Gross Movie Reviews #366

By Tim Gross

No Tell Motel (DVD) – Honestly there wasn’t much to tell as cynical young folks are on a trip to party for the weekend. Until one gets angry and flips the RV and they find an old motel down the road that is supposedly haunted. From there it gets a little boring and the characters are not really likable as you rout for all of them to die before halfway mark of the film. But the film tries to be a horrible crossbreed of Paranormal and Slasher flick so go figure why the film doesn’t work? I give it 0 stars.

Time After Time (DVD) – A late 70s film that takes a wonderful and interesting take on Jack the Ripper. David Warner is Jack the Ripper and Malcolm McDowell is a person that happens to build a time machine and best friends with Jack. They go through time to 1979 where Jack finds himself more at home than his original century. The effects are dated but the story is brilliantly brought to life by these two actors making this movie well worth revisiting as I give it 3 stars.

Time Bandits (DVD) – A science fiction/comedy about a supreme being that has the power to cross times and dimensions. But some midgets/little people have stolen the power that allows them to travel and David Warner is pissed. Along the way a boy is wrapped up in the chaos of the time traveling. An early 80s cable movie staple that may have been lost in the shuffle of fun weird movies that could not decide if it’s a comedy, kids film, or just a plain sci-fi flick. The film is a who’s who of British actors as I give it 3 stars.

The House by the Cemetery (DVD) – Another of Fulci’s films that was a drive-in staple in cut up form and on VHS in the early 80s has just been restored and available for horror fan’s consumption. The film stars Katherine (Catriona) MacColl who starred in a few of Fulci’s most notable zombie flicks. Her husband is moving her and their son from New York to an old New England home to do research on a Dr. Freudstein. Never mind the dude is living aka undead and still looking to kill in the basement. After many warnings from a little girl and strange things McColl’s husband never p[picks up on Freudstein enjoys making a gory bloody mess everywhere. If possible the film is a little weirder than “The Beyond” but let that stop you from enjoying the movie on its new format and uncut. I give this Fulci film 3 stars, it’s not my favorite but worth watching the uncut version.

In The Hell of Dixie (DVD) – After some hunters of a hunting club have a quarrel with a man named Merrill; murders begin to happen one by one. The local sheriff believes it to be his deputy after the deputy is not promoted and a member of the hunting club. Bodies keep piling up and the deputy wants to clear his name and save his friends before there is no hunting club left. This independent film takes the long way around of making a slasher film. And when I say long I say 127 minutes… I believe the film’s biggest mistake was taking way too much time establishing the hunting club and its stale characters outside of the deputy. Most horror fans will check out about the 80 minute mark even with the half decent blood effects and story twist. The film needs to be edited down as not every movie especially horror doesn’t need to be as long as a Hollywood blockbuster. Once edited, I believe this film could be a leaner and meaner independent Southern treat it was meant to be? Otherwise if you need something to help you sleep this film is for you horror fans as I give it 1 out of 4 stars. The film is available at www.alternativecinema.com .

The Bone Garden (DVD) – Alice and her husband who have been married for a long time have new neighbors move in. One of which works at the same university her husband works at. Even Alice believes her husband is cheating on her especially urging from her best friend Alice is concerned with the new neighbors. She believes they are hiding something as days pass and young women begin to be missing. After Alice’s best friend convinces her into going out to the local bar she sees her husband’s car and is convinced he is cheating and takes upon herself to make herself available. She has a new guy in her life, the husband has been kicked out, and the dead bodies of the missing women are found in the neighbor’s house. Everything is right with the world? But Alice is not convinced it’s her neighbor anymore. This independent flick has a few references to the original “Halloween”, some good effects, and fun plot twists which make it a solid and entertaining horror film. It could be just me but what stops this good movie from being great was the music. At all times throughout the movie the soundtrack just didn’t fit the scenes or the flow of the film and for that I give the flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. The film is available to order at www.alternativecinema.com .

Dead Rising: Watchtower (OnDemand) – A horror film based on a newer zombie game that surprised me it didn’t get a bigger release. News reporter Chase Carter and his cameraman/woman are in the heart of a city under quarantine as the government is trying to stop a new outbreak of zombies. The government is using ‘Zombrex’ which taken once a day can prevent people who have been bitten from becoming zombies. But the batch of ‘Zombrex’ is not working and chaos ensues as Chase gets separated from his camera woman and is now trapped in the quarantined city. Chase teams up with a woman whose ‘Zombrex’ works and wants to get the evidence of a cover up out to the public. Another zombie flick for the glut that does not quite separate itself out of obscurity but also isn’t horrible to watch as I give it 2 stars.

Reaper (DVD) – Interesting mess of a concept here?  Vinnie Jones, Jake Busey, and Danny Trejo star in a film where a supernatural preacher/escapee/serial killer is killing people at The Last Chance Hotel. Was this the pitch in the meeting for this film: Okay we are remaking “Shocker” and “The Horror Show” in five days, a poster that makes no sense, and yinz all collect a paycheck? I give it 1 ½ stars, can’t help myself I like “Machete”!

See No Evil 2 (DVD) – The popular and very talented Soska sisters take on the sequel about the unstoppable killer Jacob Goodnight. The film picks up from the end of the first film where the body of Goodnight is taken to the morgue. But its Amy’s (Danielle Harris) birthday and she is done with work. She is about to go out the door to party with friends (Katharine Isabelle and others) but stays once hearing her friends are going to be swamped at the morgue. So the party is moved to the morgue. Once a couple begins to have sex next to Goodnight’s body disappears the killing never stops. Not sold on the “Halloween 6” type killing of Goodnight but did enjoy the slasher sequel more than most recent sequels aka “Laid to Rest 2” for example. Hope there is a third and hope the Soska sisters keep doing great work as I give the film 3 stars.

Final Girl (DVD) – The movie begins with a little girl sitting at a table in a blank room with a man asking her odd questions and hands her a maze to figure out. Veronica finishes it is asked if she wants to be a part of something many cannot do and she just wants ice cream. 12 years later Veronica is in training with her trainer, the same man that questioned her. He is preparing her for a situation where she will take on four vicious gentlemen who go hunting… for women. She meets with them and turns the table on the gentlemen. It’s a weird movie that exists in its own universe, doesn’t give back story, and you don’t if it’s a government experiment or something totally different. A horror film that not meant for you to think but the more you read into it you will. I enjoy fun little horror films like this you are not sure how to classify and make me want to revisit again and again as I give it 3 stars.

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