Gross Movie Reviews #552
Kill Them Right! (DVD) – A RAK Films fan favorite from 2012 that stars Janet Jay, Kendra Star, Dakota Skye, and from the mind of Robert Kotabish of course. This film’s main goal is to be a 80s no budget B-action film with lots of big breasted women running around while some scientists talk about the 38D formula the government is trying to protect. Of course the government has more leaks than a fake breast from the 80s so the evil entity they are trying to keep it from finds it in their possession quickly. Nazis, bad accents, big breasts, and a piss poor government with one computer are the highlights of this hilarious B-action flick as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.
Hell’s Kitty (DVD) – At first glance I took this not so big budgeted horror film for “hey we hired the convention all-stars to get 30 second cameo”… But to my surprise this was a well-crafted horror film about a man Nick and his cat. Now I will say the film had my attention immediately when they casted one of my favorite porn stars Nina Hartley but it did not stop there as all the named cast actually played an essential roles which happens very rarely these days. Anyway Nick gets a cat named Angel and quickly some weird and strange things begin to happen like Satanic shit! According to a therapist the cat Angel, is stopping Nick from having a serious sexual relationship but Nick is not seeing that as he cares for Angel even Angel is slaughtering people around him. The film is wrapped up in a nice tight bow as its Nick telling a publisher the story of his possessed kitty. From Drew Marvick, to one of the Killer Klowns showing up, to Isaac and Malachai from ‘Children of the Corn’ (who made me laugh so hard I almost pissed myself), everything is wonderful, bloody, and hilarious as I give this flick 3 ½ stars.
Snowbeast (DVD) – This late 70s flick has Bo Svenson as an ex-Olympic ski star from the 1968 Olympics showing up at a popular mountain resort for its 50th annual Winter Festival and looking for a job. Well Bo is in luck as the ski patrol has spotted a beast in the mountains that is picking off skiers for appetizers and threatens to ruin the Winter Festival. Nothing real special about the film but if you are Bigfoot movie person you better make room on the shelf for this because it least keeps up the kill count for the creature as I give the film 2 stars.
Dante’s Shadow of Sin (YouTube/DVD) – Dakota Ray is back again with another film that explores the dark side of humanity and should give the August Underground crowd something happy to get their greasy fingers on. The film centers on Dante and his good friend Mahogany. It has been two years since they were together and it has been about that same amount of time since Dante had tasted murder. But a package from Mahogany shows up at Dante’s home it starts a downward decent into a super dark world of drugs, alcohol, and hallucinations. As the two reconnect Dante always knew his friendship with Mahogany was gonna end horribly but Dante wants to make sure he also survives it. Bizarre images and graphic scenes of violence almost makes this film seem like an art in motion than a film but sticks to its guns of being something August Underground fans will cherish as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Cynthia (DVD) – Scout Taylor-Compton is part of a young couple who have been trying to have a baby for three years and no success. Now they are measuring the time of day and spending thousands on unapproved Asian drugs to get pregnant. Both are just about done as Robin as dreamed about having a baby since she was a little girl, it’s her dream she explains. One day she gets her wish and things go smoothly until a very large cyst is found during birth. Doctor has no problem removing it and it is sent downstairs for study but the baby is perfectly fine. Robin and Michael quickly separate after the birth as they disagree on everything but surprise the cyst was a deformed twin that is looking for its mother. It doesn’t compare to the fun ‘It’s Alive’ film trilogy we got but for a new generation this is a keeper and a reminder of what you are getting in for when forcing yourself to have a child and for that I give it 2 ½ stars.
Bad Candy (DVD) – This horror film has a unique way of telling its anthology stories through radio hosts “Chilly Billy” and “Paul” at 66.6FM on Halloween night. As the duo tell their gruesome stories strange things happen at the station as they try their best to keep the show going with telling stories to their callers. I know other horror fans will find this entry into anthology genre as a treat but in the end this film just didn’t satisfy me and sadly I give it 1 ½ stars.
Halloween Kills (Peacock) – The sequel to the 2018 film that surprise us all was exactly I thought it would be a continuation of trying to connect dots to the original. We all knew Michael was surviving but this time a grown up Tommy Doyle shows up to take charge of Haddonfield to send them to the streets looking for the killer as he escapes the fire. With Laurie Strode and family at the hospital everyone believes he is making tracks quickly to kill Laurie. But as Laurie and her old sheriff friend discuss you cannot kill evil and Michael has another plan and that is to go home like he does time after time. For me the film was good but not great. I enjoyed it for being another solid sequel which most of us fans always wanted in the first place but I also believe the next entry will be it for about five years but that doesn’t mean the franchise will rest. Yeah I can see how some believe the kills were more brutal and such but in the end this film was always about trying to connect all the ‘Halloween’ fans of all ages. I believe with the film being edited down ten minutes or so it would have come closer to the feeling of the 2018 version. And as I hinted at, after ‘Halloween Ends’ I believe the so-called fans of ‘Halloween 3: Season of the Witch’ will get their wish as there will be a sequel… Finally! But that is a whole other debate for another review as I give the sequel 3 stars and kids on the internet your beef with this sequel will never compare to the debacle called ‘Halloween: Resurrection’.
In the Earth (DVD) – In the Earth is where this wannabe artsy bullshit most likely belongs instead of littering the DVD and streaming market! Two researchers head into the woods to look for Dr. Wendle instead they are subjected to her crazy ex-husband who played with a mysterious rock too long in the middle of the woods. Meanwhile the good doctor just wants to live alone so she can solve the mystery of the rock. Yep that’s the whole fucking movie! So if you love ‘Hereditary’ this is all you but if you are me you give it 0 stars and most likely never even giving it a rewatch.
Hobgoblins (DVD) – I was thinking at first it just been many moons ago I had seen this 1988 film about little creatures. Was it a “Gremlins rip-off, Ghoulies rip-off, Munchies rip-off”? Nope none of these… as this was my first time watching and I was very disappointed in this mess of a film. Kevin becomes a security guard for an old movie warehouse where he is told never go into the old film vault. One night some random hoodlum runs into the vault after being chased thus releasing four creatures called the “Hobgoblins”. Apparently these little monsters were trapped in there for the past 30 years by the now old security guard because they cause chaos! Supposedly these creatures get humans to fantasize about what they really want then kill them while it’s happening. Literally not a whole happens throughout the film exception of Kevin eventually getting the creatures back in the vault in a very anti-climactic ending. I had hope for some undiscovered 80s creature fun instead I was given something super lame that almost had me asleep as I give it 1 star.
The Other (DVD) – An early 70s film that depicts family farm life in the 30s. Very dramatic of course, everyone knows everyone and we are introduced to identical twins Niles and Holland Perry. These kids are your typical kids who love summer and playing out on the family farm. Everything seems to be the perfect until we get a hint from mom who doesn’t like to come outside much and be with the world especially when talking to Niles. But this slow burn has us believing for much of the film Niles is innocent boy doing his summer thing while Holland seems to be doing some sinister shit. As the summer goes on the accidents progress and people are starting to die and get severely injured until we the viewer’s learn the real truth about ¾’s the way through and that is when this dramatic film takes a really fucked up demonic turn! I loved it as the film was starting to bore me but then this classic decided to punch me in the balls like another horror classic with killer kids ‘Bloody Birthday’ and for that I am thankful as I give this creepy film 3 stars.
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