Gross Movie Reviews #615

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Past Midnight (DVD/YouTube) – A USA Network movie from 1991 that starred Rutger Hauer, Clancy Brown, and Natasha Richardson in a murder mystery film that was actually supposed to be a theater release. Also another tidbit of info for people who go online and read the “reviews” where people claimed “this isn’t the typical Rutger Hauer film” are dead wrong because that dude seeked this shit out. Anyway Rutger Hauer is Ben who just got paroled after serving 15 years for the death of his wife and unborn child. Ben has to report to his social worker played by Natasha Richardson (Laura) who is immediately intrigued by Ben’s high IQ but also how Ben claims his innocence? Clancy Brown of course plays the best friend/past lover who still cares for her and warns “this is a dangerous path with a serial killer”. As Ben sees the chemistry immediately between the two he strings Laura around as she digs into his past to truly see if Ben is innocent? There is a lot of buildup and the movie goes about ten minutes too long but it is Rutger Hauer and he always keeps it interesting especially when there is a little twist involved in this murder mystery that I give 3 stars too.

Slipstream (DVD/YouTube) – Mark Hamill plays a bootleg Rutger Hauer future cop in a post-apocalyptic flick that has him chasing Bill Paxton after he steals his prisoner because he wants to cash in on the bounty for this unknown prisoner dude. Paxton is always looking for the big score so he can go do his balloon thing in the mountains. But it isn’t long that Paxton’s character after some interaction with the unknown prisoner dude figures out he is an android that actually killed someone and wants to travel to the end of the earth because of something he believes in. Along the way let’s not forget we got Kitty Aldridge and Ben Kingsley in this mess of a film that has a lot going on. Paxton halfway through his travels of trying to collect the money decides to help protect the android and become friends with him as the droid is learning to be human. There is weird plane chase scenes, people who don’t believe in technology, and rich folk that are trying to protect artifacts of the past as they all converge in this post-apocalyptic film. The movie isn’t bad by any means but if it makes any sense at all it feels like they were shooting for this epic film that has a message and it just wasn’t executed to its fullest? Anyway still worth checking it out just to see Mark Hamill as bootleg Rutger Hauer and a fun Bill Paxton as usual as I give the film 2 stars.

Z-ero (DVD/YouTube) – A very choppy edit of an independent zombie film where zombies seem to be attacking people who are doing everyday things or just attacking them in a strip mall. Premise of the film seems to be a female zombie happens to be an alpha zombie who is able to talk and control other zombies until she has bitten her twin brother, another alpha? Supposedly she was an experiment of the government and he just happens to turn into ‘super zombie’ or Johnny. Johnny quickly becomes an overnight sensation as he saves humans from zombie attacks. Oh did I mention the alpha zombies wouldn’t exist if their father (scientist) wouldn’t have brought home his work and their mum was a whacked out prego meth head? This production clearly had the people to help out with everything but the execution was a whole other story as this movie fails to impress as I give 1 out of 4 stars.

Slash Dance (DVD) – Its 1989 and Tori likes being an undercover cop to catch the bad guys except her big boss Edison is too busy to care as he has higher political aspirations. With that being said the boss man wants her hidden so he allows her to go investigate a theater where women are disappearing as they are fresh off the bus and nobody to care they are missing. Edison doesn’t care what Tori does unless she can get him headlines but when the killings have hit the papers he wants in on the action. It is far from ‘Killer Workout’ or a ‘Death Spa’ but for weird people like that love those rando 80s horror films you gotta watch it at least once as I give it 2 stars.

Stoner Snakes (YouTube) – A 16 minute short film from MMH Productions some puppet and stuffed animal snakes eat some weed and have the munchies which means chopping down on some humans! When they ain’t feeding they crave more weed unless they are having a bad trip where zombies are trying to tear them a part. To be honest I don’t know if this was entertaining or not but hell you got me to watch so kudos to you as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Targets (DVD) – I had heard about this film over the years but never quite tracked it down or found time to watch it until recently. Boris Karloff plays a character or an aging movie star named Byron who is retiring after his last flick “The Terror”, which they use the footage from throughout but bottom line Boris is playing himself with a different name. A young filmmaker Sammy finally gets his shot to direct a picture with Byron but Byron believes “it is a young man’s game” and that is why he won’t even read the script. Meanwhile we are introduced to a young man Bobby who crosses paths with Byron but the great actor doesn’t even know it? Bobby decides one morning after gathering some guns and bullets to kill his wife and mother and leaves a note that there will be more people shot before he is done. Then Bob finds a nice high fuel silo off the highway and begins to shoot innocent bystanders from there. Once authorities arrive he makes his way to the drive-in where Byron is about to make his last appearance and promote his latest film after a night of talking with Sammy. Once Bob climbs the screen the shooting begins again and the man who stops him is none other than Byron. It’s a weird combo of a film of retiring actor who becomes a hero and sniper who goes on a killing spree for unknown reasons (unless I miss that plot point). Boris Karloff is wonderful, the cinematography is excellent, and the slow burn effect of the sniper and who he is gonna kill next is perfect as I give this flick 3 ½ stars.

Black Circle (Blu-ray) – A 2019 film from Adrian Garcia Bogliano that is in Swedish I believe but has English subtitles and stars the great Christina Lindberg as Lena who plays a very important role. This story centers around two sisters Celeste and Isa who listen to an old self-help hypnosis album that is supposedly helping you relax. But from the first listen something very sinister is happening and causes the sisters to seek out the help from Lena Carlsson who recorded the album as a limited edition product that was an experiment. According to Lena an experiment that wasn’t meant for the world as it brings forth your double or doppelganger from the other side. This other you, follow you, and continue to suck life from you to survive in this new world and take over your existence. With the help of Lena they hope she is able to put them back together before the other them takes over? This film is all kinds of interesting, creepy, insane, and an excellent trippy experience into slow burn horror. With this Blu-ray from Synapse Films you get a CD soundtrack that will have fans absolutely delighted, commentary with Adrian Garcia Bogliano, trailer, a short film, behind the scenes of the film, and a great interview of Bogliano and Christina Lindberg. I can definitely see the younger horror crowd losing their shit over how good this movie is as I give the Blu-ray package 3 ½ out of 4 stars and found at www.synapse-films.com .  

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Gross Movie Reviews #481

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Once again he has been drinking and writing again!

 

Gross Movie Reviews #481

 

Troma’s War (DVD) – A late 80s Troma film that I have always avoided for no good reason. I have always been told by a lot of Troma fans this might be their least favorite of the first generation of Troma films… That isn’t a bad thing, it’s not like the film exactly fits the mold of Troma at the time but who knows? A plane full of Tromaville people crashes somewhere in the area of the Caribbean Islands. Unsure exactly what happened or how survivors are scattered trying to figure out how to survive on the island. But bad news for the survivors as they explore because there is a group of renegade armed personnel preparing for war! The survivors must fight for their lives in order for survival and possible rescue. Overall the movie is a Troma flick but seems to be missing something but also it does run much longer than it needs too which can be bad for any movie as I give it 2 stars.

 

Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal (DVD) – Imagine a direct-to-video flick about an airplane hijacking that takes place during a death metal concert on board a plane. Sounds awesome but is completely disappointing as Rutger Hauer like everyone else shows up for their paycheck as a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg Marilyn Manson dude named Slade Craven goes all Steven Seagal on people. Including flying the fucking plane to safety! It begins with the F.B.I. tracking down a hacker who hacks into the concert footage. The agent goes rogue to arrest him until while doing that someone is murdered on the plane supposedly by Slade Craven? Then it turns into we are going to crash the plane into some small church in Kansas City that happens to be the ‘Gates of Hell’ to bring about Satan. Hate to tell you filmmakers even Satan is disappointed in your schlock you put on film and God isn’t thrilled either since I had to watch it as I give it crap! I love Rutger Hauer and this had a great cast but this film is a prime example of actors just doing a job for a paycheck or fulfilling a contract with a studio.

Massacre Up North (DVD) – A Canadian S.O.V. flick from 2001… Yes, I know they were still shooting on video in 2001 that is a whole other conversation. But anyhow the film opens with a couple rubbing privates together until someone in a medieval knight costume starts slicing and dicing them. This happens because 20 years ago a young kid is burned inside a tent during an innocent camping trip by his father accidentally. Upset with the world as Leslie goes through life with scars he kills his parents to make it look like an accident and sets up the rest of the film. Not totally sure where the knight costume fits into the Leslie’s murderous wrath but it is the climax of a movie that leaves you asking questions like: Why was I watching this again? I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Past Midnight (DVD) – This little thriller starring Rutger Hauer, Clancy Brown, and Natasha Richardson is absolutely amazing treat from 1991. Ben Jordan has just got out of jail on parole after 15 years for killing his wife and unborn child at the time in 1975. Once out he must see his social worker Miss Mathews who believes he might be innocent so she begins to dig. She takes such an interest in the case it blurs her vision on what is actually right and wrong. This allows the story to linger and keep the viewer guessing until the last four minutes of the film of wandering if Ben is the actual killer. A fun first viewing of this Rutger Hauer film that will now go into my regular rotation as I give it 3 stars.

 

MIB International (Theater) – So they made another film trying to branch out without having Will Smith or anybody else that was connected to the originals. This takes place over in the U.K. (again that is why it’s called International… I guess). Anyway there might be a mole in the agency that might be leaking secrets again and it’s up to a vet Chris Hemsworth and a rookie Tessa Thompson to figure out how to save the world. Maybe it’s me; maybe it should have been left alone? But this entry was horrible as much as I may have found a movie that will put me instantly asleep when needed. I was expecting a little more because of the chemistry between Hemsworth and Thompson but for me at least it just never happened. Overall I just wanted Tommy Lee Jones back if that was possible as I give this poor or maybe just uninteresting entry 1 ½ stars.

Teenage Zombie House Massacre (DVD) – A 36 minute film from 2000 that was shot in black and white from some dude in Ohio that has long disappeared from the independent scene. This sort of feature is based around teenagers who decide it would be a good idea to party in the local haunted house that has a history. By the time they get settled into the abandoned house to rub privates if not themselves with lots of drinking it is too late. The zombies that have been lying in waiting for victims to come to house are out and about and eating the partying teenagers. This film is so rough but is a fun reminder of the independent stuff that popped up randomly in video stores in the late 80s. So for nostalgia effect thank you but overall this movie needed lots of work but you had me at the title as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

House Guest Massacre (DVD) – Alex Vincent of “Child’s Play” fame goes the route of John Saxon in doing a film himself sort of. The film is now known as only “House Guest” I am guessing to resell it to horror fans that didn’t catch on the first time around? But anyway Alex wrote the screenplay, stars in the film, and composes the music in this modest budgeted $100,000 plus Indy film where he and his sister have a party. Jen and Rob’s parents are out of town and invite a select few friends in for a fun night of drinking. Until the one dude’s father shows to hang with them: spoiler alert he is the killer if you didn’t guess after seeing the dark black hair dye ten minutes before he arrives at the door. Besides it being weird dad shows up to hang out with mid-twenty something son he kills any chance of this film being interesting of his son getting it on with Jen! Now, I wasn’t expecting the next “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” but if Alex Vincent didn’t have anything to do with this film everyone would just laugh at this film even being thought of. Prove me wrong as I give this a ½ star for trying to fit in a senior citizen as a crazed serial killer.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!