrible”. As several people stressed to me to never watch it you knew I had too at some point? So some locals have gone missing in this Indy thriller all because a masked man wants to dress people up as animals to release them for his hunting pleasure outside of his isolated cottage. Bubba enjoys the hunt folks but nevermind you can see half of the cast can remove the shackles at any point. Besides the film being a bit boring I really didn’t understand what was the point to Backwoods Bubba? Why was he killing? What motivated him to kill besides his weird looking dad figure at the casino? And was the point to the casino being in the movie was for being a reference point for a pair of parents looking for their daughter? Now folks it wasn’t ‘Amityville Mt. Misery Road’ BAD but the film was still terrible and only confirmed what I had heard about the project that seems to be all forgotten these days as I give it 0 out of 4 stars. If it helps this project reeks of sounded good on paper but that version never made it on screen if that makes sense?

St. Patrick’s Day Massacre (Tubi) – An event of adultery and murder take place at a historic pub in 1825 on St. Patrick’s Day in Dublin, Ireland to set up this story 200 years later where four women get con into checking out this supposedly haunted pub. As the four friends spend the night they get a visit from the pub’s killer past looking for a slaughter as they must survive the night in order to escape? Or just keep up the boring monotone conversation that seems to drag on throughout the film as I still wait for the so called massacre… which should make it clear why I am only giving this film 1 star.

Nazi Zombies (Tubi) – Holy Rutger Hauer kids, how do you fuck something like this up? Now, I wasn’t expecting the next ‘Dead Snow’ but usually if you are going to do something with a title like that it’s gonna be fun… And it just wasn’t. A group of young women who are witches on the side if bored come up with the brilliant idea of trying to conjure something up in a haunted house where Nazi soldiers were buried. If the spell is done correctly a wish for each of the girls is granted. Awesome, well two people die at the hands of the undead ghost Nazis so let’s bring in the younger sister 15 minutes later to do it all over again because it didn’t work the first time, WTF? Best line of the film “Your witchy curse may have worked?” This movie was one big piece of hot garbage from across the pond that felt like there was no direction at any point. The true horror is knowing that dumb stuff like this exists as other cool projects done by passionate people get pushed to the side as this deserves the 0 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #576

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Noah’s Shark (DVD) – Mark Polonia and his usual suspects are back with another no budget shark movie where when Noah built the ark there was a demon shark or some shit? Now present day, a troubled priest and his video crew search for the ark when a hot redhead isn’t on screen and they talk about ‘Witches of Endor’. Which isn’t that the place where the Ewoks are from? Anyway they head to the forest to search for this ark and end up in a bootleg Talking Heads video after 60 minutes of film… Yes kids, this one was bad from the get go and did I mention there is barely a shark in this as I give this film zero stars!

The Glove (DVD) – John Saxon is a bounty hunter who plays it safe and collects on the little bounties to stay out of trouble and keep his health. Rosey Grier is a big ass man with a riot glove that when he isn’t fucking up Ford Pintos he is planning revenge against some prison guards and executing them. But with a divorce and a gambling problem Saxon’s character the $20,000 price tag to bring Rosey in too hard to pass up in this late 70s action/exploitation flick as I give it 3 stars.

Scavenger (DVD) – A newer low budget post-apocalyptic film out of Argentina that follows the female character Tisha who is an organ dealer that gets mixed up in a world of sex, drugs, and gore. Lots of crazy Mad Max shit going on with a good mix of gore but the film drags big time as the story gets stuck in boredom when Tisha is drugged up and a sex slave for over half of the film. This film starts off wonderful paying homage to George Miller and his post-apocalyptic world but fails miserably before the film ever ends as I hated to give this a bad rating because I wanted to love this but only find myself giving it one out of four stars. It had the cars, the set design, the music, just couldn’t get the story together at all…

Death Screams (DVD) – A lesser known slasher film of sorts from 1982 that is also known under the title of “House of Death” got a DVD release in 2021. A small town where not much goes on until someone picks up a machete and decides it is time to slice their way through the town’s population. This slasher isn’t anything special and might be the reason this is a lesser known slasher but if you are a collector or a completest you most likely want to check this out for a watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Bigfoot vs. Megalodon (DVD) – It was time to walk down the “WTF?” road again and watch the sequel to “Bigfoot vs. Illuminati”. Yes, I cannot help myself but to watch garbage as this story takes place in 4045 and Van Helsing clone and his best friend Bigfoot are back to take on a Nazi-born experiment (Megalodon). This animated feature didn’t take long to get stupid and boring and just like the entry before was just a bad idea as I give it 0 stars.

Blood Bite (DVD) – First we need to go through this new shark film alternate title: Blood Shark, Horror Shark, and something in Chinese I can’t pronounce. But anyway if you needed “The Meg” rip-off you got one and of course nothing can go wrong when you experiment on sharks? Doesn’t take long for the CGI shark to get smarter and more pissed off and me wanting to just watch “Bad CGI Sharks” instead of this bad entry into the shark genre as I give it 0 stars.

Bull Shark (DVD) – Our story takes place in a small Texas town where the small town and its game warden have a shark in fresh water issue. The film has a great serious shark feel to it, set design, great actors, but the story is piss poor for going with the serious shark plotline. The days of a backasswards town mayor having the power to keep people quiet, not letting video of the shark get out, and any information about it being in the lake storyline have died. The “Jaws” storyline is weak if you are actually trying for a serious shark film, hell it barely works as comedy for the outlandish mutant shark films as it is overdone. Funny part is I enjoy everything else about the film and loved the Nolan Ryan plaque in the game warden’s office too but I can’t help but stress it’s time to rethink shark films if you go in the serious direction as I give this 1 star.

Maggots (DVD) – Aspiring scientist who is still a college student Stan convinces his professor to travel to a small town called Beaver Kill. There he believes he can prove contamination in the water is causing mutation among the animal and insect population but there is a catch? The professor forces a few failing students upon Stan for this weekend trip if he wants his extra credit and possibly his degree. Stan not expecting much than gathering samples for his paper gets a big surprise after he and his amateur research group do shrooms as that is when the action really begins. The giant maggots begin to attack trying to suck the heads off of humans in this throwback of late 80s and 90s mutant monster films as I give this hilarious unknown horror film 3 stars.

The Big F (Blu-ray) – A 2016 feature from the Rock Bottom Video crew where writer/director Brian Papandrea gets the talented crew Sadie Tate, Nathan Rumler, and others into a Bigfoot on the loose in a neighborhood on Valentine’s Day film. Bigfoot is horny and pissed off after escaping his basement prison and decides to terrorize a little housing division. But a redneck named Maverick is born ready to take on this hairy beast after it murdered his wife! What Maverick doesn’t know is Bigfoot has a small penis and really just wants laid on this Valentine’s Day. The Blu-ray has a commentary, behind the scenes segment, and two short films with one of them being a very hilarious short called, “Afro Zombies” featuring a much younger Brian Papandrea it seems? As usual more fun stuff from the Rock Bottom Video crew as give this package 3 out of 4 stars.

Wolves of Wuhan (DVD) – An Indy film out of China that I of course had to watch, because it is complete hot garbage where an ex-con/bar manager/punk rock band vocalist gets caught up with drug dealing thugs and has sex with a woman who also happens to be a CGI werewolf! Sounds like it has a little potential on paper but the acting is stale, the effects make my movies look like Oscar-winners, and the story was beyond terrible from the beginning. I give it 0 stars as I knew it was a bad idea from the beginning to watch this but hey you knew I had too.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!