Aqua Beast (YouTube) – A non-descript Colorado family heads out to the old camping ground for Grandma to relive some fun memories as a kid. Well it doesn’t take long for Grandma to get eaten by a shark in a waterway! Even though the so-called teenagers are not too broken up about it they combine forces with the old crusty dude at the bait shop to go hunting for sharks. Along the way one picks up a girlfriend, one loses a boyfriend, and somehow crappy NES graphic shark gets thrown into a woodchipper by a large firework. I laughed at this movie for all the wrong reasons as the acting was monotone the entire length of the film as I wasn’t expecting much but I still cannot give it more than 1 star.
Amityville A.I. (Tubi) – As usual yinz all can thank me later as this is entry #65 into the longest running movie series of al time! Filmmaker Matt Jaissle of course goes back to the well again of Amityville 1979 where something terrible happens with a serial killer. Now present day, Stuart rents a house in Amityville who also just happened to bring his program “Vic 3000” and connect it the rental home. Once security cameras are installed the program has control of the home just like that 1981 TV movie ‘This House Possessed’. Between the weird ghost of the murderer in the house and the program taking over anything around Stuart he is trapped by his own creation and rental home. You can take your pick of what the actual plot of this film is… but outside of the scene with the neighbor’s hilarious sexbot killing him this feels like a mess that was thrown out there to say “I did it first”? I thank you for giving me another entry to watch but let’s be honest there is so much more you could have done on the slim budget you may have had as give it 0 stars.
Popeye’s Revenge (Amazon) – The Brits are at it again in making horror films out of cartoons as this time around they tackle the thick armed sailor who eats spinach. Honestly they keep it basic which looks to be best way to tackle this forgotten character as they made Popeye an urban legend that is a mash up of Jason Voorhees and Freddy Kruger. Fifth-teen years ago after Popeye as a child accidentally killed a fellow child, his parents threw him in the basement but the villagers came anyhow to burn their family home down. Popeye survives but badly burned only to dive into the lake. Now every time a fog rolls in the legend of Popeye arrives to kill any who are nearby. So hey, by all means let’s turn Popeye’s old home into a campground where Popeye can slaughter all who show up at the summer camp before it ever opens. Overall I believe they went just to make a fun gory slasher throwback and they have accomplished their task. Wouldn’t think a Popeye film would be entertaining but there is just something about a burned up pipe smoking dude running out of the woods to squish people’s eyeballs out of their head as I give this 2 ½ stars.
The Special (DVD) – This little film has a little sleaze, a little sex, and WTF is that? Jerry is a regular guy who believes his beautiful wife has been cheating on him. So after a heavy night of drinking his best friend takes Jerry to a secret location aka brothel that happens to have a psychic. Sixty bucks and Jerry is off to upstairs to get “The Special”, an empty room that he is locked in with a box that reads “Stick it in Here”! Jerry believes it is a joke until sometime goes past and eventually puts his dong into the box. BREAKING NEWS… Jerry has the greatest time ever to the point his best friend gotta zip up his pants and get Ivan to throw him into the car. But there is a catch the psychic or Madame warns the best friend be sure Jerry never comes back because the “box” wants him? This only begins a downward spiral for Jerry as he finds out his hot wife (Sarah French) didn’t cheat but was buying a snow blower. For Jerry nothing matters as he is now obsessed to find this box as he would kill to have it as he does and develops a relationship (or let’s just say it he keeps fucking a box) with the thing in the box. An interesting and entertaining ride into a character’s downward spiral of nothing matters except the pleasure he gets from a mysterious box as I give this feature 3 stars.
Don’t Mess with Grandma (Tubi) – This Tubi original is one of my first favs of 2025 as it stars Michael Jai White as Jasper and Billy Zane. The plot of the film besides Jasper throwing white people out a window the whole movie is Jasper taking care of his Grandma who lives in the middle of nowhere. Jasper everyday drives two hours to go take care of anything she needs while getting drunk doing it while running from Grandma’s dog who doesn’t like him. Well tonight things go a little sideways as three people show up in pig masks to burglarize Grandma’s house. Not going to happen in this laugh a minute film as Jasper defends the home quickly but soon sees there is friends or family in this case who have planned this job for a while as they won’t go away quietly. Basic but entertaining premise this 4 out of 4 stars film is “home invasion gone wrong” that includes Jasper singing a DIO song while a man dies in his arms, a person getting paper towels duct taped to their ass because they are missing part of an ass cheek, and how Jasper just wants Grandma to consider moving into the city. Again folks 4 stars all the way as it will be hard for any of yinz to not find this extremely entertaining and laugh the whole 80 minutes as I did.
Streets of Vengeance (Blu-ray) – Mila is a pornstar who is at the height of her career, well liked, and she is at the end of her contract as she wants out so she can do something fresh. But little she knows she is a target by a cult called “The Sword” that wants to make an example of her. They believe her smut career is ruining society and she must be stopped. Mila is not expecting anything terrible even though the ‘San Francisco slasher’ has claimed two of her friends. After her retirement party Mia is kidnapped but escapes the brutality of the cult with a little help as she kills her captor. Mia receives a phone call on a phone she forgot she grabbed from her kidnapper and decides it is time to fight back. Mia recruits her fellow sex workers as this turns into a glorious version of ‘Savage Streets 2’! Way too much filler at the beginning to establish Mia and friends are in the porn industry but the film more than makes up for it once Mia is out for one night of revenge in this sleazy action thriller that I give 3 stars too.
Paranoia Tapes: The Movie (4K) – Full disclosure I am not a huge fan of some of the early entries that I have seen but I will give Jack Hunter and crew credit this has a different charm and finish to it that definitely made it an entertaining Indy feature. We begin with a couple of podcasters discussing an oddity of spookiness that has affected certain people and streams over the years this quickly connects to a DIY You Tuber named Clyde. Clyde is constantly filming himself for his vlogs that have become popular and today he has received a mystery package at his door. The box contains movies that also just happen to have Clyde’s picture on the back of the box along with his best friend Jack throughout the films dying, killing etc. Clyde concerned recruits his friend Jack to come to the house to witness the weirdness of it all and discuss doppelgangers as we the viewer get to see the short films of other vloggers plotting murders and other nefarious acts. Again I enjoyed the simple fact that this crew went to great lengths in storytelling to give you a scare with substance. Yes there are flaws, but overall I believe they accomplish in telling an entertaining spooky story in the context of folks constantly using their phones and the consequences that could follow? For that I give this a solid Indy outing 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
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