Gross Movie Reviews #608

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The Amityville Curse (Tubi) – Well kids filmmaker Eric Tessier decided to throw his hat into the ‘Amityville’ ring with entry #51 that became a TUBI exclusive. This film into the never ending franchise has a group of friends moving in together in the legendary haunted house with plans to fix and flip (interesting?). Of course it doesn’t take long for weird shit to begin happening in the house and the group of friends begin to die. They thought the ‘murder house’ thing was overblown but oh they were wrong after the first of them die and the internet freaks come to cash in on the legend? We get a séance, suicide, a priest, and even possession. The film does its best to keep it serious and connect to the original all the way to the bad ending. Now you can take that for what’s it worth as this is one of the better entries into the series but felt the filmmaker painted himself into a corner with this ending coming just to keep alive a chance of a sequel? We all know there was going to be another but this had something going like “Amityville: The Awakening” but fizzled as I give 2 ½ stars.

Bathtub Shark Attack (Theater) – Only from the brilliant mind of independent filmmaker Maddie Deering could a killer shark movie that takes place at times in a “bathtub” and star Lynn Lowry. Hello… SyFy Channel, Discovery, I think you have your next hire? A bubbly couple down on their luck happen to stumble on an offer of great proportions or let’s say cheap when they find the perfect apartment they can afford. Unbeknownst to the couple this little apartment house is home of a dark secret and few are left to talk about it as the tenants usually check in but never check out. As the longer they stay the more Cindy changes as this causes Chad to get to the bottom of the strange happenings and find out how there is a connection to an evil shark god that likes to feast on people in their tubs! This SOV throwback has everything from wall to wall gore, to Lynn Lowry, to human ritual sacrifices (sort of don’t want to give everything away), to a plumber that refuses to die, to a shark that has a dick?! You may believe you have seen every shark movie but there is no way in hell you could think of any more zanier or entertaining shark movie than Maddie Deering delivers here as I give the film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

She Came from the Woods (Tubi) – Bad ass William Sadler stars and produces this nostalgic slasher that takes places at a summer camp 1987. It is the end of the season for Camp Briarbrook and the young staff as usual as the end of the season fire, drinking and such but this year decide hey lets be stupid and do a bloodletting ritual. This is something to do with an urban myth a decade or two back but learn the hard way this was something that really happened and camp counselors are getting shredded by an evil camp nurse from the past! This has a good pace, good formula, a good amount of blood and feel like horror fans will be in for a treat as the summer kicks along as I give this 3 stars.

Night Monster (DVD) – One those oldies but goodies from 1942 starring Bela Lugosi that I never had the pleasure seeing completely through until now. A crippled rich man summons a group of doctors to his mansion to witness a miracle but of course the doctors believe they are just there for a large donation. With the help of mystic powers the doctors’ witness the miracle and a couple refuse to believe it goes beyond modern medicine while another believes they were summon there for revenge by Mr. Ingston. The doctors one by one the doctors die but who is doing the killing as Mr. Ingston cannot even get him out of bed. A fun little oldie that is great for beginner horror movie fans as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Midnight Screening (DVD) – Supposedly this is an Indy slasher that takes place at a movie theater where employees are getting to watch the latest movie at a midnight screening before the public? But instead is an utter boring piece of trash with an ending that will leave you wanting to forget this movie actual exists. Now seriously: you have the location, a passable or possible likable cast, and this is all you come up with? Need to sleep at night watch this and you’ll be sleeping like a baby in ten minutes as I give it 0 stars.

VampyrZ on a Boat (DVD) – Not sure what in the hell I exactly watched but here goes… apparently there is a scientist on a boat that is researching an unstoppable force locked in the bottom of a vessel, a vampire. This scientist’s goal of course is to find cures for (insert whatever disease here) and figure out how this is possible? The other plotline going here is this old dude (Max) who may or may not been some kind of merc decades ago and now is old and retired getting it on with this young hottie Sara. Vampire gets loose and spreads the infection; Max gets clobbered in the head with a hammer by his friend and then gets stuck in some kind of “Groundhog Day” time loop… maybe? It kept my interest but totally sure what the fuck I watched as I give it 2 stars.

The Black Demon (DVD) – A Mexican shark film that mostly takes place on an oil rig off the coast of Mexico. Paul a rep for Nixon Oil and his family head there for a family vacation and for him to do an inspection on the oil rig to decide if it’s worth saving or decommission it. Instead they come to a dead small Mexican town and a giant shark that may or may not be a mythical god seeking revenge on those who have taken too much from the earth. If you like your shark movies a little mushy and family oriented with lots of floating body parts then you’ll be entertained as I give the shark flick 2 stars.

American Bigfoot (DVD) – Okay what in the shitty Bigfoot fuck did I stumble into as this was one of four Bigfoot movies with the same title but this was the first as it was released in 2015 and then rereleased in 2017. Zach Gilligan has a small town detective? Clint Howard as a complete throw away character? And we have a Bigfoot kid who gets shot by a hunter hunting out of season in Nelsonville and I believe the hunter was the only one that dies by the bad looking bootleg version of something from “Land of the Lost” or an old costume from Ringo Starr’s “Caveman”. Oh did I mention Bigfoot kidnaps a kid? I wish I could say this film was played for laughs but this complete mess wasn’t so stay away because I cannot give this more than 0 stars.

Deathrow Gameshow (DVD) – This is one of those movies that literally if you are over 40 you remember finding this weird over the top horror/comedy gem on Skinamax at 3am? Anyhow a nice special edition has been released in recent years finally as gain resurgence in viewing. The film is based around the most hated TV host ‘Chuck’ who hosts “Live or Die” where prison inmates have a chance to play a game and if they win they go free but usually they don’t. But the bright side is they can win cash and prizes for their families before they check out of life. On a daily basis Chuck is threaten until one day he its different a hitman comes looking for him after an incident concerning a mob boss on the Gameshow. Hijinks follows, the hitman’s mother gets blown up on the show and now Chuck wants out because he has found love. Honestly there is no true way to describe this gem from the video days than other it entertain the shit out of us when we found it late that night after the latest entry in the “Emmanuelle” series as I give it 3 stars.

McBain (Blu-ray) – For me at least this was a lost film from James Glickenhaus who did one of my favorite gritty flicks “The Exterminator”! I literally never heard of this or knew it existed but apparently Glickenhaus made another Vietnam vet getting revenge flick in 1991 that had an all-star cast that included Christopher Walken and Maria Conchita Alonso as the headliners. This bad ass film begins in South Vietnam 1973, the war is over and Santos and his army buddies are on their way home. They spot possible camp for POWs and decide they will regret it if they don’t do something. After an intense invasion they meet McBain who was a prisoner which sets the tone for the rest of the flick. 18 years later in Columbia Santos trying to help the people of Columbia to overtake a ruthless drug lord/dictator who has ruined the people and the country’s reputation but fails as he is shot on live TV. Santos sister seeks the help of McBain who gets the band back together so these army buddies can fly in, invade, and help the people of Columbia. It has a little of everything in this film including emotion which you don’t always see in these types of action films from the early 90s. The film looks crisp and clean as usual from Synapse, has a new surround sound track for the film, original trailer, and a great commentary from Glickenhaus himself and film historian Chris Poggali. A wonderful action film surprise for me and I am sure some others out there that will want to purchase this at www.synapse-films.com as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. But I was left with one question about the film: I felt like the Christopher Walken part was written for Robert Ginty? But hey that might just be me being a nerd for “The Exterminator”.

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Gross Movie Reviews #515

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Gross Movie Reviews #515

Psycho Ape! (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer 2020 has sucked a huge bag of dicks! But folks I believe we have been given the film we need to make it through this slow ass death they call a pandemic. It is a low budget film from the great minds of Addison Binek, Steve Albers, and Greg DeLiso whose passion for independent projects is off the scale! If you have heard me speak the name of Addison Binek then you know I feel this is one talented dude. For example: when I take over SyFy Channel or Full Moon he would my “second-in-charge” or if there was someone that I would trust with Lloyd’s legacy it would be Mr. Binek. Some will feel this film is senseless but some like me will enjoy this hilarious Troma throwback laughing their balls off several times throughout the feature. Let me tell you a little about this ‘Psycho Ape’ film. Supposedly 25 years ago this dude in a cheap ape costume (cough, cough) I mean murderous ape escapes The Detroit Zoo and comes upon an unsuspecting teenage slumber party. The killer ape goes bananas on the young ladies leaving only one survivor Nancy Banana. I personally was hoping it would be Hannah Banana for some reason because some kind of weird PornHub dream I had last night after watching the film but that is for a different conversation. Nancy Banana is thrown off course from her life dream of being the next Jane Goodall because this gorilla’s murder spree of her friends but 25 years later she gets to be friends with this crazed hairy killer. But if Dr. ZOOmis has anything to say about he will he won’t let another 25 years of tracking down this deadly ape and several deaths later from breaking up the relationship between Nancy and Psycho Ape. The movie is hilarious, complete chaos, and like a lost film never released from Troma in the mid-80s and for that I am happy to report this treat of a film deserves 3 ½ out of 4 stars. And take my word on this I can see this following the same path as the ‘Leprechaun’ series or maybe not?

 

Let Sleeping Corpses Lie (DVD) – Many people also know it as ‘The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue’ but that doesn’t stop it from being a popular zombie flick among horror fans. George an antiques dealer heads out to the country to get away from people and industry for the weekend but that is thrown into chaos when a ditzy woman named Christina backs over his bike. Together the two head out to Christina’s sisters’ place. Things go bad when Christina cannot stop talking about the beast that came from her. The two arrive to find the sister in hysterics and the husband dead and cop only believes “the damn hippie”, George is capable of doing the dirty deed. Now the two must stick around for the investigation but after some of their own research George believes it is the ultra-sonic radioactive device being used experimentally to kill insects on a farm is the cause. Got some gore, got some unstoppable zombies, and we got a cop that always believes the hippie did it so I am in as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Youngblood (DVD) – A late 70s film that feels like a Blaxploitation at the beginning turns into a serious gang film halfway with a twist that will have everyone feeling bad when it’s over. A look into a 15 year old black teenager named Junior but nicknamed Youngblood who feels in order to fit he needs to join a gang. Mom doesn’t approve and Youngblood cannot live up to older brother’s success of becoming a respectable banker. But things take a dark twist when Youngblood’s gang fined one of their own dying from drugs in a bowling alley bathroom. Now Youngblood and the gang want revenge and it takes Youngblood down a path of sadness he wasn’t expecting as everything is as good as it seems. Give the flick 2 ½ stars.

 

Blood Delirium (DVD) – So maybe it has been a few minutes since you were disgusted by a movie, a relative, or something on the news like politics? Well I give you this lesser known creepy Eye-talian film where an artist’s old butler starts bumping uglies with his dead wife and doesn’t fire him let alone stab him in the freaking testicles. Nope we get this sleazy ass artist and his disgusting butler to dig up his dead wife a year later for inspiration. When that doesn’t work the way the artist wants he goes meet a doppelganger of his wife that only makes the movie weirder if that was even possible? I give this off the charts sleaze 2 ½ stars just for making me wondering what the hell was gonna happen next…

The Night of the Hunter (DVD) – Robert Mitchum proves in 1955 you can play one evil son of a bitch that comes off crazy but yet so brilliant and unmatched. Mitchum is Harry Powell, supposedly a preacher who is doing 30 days in jail with a man named Ben who just got life for robbery and shooting a couple innocent folks. Ben hid the $10,000 with his two young kids. Harry tries to get it out of him before his execution but fails. Backup plan Powell heads to Ben’s home once released and sleaze his ass in the door with the struggling single mom of two to learn of the whereabouts of the money. When the kids are not cooperating Powell gets mean and sadistic and his mean streak has no end. Powell chases the children down river into another home only be blocked by a stubborn older woman who takes orphans in. For 1955 it might not sound like much but I dare you to watch Robert Mitchum put on a performance of an evil human scumbag and not be impressed as I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

The Night of the Hunter (DVD/remake) – In 1991 TV decided the movie needed updated not understanding two things: first, this story just doesn’t work in present day (1991) as the original was set during the depression. Second, Richard Chamberlain is a great choice for a movie like this but the role was already done perfectly by Robert Mitchum which made me get real bored when viewing this remake. I gave it a legit try but sorry if you see the original first there really isn’t anyway to improve as I give this remake 1 star.

 

Artic Predator (DVD) – Apparently I missed a SyFy Channel feature about a decade ago that stars Dean Cain in a bootleg of a bootleg of a bootleg version of John Carpenter’s ‘The Thing’. Dean Cain must defend himself and others against an alien made of gas from one of Jupiter’s rings that his team unearthed exploring for lost ships in the Artic. Dumb…? Maybe, but you know I wasn’t passing it up with a title like that as I give it 1 star.

 

Night Monster (DVD) – An early 40s Universal film about a handicapped man who has invited doctors to his creepy ass mansion that oh yeah has Bela Lugosi as the butler! Little the doctors know is that the man blames them for his condition and has planned for their arrival as death is happening inside the mansion and outside and nowhere to escape. Cheesy and a little dull at times but explanation at the end of the film makes it a well worth watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Antrum: The Deadliest Film Ever Made (DVD) – A mockumentary of sorts as its set up is producers, convention promoters, etc. being interviewed about this lost film from 1979 that is rumored to kill anyone that has viewed it. The film was sent to several festivals but after all the unfortunate events ‘Antrum’ becomes banned, lost, cursed, but disappeared until now. After this introduction we get the film about a kid who cannot deal with the death of his dog and his mom told him the pet went to hell. So to help get over it his older sister takes the kid to the middle of the forest to dig a hole to hell. Well guess what shit goes wrong and gets weird! Because once you begin your journey into the five layers of hell there is no coming back. I enjoyed the concept and know I will catch flack for this but felt disappointed in the end. The film is far from terrible but for me at least I just don’t think it was executed well as I give it 2 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

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Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!You can now purchase copies of Jagoff Massacre and our new feature Blood Freak DVDs online that I co-directed with Dan Boyd at https://drunkenyinzersproductions.company.site/ !