Gross Movie Reviews #548

Microwave Massacre (Blu-ray) – If you closet fans of this film like me held on to your VHS copies of the movie you may rejoice now as a proper special edition has been released! You get to see Donald in all his glory of killing his wife, eating her, and becoming a hit with the boys back at the construction site as he feeds them his new recipes. The picture quality has no business looking as good as it does and all the extras make the Blu-ray a must have. The movie was never going to win an Oscar but I forgot how funny the film actually is as Donald is trying to eat all the hookers he picks up. A must have for indy film collectors and a must watch to remind everyone how fun it was to find dust covered gems in the video store as I give the package 3 stars and kudos to Arrow Video for giving the fans what they wanted.

Bloody Hell (DVD) – Rex just so happens to live in Boise, Idaho, just trying to hit on the cute bank teller at his bank until a robbery happens and that is where Rex’s life changes. Instead just lying down giving up his money Rex having military training decides he can kick some ass or at least that is what his other self that Rex speaks to on a regular basis convinces him of doing. Problem is Rex gets 8 years for wrongful death even though he is considered a hero by most around town. Eight years later, Rex gets released from prison and decides he wants out of Boise and wants a fresh start in Finland. Problem Rex’s life only gets worse as he is kidnapped by a weird ass family who feeds their inbred monster son and now has Rex hanging up in their basement missing part of his leg. Once Rex calms down a bit his inner self and he come up with a plan to escape and kill the family! I absolutely enjoyed this flick as it reminded me of a ‘Hardcore Henry’ and I talk to myself way too much because I work alone way too much, anyway I give this film 4 stars all the way for giving a horror fan something fun, strange, and well-crafted.

The Boonies (DVD) – Five friends head out for some camping one weekend to help a friend celebrate one last weekend before he gets married. The group has the misfortune during a hike of becoming a meal for the cannibal family that has lived out in the woods for generations. Now of course the group must fight for survival or become a meal or be married into the family. The film checks all the boxes of an independent cannibal film but does nothing that stands out other than casting Ben and Blake (BPO films) as the brothers of the cannibal family. Not to bash this feature but it comes off as generic and uneventful as I can only give the film 1 star.

Apex Predators (DVD) – Indy filmmaker Dustin Ferguson is at it again with a feature that has lots of Dustin’s vacation video undersea footage, random ocean footage, a couple shots of actual sharks, and a movie that lacks real shark attack scenes or anything that would resemble a shark attack. But anyway the plot of the film is the sharks may have taken the next step in evolution that has the “rogue gene”. If you like a film with a lot of reaction shots of actors then you have found the right film… If you like actual shark attacks in your shark genre flick then you better move on as this movie deserves the 0 stars I believe most viewers will give.

Mummy Dearest (DVD) – For the love of Rutger Hauer this bastard child of a film should be burned and never viewed as a daughter (Autumn) is forced to take care of her controlling mother after she has nerve damage from a chiropractor. Both stay with Frank who is pretty weird to begin with as he claims music is his life as he lives in this house that looks to be decorated like the city museum celebrating Egyptian kingdoms. As Frank and Scarlett explore Frank’s memories through back therapy weird shit happens as Frank or his grandpa killed people who lived in the home at one time and now are buried outside mummy-style. Basically the film is a big bag of horseshit! Lou Ferrigno is listed as the star who shows for two pages of script, Tara Reid shows up a walk down the stairs in a vision, and Richard Tyson and Michael Pare scenes are so quick I would claim legally they were not part of the film. The storyline was terrible, the film was terrible, wouldn’t be surprised this film ends up being the worst I have watched in 2021 as I give it 0 stars.

War of the Colossal Beast (DVD) – The late 50s flick is a sequel where Joyce, the sister of the Colossal Man still believes he is alive as the Army never found a body in the river. A food delivery truck goes missing in the mountains of Mexico causing the military to investigate. And Joyce goes along to possibly help them wrangle in her brother in as she would like to see him get some help some way. The Army captures the 60 foot man once named Glenn and returns him to the United States until they can figure out if Glenn knows them or has he lost his mind. If he has lost his mind the Army’s plan is to release him on an island where he will be safe and so will humans of normal size. Even though the sequel changes a few plot lines from the first film it is still a fun drive-in popcorn monster flick to enjoy that I give 2 ½ stars.

Dead End City (DVD-R) – I found another late 80s direct-to-video gold that stars Robert Z’Dar as a cop turned motorcycle gang leader. The government has an urban removal project in place where they can effectively remove the undesirable people from the populace. Maximum and his thugs roll into the inner city busting up people and their dwellings causing the residents to be run out of town to a relocation camp. This way a government official can decide who can be a part of their newly built city that will not have crime. But Jack and a few of his friends hold up at his factory not believing the bullshit being spewed out by the city officials. As Jack and the group hold out and defend themselves they become heroes for the ones who have already been relocated to these tent cities. A fun film that has that late-80s futuristic feel but isn’t and I can see how this even gets lumped in the post-apocalyptic genre, either way I have to give this fun mess 2 ½ stars.

Virus Shark (DVD) – One of Mark Polonia’s latest projects about a shark bite that starts a pandemic that affects the world. (Sounds a little too familiar) Anyway 800 meters below in the ocean is a team of scientists working on the cure as they believe it has something to do with the sharks and the experiments they are doing might bring forth a cure. But it becomes a race against time as the facility becomes unstable as it is on the verge of collapsing and we have the lead scientist trying to steal the antidote for financial means once topside. Chaos ensues and one scientist with the cure makes it to the surface only to face that it may be too late as no one cares she has the cure as the world has gone to shit. Not the best of the modern Mark Polonia era but I will say this is better than what the younger Polonia, Anthony has been directing lately as I give this 1 ½ stars.

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