Gross Movie Reviews #688

0

Deathstalker (YouTube/remake) – This B-movie fantasy character was a lot of fun a few decades before and someone has decided it was time to bring this popular movie series back to life. An evil horde called the dreadites are sweeping the land looking for an amulet that Deathstalker just happens to stumble upon and steal, sort of from a dying man. The amulet refuses to leave the barbarian’s presence as he is cursed with it. Deathstalker just like the Abraxian Empire want rid of it but for different reasons as if the amulet unlocks the secret weapon as it means the kingdom can be saved and the dreadites and kill them off! It is hard to recapture the cult like status of these films from the 80s but this is a worthy entry. The problem will be “the sequels”? Do you go sex and even lower budget or do you go more “Conan the Destroyer” route? This will really determine this film’s fate over the next five to ten years so don’t sleep on this as it wasn’t perfect but it was entertaining if you were a fan of the fantasy films that came out in the early to mid-80s as I give this 2 ½ stars.

The Job (YouTube) – A short film project that deals with a man going to a job interview who unsuspectingly is greeted by A.I. All the gentleman wanted was a job but finds himself being tested by the past that haunts him in his mind. An interesting take in many ways of how the world is changing quickly around us as I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

Horrorbuku (Kings of Horror) – An established writer has begun work on a story that has him questioning his own reality after he notices his writing project is blurring into his life after obtaining a mask from a trip he took. The author hears it speaking to him as he becomes fascinated with writing what the mask tells him but the author is uncertain if the mask is there to haunt him, guide him in his latest writing project, or drive him insane? When the mask has the author firmly in its grasp the author ultimately becomes convinced he is a vessel for the grand ideas of the mask. Whether the author believes everything that is spoken to him by the mask or just going insane telling his therapist there is one thing he understands completely is he must finish the book to escape. Being a writer myself (somewhat, go ahead and laugh) I enjoyed it touches on how you the writer can lose yourself into a story even when not working on it. This is far from the usual horror stuff I watch as this movie is for the slow burn crowd as it takes you down a wormhole of entertaining madness as I give the project 3 out of 4 stars.

Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (DVD) – Of course with that title it is a Christopher Lee Hammer Studio film where Dracula was frozen in a mountain side after terrorizing a small nearby village near his castle. A year passes as a holy man comes to investigate all these stories only to find the church of the village left to fall in disrepair. He learns the priest is a drunk and the villagers refuse to enter the once holy place because it still sits in the shadow of Dracula’s castle. The superior holy man wants to put an end to all of this by traveling to Dracula’s castle and performing a church ritual to rid everything evil that has haunted the village. But the drunken priest accidentally awakens Dracula from his deep frozen sleep during his trip back down the mountain only to become a disciple of Dracula as he wants simple revenge on the superior holy man! It’s not the best of the Hammer/Lee vampire flicks but still entertaining and iconic with some of the images as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Kill Canibal Retards (DVD-R) – This gets about as odd as you can get as this 38 minute project comes from the same guy that made ‘Alien Beasts’ decided to film this oddity in 2003 but not to be released until 2018. The film takes place on Halloween where the water supply is contaminated and people die when entering an apartment or as I like to call this: dude set up a camera on a tripod to film himself screaming most of the movie. To be totally honest this was so much weirder than the previous movie I mentioned from him I have no clue what exactly I watched as I give this 0 stars.

The Toxic Avenger Unrated (Amazon/remake) – Just like a lot of Toxie fans I was very unsure how to feel about this getting remade and when it did why do I really want to watch something that sat on a shelf for two years after being finished? Anyway this big budget remake takes place in St. Roma Village which if they did anything right there is a ton of nods to the original Toxie throughout the film. The BTH factory has polluted everything good about the town over the years and now mutations and deaths are starting to fill the rumor mill about the factory. A stepdad named Winston who is a janitor at the BTH factory finds himself in a bad situation when he is told by his doctor he might have six months to a year to live and by the way his company health insurance won’t cover the expensive drugs that might help him. To seek revenge Winston gains entry into the company to steal the company’s money only to meet a bad end of being shot and thrown into a containment unit full of toxic waste that changes him. This mutation into the Toxic Avenger leaves him disfigured but cured of his disease and has powers to help clean up his old town and its takeover by the misfits, big corporate BTH. The remake isn’t terrible by any means it just doesn’t fit what I believe we all enjoyed during the 80s and 90s when mainstream wanted nothing to do with ‘The Toxic Avenger’. It has the nods, the costume was cool, the gore was there but what it is missing for me is being genuine like the original was. The original didn’t fit the norm at the time it was released and still doesn’t fit into today’s norms either. So again not a bad film just something that never screamed to be remade as I only can give it 2 stars.

Blood and Black Lace (DVD) – The Mario Bava film that started a movement in ‘giallo’ films being made as an unknown masked man wearing black gloves kills a fashion model Isabella. The motive is the killer is looking for this diary she had that could allow her to blackmail many throughout the city as the unknown figure begins their murderous rampage through young models looking for it. As authorities investigate, many are suspects as they have secrets they want left unknown. I have never been a large ‘giallo’ fan but do enjoy from time to time checking out the earlier ones that horror fans revere so much as this was a fun watch as I give it 3 stars.

Psycho Night (YouTube) – An independent film that combines elements of: The Running Man, Surviving the Game, Slasher$, Wedlock, and Series 7 with the music industry. A live stream contest held by rich studio heads with too much money but have Greed on their minds as they interact on a show where contestants try to survive and win a hip hop contract.  2 Gravez is a man who just got out of prison and wants to get back to work on music as friends sign him up for this contest. After he is put to sleep 2 Gravez wakes to find himself and five other contestants will have to fight nasty goons, drop some musical knowledge, and sing off the cuff in order to move on through the contest to a hip hop contest. The film has its flaws but its use of the locations around them and tapping into how people consume entertainment as what people are being force fed in all forms of entertainment makes this a relevant and important project for movie watchers to check out. Would have loved a shorter running time for the project but I was overjoyed and I respect seeing a film that should not just be seen as entertainment but a warning of where society is actually heading. To add to that… how we are closer to this future than most believe as I give this impressive independent project 3 out of 4 stars.

Bum (YouTube) – A SOV found footage project of a small film crew and local reporter Valerie Charles reporting on the growing homeless problem and how it has tied into the recent kidnapping of a crazy land developer’s baby. As Valerie and Mr. Brooks prove to be complete douche bags about homeless and literally just want to use them to move up the corporate ladder decide to walk through the woods to an encampment of homeless. What they find is beyond whatever they can hope for but what happens is also completely monstrous! A true throwback of the found footage genre in my opinion that actually pays off unlike ‘The Blair Witch Project’ and most of the copycats since. The jump cuts and shaky cam can get annoying but I thought it was cool of where the filmmaker led us as the subplot of the land developer is brilliant and makes for a terrific ending as I give the 39 minute film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Sisu: Road to Revenge (Theater) – If you enjoyed the first film you might enjoy this one also as they turn the Finnish war vet into a Mad Max character. Its 1946 and our non-verbal hero returns to the Soviet border to tear down his home, load it on a truck, and take it back to Finland. The Soviets are not too keen on letting this go unpunished so they let loose their secret weapon that killed the hero’s family in the first place to clean up the mess. From there it just turns into a Mad Max film with lots of blood and the Finnish warrior refusing to be stopped even if Richard Brake and Stephen Lang are on the Soviets side. I love the first one as it felt pure; this sequel is good but feels more like a cashing in more than being a pure bad ass war flick like the first as I only can give it 3 stars this time around.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #365

0

Gross Movie Reviews #365

 

By Tim Gross

 

The Salvation (DVD) – A story based on what Danish soldiers did after the war. They came to America during the 1860s looking for opportunity. And the dude that played Hannibal Lecter in the “Hannibal” TV series has made enough money to bring his wife and son to America. While traveling back to the farm two outlaws throw Hannibal off the stagecoach, kill his son, and rape and kill his wife. After killing these two outlaws, the brother and his gang want revenge but that just makes Hannibal go all Josey Wales on their asses! I give the western 2 ½ stars.

 

Diamond Dogs (DVD) – Dolph Lundgren stars as a failed security expert in Mongolia who street fights for cash but is hired to track down an important artifact. Dolph beats the shit out of a bunch of people and eventually gives the artifact to the monks. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Enemies Closer (DVD) – Jean-Claude Van Damme dresses up as a Canadian Mountie to try and get information from the US border patrol on the coast of Maine about a plane that went down and possibly has his drugs. They don’t cooperate and he kicks their collective ass. Now knowing the location he needs a tracker and the only one is a ranger former military dude who may have PTSD and wants left alone. Add Orlando Jones and Tom Everett Scott as the ranger/hero fighting JCVD and you have an unrealistic movie with a great wasted performance by JCVD as the villain! I give the flick 1 ½ stars.

 

Summer of Blood (DVD) – A comedian comes up with a movie idea where he plays a lazy annoying guy named Erik. Erik believes he is the best at his job and girlfriend thinks he is the best until she leaves him and he loses his job. If that wasn’t enough he is attacked by a vampire and the vamp feels bad about Erik and makes him a vamp also. And the rest of the movie is about how better Erik is in bed with the ladies. The movie was unfunny and just down right lame as I give it 0 stars.

 

A Christmas Horror Story (DVD) – A small town named Bailey Downs goes to total shit every year on Christmas according to the police chief and this year is no different. William Shatner plays a DJ who kinda works as in-between for the intertwining stories about Krampus and his evil ways. It is an anthology without being anthology is the best way to put it as there is five different storylines all going at once. We got suspicious murders at St. Joseph’s School, kids investigating, elves become zombify and attack Santa Claus, Krampus coming to collect on horrible human beings, great bloody fun this holiday is! I give it 3 stars and Shatner rules in this flick.

 

Holiday of the Dead (DVD) – An independent film from Final Warning Films takes a cue from the film “Nightmare at Noon” and has a so-called big medical asshat from Hinz-Howard pharmaceutical company giving out free flu shots. Of course this military experiment is on a small US town that no one will know or care about. But small town sheriff Tiffany Shepis tries to stop the flesh-eaters as most of the town got the flu shot. Now the only hope is some college kids camping and AWOL military personnel trying to stop it from happening again. If you are a fan of “Nightmare at Noon” made on a smaller scale you will enjoy this flick as it has some great gore effects and Tiffany Shepis actually has a script to work with. The film had some audio issues early on but seem to be corrected shortly after as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Note; there is a couple zombies that are killed simply by breaking their necks so is it truly a zombie movie?

Destroy

Destroy Cleveland (DVD) – A documentary dedicated to bringing you the viewer behind-the-scenes look of the punk/hardcore music scene of Cleveland between the years of 1986-into late 2000s. Director Matt Greenfield and producer Jorge Delarosa do an amazing job of tracking many popular bands of the time to explain how different the scene was than most cities. And where the anger came from to make the hardcore music scene possible? These guys did a great job of bringing this documentary to life and that is coming from a dude that lived in Pittsburgh and I had heard of a few of these bands. Great stuff for the music documentary lover. Keep up the good work guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more info on this cool project go check out www.slowmutants.com and www.rustbelthammer.com .

 

Tales of Halloween (On Demand) – A great collection of short films that are of course are Halloween themed and have not only all-star directors but all-star casts. This film will soon be a staple for Halloween movie lovers every October as there wasn’t one bad story like most anthologies. Great effects, great monsters, fun stories, everything a horror movie fan looks for in a great Halloween flick. I definitely see horror fans doing a double bill movie night with this flick and “Trick r Treat”. I give it 4 stars.

 

Alien Beasts (DVD) – The no budget film from Carl J. Sukenick is also known as “Mutant Massacre”, neither title I never heard of. But anyway this man made a shot on video film about mutants and terrorists fighting on earth… I think. Carl narrates most the film so you know what’s going on or maybe not know what is going on. I tried rewatching this mess and still don’t know what was going on but it is such a crazy mess it is worth watching at least once just to know something like this exists! If that isn’t enough for you there is a sequel “Mutant Massacre 2” made available for the first time with more Claymation and scenes in weird colors but the same movie pretty much. Don’t ask just roll on over to www.massacrevideo.com and have Louis explain it to you as I believe the mess gave a migraine for a full day after witnessing it? It was so weird, so out there, a rating cannot be given as this movie needs to be witnessed not just watched…

 

Monster Dog (DVD) – I finally sat down and watched this Alice Cooper horror flick all the way through and totally understand now why Alice Cooper hates this project. Not because it only became available on DVD recently but after filming this Spanish/Italian/whatever other country production the movie company dubbed all of Mr. Cooper’s dialogue. Let’s not dwell on the fact the film couldn’t make its mind up on whether it was a killer dog flick or werewolf flick… But just try to enjoy this Alice Cooper horror film even though the two songs he has for the film are not his best by any means either. Disappointing flick but glad I watched it as I will most likely never revisit this 1 star horror film.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews, independent film news, or me ranting at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.