Gross Movie Reviews #647

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Crocodile Evil (DVD) – Some Asian cinema weirdness from 1986 that just saying “Flying ghost Crocs” would not explain everything but would love for it to be that. A man has to head to Thailand only to be killed for helping out a young lady. Now his younger brother becomes extremely ill and something about two masters fighting over a magical bracelet that could affect the fate of the world if it falls into the wrong hands. It’s weird and I am sure I still don’t understand what I watched but let’s give it 2 stars anyway.

Oddity (DVD) – One night a woman staying in a newly bought old ass mansion is murdered viciously. A year later her husband is moving on with the hot girlfriend and talk of marriage but before he does he wants to visit his dead wife’s sister Darcy who just happens to run the bootleg ‘Friday the 13th TV series’ oddity shop in town. Ted hands her a glass eye from the person who killed her sister but the sister gets an impression from the eye because being blind has given her psychic powers. Somewhere in Ted’s mind he believes he is moving on but Darcy wants to visit Ted and his girlfriend at the house. She needs to feel it, be in it, but also has brought a mysterious trunk with her. For me it felt like a slow burn that tries to be a couple different things (ex: paranormal) but never fully commits to it which in the end was only okay for me as I give it 2 stars.

A Quiet Place: Day One – In this prequel we are introduced to a young woman who happens to be in a hospice center and dying at all too early age. She has come to grips with it but has a wish before she leaves this place of existence. As she goes for a day trip into New York City with the rest of the folks forty, fifty years older than her to a theater that is when the “attack happens”. The alien monsters hit earth as the woman gets lost in a dust cloud as many including military are being slaughtered everywhere. The breakdown of society goes quickly as the creatures hunt by sound and what’s left of the city’s population hides. In all this chaos and end of the earth shit our young lady Samira just wants a certain slice of pizza from a place in Harlem! This is her story of just surviving long enough to eat her favorite pizza and become friends with someone who is just as lost in the world as her. A lot of prequels make the mistake of being a prequel or easy money for studios making that decision as I am usually not a fan. But this film sets itself apart by telling a story that has nothing to do what horror fans have already seen but keeping it in the same realm. Great story telling, great cast, and made you legit care for the Samira character! This is another example of why I believe there could be countless sequels or prequels to the ‘Puppet Master’ series if Charles Band really wanted too but that is for another horror nerd conversation. Horror movie fans go into this cold without rewatching the other films as you will appreciate this that much more as I gotta give it 3 ½ stars.

The Horror (Blu-ray) – This is an Indy clip show of sorts of a talented handsome young man Jason Crowe who has directed, written, or acted in over 70 films over his career. It is clips from several projects starring Jason that is all over the place with condensed clips of aliens, blood, zombies, time travel and more. Great starter film for fans if they wanted to check out what some of Jason Crowe’s projects are all about as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.

Phobo Phobia (Blu-ray) – An anthology hosted by “the final ghoul” herself Jessa Flux as she takes you on a ride through the fear of fear. She shares six tales of fear: fear of clowns, fear of enclosed spaces, fear of witchcraft, fear of burglars, fear of wild animals, and the fear of aliens. All the entries are solid, look great, good cast, and not a bad entry in the bunch but here is the weird thing none of the six really stand out which is something I never thought I would hear  myself saying? This is actually an oddity among the bloated Indy genre of anthologies as all involved should be proud of that as I give this anthology 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

The Legacy (Blu-ray) – This is a 2009 Indy slasher from Jason Crowe who also directed and stars in it along with a quick appearance from ex-wrestler Al Snow. The film comes screaming out of the gates with blood, boobs, and shaky cam to set the tone in the first few minutes. Of course a few friends head out to the woods for some camping and partying so when the story of the ‘Reaper’ killers is told that is when this mess of a movie really switches gears with buckets of blood and sometimes hilarious content. The film doesn’t overdue it all with its 61 minute running time, cool casting of Indy vets Katie Stewart, Roni Jonah, and Jim O’Rear, and the hilarious reshoot edits that have been edited in at certain points. It might be a clear mess of an Indy slasher but it is a very lovable and memorable one worth seeking out as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Amityville Turkey Day (Tubi) – Yinz can thank me later as this is entry #63 and a direct sequel to ‘Amityville Thanksgiving’. The sequel is still following the missteps of Dr. Frank Domonico and his missing patients who has become the talk of the town of Amityville. A so-called filmmaker Rocco has one last chance to make a film for a small studio and it will be a mockumentary about the good doctor taking advantage of the couples on Thanksgiving. They set up in the doctor’s house for filming of the project but also they are sent a package containing a puppet mutant turkey that lurks around set. When the mutant turkey ain’t possessing people it is trying to eat them. This all sounds like a fun mess to watch until you get about halfway through and feel like they just got lost in their own project as scenes of conversations just linger for way too long to pad the feature film. You didn’t need to pad it folks… you are making a sequel to a legit letdown of a holiday film and you introduced a mutant puppet turkey!!! This could have been so much more fun but once again the trailer is so much better than the finished project as I can only give this entry 1 out of 4 stars.

Motivational Growth (DVD) – Ian is a depressed man who all but just lives in his apartment like a hermit until he comes to the conclusion it is time to commit suicide in the bathroom. In his failed attempt Ian slips and smacks his head off the tub to knock his ass out only he wakes to a big glob of mold in the corner talking to him. Oh by the way the mold is voiced by Jeffrey Combs who begins to converse with Ian and give him advice. Ian believing this isn’t too weird eventually is convinced to eat a piece of the mold and that is when the weird stuff really happens! As the hallucinations continue and bodies pile up Ian falls deeper into the mold’s world. Is Ian dead? Did Ian dream everything? Or is it Groundhog Day for Ian? This weird tale will leave you with more questions of what you watched but you will enjoyed you did as I give this 3 stars.

Black Mold (Tubi) – A thriller of sorts or at least the setup of one as two photographers go take pictures of abandoned places for their art. Things are going well until they enter a mysterious old government facility called Franklin Hill where the two get great pictures until they encounter a hobo. The crazed hobo knocks them out until he can figure if “they” have sent them to take him away? It becomes a slow downward spiral into the two friends trying to figure out how to get back home but instead become combative. If you enjoy slow building and crazy this will be the thriller for you but for me this left me wanting a little more but that may have been the plan of this feature all along as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Convent (4K/Blu-ray) – So finally making its way to the new physical format for horror fans is this wonderfully perfect horror film that put the name Mike Mendez on the tip of most horror fans in 2000. In 1960 a young woman Christine returns to a boarding school she attended to completely destroy nuns and a priest that took her baby that causes the shutdown of the convent. Some college kids 40 years later of course feel the need to break in to party and see if it’s really haunted?! The cops show up to chase the young people out and we are led to believe a young lady who is on parole is hiding but kidnapped by a demon only to find out it is a group of Satanists who are trying to sacrifice a virgin? No cops around so the kids decide to break back in only to raise the demons from hell that have waited for them along with amateur Satanists as complete gory chaos ensues. One girl survives the demon possessed gorefest and she must get an older Christine to help put an end to the demons that never rest. After Christine sets the legend straight she agrees to go and put this to a final end as every five years or so these demons keep looking for a virgin?! Extras for this beauty include: uncut version of the film, audio commentary from cast and crew, another commentary from “the lords of hell”, video tour of locations, original press kit, deleted scene, gore outtakes and more. This film gives off that joyful ‘Night of the Demons’ and ‘Evil Dead’ vibe that is just priceless and made horror fans be excited for any Mike Mendez project that came after the 2000 feature as I give this 4 out of 4 stars. You can purchase the 4k version at www.synapsefilms.com of course.

Killers (Blu-ray) – This 1996 low budget feature is the debut film of Mike Mendez and features the James Brothers who killed their parents. This of course sends the brothers to Deathrow as they killed them in cold blood until one stormy night the high profile duo escape prison. The duo knocks on a door of a perfect family home only to hold them up at gun point and hide from authorities. The duo bound the father and weirdly finds out the wife and daughters are huge fans of the murderous brothers which turns this thriller upside down. The James Brothers believe they are in a safe place until the story takes a strange turn as authorities going door to door to find them causes the family to show they have secrets of their own (example: Castle Freak shit going down). This feels like a weird dream sequence mash up of 90s movie violence splashed together into a 96 minute package? The extras for this Blu-ray include: uncut version of the movie, a director’s commentary, and an alternate ending which might be the most interesting thing of this project because it shows how important editing is and how editing can effect a tone of a movie… Definitely not the usual low budget horror stuff from the 90s you would expect as I give it 3 out of 4 stars and be purchased at www.synapsefilms.com .

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Two new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks is up!

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This week with TIM GROSS on vacation we return and we bring on GARY HILL of the Cinema Beef podcast on for bike week. First Joe Namath, Sid Haig, and Ann Margaret cause some trouble in C.C. and Company.  Then we visit a stone cold classic in STONE COLD starring The Boz.  Then we cover a rock and roll biker jam in STREETS OF FIRE.  We also answer your questions and go over all the movies we have been watching the last week.  So download this episode or Bo Jackson will run all over that ass.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

This time around we dust off 3 flicks to cover.  The first being completely unknown weirdo time travel/monster jam in TIMESWEEP.  Then we have a British werewolf offering in THE SNARLING.  And finally we have a great 2000’s gem in THE CONVENT. We also talk about the tag team of coolio and bill Moseley, Late 70’s sitcoms, The Escape from New York remake.  And a ton lots more.  So download this episode or you won’t be invited to the gangsta’s paradise.

http://bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Gross Movie Reviews #401

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Gross Movie Reviews #401

 

Sledgehammer (DVD/YouTube) – No, this isn’t a remake of the 80s S.O.V. flick we remember so fondly. And no the filmmaker Joshua Miller isn’t the former punter of the Pittsburgh Steelers. With that out of the way it is a film about a young man Yolner who is having a bad day. His girlfriend broke up with him, his car broke down, he is threaten to be fired, and on top of that his co-workers pull a prank on him by putting shrooms in his coffee. Yolner loses mind and goes on a psycho rampage killing his co-workers, random people, all in the search for his former girlfriend. He is nicknamed the “Sledgehammer Killer” by the press as he continues his rampage through the city! Watching this I thought I was going to get this cool ‘Jackhammer Massacre’ type of flick? Oh, I was so wrong and wanted to turn this flick off 25 minutes in as it was so terrible. Instead of shorten up the flick and adding blood and guts for fun we get what resembles a horrible music video flashback from the early 90s? Beyond words how terrible this film is, but I got through it and hopes of you not making the mistake I did as I give it 0 out of 4 stars. If curious, stupid, or just like to be abused you can get it through www.braindamagefilms.com .

Peelers (DVD/Vimeo) – A small town strip club owned by a pretty lady named Blue Jean is having the typical rough night she is used too. What is different about this night is Blue Jean has sold the place and has plans to ride off in the sunset on her bad ass cop motorcycle. Things change when some workers from the local mine roll in with oil and dirt all over them wanting booze and naked ladies. When one of the guys feel sick and run to the restroom the fun begins as he pukes up all of his bloody fluids and becomes “a crazed, brutal, brainless killer”! To make it even more interesting it is up to Blue Jean, her pseudo-son, and the bouncer to protect the strippers until they find out the crazy fucked up dudes and is killed with water. Fuck yeah people, ‘Neon Maniacs’ we are talking here people. A surprisingly entertaining flick that is a blend of ‘Feast’ meets ‘Zombie Strippers’ with a tanker full of blood and guts. My only big beef with the flick is the strip dances could have been edited down some. It’s a strip club; we know we are seeing some tits at some point. You do not have to establish every stripper and the dance they do that is called porn. With that aside this pleasant horror surprise is worth seeking out as I give it 2 ½ out 4 stars and can be found at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

Bethany (DVD/Vimeo) – Apparently James Cullen Bressack is able to poop out movies at will as his latest is a thriller is about a woman whose past comes back to haunt her when her mother dies. When Claire was a kid she did not have any friends and her mother made sure she was in every beauty pageant there was. So Claire begins to talk to her imaginary friend Bethany in the wall of her bedroom. This all flashes back to Claire as she talks to her husband as they plan to stay in her departed mother’s house. Claire wants a family but has had issues since their first try was stillborn and Claire lost her marbles. The longer Claire stays in the house the more odd things happen including Claire speaking to Bethany again. The film gets pretty creepy as secrets are revealed and the film isn’t your typical ‘Paranormal Activity’ cookie cutout bullshit. The film sports a pretty nasty fingernail scene and a serious Tom Green as Claire’s therapist that makes you cringe with joy. I enjoyed the fresh twist with the Bethany character and for that I give this flick 3 out of 4 stars. You can find out more at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

Psychos (DVD/Vimeo) – Three young women get a disturbing text that shows them in very embarrassing and awkward videos from ten years ago. So J.J., Sasha, and Norma set out to find this house that is from their nightmares to steal the DVDs so these videos cannot be posted or texted again. Once there things get stranger as the three women are separate personalities of a young woman who is having recurring nightmares of all the sexual abuse she encountered from these two old pervs that live a normal life! Bloody, creepy, and a little weird makes ‘Psychos’ an interesting watch as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and more can be found out at www.facebook.com/octobercoast .

Deviant Behavior (DVD/Vimeo) – Here is a good slow burn kinda of thriller for you from a filmmaker Jacob Grim. A lonely private investigator named Chuck is hired to find a girl that the cops seem to be dragging their feet on. Chuck hits up the usuals: hookers and bums for information. But that goes a little dry until he is visited by an old colleague from the force who tells Chuck it is being covered up. Once Chuck puts a few things together and has a suspect he regrets stumbling into something he never could imagine as two twisted serial killers are the cause for disappearances of the girl he is looking for but many more also. Lots of gore, characters you care about and creepy/fucked up killers make this slow burn type of film make this an interesting watch for horror fans! The film reminds me somewhat of a cool much unknown Christopher Lambert flick ‘Resurrection’. Has that weird fun thriller feel? I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars and more about it can be found at www.stxmedia.net/deviant-behavior-movie .

 

Don’t Kill It (On Demand) – Mike Mendez and Dolph Lundgren together for a supernatural horror film equals horror GOLD! Dolph Lundgren aka Mr. Woodley the Demon Hunter rolls into a small Mississippi town looking for a demon that have cause a triple homicide three times in one week. We learn the demon cannot be killed as if you kill the person it possesses you become possessed. So this mucks things up as Mr. Woodley must be able to capture the demon by committing suicide. Mr. Woodley comes from a family of demon hunters who have done this for years and he has been trying to figure out what he can do with this demon so no one can let it loose again. Woodley has trouble trying to explain to the small town folk that you just can’t going blasting it away which leads into an awesome bloodbath at “Town Hall” that will make horror fans drool! Congrats Mr. Mendez and Dolph your film will most likely make my best of 2017 movie list as I give this bad ass horror film 4 stars! It is like someone gave the TV show ‘Supernatural’ Grade A steroids and Dolph Lundgren.

 

The Hunters of the Golden Cobra (DVD/YouTube) – I fell down the worm hole again of cinema in the Philippines in the early 80s. This time around I find this flick that stars David Warbeck in some kind of action/adventure flick that takes place in the 40s. A couple governments get together to hire a British agent and his buddy to find the “Golden Cobra”. This precious artifact will somehow restore order? So off to the jungles where a lost white woman controls the natives and her twin sister tries to screw everybody over for the precious artifact. Pretty corny and fun crap to watch if you are on the lookout for something different as I give it 2 stars.

 

The Beast in the Cave (You Tube) – The latest short film from filmmaker Cameron Mccasland tackles a short story from H. P. Lovecraft. A man writes down what exactly happened to him when he strays away from his tour guide in a cave. Fun Lovecraft stuff for the fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Taught in Cold Blood (DVD/Vimeo) – High School student Cameron is a lonely teenager struggling to get through his day. No dad, no mom (she is mostly a passed out drunk when not yelling at Cameron), and no friends. Even though a pretty girl named Amy tries to make herself known to Cameron he still believes he is alone. That is until Cameron by accident follows a bloody man into the woods only to watch him die at the hands of another man named Tony. After helping Tony dispose of the body, Cameron becomes obsessed with Tony and his killing ways. Cameron returns Tony’s wallet and begins to question Tony everything about murdering someone. While this goes on for days and days Cameron and Amy finally talk after Cameron saves her brother from two bullies. Cameron soon finds himself being pulled in two different directions but soon it becomes very serious when Tony is now obsessed with Cameron and stalks him. Cameron must choose: pretty girl or being a supreme serial killer? A well written thriller that has you invested in the characters and keeps you at the edge of your seat in what Cameron believes he should do… I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars and it can be found at www.continuummotionpictures.com and www.mctvnetwork.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Also you can pick up my new book “Gross Movie Reviews: More Sequels, More Massacres, More Beer” at: http://www.lulu.com/shop/tim-gross/gross-movie-reviews-more-massacres-more-sequels-and-more-beer/paperback/product-22853681.html