Gross Movie Reviews #646

Longlegs (On Demand) – Another horror film starring Nic Cage but under a lot of makeup, set in the 90s, and… he is a serial killer known as ‘Longlegs’ or a cultist? Right out of the gate this film gets real creepy in the first couple minutes giving ‘Silence of the Lambs’ vibes that first time I watched Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lector in the early 90s! From there we are introduced to a young FBI Special Agent Harker who you wouldn’t exactly call psychic but gets a feeling as she is brought in on this long standing “Longlegs” case where on the 14th a family is murdered. First thought to be just murders by the father figure but things just never set right with the FBI especially with Longlegs sending them incoherent coded messages. The daughter in the family is always the target of Longlegs; her birthday is on the 14th every time as Harker is able to read the coded messages. Harker gets thrown into this unsolvable case mess as FBI finds out their special agent Harker was visited by Longlegs as a child and survived for an unknown reason. No matter what it comes too it is about “Hail Satan”! Trying not to give too much away about this super weird but entertaining as hell film. The further I got away from watching this feature the more I like it and want to go back for a rewatch sooner than later. You gotta enjoy when a film just gives you unsettling creepy vibes from beginning to end as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Bloody Birthday (Blu-ray) – So finally upgraded to the 88 Films Blu-ray version of this 1980 brutal killer kid classic where all three kids were born at the same time. Now together the three begin killing people for their tenth birthday! There is no way a film like this would be made today but still fun to watch. The Blu-ray which looks just outstanding all cleaned up has some cool goodies to go with this horror classic: UK exclusive commentary, interview with actress Lori Lethin and director Ed Hunt, and a brief history of slasher films segment. So go check out possibly the best killer film put out there as I give this wonderful package 4 stars.

Deer Camp ’86 (Blu-ray) – Six guys from Detroit head into country land of Michigan for deer hunting season. The six get occupied at Murphy’s bar where a lot of hunters and locals drink up before the start of hunting season. An incident happens behind the bar with a local woman that causes the sheriff to go out and check on hunters to prevent “another bear attack” at Lake Manitou. Very quickly the supernatural becomes involved as this group of hunters begins their hunting season as strange things begin to happen to them. Thinking nothing of it until their first kill is stolen and they see something in the woods that is when the group decides: do they flee or stand their ground to fight whatever this thing is? I enjoy the setup of the sheriff saying “the sins of the land will get you”. The deer tick in the ballsack scene was hilarious. But overall this tale of the supernatural seeking revenge in 1986 is a solid bad ass horror flick as I give it 3 stars.

Spider Baby (Blu-ray/remake) – This is going to be an unpopular opinion but I thought the film was pretty good. Dustin Ferguson writes and directs the “maddest story ever told” or now retold. Just like the original a couple of distant relatives come sniffing around the Merrye estate to see what they can lay claim too. Meanwhile the caretaker Bruno has been the one to take care of the mentally unstable adult children who refuse to go quietly let’s say. It isn’t a frame by frame remake like ‘Psycho’ but Dustin does his best to bring out of the cast what the originals were able to do back in the late 60s. I believe Ferguson puts just enough of his own touch in this for fans of the original to enjoy. Also kudos to the cast as they had a hard act to follow as I thought all involved should be applauded no matter how you feel about this picture. Now the only bad thing I can say about this film besides I was never a huge fan of the original is I hope Dustin understood a film like this just doesn’t fit into today’s standards but I believe that was said about the original that gained a loyal cult following as the years went on as I give this feature 3 stars.

Worst Laid Plans (Blu-ray) – A three tale anthology based on a Grindhouse Press book that has three known Indy filmmakers taking on vacation horror. The first tale deals with an underground creature in a cave which I absolutely love the whole setup. The second tale is a little more serious with road tripping friends concerned with a young girl on a RV that they follow and find something they weren’t expecting. The third tale is all about paranoia as a father recording his family vacation feels they are being followed. All three are solid but felt the third lasted a little longer than it should have but understood what they were trying to establish just felt if it would have been a little shorter it would have fit better into the theme as I give the film 3 stars.

Cocaine Werewolf (On Demand) – This werewolf flick from Mark Polonia and Sterling Entertainment jumps into it quickly, as a hairy hungry beast attacks an Only Fans model and her manager in a bloody manner. Meanwhile, Jack catches an Uber because he needs to be in New York immediately but his Uber driver got the poops! Pulling over at an odd warehouse Jack decides to go looking in on the driver only to find cocaine on the floor then attacked by a werewolf. Now turning into this bloodthirsty creature Jack still has the urge to do cocaine which goes into why he doesn’t change into a werewolf when the moon is full? As Jack cannot find his way out of this backwoods town he runs into a small movie production that doesn’t help his situation. This Indy flick is quite entertaining, piles up the bodies quickly, and doesn’t try reinventing the werewolf film but quite enjoyed Jack’s addiction is what cause his changes more often. Plus Tim Hatch as the killer clown of the Indy film production inside the movie steals a few scenes that with his hilarious unintentional behavior! This production might have been a little late to the ‘Cocaine Bear’ thing, but between Tim Hatch having a couple fall to the floor laughable scenes and Polonia keeping it simple makes this film a satisfying entertaining treat for werewolf film fans as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

Head Case (DVD) – Detective Stam is thrown what is called a ‘no-brainer’ case which means its open and shut for this “not the brightest bulb of the bunch” cop so he can get credit for closing it. The case deals with a young beautiful woman named Vivian Lonbradge who is attacked by a crazed man and bitten in the leg. When authorities arrive the man is found dead in her yard and through questioning found out there is no rape, just an odd bite on the leg. As the detective believes it is all but over with and just wasting time as Vivian begins to act strangely and all the vodka and water she drinks is not helping her. After another body is found by some kids Detective Stam decides it is time to really put this case to bed but it only gets even more odd from there as Ms. Lonbradge is slowly declining and attacking people! After some tests come back the detective is told it is some kind of bacterial infection of the brain that causes severe brain damage as he now becomes worrisome of Vivian and needs to check in on her. This quite odd Indy production is purely awesome and just quite exciting because it is hard to pin down what exactly it is: zombie film, horror film, or thriller? But also I am trying to decide what has the bigger impact on this feature being such an interesting oddity: is it Aleen Isley’s over the top fun performance or all the supporting cast from the cops to those who Vivian worked with? I gotta give this overall great product 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

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