Gross Movie Reviews #666

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Titanic 666 (Tubi) – Of course straight out of Asylum Entertainment this feature would have hit SyFy Channel a few years back but now it is a Tubi exclusive 18 months ago. So I finally decided to give it a chance after first hearing about it I could not believe it, but guess what kids the film is super watchable. It is 110 years after the original voyage and the new Titanic III is setting sail for its maiden voyage to pay respects to the original wreckage where it lays rest. Just like the original boat it claims to be unsinkable and people are just dying to get on board to be a part of history. But a mysterious cute redhead has hidden herself in some luggage to get on board and perform a ritual in the cargo area of the ship! This witch does a blood ritual that brings the spirits of the original Titanic to life again to haunt all on the Titanic III and take control of the ship so all living can relive the tragic events of 110 years ago. This of course causes panic among the new captain and crew as they were told the voyage was cursed but chose not to believe. I was expecting a terrible mess but instead was given something watchable and entertaining that I never thought I would say about a film called ‘Titanic 666’ as I give it 2 ½ stars.

The Bayou (On Demand) – A group of people try to fly on the cheap on an uncharted flight that just so happens to wreck into a swamp. But this isn’t just any swamp as the swamp is filled with unusually bloodthirsty gators that are all methed up and stalk all that were a part of the wreckage one by one. Yes, it is a plot that we have seen several times but this one keeps it gory and mean with a quick running time to keep us horror movie freaks happy as I give it 3 stars.

Slaughter Beach (Tubi) – Two friends are kicked out of their beach front house because none of their side gigs produced. Now the duo is forced to look for an actual job so they are not homeless. Bingo, bright idea the duo decides they can make money by getting rid of all of the crime along the beach so the two idoits become superheroes. Now the ‘Defender Benders’ drive a golf cart to help them clean up the beach but unknowingly stumble upon the beach serial killer aka the crusty bait shop dude! Stop the killer … they get paid! Sounds simple enough in this Indy feature that was silly enough for me to give 2 ½ stars too.

The Messenger (DVD) – A 1986 film that was directed and the story written by Fred Williamson but doesn’t have all the fun in this action extravaganza as it also stars Joe Spinell and Cameron Mitchell. Mr. Williamson aka Jake just got out of prison after three years and unfortunately finds out his girl has been doing some shady drug stuff. It all leads to a messy hit on her as with Jake out of prison she wants to be done with that stuff. Cops already looking side eyed at Jake, he takes a job from an old rich dude to clean up the drug dealers and bring down the bad mafia dudes who killed his girl! The film is classic Fred Williamson as it’s just a wonderful treat to watch him be a bad ass as I give the feature 2 ½ stars.

Night of the Dead Sorority Babes (DVD) – The film is an Indy talent filled feature that will have fans salivating! But of course it is ‘rush week’ at the most prestigious sorority on campus and they have some hand-picked ladies coming to visit the famous Gamma Rho Kappa house to pledge. Little do the young pledges know is that the Gamma Rho Kappa house has a process unlike others on campus. It all starts with two sisters who have been there from the beginning to make sure their evil ways continue as they use the young pledges to maintain their witchy powers. Now for the pledges the weekend is supposed to be for the young ladies to bond and not know they are there for evil sacrificing! This Indy feature is a no brakes; all gas sleazy fun sorority horror film we all remember from the 80s that with a little of its filler cut out would have horror fans declaring this a  top ten horror film of 2025 as I give it 3 out of 4 stars. All the young ladies in this just kill it in here as my real issue is the filler kinda of dragging down a near perfect Indy horror film.       

All Hail the Unknown (DVD) – A 2019 short film (32 minutes) comes from Matt Jefferson as his story is about a man named Paul who is given a chance to have all the power he would want from a mysterious woman. This woman hands Paul a small coffin and explains if he opens it he will have three tests to pass to get his wish for said power. Paul opens the box only to release a demon that guides Paul through the tests but when Paul actually passes the tests he doesn’t like the results of it even though he has power. An interesting and entertaining no budget short film that knew when to end the story as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Wounds (DVD) – Will is a bartender of a dive bar called Rosie’s that seems to know his place in life but happens to pick up a phone from some underage kids after a bar fight that is broken up. By accident Will takes it home to only get weird messages on it as he is curious and wants the owner to know he has the phone. Like most humans these days, Will cannot leave it alone and begins to respond to the weird messages only to have something weird happen to him. As some unusual visual shit begins to happen to Will his girlfriend Carrie gets suck into the process also as Will goes down a wormhole to truly find out what’s going on? But the knowledge if you call it that only drives him deeper into madness as a ritual has opened a portal for Will to go through. This is one of those horror films that will have horror fans calling it a “boring mess” or “one of the most misunderstood films of all time”. For me I enjoyed the weird premise and background on the characters involved but the payoff was not what I wanted in the end as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Graveyard Shark (Blu-ray) – A legend about a half-shark/half-human thing stalking a graveyard has caught the eye of a Cryptids Hunter named Abby. Abby since she was a child has wanted to prove things like Sasquatch are real because her father was killed by a monster. Abby the so-called cryptozoologist is hired by a Dr. Lovnik who runs a Graveyard Shark survivors AA group. The good doctor would like Abby to chase down this legend and kill it for these survivors to have closure. Abby being super excited by this opportunity wastes no time investigating the Graveyard Shark legend and it is all because of a horny fisherman and his one night of passionate love making with a mermaid that made this creature possible. After witnessing the carnage Abby wants to end this “Street Sharks” look-a-like monster before it continues its bloody rampage but as usual there is more to this story such as: sasquatch sex, shark sex (doggie style and a young lady that believes her and the shark are a thing), and shark vs. werewolf for the final fight. WTF?! I am all in with this fun entertaining gory mess as I think I found another 2025 favorite that all of yinz need to witness as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. Also kudos on that bad ass shark costume!!!

The Lost Campfire Tales (Tubi) – A 2015 Indy film with no budget that has a group of people camping telling stories or I should say retelling scenes of their favorite slasher films of the 80s. It is a fun stupid thing for laughs but gotta say they didn’t take themselves too serious so the 50 minute film goes quick as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

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Gross Movie Reviews #641

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The First Omen (On Demand) – So they reached deep in the bag on this one… a prequel to a series that started in 1976. I would have loved to be in that pitch meeting especially since the remake failed many years ago. Anyway it is Rome, Italy 1971, where a young woman Sister Maggie who has devoted her life to the church is on her way to taking her vows. The former Father Brennan (the opening scene sets up this character) seeks out Maggie to warn her about a teenager Carlita who is in the orphanage that the church runs and Maggie will be spending her time learning at. The former Father Brennan finally convinces Maggie to meet with him and explain that there is a conspiracy within the church as people have lost faith worldwide? So in order to get people’s faith back let’s bring forth the “Antichrist”! Thus reason for Carlita to be watched carefully as the movie unfolds as she will be an unwilling participate in the birth of the Antichrist. Up until now the church’s plan has failed as there only have been female children as they need a male child. But as Sister Maggie scrambles to “look for the mark” an even darker secret is unveiled to tie all in what the grand plan actual is? To be honest, I am surprised I liked this fucking movie. Prequel to a film series that really ended in the early 80s with ‘The Final Conflict’ (no I do not count part four as that was a super absurd turd)  I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and have that same feeling after watching ‘The Thing’ prequel from like a decade ago or so? But noooooo, this movie felt like it stood on its own, it was surprisingly interesting, bloody as hell, and they tied it into the 1976 classic without it feeling forced like some prequels to other movie series that have come before it. Horror fans solid effort here so give this one a chance as I give it 3 stars.

Scream (DVD) – No, not the more recent series with “Ghostface”. This is the lesser known low budget slasher from the early 80s that probably the last time I seen it was picking up a dusty ass VH box off the bottom rack of the horror section of “Movietime” rental store in like 1988? This focuses on a group of people rafting to an abandoned mining town and setting up camp. Of course overnight someone begins to kill one by one leaving the people to point the fingers at each other? The film can be a little boring with little blood and let’s not forget the odd choice of music that makes this slasher feel at times like a lost “After School Special”. Also too for those who like me that will always have that urge to watch every 80s horror film this film this was also released under the title “The Outing” as I give it 2 stars.

Waspzilla (Waveawesome) – A new Indy film that seem only (for now) got released on another free streaming platform that stars one of the most talked about Indy actors going these days in Angela Bradford, along with Morrigan Thompson, Clint Beaver, and Matt Skinner (way to go dude). Some yahoo shoots a toxic waste barrel causing a wasp to be infected by the toxic mess and of course mutate! A deputy and a rookie (who look like extras from an early Chris Seaver film) are called into action to investigate this horrible thing in the backwoods. When the two are not busy chasing the giant wasp topless the mutated wasp is shooting freakin fire from its ass to annihilate humans. If needed more, literally a sting from this creature makes its victims implode except for the sheriff near the end of the film because you know that is needed for the plot. Yeah the film is full of plot holes, yeah the wasp is completely computerized and only has like three actions other than shooting fire from its ass, yeah wearing those pleather yellow outfits for a deputy and rookie don’t make any sense, but did you know there is a topless housecleaning scene that makes even less sense in the movie? If you are looking for your Indy horror to not make a ton of sense but make you laugh several times I suggest this flick as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

The Lamp (Shudder) – This 1987 feature also known as ‘The Outing’ recently got the Blu-ray treatment and being rediscovered by horror fans on Shudder. For me this was one of those late night “Skinamax” features I always caught on late Friday or Saturday night so of course I have a soft spot for it. Forgive me for only remembering the last 30 minutes of this movie but it is with kids sneaking into a museum after hours to party horror formula. The story begins with degenerates breaking into an old woman’s house finding “the lamp” and unleashing the evil in it causing their deaths. Short time after it ends up at a museum where some kids decide to sneak in after hours to stay overnight to party. Problem is the Djinn has already done its damage and now wants to slaughter the kids before it is forced back into the lamp. A fun but uneven horror film with a cool creature, some fun kills, and a great poster that many older horror fans remember hanging up in the video stores as I give it 3 stars.

Psycho Ape 2! The Wrath of Kong (DVD) – Addison and crew literally come out swinging in this sequel to his no budget hit “Psycho Ape” of leaning into the comedy that much more where the film is a parody of a parody of a parody if that makes any sense at all? It is now supposedly 25 years later and the three main characters Nancy Banana, Dr. Zoomis, and Psycho Ape are all friends trying to live out their exciting lives until it becomes a courtroom drama as Psycho Ape is believed to be killing again. There is a woman who wants Psycho Ape behind bars by any means as the threesome of Nancy, the good doctor, and Psycho Ape are just trying to live their best lives as they reenact several scenes from several movies along the way. Pay attention when they are not ironing the gorilla suit mid-movie they go through a crapload of famous films quickly. This is one of those “check your brain at the door, grab a six pack, and strap yourself in for some laughs” kind of movie. Addison you had me immediately when the kids are trading for the infamous Psycho Ape card and the famous Billy Ripken card is mentioned. There is so much going on in this film it will literally take viewers two or three times to truly understand how cool this project actually is? Now saying that and looking at Addison’s films leading up to this it leaves me asking Indy fans an important question: Is Addison Binek possibly the next Lloyd Kaufman as he continues to build his young career? While you think on that this sequel is an absolute rolling on the ground, laughing until tears run down your face comedy I give 4 out of 4 stars too!

Fatal Games (DVD) – Some young athletes at a special school for training for nationals and hopefully the Olympics find themselves being stalked by an unknown killer. Yeah all the athletes are very competitive and banging each other’s brains out but this killer only uses a javelin to kill their victims even it means they must use scuba gear to get a girl in a pool! This slasher is unintentionally hilarious on so many levels making it that much more entertaining. Example: Pay attention to the shower scene? It’s the usual 80s nudity the women are completely nude in the background but when they switch to the men’s showers there is dudes in jock straps getting showers… what am I missing here? Let the dong fly! Let alone that just seems weird wearing your jock strap in the shower (coming from the guy who has taken a beer in the shower with him). A fun old school slasher that is worth the revisit as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Sons of Steel (Shudder) – Thank you Shudder for helping me find more Australian weirdness! This 1988 flick is in the somewhat futuristic land where a rock front man Black Alice runs things but he is also a peace activist. One night a suspicious boat comes into the Sydney harbor while Black Alice is forced into becoming an experimental hologram and released 113 years later in a world that was destroyed by nuclear war. Now Black Alice has ten hours to live which is a side effect of the hologram thingy to find a way back to his time and stop everything from going boom? Think “Repo Genetic Opera” (kind of) decades before it was made might be the best way to describe the weirdness as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Brainjacked (DVD) – Tristan is a young man thrown out on his ass and not sure where to go or what to do? While in a park for the night he is greeted by a beautiful young woman Laney who believes he is a male hooker but once the confusion is concluded she offers to help him. She brings the young man to a place of peace where a doctor helps lost young people by drilling holes into their skulls and giving them relief of whatever bothers them. The good doctor receives the name from the young people as “the gift giver”. Tristan hesitates but eventually gives the okay for the surgery but what seems wonderful at first but unleashes a dark secret the good doctor is hiding. Think of an independent version of ‘The Stepford Wives’ and ‘Disturbing Behavior’ but done better and more intense in my opinion in this exciting sci-fi horror film! Released in 2008/2009 this film to me at least should be talked about as an underground Indy classic as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

Prey (DVD) – Like ‘The Outing’ the title ‘Prey’ is used so often as an alternate movie title so you usually find yourself like now describing which movie it is before even talking about the actual film. This one is another lesser known slasher that was made in 1979 but never got released until 1983 about a group of three couples going camping in the North point Mountains. Forest rangers are a little leery of people traveling there since the fires a couple decades back that killed a gypsy family living in a cave. Doesn’t take long for the group to feel someone is watching as it’s revealed late in the film it is disfigured giant of a human with an ax! It doesn’t vary from the slasher formula we all grew up with but also doesn’t overstay its welcome at 80 minutes. There is a longer version out there but I will let you research that as there are varying questions why this film took so long to be released as I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!