Monthly Archives: March 2018

Gross Movie Reviews #430

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Gross Movie Reviews #430

 

Gnome Alone (DVD) – A wonderful B-movie starring Vern Troyer as an “evil gnome” who is part of a curse and a mark that has been passed down through several generations. You wish for someone to be horribly disfigured this ugly gnome goes and takes care of it. When an old bag lady is run down by a drunken frat boy Zoe a store clerk has the mark/evil gnome passed on to her. Wanting revenge and police not helping people that were involved with the accident and the cover up begin to die and Zoe is the one to blame. It’s hilarious and corny and well worth curiosity as I give the pint-sized horror flick 2 ½ stars.

 

The Traveler (DVD) – So this movie from filmmaker Jonathan R. Skocik came to me in the mail the other day. Never mind it surprised me but it was an independent film I pooped all over back in 2006. So I took it as a sign that it was time to rewatch this Indy film and give it another chance. It is supposedly an all-new director’s cut of the film being released. Can’t hurt… But for those who don’t know the film it centers on a couple who have car troubles and find themselves at the ‘death house’ looking for help? But a few other people are already there to hang and do graffiti. To their surprise a stranger shows up explaining the only way to leave the house is to be the only one left. Each time he shows up they must vote on who dies. Of course their deaths are not swift but very torturous. As usual not my cup of tea or Indy flick but I can say this isn’t the worst movie I have seen as I said in 2006 as other horrible films have been released since: “The Christmas Season Massacre” being one of them. The acting isn’t terrible, some of the effects are good, but in the end I still don’t like the film too much. But hey people go check it out and you decide if I am right as you can find out more about the movie and the filmmaker at: www.facebook.com/BlackBootProductions .

 

The Lonely Ones (DVD) – A group of young friends head to a cabin to party and tell scary stories to each other. Some strange creatures or I should say ghouls show up to crash the party. Sounds like a fun horror film but fails as the film is a bit dull. It wastes a lot of time setting up the story between a cheating boyfriend and the girl he is trying to get back with. The ghoul idea and the weird biker dude is interesting but again the whole relationship thing drags this horror to a slow haul. For that I can only give this flick about ghouls 1 star.

Robowar (DVD-R) – Oh Vincent Dawn aka Bruno Mattei I so enjoy the messes you call movies. Don’t walk but run to your computer for this 1988 gem as Mr. Dawn pretty much made a scene for scene ‘Predator’ rip-off. Yeah, it’s not as good as that great flick with Arnold but this stars a racist robot! A strike force is sent into the jungle on a secret mission where they are to face-off with a robotics experiment gone wrong. Omega One is the robot’s name and looks like a cross between Charlie Sheen’s suit from “The Wraith” and a suit they may have stolen from Full Moon’s “Mandroid”. When Omega One isn’t destroying the strike force its busy wandering the jungle repeating, “Greasy” the whole time. A big flaming piece crap? Yes it is! Will I watch it again? Damn right I will as I give it 3 stars just because I am still laughing.

 

Pulse (DVD) – Little Joey Lawrence goes to visit his dad in California for the summer. Only problem Joey wasn’t there to be haunted by a smart pulse of electricity trying to kill him and move on to the next house. Joey spends much of the movie trying to convince his father and other people it’s real until some major accidents happen. Then we have one last showdown between the pulse of electricity and the tag team of Joey and his father. If you are a fan of TV horror movies you will enjoy this as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Axe Massacre (DVD) – A holiday horror short film where a masked Santa Claus climbs down the chimney unannounced to slaughter a family on the holy night. Fun stuff and looks cool but why did he do it and why the mask? I give this short film 1 ½ stars.

 

Machete Maidens Unleashed (DVD) – An amazing documentary that features what it was like to shoot and produce films in the 60s, 70s, and early 80s in the Philippines. Sets were built for you, labor was cheap, no laws enforced there, and Roger Corman took full advantage of this situation to produce many films and start several careers. A good portion of the documentary deals with the actresses of this time, one of them being Pam Grier who also took full advantage of the opportunity. Lots of Sid Haig and they explain why the age of filming in the Philippines went away. I give this excellent piece of history 4 stars.

 

Trailer War (DVD) – This collection of trailers really centers on some unknowns and B-movies favorites that feature Craig Sheffer, David Carradine, Donald Pleasence, Henry Silva, Hal Holbrook. This collection digs deep in the vault for films like: Inframan, The Dungeon Master, World War of Kung Fu, The Man From Hong Kong, Force: Five, Maniac Cop 2, Partners, Nightmare Honeymoon, The Scaremaker, and Shoot. If you got two hours to kill and enjoy watching trailers this is the DVD for you as I give it 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh it’s real and it’s happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details! 

Gross Movie Reviews #429

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Gross Movie Reviews #429

 

Vengeance Runs Red (Vimeo) – A short film from filmmaker Philip Brocklehurst that tells the story of two who men who are haunted by a past mistake. A young dude takes upon himself to serve justice that is due. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Want to find out more go here: www.facebook.com/philip.brocklehurst.9

 

War of the Dead (DVD) – The film isn’t horrible but it’s not great either. The film is just another run of the mill Nazi zombie flick that isn’t very memorable. Sorry horror folk no “Outpost”, “Dead Snow”, or “Frankenstein’s Army” here. Just keep moving along as I give this flick 1 ½ stars.

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Nemesis 3: Time Lapse (VHS) – I got bored and decided to fall down the Albert Pyun wormhole again and watched these not needed sci-fi sequels that feature Tim Thomerson and Sue Price. In this mid-90s sequel Sue Price is searching out and destroying cyborgs as Tim Thomerson keeps a watchful eye over her for Central Command. Central Command wants her alive at all costs. Really folks not a whole lot happens in this flick but if you are a Tim Thomerson fan I totally get why you would track this bad boy down as I give it 1 ½ stars. The film also is known as “Nemesis 3: Prey Harder”.

 

Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels (VHS) – Albert Pyun brings back Sue Price one more time for what I like to call “Nemesis 4: Sue Price Bangs all the Cyborgs”. Never mind Andrew Divoff’s head speaks about cyborg non-sense throughout the movie. Sue Price’s goal in 2080 apparently is to be naked and bump uglies with all the cyborgs and then kill them. I believe the alternative title to this flick was actually “Hardbodies 3”? But that couldn’t be confirmed or denied at this time. But the gist of the flick this time around is Price’s character fucked up at some point and now there are Hunters all over her naked muscle bound ass! It wasn’t a great flick but it was a hell of a lot more interesting than the last sequel where she sat in a desert for about 75% of the damn movie. I give the flick 2 stars and you may also find this movie under the title “Death Angel” in some countries…

Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

Avenging Force (DVD) – One of Michael Dudikoff’s better action flicks outside of the “American Ninja” saga. Dudikoff’s buddy, Steven James of course is running for senate. Until some rich white racist dudes with their leader John P. Ryan decide to kill him and his family. On top of that they make Dudikoff play “Surviving the Game” eight years before Ice-T did! This 80s action flick will satisfy your action flick hunger if needed as I give it 3 stars.

 

Love Eternal: The Silent Film Cut (YouTube) – Forte Films Entertainment as at it again flaunting their filmmaking talents with a cool throwback short film version of Dracula and Mina. Done their way they give ‘silent era film buffs’ a tasty treat. Wonderfully done this filmmaking group needs more support and money because I would love to see these guys making a couple features a year. I give this fun treat 3 out of 4 stars and you can find out more at: www.fortefilmsentertainment.com .

Explorers (DVD) – Holy crap folks I do not know how I missed this 1985 flick starring Ethan Hawke and River Phoenix. This was so in my wheelhouse. But after reading some of the info on it and how it was considered a flop maybe somehow it fell off my cable watching radar as a kid? Apparently this movie was over 3 hours long and I believe Paramount Studios were like “nope”, not happening Joe Dante. The film is reportedly unfinished but a finished product. Very strange stuff but anyway folks the story centers on Ethan Hawke who has a weird dream about aliens and an image. He draws it and shows it to his best friend who of course is the nerdy kid down the street doing experiments in his basement. Hawke’s character continues to have these weird dreams and once his two friends become a part of it and his nerdy best friend uses a computer to make a bubble they decide its plans for a spaceship. The spaceship consists of a trash can, an old carnival ride, microwave doors, and a computer in the movie that didn’t exist in reality but was built just for this movie. They fly around and fuck shit up until Dick Miller finds them and eventually go off planet to meet the aliens. Really not too much to the movie but it is a fun glorious kick in the ass of childhood if you are a 80s kid? I give the entertaining film 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

 

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Oh its real and its happening… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!