Gross Movie Reviews #697

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Nick Knight (YouTube/DVD-R) – Unbeknownst to me this was a 1989 TV movie or a prequel of sorts or just failed pilot that starred the great Rick Springfield (for the kids out there, dude was everywhere in the 80s). A couple years later they revived the idea in 1992 and called it “Forever Knight”, a vampire cop show that ran in syndication (like Xena and Hercules it depended where you lived and what channels you got in order to watch the program as it really didn’t have a set time). Detective Nick Knight is a crafty detective who gets results but only works nights for odd reasons to the rest of his fellow cops. A problem arises as a serial killer who kills almost nightly and his victims have been nicknamed the “vampire murders”. As Nick struggles with his vampirism a theft of a Mayan cup raises an eyebrow as this cup is believed to be used to cure vampirism as Nick’s master Lacroix (not the carbonated water) has come to town to taunt him. For a TV movie of 1989 it was pretty good but guessing the love story that had a sad ending in the pilot didn’t go over well for critics as I still enjoyed it overall and give it 3 stars.

R.L. Stine’s Pumpkinhead (Tubi) – This one surprised me it was a Tubi Original released this past Halloween as I just finally got around to checking it out. A mom of two moves to a small town of Red Haven “Where the Harvest Never Ends” as it seems too perfect since moving from New York after her husband died. The oldest kid Finn fits in immediately but young Sam doesn’t like the move and chooses to cut off a strange pumpkin in Mr. Palmer’s barn during the harvest festival. His older brother Finn returns the pumpkin but doesn’t return the next day as he is completely forgotten about except Sam knows. Help from a new best friend and an outcast they unravel the mystery of the cursed land the crops that grow on Mr. Palmer’s farm. The scarecrow thing was pretty cool and I quite enjoyed the non-happy ending to this feature as I give it 3 stars.

Nazi Supersoldier (Tubi) – Another low budget Nazi zombie film out of Germany that begins in May 1945, where an experimental super soldier project is underway in Berlin. Well we all know what happened then so now in present day there are rumors of a secret lab somewhere in the forest of Berlin. If a group of students can discover it they plan to use it for their thesis as they would do a proper TV report on the location. The group finds the secret lab but doing so unleash a thing called “Project Juso” that is impervious to weapons and looks like a bootleg ‘Violent Shit’ killer as he slaughters his way through the woods. I truly wanted to like this project but felt like the idea didn’t have enough plot behind it to make it fun or interesting as I can only give this film 1 star.

Mortal Game (Tubi) – Big game hunters travel to an island for the ultimate hunt but none have ever returned? Of course a new group of hunters who are flown in are sure they will find this unknown creature and have it for their trophy case. But of course in this Canadian flick the creature is the hunter as it feasts on all who come to the island. This movie really didn’t make a ton of sense and I really wanted the creature to be a werewolf or something but we can’t always get what we want like a great creature feature in this case as I can only give it a ½ star.

Orgy of the Dead 2 (DVD) – Andrew J. Chambers set out to make a love letter to the obscure maybe even cultish 1965 horror film and I believe the filmmaker accomplished their goal. Your coffin based host, The Emperor, likes to hang out in his cemetery with his lovely princess to see who they will entertain this evening? It just so happens a group of four have a car accident nearby, now three who are looking for help but instead stumble into a graveyard full of kink as The Emperor and his minions enjoy the dancing entertainment for the evening. Jessa Flux who plays one of the car accident victims is absolutely fun with her comments as she is crucified! This piece of entertaining sleaze will not be for all horror fans but I gotta respect what Mr. Chambers and crew accomplished as they should be proud of their efforts as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

The Invisible Raptor (Tubi) – Tyler Corp. is a secret research center that is connected to an amusement park called “Dinoworld”. So of course there is research on the only invisible live raptor! Being the intelligent creature it kills its captors and escapes! As nearby residents seem to be getting eaten up it’s up to the bumbling staff of Dinoworld to track down the creature to stop it terrorizing all who live there. The film has its moments with chasing dinosaur shit, small wieners, dinosaur sex, and a hilarious house party that just becomes a smorgasbord for the raptor but its nearly two hour running time has too many lulls throughout as I can only give it 2 stars.

Darbie’s Dreamhouse (DVD) – This newer Donald Farmer flick has quite a talented cast as Jessa Flux stars as Darbie… She is a ten year old Alice’s doll who has several dolls but when Alice isn’t around the dolls have their own life in Dolltown, USA. This is where Darbie and all her friends and boyfriend included come to life. Well Darbie’s boyfriend Ben is planning a surprise birthday party this Saturday with Beach Blanket Ben, Rodeo Darbie, Danger Darbie, and Ditzie Darbie as they try to exclude Darbie’s sister Tripper because they feel she will spoil it. Well they were not wrong as Tripper believes Ben is cheating on Darbie so she tells her sister all about his cheating. This sends Darbie in a rage as she needs a root beer and her butcher’s knife to show her so-called friends they cannot take her boyfriend Ben or mess with Darbie’s perfect doll life! The project is a bizarre live action independent oddity that will have you smiling from ear to ear over Darbie’s killing spree as I give this wild project from Mr. Farmer 3 out of 4 stars. (Also much respect to Jessa Flux for being one of the writers).   

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!   

Gross Movie Reviews #689

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Haunted House of Pancakes (YouTube) – A small restaurant owner Frank has bought a vintage waffle iron to take advantage knowing the waffle place down the road has burned down for mysterious reasons. A couple of brothers in Carlos and Jay are put in charge of getting the vintage appliance to start working so it can churn out waffles! While fixing it Jay cuts himself and bleeds accidentally onto the waffle iron which apparently now works because of the blood. It’s not long before the evil waffle iron possesses Carlos into making evil waffles that also in turn tells Carlos to make evil food for the customers so they all can be possessed in time for “the feast”. Jay quickly becomes the unlikely hero with his new friend Sara to defend themselves from the demonic waffles and their bloodbath they want to cause! Not since ‘Attack of the Killer Donuts’ have I seen a cool killer food film that kicks this much ass as the evil food horror project deserves 3 out of 4 stars.

Debbie Does Demons (Blu-ray) – Donald Farmer with one of his best efforts in recent memory has Lauren and friends wanting to contact a witch while fucking around with an Ouija board. Well congrats yinz just conjured a witch named Carmilla who’s a total hot sleazy bad ass that is here to haunt Lauren and friends to death. Meanwhile it just so happens a horror host/witch expert named Debbie has visions of Carmilla’s return so it’s no surprise when Lauren comes begging for help with the witch as she plans to raise hell in this present day earth! If it’s an actual term I would call this entertaining project “tasteful sleaze” as this easily could have been a throw away sequel for the ‘Witchcraft’ series but with Donald Farmer’s talent and the outstanding cast we get one hell of an Indie project for fans to watch multiple times as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Zed’s Dead (Blu-ray) – A passion project of Sean Donohue who is a huge fan of the film ‘Pulp Fiction’ decided to give a backstory loosely based on the characters who run the pawn shop, Zed and Maynard. Call it exploitation done right by Mr. Donohue as he doesn’t just attempt but does a wonderful job of telling a story about these two interesting characters. The film goes down an entertaining wormhole of what these two and their gimp do with their free time, how the pawn shop is run, and how they get into so much trouble in what we are shown in the film ‘Pulp Fiction’. If you are a fan of the award winning film you’ll enjoy this project that was limited to only a few hundred copies being made and if it helps my favorite character in all of this is “The Gimp”! Well done Mr. Donohue as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

Tapeworm Z (Blu-ray) – Short version of my review is two words… “Titty snakes”! I don’t even have to review it now as I know you reading that you want to see this no budget project in a bad way! So the plot of the film is this bootleg ‘Night of the Creeps’ leech aliens arrives on earth to attack humans in a small town of course. A set of humanoid aliens arrive on earth to hunt these blood sucking worms aka “Titty snakes” before they quickly destroy this planet. The worms are a parasite that uses the human body to move around or to feed on their insides. Bad acting, gore, and titty snakes makes this a fun surprise to find as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Ssssstoner Snake (DVD) – Now before we get into the review of this film and its title this is a prime example of you know exactly what you are about to watch. It’s the ‘Jason X’ argument… where horror fans will bitch about this entry for whatever fucking reason that doesn’t make any sense other than you getting an immediate response from me: “What were you expecting after nine fucking films of slashing and hacking of teenagers in the woods? It is in space for the love of Rutger Hauer!” Like somehow this is crossing the line with sending Jason in space but it’s okay for Pinhead and Leprechaun after the third film and okay for all of yinz forgetting how Busta Rhymes made ‘Halloween: Resurrection’ unwatchable but let’s complain about Jason being in space. Point is (end of rant, for now) please don’t pretend you weren’t expecting a bad killer snake movie? If you were expecting something else or you feel this film is beneath you please stop watching horror movies! Anyhow, congrats to Daryl Hook and crew just steering into the skid about an alien snake that lands on earth in search of weed. The story about Golimar the snake is so bad it makes Poppy Butterington who is hosting it on “Trash Can Theater” question her life choices. Here is what you need to know Golimar is a stuffed animal snake from outer space, loves weed, eats people for a snack, Golimar has a rap song, Golimar trips balls on catnip and meets the poop fairy, there is a fake penis chomping scene, what more would do you want from an independent film that started as a joke? Legit, yinz had me at the rap song and Mel Heflin as Ms. Butterington losing her shit. The more impressive thing that should be taken away from this project is the amount of talent that put their time and effort in making sure this joke goes all the way. Was it perfect, nah, but is it hilariously entertaining, yes it is as I give Golimar 3 out of 4 stars.

Return to Death Park (Streaming) – The Death Park killer returns to his killing grounds at a public park after his brother visits him in the morgue bringing him back to life with a green serum. The death park killer and his brother spend most of the movie stalking the various bounty hunter groups who are looking for a big payday if they can bag the masked killer. Before viewing if need some background the prequels are now on streaming to prepare you for this project. I wanted to enjoy this film especially with it having a couple known names attached to it but its poor chemistry between characters and what should have been a thirty minute film instead of being stretched thin into 74 minutes hurt this project for the long run as I can only give it 1 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

One more guest announcement for Grossfest 2026!

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So this was a delightful surprise for Grossfest 2026 as we haven’t seen such a talented and rising star in the independent genre maybe since the likes of no one? Seriously Grossfest fans this person has done it all in such a quick time as they have done over 65 projects in literally five or six years. This person is one of if not the hardest working talents in the independent film business as we speak! Their presence on screen is literally eye popping and we can assure you they will be making it to Hollywood like a Tiffany Shepis. This wildly multi-talented person can play any role you ask of them and disappear in the character to bring them to life like no one else before them; if acting isn’t needed they do make-up, stunts, direct… This person is paving a new way for talented people in the industry and as soon as their name is mention yinz all will agree. They have been in projects such as: Night of the Axe, Wolf Hollow, Debbie Does Demons, Amityville Ripper, Waspzilla, Crackcoon, Night of the Dead Sorority Babes, and many more! It is absolutely our exciting pleasure to introduce yinz to the ultra-talented … Angel Bradford!

Grossfest 2026 – July 31st-August 1st

Friday 4-10pm

Saturday 11-7pm

Tickets: $15 for one day or $20 for both days

Vendor tables are $100 each and come with two passes (tables will go up to purchase soon)

Movie room schedule will come closer to event and of course we have a tattoo room

www.grossfest.com

Comfort Inn Conference Center

699 Rodi Rd, Pittsburgh, PA 15235

(412) 244-1600