Black Candles (Plex TV) – For starters this film is available on streaming but also had a recent Blu-ray edition and keep in mind its Spanish for those who hate reading subtitles. Anyway getting into the meat of this 1982 film, Carol’s brother dies abruptly so her and her partner fly out to the middle of nowhere to be with the sister-in-law Carol who isn’t impressed with. Within minutes arriving Carol questions Fiona the widow because of the strange circumstances she feels in her mind. It doesn’t help Carol when she arrives at the mansion she immediately smells strange smells, hears her brother’s ghostly voice, hell she has a dream of bumping uglies with her brother… Which that is when I questioned if I tapped into some weird PornHub video or I was watching some serious softcore shit? But also if you didn’t know there is some serious Satanist shit going down in this film because they got some goat fucking going on kids! While all this is going on Fiona seduces Carol’s partner with the sex, orgies, and SATAN! But it’s already too late (maybe?) as Carol is supposed to be Satan’s bride as this coven punishes a dude with a sword to the anus! I won’t ruin the ending but I will say buckle up kids for full bush and you questioning if you are watching a horror film or a full blown porn either or I was entertained as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Freaky Tales (Internet) – For as advertised and heavily waited for this movie got pooped out there into the universe long before its release dateso that leaves way too many questions that has nothing to do with the film. Anyway, I will say the filmmakers got the formula of an anthology down right for this very loosely based tale or tales on events that happened in 1987 Oakland, California. First story is about teenage punks protecting their hangout from Nazis, second story is about two girls getting their chance of a lifetime of being rappers at a rap battle, third story is about a guy who is paid to collect debts and wants to retire, and the last story is about Sleepy Floyd the basketball player which I found the most interesting tale of the whole film. To me at least the film felt heartless, felt like this film sat on a shelf for a couple years before its release to the internet, and really felt like a more of a west coast thing if that makes sense. Or as I like to say to save time, “this film wasn’t made for me” as I felt like I had to sit through 80 minutes of a boring movie to see what I really wanted to watch as I can only give it 1 ½ stars.

Shivers Me Timbers (Amazon) – So there is a third horror film about Popeye and this one sucks goat balls to put it plainly if you are asking me. This version decides to go the lazy way in my opinion of trying to put a plot together of being 80s nostalgia claiming it is based on real murders? Takes place in 1986 when Halley’s Comet was a big thing and strange things happen around it when a small ass meteor enters a pipe of an old fisherman. This is how he becomes mutant Popeye or in my opinion A.I. Popeye bullshit! He quickly finds teenagers out in the woods looking to watch the comet so he can murder horribly only for the film to become a crappy image of several past horror favorites that this doesn’t even come close too? The movie was made in Scotland which explains a lot because honestly I would be surprised if the people there really knew Popeye or the impact of the cartoon had but that is for another conversation as I can only give this tragic piece of poop 1 star.

Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter (DVD) – A Hammer film on so many levels that leaves you with you so many questions because it has such a different vibe for a vampire film along with why there weren’t several sequels? First off it needs to be stated for this 1974 film that it stars the timeless beauty Caroline Munro! But this basic story in the English countryside has a couple of young women drained of their youth that has the interest of Kronos and his traveling professor companion since the war ended and  they now have been fighting a new war against vampires. What’s new and still different till this day at the same time is this odd vamp flick sets up a whole other set of rules and explains even within the film not all rules apply to every vamp. If you are a young horror movie lover or old this movie has a kind of timeless effort and a different vibe than your usual Hammer flick for the mere reason of this odd vamp plot. Without giving too much away as I have watched this three times in my life and believe I have seen something different like John Carpenter’s The Thing is the film comes down to a very dark family secret that is unknown to all. I love the concept and I am curious why some of the most recent so-called talented filmmakers haven’t tackled this as a remake or a sequel as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Jules Verne’s Mysterious Island (DVD) – It is weird to say what I grew up on and how many movies I watched in my life to never come across this film? The film’s plot begins in a Civil War prison in Virginia at the end of the war where some soldiers who are prisoners plot to steal a hot air balloon during a devastating rainstorm. The escapees get off the ground but after a long travel is forced to an island where they must help each other to survive. What also throws the characters off is everything on the island they encounter is giant! When Captain Nemo happens to show himself they come to learn Nemo had traveled here or shipwrecked in so many words has been doing experiments to better human life in the future but has a dire warning about the island itself as they all must leave sooner than later. This 1961 film is more adventure than a horror film and is a great intro for the younger audience into how special effects can help a film as I give it 3 stars.

Robot Holocaust (Blu-ray) – Oh this beauty has popped up again since a legit Blu-ray for whatever crazy reason has made it out into our lives but for those that don’t know this is a product of Wizard Video/Empire Pictures. Yep, Charles Band kids… but it is an actual film made by Tim Kincaid of ‘Mutant Hunt’ fame but this can also be a prequel to Robot Jox, Robot Wars, Crash and Burn. Anyhow in this low budget post-apocalyptic world the robots have long took over and the humans are slaves in most places. But in the location of New Terra (or in the rumble of certain parts of New York) humans are alive and well but slaves who are used to fight each other for sport until Neo arrives. Neo is a product of the wastelands that has somehow survives the atrocities of the wastelands to come and start a revolution against the robots. He helps lead them to a power station to go fight the darklord for their freedom.  Hilariously fun and stupid at the same time this film was literally out of print for many decades as it would randomly show up as a bootleg or on a channel for a one time watch so you be the judge as I was just happy it had a legit physical copy. The movie might not be much to desire but the interview on the Blu-ray might explain some things as I give it 2 stars but will never turn down watching this one more time as it looks glorious in this restoration.

Final Recovery (Tubi) – A moderate budgeted Indy film that stars Richard Tyson plays with some uncomfortable realistic storylines… Addiction, recovery, etc., you understand what I am saying? Not a laughing matter as this film takes this subject very seriously begins with 1974 a young lady seeing her father confronted with an addict and killed. Decades later, Nanny Lou runs a present day treatment center called SAGE. This is supposed to be a safe place for addicts and this is where Rodney our main character comes in. Rodney is our everyday addict having trouble sticking to the program with the exception he does have an excuse as he doesn’t trust Nanny Lou? Her effort is there but for nefarious reasons. After Rodney is brought back to the facility once again he finds a friend there and explains Nanny Lou cannot be trusted as it’s all about the money but patients start to disappear on a more regular basis which also raises the red flag. A great movie with a very black passionate heart that tackles a tough subject of life with some wonderful characters you will grow attached too. The film is smart, evil, and playful all at the same time as I give the feature 3 out of 4 stars.

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!