Gross Movie Reviews #490
Madhouse (DVD) – Here is a weird ass US/Italian production from 1981 that has a young woman named Julia who had a horrible childhood because of her crazy ass twin sister Mary. Mary was committed at a very young age and still is fucking nuts! After a lot of convincing from her creepy ass priest uncle Julia goes and visits Mary only to be haunted by the past again. Mary soon escapes the hospital to track down Julia and wreck her adult life. Mary and her dog are a fun highlight of the film as they just brutally kill people. But as Julia’s friends try to defend themselves we get an awesome ‘drill to a fake dog’s head’… Wonderful stuff folks as I give this wild flick 3 stars.
Blood Beat (Blu-ray) – This 1982 batshit crazy French/US production is fucked up right out of the gate. Ted has brought home his new girlfriend to meet the folks in rural Wisconsin for the holidays. From the beginning Ted’s mother gives Sarah his girlfriend the stink eye causing her not to feel comfortable being there. Sarah feels like something is trying to haunt her from the inside? Meanwhile Ted’s mom is a super weirdo, Ted is still trying to bump uglies hard like it is going to knock the demon out of her later he will regret banging her, and Sarah has weird ass dreams of becoming a samurai and cutting the locals out in the woods. Only Ted’s mom with her secret weird supernatural powers can save them all. I don’t have a clue what to make of this movie but if you need something to watch that doesn’t make a lick of sense ‘Blood Beat’ is your jam as it has a new special edition Blu-ray release out there for all of us weirdos as I give it 2 stars.
Livid (DVD) – A more recent French horror film that centers on a young lady, Lucie who has two different colored eyes. She is training with Ms. Wilson to be a house call nurse for some rich lady. Everything seems to be fine but there is more sinister things going on than meets the eye. We have a weird old lady that might be rich with a key around her neck and we got a house nurse that runs over young teenagers and slices them up in her tub. Weird spooky shit going down folks! Anyway Lucie makes the mistake of telling her dipshit boyfriend who forces her back to the house that night to steal the hidden treasure from an old lady in a coma. Once inside and cannot find the treasure they son figure out the key is for some evil shit. Stick with this one as its weird and doesn’t make a lot of sense but it is entertaining as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Wake Up (DVD) – Dr. Phillip Tanner is tasked with investigating and writing up a report on a young woman named Molly who killed her family and dog one night. Tanner is given this project after Molly’s first doctor died suddenly when he began reading her diary leading up to the murders. Molly always claimed her nightmares were driving her nuts and these nightmares are showing her horrible things. Once Tanner dives into the notes and diary he soon finds himself questioning his own reality and dreams even though Molly’s diary warns him from the beginning that it should only be read by her. Is Tanner going insane or is something more going on? I thought Joe Nowland and crew did a wonderful job of carrying this interesting thriller storyline as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.
Massacre at Femur Creek (YouTube) – This 2014 short film begins on June 22, 1984 in St. Claire, Ontario where three young males are having a camping outing for the weekend. This party weekend is quickly interrupted by a masked creeper who is trying to stab them to death. The three do not go down easily as they do manage to cut off the masked killer’s dong! I laughed enough that I feel this ‘massacre’ film has some rewatchablity as I give it 2 stars.
One Cut of the Dead (Shudder) – I was checking out this latest zombie project from Japan and wasn’t entirely impressed through the first twenty minutes or so as it seem like a lackluster Indy zombie project. But then the movie is turned on its head as the movie credits roll thirty minutes in and we go back a month before the project started where an average filmmaker is picked for a new TV project. Higurashi is a director who just tries to please everyone so for this new horror channel he is perfect in their minds for this project. They want a one continuous shot zombie project with no cuts and not using much money. So it takes the viewer throughout the inner workings of the project and how they made the finished product work. On top of that we get to see the subplot of Higurashi and his aspiring filmmaker daughter storyline all the through as it is tied up nicely in the end. This film has a great premise, lots of blood, and entertaining characters as this movie takes a very fresh take on the bloated zombie genre as I give it 4 stars.
Insemnoid (DVD) – Some people may know this flick as “Horror Planet” but if you never have watched it then you will be sold on it is all about a penis shaped alien inseminating a female after it has been awaken on a faraway planet! A hilarious British space film where researchers check out a tomb on this foreign planet to find out what species may have lived here before? Ricky and Dean go exploring until an explosion inside the tomb kills Dean with Ricky surviving and being life to the Penis alien! After Ricky loses his mind and causes all kinds of chaos Sandy is abducted by the aliens and experimented on or just has a large tube shoved up her vagina. Sandy goes nutzoid with super penis alien strength and begins killing off the lamest movie space crew of all time as I give this funny ass movie 2 stars for just existing.
Dolemite is My Name (On Demand) – A biopic that tells the story of Rudy Ray Moore. Mr. Moore is played by none other than Eddie Murphy who basically decided it was time to let the world know about Rudy Ray Moore and his adventures… But also Eddie Murphy is back! The film takes us into the world of Rudy Ray Moore how like most of us had big dreams when he moved out west. But working at a record shop and working at night clubs as a comedian/MC wasn’t the ideal situation. One day an older man comes into the record shop telling hilarious stories and this is where Rudy sees something that he can become and Dolemite was born. Rudy Ray Moore is proof you can make it happen for yourself if you try. Mr. Moore went from a nobody to part of pop culture of the 70s. The cast for this biopic was amazing and this is most likely one of the best movies you will see in 2019 as I give 4 stars. To be honest only recently I have watched some of Rudy’s movies and thoroughly enjoyed them. I knew about Dolemite but always went on to watching some other Blaxploitation flick so shame on me. So don’t make that mistake and go watch this biopic and go check out the great Dolemite films!
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