Gross Movie Reviews #550

Bloodmatch (DVD) – Found another fun Albert Pyun film that stars Thom Matthews as Brick Bardo, a kickboxer hell bent on seeking revenge for his brother who got screwed over five years ago. Wait a minute… Brick Bardo? I thought that was Tim Thomerson’s name in ‘Dollman’ that was released in 1991 the same year as this flick…? Holy shit mind blown this could have been a wonderful delight of a film if a 12 inch cop was kickboxing his way through a futuristic world! Anyway Thom’s Brick character tracks down four people who screwed over his brother in order to have a fight with each to the death. To make things even more interesting during these death matches Brick’s hot girlfriend can also fight and helps the process along, give the film 2 stars, mind blown that Dollman could have been in here in some weird parallel universe I give that 4 stars all the way.

Wired to Kill (DVD) – A little known post-apocalyptic film from the mid-80s that did little at the box office that is set in the year 1998. Quarantine zones still exist six years after the plague purged humanity but humans survived with a cure (sounds familiar, like now) but there is some factions of humans that do not want to go back to what’s considered normal. So we get introduced to Rebecca and Steve, a young couple who are just enjoying their lives together and it’s ruined by some marauding dirt bags. These dirt bags are all about destroying the new way of life after the cure and have crippled Steve and threaten his family. Steve and Rebecca because of this attack declare war and slowly plot out shit like MacGyver to fuck with this dirt bag gang. As they move through the gang their plans get bigger and bigger like a low budget A-Team that makes this feature well worth tracking down to enjoy as I give it 3 stars. If that isn’t enough how about this flick was called ‘Booby Trap’ outside of the U.S.

Burial Ground Massacre (DVD) – This ungodly piece of trash and I am being nice as I sat through all 100 minute running time. After the viewer is introduce to a killer voiced by Michael Madsen who is seeking revenge for Native Americans you are introduced to a small gathering of young people at Liberty Manor. It is a museum of sorts taken care of by Chase’s family who don’t really care if the land was built on a Native American burial ground and there might be ghosts haunting the woods surrounding it. Chase is convinced it would be cool to have the party there so the guests could go mishandle the artifacts and talk about the Indian legend. This of course sets up each one dying because of the burial ground thing but the real issue is the movie would like you to believe this is being done by Michael Madsen an aging actor that has lived life hard? Pay attention at the end of the movie as the killer has no sleeves then he does and looks like he put on a hundred pounds just so Michael Madsen could say a few lines in person on camera. Besides the whole weird Michael Madsen thing the film comes off very cobbled together as the characters have no chemistry and how the legend is set up seems lazy at best as I give it 0 stars.

Prisoners of the Ghostland (On Demand) – This crazy ass film should come to you as no surprise as Nic Cage stars as a convict who is given a task ‘Escape from New York’ style by the governor (Bill Moseley). Cage is to go into some weird underworld to rescue the governor’s daughter Bernice, escape this odd place, as he only has a few days to do it or his head will explode. Best way to explain is if you like Asian cinema and Nic Cage this will be for you… But if this isn’t in your wheelhouse there will be a good chance you will hate this. Either way it was all a little confusing but entertaining to me as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Beyond Dark Dreams (DVD) – So apparently independent filmmaker Joseph Russio lost this film about six years ago and only recently finished it when he found all the footage for it again. He may have lost it because this film will fuck with your mind! Russio wrote and directed this feature about a writer putting himself in an old dark house so he can get past his writer’s block… maybe? After a investigating a couple odd noises in the house that makes the writer more fascinated with the house than his writing he comes back to a needle full of green stuff? So of course the writer introduces this unknown drug into his system in hopes of inspiration or the next life. We as does the writer from here witnesses acts of cruelty, the macabre, and the truly bizarre. When it ends I believe the movie allows you to decide if it was all a dream, it really did happen to the writer, or Joseph just giving us a mindfuck of a film that really has no ending that lets you be the judge? I was super confused as it ended but was happy I got to watch this quite odd independent film that had wonderful music, production, and a story I can see people talking about even a few years from viewing it as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars.

Slashlorette Party (DVD) – Brie is a young woman who is having lots of marriage anxieties with her soon-to-be husband Dolph. After her latest session with her therapist Brie is convinced it is time to break up with Dolph before it is too late and she is miserable. But surprise, Brie is caught off guard by her girlfriends who show up as she is writing the letter to Dolph and they are there to take Brie for a weekend of partying. Because you know the Bachelor/Bachelorette together party is all the rage among the kids these days or I should say bad idea. Either way Brie is dreading the whole event for the mere reason she is stuck with Dolph and wants it to end. But anytime you put together pretty girls, talk of sex, lots of drinking in a random cabin it won’t take long for people to die. But what makes this storytelling a little different is Brie has a past and there is a couple other subplots that drive this feature and keeps it interesting with the likes of Drew Marvick and Ginger Lynn. It all intersects for one big bloody ending as every slasher film fan will want their bloody hands on this flick as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Werewolves Within (DVD) – Beaverfield is a small mountain town that needed a new forest ranger who went missing recently and Finn Wheeler is the man for the job. Finn is transferred and is getting the lay of the land by the cute postal woman who takes him around town. Finn believing his first day after the transfer was a breeze wakes up to the small community upset by a missing dog and talk of a monster or werewolf eventually. Finn thinking it’s all a misunderstanding has just stepped into a ’30 Days of Night’ style situation but with werewolves. They all believe safety is in numbers but that does not stop the werewolf from feasting on the community all held up in the Mansion Inn. Ranger Finn now must figure out who the werewolf inside the mansion is or he will be the next meal in this murder/mystery comedy with a good amount of gore. Great characters, great build up, and potential to be watched by viewers multiple times as one of their recent favorites as I give this flick 3 ½ stars. 

Curse of the Crimson Altar (DVD) – A late 60s British horror film that is considered to be Boris Karloff’s last film appearance that has a man named Bob seeking out a well off gentleman named Morley who may have seen him last? Peter, Bob’s business partner and brother has been missing for some time and as Bob investigates he may have stumbled into witchcraft as Morley wants to be a warlock. Christopher Lee and Barbara Steele round out the cast so this horror film will always intrigue horror fans to give it at least one watch as I give it 2 stars.

Video Nasty Productions: The Early Years (DVD) – Filmmaker Dan Komarek has recently decided it was time for him to go back to his passion of making films but before he does that he wanted to give fans a treat of sorts. This is a collection of short films that Dan and his brother mostly shot on mini-DV in 2008 and 2009 before his other feature ‘Demons of the Night’. The super-packed DVD has trailers of Dan’s work but also has a new trailer for a project called ‘Drain Snake Massacre’ that he is a producer on coming from a new talented filmmaker Kay Crawford. Dan does a short introduction explaining that the short films are “rude and crude” mainly because what camera was used and how long the footage/films were just lying around. He goes in a little bit of detail of what he and his brother did and it will most likely make a few filmmakers watching this cringe! But Dan Komarek’s short film projects were: Lockjaw – two brothers resolving paranormal activity at a home, Soldiers – Two FBI agents visiting an Army vet who just got home and what he may or may not have done overseas, Connection of Pain – a botched robbery that actually becomes an event about pain, Hunting Season – a young man is weirded out by a possible hunter that seems to be stalking him, Carnal Violence – A man’s random trip through the woods becomes filled with terror, and Vektor Bourne – a 15 minute spy thriller with no budget that involves a disc with the all-important “CODES”. Dan Komarek is right they are all “rude and crude” but this DVD shows people it had to start somewhere. Plus I always liked finding early stuff such as this because it gives us viewers or fans insight to what their thinking was then and now and believe the filmmaker can gain some respect by releasing cool stuff like this? Yeah, most of it is bad but for example his short film ‘Hunting Season’ to me even then for a very young Dan Komarek showed with a little more time and editing that short had something… “Passion” and sometimes that is all what viewers are looking for when checking out independent films especially ones they never heard of the filmmaker. So if you are lucky to land your gory little Indy hands on this I hope you enjoy as I give the collection 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

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