Gross Movie Reviews #591

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Psycho Santa 2: The Forgotten Gift (DVD) – In 2006 this was an underground Santa sequel that just got a release (supposedly the sequel was never released four years after the original) but hey who in the hell knew there was a sequel? Anyway in this incoherent mess an undead psycho Santa returns to help his son Donivan carry on the holiday murdering tradition. SOV fans there were a reason this stayed unreleased for several years and incoherent is being nice so enjoy if you were a fan of the first film as I give this pile of Santa poo 0 stars.

Puppet Master: Doktor Death (Tubi) – So Charles Band’s next step into the “Puppet Master” universe was to follow up the ‘Blade’ flick with an entry from the “Retro Puppet Master” series? Hmm… Not exactly where I would have gone but anyhow we are introduced to April who has her first day on the job at ‘Shady Oaks Senior Living’ where her first task is to help clean out an old dude’s place after dying. She stumbles upon an old chest that they of course open and find the Doktor Death doll! Doesn’t take long for this puppet to get its legs going and begin its killing spree in the senior living (or dead) home. But Full Moon alum Dave Parker throws in a twist where April being there knew exactly what she was doing from the beginning in hopes of opening up the Full Moon universe for more “Retro Puppet Master” one-offs? This entry was nowhere near the disaster the ‘Blade’ flick was as I actually give this 2 ½ stars.

Amityville Scarecrow 2 (DVD) – Again for those of yinz kids counting with me this is entry #42 and also a sequel to a very shitty UK film. Apparently the sisters didn’t get enough of the haunted land the first time around and decided making the haunted trailer park/camp an attraction was a smart idea? First half of the film has lots of filler talk of how the land “is haunted or evil”. Second half of the film is a poor excuse for a bad scarecrow slasher. But if you need amused? Pay attention to the characters talking about the timeline of the murders of the first film as it makes Charles Band’s Puppet Master timeline look like a first grade math problem as I give this horrible travesty 0 stars.

Amityville Karen (DVD/Tubi) – Hey yinz, here is entry #43 as I really hate to talk down to an independent film or the people behind it but honestly this over 100 minute piece of shit based on a joke and stereotyping a certain dumb human should have been no more than a 15 minute short film and not released three years after being relevant? But here we are… apparently Karen is a health code inspector who wants to bring down a winery that isn’t showing her the right respect. While the manager goes off to do something Karen takes it upon herself to steal a bottle of Amityville Wine. Once home Karen drinks the wine, finds herself haunted by a demon, then the next morning signing her soul over to a complete stranger whose photo appears on the Amityville wine. What doesn’t make a ton of sense is there is an actual cast of actors that you may know and this film is full of more filler than an actual storyline. Even when Karen begins her evil murder spree it barely will make you blink with the bland special effects. Oh by some chance you need to know how this ties in with “Amityville?” Apparently the wine comes from a vineyard that was planted in the evil town on evil soil!!! I know there is a few Indy people on the west coast that were involved with this project but sometimes you got to say, “NO” as I give this complete unfunny disaster 0 stars.

The Resonator: Miskatonic U (DVD/Tubi) – This reboot, reimaging, whatever you want to call this creation from William Butler and Charles Band caught me a bit off guard as I gave it sometime before I watched it? I heard certain things and one of being they were continuing “From Beyond” and “Re-Animator”? So let’s be serious for a moment any real horror fan would question anything Charles Band has given us recently but as usual I gave it a chance because I am a fan and… (Ready) I was pleasantly surprised with what they did. Think of it as a combo as this was the first entry that has a young college character named Crawford who is continuing his father’s work which includes rebuilding the ‘resonator’. Crawford does a demonstration for his friends as they were worried but see the potential in his work and what this could mean for mankind? After being witnesses to the breakthrough of the resonator working Crawford is haunted by his deceased father telling him to destroy the machine before its too late. A professor (Michael Pare) who is very acquainted with Crawford and his father’s work soon interjects himself into the equation. Professor Wallace wants world domination as Crawford just wants to speak with his father but the calculations are off or are they? The film ends with a young Herbert West being introduced to the group in front of Miskatonic U played by Josh Cole. I really was on the fence about this but I will admit I liked it and have to give it 3 stars.

Beyond the Resonator (DVD/Tubi) – In the sequel all the characters that were involved with witnessing the resonator are now being affected by the after effects of being in a parallel reality that is now the new one. Crawford tries to get a meeting with the group to explain, “Not to do anything before he can come up with a plan” Flatliners-style. Meanwhile we get to watch a young Herbert West get used to his surroundings and try to nail down the reagent formula he is trying to perfect to bring life back to the dead. Weird, fun, still missing Jeffery Combs but gotta give Josh Cole for doing a great job as I give this 3 stars.

Curse of the Re-Animator (DVD/Tubi) – To complete the trilogy Crawford believes he was doing the right thing trying to connect with his dead father but knows he must put things back with the resonator. Meanwhile West’s experiments escalate and he finds himself in the middle of an experiment to bring the resonator back to life and set things right? These recent projects that combined “From Beyond and Re-Animator” storylines were done with the respect they deserved but also made it fun to revisit. I personally would have loved to see the original Herbert West involved someway? But I guess this will have to do as I never put it pass Charles Band to come up with something as I give this film also 3 stars.

Baby Oopsie 2: Murder Dolls (DVD/Tubi) – Another William Butler project under the Full Moon label where he took a character from a past series and placed it in a series of movies. Sybil and Baby Oopsie have returned after Sybil’s boss is no more. While dabbling in some other things with her satanic neighbor the authorities are taking notice of Sybil. They have questions about her former employer? Meanwhile Sybil is also approached by a superfan to make two new dolls? Sybil’s superfan happens to be employed by an overseas corporation called Twinkle Enterprises who want global domination of the doll market. After developing the dolls and Sybil’s neighbor getting involved for the first time Sybil questions what she is doing and may want a part of toy hell! Weird as hell but if you are the Full Moon fan well worth the watch as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Baby Oopsie 3: Burn Baby Burn! (DVD/Tubi) – With the new dolls and the satanic neighbor it is the day of reckoning as everything seems to be closing in on Sybil. The satanic neighbor is bringing forth “The Toy Master” as Sybil tries to do the right thing and get a priest involved. This sequel is fucking wacky as we got dumb detectives, cyborgs, end of mankind, green goo, an exorcism, and a way to tie in the original “Demonic Toys” into the evil storyline and give it potential for another sequel as I give it 2 ½ stars.  

Amityville Hex (DVD/YouTube) – Entry #44 in the series was much delayed and comes off that it was filmed at the beginning of the pandemic when everyone was locked down like the “5G Zombies” flick. Anyhow if you are still with me after that this entry focuses in on vloggers/influencers/podcasters that are doing the latest internet challenge “Amityville Hex”. Supposedly at first nothing happens but apparently reciting this on the internet with your followers brings forth Satan or some kind of demonic force that haunts your ass until you die. (Nope never heard of that idea before?) It also claims when these certain popular people do this it will go viral. The first 30 minutes is a bunch of so-called vloggers or whatever doing the challenge then the last 75 minutes is the after effects to those who did the challenge. Yes kids, over 105 minutes of boring shit that could have been done in 10 minutes on YouTube (again just my opinion) but yet again is possibly the main reason you hear so many horror fans push back against crowd funding movie projects? The one question I have between this movie and “Amityville Karen” and “Amityville Thanksgiving” is … Mr. Shawn Phillips where is all the money your so-called fans put into these because I fail to see it in the production value? Sorry that is me just being old and critical or maybe not? Yinz decide as I give this crap 0 stars also.

Prince of the Crimson Void (DVD/YouTube) – The latest out of underground independent filmmaker Dakota Ray who once again dives head first into some super dark shit. Dakota has a talent to tell bleak and dark stories and this is no different as Fabian is a sadistic murderer who believes in snuffing out another serial killer Kimball. Fabian’s belief is he will gain his power and the souls of those Kimball as taken over the years as both of them share a burial ground where they lay the remains. Fabian in his quest is quite taken back when he finds out Kimball has cancer which could upset Fabian’s grand plan for the fellow serial killer? But Fabian goes through the killing anyway only to dig up the corpse a year later to plan with his skull. Even though Fabian feels god-like I do wonder if Fabian is just questioning his obsession with the individual when he digs up the corpse. Sick, dark, twisted, whatever  you would like to call underground filmmaker Dakota Ray I will say this: His material might not be my cup of tea but would not be surprised if he finds a much bigger audience with this project and a fan base that will want more… as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

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