Gross Movie Reviews #444
He Knows You’re Alone (DVD) – Here is a little lost slasher from 1980 that has an early appearance from Tom Hanks and just recently got the DVD/Blu-ray treatment. A young lady’s parents go out of town for the week and she is in the process of getting married. She might be having second thoughts now her fiancée has taken the scouts camping and the ex is shooting hard for her. But unbeknownst to her there is a serial killer on the loose who is killing women who are about to be married. Never mind how he knows, he is a movie serial killer of course he knows. But he stalks her throughout the film and kills all around her. For me it was a first time watch and definitely good enough to revisit again someday as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Ninja Demon Massacre (VHS/DVD-R) – Now, you most likely believe I made this up? It is real folks I assure you that. In 1988, ninjas must be hurting for business as in Hong Kong they start selling foreign secrets. So of course some dubbed U.S. actors/authorities get involved and send in a secret agent or two to stop this from happening. There is no demon which was kind of disappointing and not much ninja action. But it did have ‘massacre’ in the title so of course I sat down to watch it… once… I give it maybe 1 star, maybe 2 stars for stealing the music from the Gene Simmons flick “Runaway”.
She Was So Pretty (DVD) – Alfred or Alfie as he is known in the film is out looking for the perfect woman/victim. He finds it in a woman named Valerie who tells friends she hasn’t felt like herself for about year now. It’s like someone is watching her which of course Alfie is. But in Alfie’s spare time he brutalizes other women. When Valerie heads to the woods with some friends for some vacation time Alfie takes this time to kidnap her and take Valerie home to watch some “Casper”. The weirdness only adds to the suspense and sleaze of the flick as Alfie doesn’t have a whole lot to say, he just does things. When the local park ranger/cop is called in and does his so-called investigation he finds Alfie and in a strange plot twist joins in on the brutal fun. I like the weirdness of this serial killer flick as it stands out from most but the only downfall to me at least was the film doesn’t exactly have an ending. Whether you like or not it is something you don’t see very often in independent film so you get kudos for that. But good news horror kids there is a sequel in the works as I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film go to: www.shewassopretty.com .
You’re So Cool, Brewster! The Story of Fright Night (DVD) – This is literally the most in-depth documentary you could watch on the making of this fun classic horror film. The documentary covers nearly 2 ½ hours of your time watching as it dips into everything and anything you could want to know about the famous 1985 vampire flick. The only issue I had with the documentary was the running time and it spending about 60 seconds on the sequel and nothing said about the rumored third film that was being pitched around Hollywood in 1990? But it got everything it could into this flick and most fans will be happy with it. So kick up your feet and enjoy inside story of “Fright Night” as I give it 3 ½ stars.
Massacre at Rocky Ridge (DVD) – A real dumpster fire of a no-budget film that has CITs (Counselors in Training) taken out in the woods for the yearly training. Mainly because they couldn’t afford a movie set with cabins so it is just tents. Once there some boring dialogue takes place, the gratuitous girl on girl scene, and people dying at the hands of a masked killer in a robe. This one is so bad or I just made up another “massacre” movie that it doesn’t have an IMDB page but can be bought for $29.95 on a website if you search hard enough. For that I give it a ½ star.
Meathook Massacre (DVD) – A woman and her two friends set out on a trip to a concert in Nebraska. But first she has to watch entire rock video just like “Killer Party” but nowhere near as good! Car runs out of gas on a lonely dirt road and one of them gets out going to look for help. She comes across a small weird farmhouse where a masked killer lives and likes to chase his victims with a meathook. For a sixty minute movie there was way too much talking and not enough killing as I give it 1 out of 4 stars.
Meathook Massacre 2 (DVD) – Ten years have gone by since that faithful day of those horrific events. But the meathook murders have popped up again in the news and a man whose twin sister was a victim of Bubba is hell-bent on finding this sadistic killer. Not many meathooks in this flick but with a few more dollars in the budget compared to the first flick the filmmaker decided to do a no-budget jam of Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and 3. There was a little more killing going on this flick so I give it 1 ½ out 4 stars.
The Quiet Earth (DVD) – A 1985 sci-fi flick from New Zealand where a world one morning basically stopped and there was possibly only one survivor. The first thing you see besides the sun rising is a dude named Zac and his hairy dong getting out of bed. As he drives into work he notices something weird, everyone is gone. For whatever reason all the people are all gone. Once Zac is done losing his mind for several days he gets his shit together and goes on the road to find someone, anyone. Along the way he finds a woman and another man. Over dinner they discuss what actually happen and they figure out “The Effect” kept them on earth for some reason. But after more discussion they figure out they all died at the exact moment when “The Effect” happened. “The Effect” as we learn could have been produced by an experiment from Zac’s company that was helped by the government. Soon Zac figures out the sun is soon to collapse and then there is no earth so they come up with a plan to blow up Zac’s company to shutdown “The Effect”. The ending is real weird as you are not totally sure what happened or what didn’t but glad I watched this post-apocalyptic flick as I give it 3 stars.
Blood Massacre (DVD) – A Don Dohler flick that was actually made in 1987 but never released until 1991 under some shady dealings that did make Don Dohler happy at all. Great stuff to read up on before watching the flick. Four thugs go rob a video store only to shoot a clerk there while getting away with the money. On the run their car breaks down and forces them to find other transportation. A woman named Elizabeth Parker picks them up and now hostage takes them to her family farm where the four thugs are going to rob them blind and eat before moving on. Soon the armed thugs are surprised that his family isn’t your typical family as they like flesh and slaughtering humans. A little icing on the cake is near the end of the film one of the thugs Rizzo gets away and prepares the woods like Rambo to fuck the family up only to find out they are not just cannibals… Love it, fun stuff as I give it 3 stars.
Burlesque Massacre (DVD) – A wanna be porn film that is a poor excuse for a horror film. The flick centers on a killer brother and sister combo that believe “incest is best”. The sister brings her burlesque troop to her brother’s house for a vacation weekend but instead they get killed after showing lots of tits and ass. There is more sex than killing and probably should have just sold out and became full blown porn just for entertainment sake. But whatever again it had “massacre” in the title and I give it 0 stars because I had to watch it.
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Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr
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