Gross Movie Reviews #622

0

Bad Blood (YouTube) – A friend pointed this 1989 Linda Blair film out to me so of course I am down for some “Blair Stuff” as this thriller has Linda Blair as the third billing Evie. Evie’s husband Ted 25 years ago was taken from his family to be with someone who couldn’t have a family so naturally when faced with this Ted wants to know who his mom is? Ted and Evie head out to the country where his original mum is filthy rich and into the incest stuff… After Evie gets the “mysterious stomach illness” mum wants to bang Ted because he looks exactly like his dad in the painting that got these two together again after 25 years. Linda Blair plays second fiddle throughout and is just about an afterthought by the end of the film but don’t let that stop you from watching a bizarre thriller that has the incest overtones n’at as I give it 2 stars.

Five Nights at Freddy’s (Peacock) – The movie based on  a game for teens that has been plagued with problems for years has finally made its way to the big screen. For rabid older horror fans like myself ‘The Banana Splits’ and ‘Willy’s Wonderland’ beat this project to the punch but anyway it didn’t stop them from making a 109 minute horror adaptation that kind of leaves that “meh” feeling inside. The film focuses on a guy name Mike who lost a brother as a kid and now older is trying to take care of his young sister while barely making ends meet. In comes a night security job at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza that Mike cannot pass up. After a break-in at the old abandoned pizza palace the animatronics come to life and kill but that is where the film goes into a weird direction as the local police officer that checks in on Mike knows all about it. If that isn’t enough these animatronics wanna be friends with Mike’s sister but there is a price to pay and reason the way they are? I know the film made a good bit of money but found it a little forgettable and suffers from “too little too late” as I give it 2 stars.

Slotherhouse (On Demand) – A young lady named Emily has one last chance to make president at her sorority house and needs a big boost for it to happen. In comes getting a sloth from a shady exotic animal dude who just happened to be slaughtered by the animal before Emily picks it up. Emily convinces the sorority that the animal is the house’s mascot and thus pushing Emily as the front runner for president. As the more popular the sloth gets the more the bodies pile up as the Sloth slaughters its way through the sisters as it supposedly has Emily’s best interest? Literally the Sloth drives a mustang to a hospital to try to kill Emily’s best friend in a hospital bed! Do we need to say more as it might not be “Cocaine Bear” but you are still going to have a lot of fun with this one as I give it 3 stars.

The Galaxy Invader (DVD) – A hilarious creature feature from legendary Indy filmmaker Don Dohler in 1985. An alien lands in a small town and has a quick encounter with a local that spurs a town wide search for the thing as some old school rednecks want to cash on capturing an alien! The drunker the rednecks get the more rednecks die at the hands of the alien as a professor and his young friend David are trying to help the alien. Out of everything this may have one of the meanest characters you’ll ever see as the old guy trying to capture the alien for the second or third time gets a bit rapey after his best friend dies the night before? This is one of those must watches with many friends and beer just to enjoy the cheese as I give it 2 ½ stars as I thank the lord Rutger Hauer for people like Don Dohler.

Hell House LLC Origins: The Carmichael Manor (Shudder) – In a remote part of New York a manor sits that witnessed murders thirty years ago and part of the family disappeared after. Since then ghost hunters, internet detectives, etc., have told stories about the place but never confirmed. Now two young ladies part of a group called “NetSluths” have rented the place for five days and plan to do an investigation to prove it’s haunted. Margo and Rebecca are completely into this at first as explained by several friends throughout the documentary-style film as they recorded everything that went on there. The internet detectives eventually get more than they bargain for but also find out a very strange connection to a hotel that burned down recently featured in the three films before this. A fun, creepy, entertaining found footage paranormal horror film showing the way to making a superb scare film as I give it 3 ½ stars.

The Angry Black Girl and Her Monster (Shudder) – Simply you can call it “Black Re-Animator” (and you are now curious)! A young woman who has lost her brother recently to gun violence believes death is not the end? She believes if death is a disease then she can find the cure? Vicaria or “The Mad Scientist” she is nicknamed in the neighborhood will stop at nothing in making this work which includes stealing fresh bodies and storing them with her equipment in a condemned building. Between society, her home setting, and the loss of her brother this makes her withdraw from life more and more to find the answer or cure to death (sound familiar?) Vicaria figures it out and brings her brother Chris back to life but it comes at a terrible price or does it… A wonderful blend of horror, today’s world problems, and how the world is seen through a young lady who is angry for good reason and firmly believes death can be cured as I give this movie 4 stars.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter (DVD) – The story is based on the captain’s log from the original Dracula story of the Count making his way to London on a boat in 1897. The captain had trouble filling the crew as the crest on the cargo is seen by some who wanted to be a part of the crew. They all have heard stories and do not trusts being on the boat after the sun go down. Just like “Titanic” you know how this ends, but more power to the filmmaker making a small part of the Dracula story into a two hour movie. It’s not terrible; it has a cool looking vampire creature, but it isn’t like you are going to make friends watch this retelling of a small part of the Dracula lure over and over as I can only give it 2 stars.

I Slay on Christmas (DVD/YouTube) – Phil Herman and crew are back again with a another anthology but this time a holiday one that knows keeping it short (82 minutes) and sweet is the way keep the Indy fanatics excited. Terror reigns supreme as a man Joseph finds himself in the woods faced with pine cones along a path and a mysterious thing telling him the stories of the pine cones. Each pine cone represents a holiday horror that must be told to Joseph as he is there for a reason? We get an abusive psycho, a man whose throat gets cut, a woman who finds herself on the wrong end of a ‘date’, and Mrs. Claus seeking a little revenge against the big bearded man himself along with the wraparound of Joseph. The Indy film is a quick, bloody, a little raunchy, and to the point that will surely have Indy anthology audiences screaming for a sequel as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Oh by the way don’t call the cell number on Suzette’s phone because good chance it is Wynkoop screaming at you like his abusive character he plays in the first story. 

Invaders from Mars (DVD/remake) – Time for a rewatch of this remake of the popular 1953 film that has aliens landing in a boy’s backyard and overnight take over the small town. As the aliens take over David’s parents among other adults the only person he can trust is the school nurse played by Karen Black. The two try to find answers on how they can stop this invasion before not just the town is taken over but the world. This version went bigger with effects and aliens but also has had cheesiness worth watching but you get the feeling that Tobe Hooper and crew never got the exactly what they aimed for as it feels from the beginning it was plagued by production problems. Of course the original is superior but this is worth rewatching and debating what went wrong since it flopped in 1986 as I give it 2 stars.

Dark Harvest (On Demand) – Sawtooth Jack is a haunting legend that comes to life in a small farming community in the 1960s on Halloween as it has for many years. Teenagers are sent out to kill or be killed by the legend before it gets to the church at midnight or their crops will die for several years. This is all arranged by the community’s “Harvesters Guild” and if a boy wins your family gets a new house, money, etc. but there is a dark secret to all of it. Richie whose older brother won it the year before hasn’t been heard from since just stories or rumors of him. This sets in motion Richie wanting to join the Halloween festivities and win just in some weird way he will get answers about his brother. As the film progresses the film goes into some dark and bizarre areas as we the viewer learn the high school boys are starved for three days straight by their families to really want to kill the Sawtooth Jack legend. I enjoyed David Slade and others put together a completely new mythology for this Halloween film to work and work effectively! The ending doesn’t wimp out either as it ends the way it should end for a horror film that sets such a dark tone early on as I give the film 3 stars. Also pay attention there is a lot going on in this horror film that could be fonder for film classes?

Release – A Short Film (YouTube) – Another quick project from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that has a man wanting to check out on his terms as life is too much for him to handle any longer. Mr. Brocklehurst could be using this art form to say something about himself or just enjoys digging for stories in a deep dark area of his soul that speaks to independent film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Horrortales.666 Part 3

0

This Saturday we are giving our fans what they been screaming for. A free screening of Horrortales.666 Part 3. The fun part you can see from the comfort of your couch and it’s free.

It will be a one time showing at 9 PM Eastern Time 5/20/2023.

It will be avail on YouTube.

Live chat at time of movie.

Gross Movie Reviews #599

0

The Dead Don’t Die (YouTube) – A George Hamilton TV movie from 1975 that is set in 1934 Illinois. Hamilton plays Don Drake who has a brother that was accused and tried for murder at The Illinois State Penitentiary and is heading to the electric chair. Don’s brother swears up and down before his execution that he was wronged so Don begins to investigate his brother’s innocence? But Don finds himself in over his head quickly as he falls into a strange world of evil, voodoo, and zombies as his brother becomes one himself. It’s an odd mix of film noir and supernatural TV movie that I am unsure if people would have picked up on at the time of its release? This oldie fits the weird card if you are looking for something in streaming land that you haven’t heard of before as I give it 2 stars.

Dracula: Live from Transylvania (DVD-R/YouTube) – Speaking of George Hamilton here is a documentary with some comedy thrown in, hosted by George Hamilton himself and throws a jab or two at himself for starring in “Love at First Bite”. Hamilton plays it for laughs as he directs you through the history of the famous bloodsucker himself, “Dracula”. He interviews experts about the legend, talk about the history of vampires past and present, and even speak once or twice about the countless films about it. It is 1989 TV event that I do not remember ever hearing about but now glad I have had a chance to witness this hilarity as I give it 3 stars.

Wild Blade (YouTube) – A super odd dramatic college film project (I believe) from New York 1991, that stars Stephen Geoffreys as a mute and boyfriend to an up and coming comedian who was trying to divorce his wife before his untimely death. The movie reflects on everything that happens after his death as it seems to go nowhere except everyone is banging everyone as I give it 1 star.

Doomsday Stories (DVD) – A new project from a ‘jack of all trades’ filmmaker Phil Herman that puts together a host of stories that connect in the sense they all are about a man-made virus that has almost wiped out all of mankind. Many years later a man wandering the wastelands or the nice beach they filmed on finds a notebook documenting these stories of individuals or groups of people trying to fight back, survive, or even change the past? I enjoy the concept, looks professional, but any independent film pushing the 2 hour limit is always going to find itself some critics for the mere reason it better be perfect? The movie has its flaws for sure but it is entertaining from my perspective of it feeling like an updated “Hitchhiker” TV series that was from HBO during the mid-80s. If Phil would have reeled his character a little bit for the wraparound of the stories the only thing he would have been missing is a dusty leather jacket and him thumbing for a ride… I like seeing different stuff like this from Indy people as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Night of the Axe (DVD/YouTube) – First feature length film from Shawn Wright that features music from Matt (Hexercise) Cannon and it is a slasher so right away you have my attention good or bad. Our story begins with a very large mute man in an insane asylum where he decides to get up and begin a murder spree! But the small town doesn’t have the resources to track him down as had escaped weeks ago but also the young people of the town don’t care until now. Bulk of the film takes place in a home where the locals are having a small high school reunion party where they can get drunk, high, and bump uglies. I gotta give kudos to Mr. Wright for understanding “when to end the film”, giving Indy fans what they want, and keeping the first feature length formula simple. I found the pacing of the whole story a little choppy but still delivered on the blood and guts factor and most likely will have independent movie fans wondering “what’s next” for the second feature as I give this delight 3 out of 4 stars.  

Macabre Medicine (YouTube) – Will Devokess wants all to know full heads up that this was a school project from several years ago and had a shitload of issues from budget restraints to distribution rights, etc., so be kind if you get the chance to see it like I have. But anyway a passion project that became a reality where the first ten minutes is fake trailers that lead into a 90 minute feature with a man Heywood West who enjoys experimenting with the human body by butchering them. A fellow medical student in Jeff does his best to become friends and hang with West but to Jeff’s dismay he witnesses West’s enjoyment let’s say? Now Jeff must decide to stay friends with a killer or listen to his college buddies and turn him in? Here is the thing the film goes a different route as most scenes are played up for laughs and features some gore. I liked the concept but feel like Mr. Devokess never executed exactly what he was trying to give the audience as I give the movie 2 out of 4 stars.

Blood Scarab (DVD) – A weirdo horror film sort of… where Vlad Dracula and Elizabeth Bathory are a thing and Renfield still serves Dracula. After Dracula fails to make it home before daylight this allows Bathory to walk around mostly naked, feed on her girlfriend at will, and make sure we all see her girlfriend topless for most of the film. Meanwhile a mummy disappears from a museum that Brinke Stevens works at and Renfield is challenged to track down this mummy for a ritual to become a daywalker. While Renfield performs his duties we get a bad soft-core version of Bathory and her girlfriend but once she has performed the ritual Renfield disagrees with her and tries to bring Bathory down. The movie is supposed to be played for laughs but I think you are so beaten over the head to watch boobs for 90 percent of the movie the jokes get lost in the process. This is the type of horror movie you give friends who claim “they don’t watch porn?” Or better yet they should have just made the porn version because most likely it would have been funnier as I give it 1 star for at least having the legendary actress Brinke Stevens in it.

Death Blow (Blu-ray) – Chris Leto’s latest Indy feature has a man David owning a rental property that was supposed to be profitable but it’s been a real slow time for rentals. Thus David is starting to panic as he goes deeper into debt just trying to keep up with the property. One afternoon David heads to the property after someone’s (Mr. Beck) one night stay to clean up only to find Mr. Beck hasn’t left yet but died of an overdose. This is where the real story begins as David quickly decides to clean up, get rid of the body, and make it like he left after finding a bag with a large sum of money. David believing he has gotten away with it starts to spiral into doubt of his actions and just trying to keep it hidden of what he has done but the real problem is Mr. Beck was bringing the money to a friend who isn’t happy now. This movie doesn’t go for laughs, gore, just a straight up gut punch thriller of what happens to David now? Felt like I have seen this before but Leto and crew still did a wonderful job of trying to interject new dark twists to this concept as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Grossfest movie update!

0

Just an update so far: Vendor spaces are selling nicely, waiting on one or maybe two more guests to get back to us, and we have an early movie list for the event that will be playing (no order yet, except we always open with Matt Cannon Hexercise) and thank yinz again!

Hexercise

Then My Mind Walked Away

Shingles The Movie

Bathtub Shark Attack

Doomsday Stories

http://www.grossfest.com

Grossfest returns in a big way Saturday, August 5, 2023!!! We are going to party like Grossfest 2018 because unlike other conventions we are sticking with “PRE-COVID” PRICES!

$10 ticket to get in/$50 for a vendors table

Comfort Inn Conference Center Pittsburgh East

699 Rodi Rd., Pittsburgh, Pa. 15235

412-244-1600 or www.comfortinnpittsburgh.com

Need reservations? https://www.choicehotels.com/reservations/groups/TP87S2

One day event with guests, movies, filmmakers, vendors from 11am to 7pm. (Guests will be announced soon and as always subject to change)

All we ask of yinz, is your support! You want this to keep happening you have to get your asses there and plus to answer any questions of it: Yes, a two-day event is already in the plans for August 2024! (We need to take the first big step back) So let’s keep it simple and enjoy Grossfest is back and with your support this is a new beginning for our Independent Horror Convention.

Vendors please contact grossfest@gmail.com for a vendors application and we are working on having several different ways of taking payment.

See yinz there!