Gross Movie Reviews #564
Valley of Carnage (YouTube) – A newer S.O.V. short film from a new production team called Dungeon Entertainment. The short concerns a husband of an old married couple who loses his shit. He bashes his wife’s skull in and then goes about his way to brutally slay his co-workers. This short film made me laugh my balls off and if interested go check out their YouTube channel as it’s well worth your time if you are a S.O.V. fan as I give this 3 out of 4 stars.
Deathhike (YouTube) – Another S.O.V. short from the Dungeon Entertainment gang where a group of four people decide to go hiking but they do believe their friend Cyle with a C instead of a K is a complete dick. Of course you cannot hike unless you smoke weed laced with angel dust for the hike. While under the influence the group begins to be stalked by a chubby dude in a fake welders mask. A fun premise for the S.O.V. genre that I feel they execute as well as it could have been as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.
From Hell and Back (DVD) – First time writer/director/ producer Joshua Loscar takes a stab at making an independent film that involves drug dealers and a love story. A new drug K-10 has just hit the streets and a big drug lord which just happens to be Judge Rockwell wants some loose ends tied up. Meanwhile past lovers Terry and Dana get pulled into this kingpin’s world at different spectrums of his world and for different reasons only to find each other again. For a first stab at a project and not being in the horror genre I got to give Mr. Loscar kudos for giving it the old college try as it can be tough outside of the horror genre. To summarize the film simply I would say Joshua’s heart is in the right place with this independent production but the pacing is all wrong. You live and learn but if anything Mr. Loscar has me intrigue with what he does next as I give the film 2 out of 4 stars. If anything if Joshua is still interested in doing Indy projects outside of horror his best bet would be checking out some of the work from the talented Jared Bajoras of Churchill Pictures. I believe Jared’s work outside of horror speaks for itself.
The Amityville Moon (DVD) – Entry #29 apparently has werewolves showing up in Amityville, New York… We get a troubled detective looking into two young women missing from a halfway house where we all know the clergy have secrets. Their big secret is Sister Francis sleeping supposedly in the basement bedroom hooked up to blood bags to keep her satisfied. But it is a werewolf movie and nothing satisfies a good werewolf except humans so Sister Francis goes walkabout from time to time and her meals seem to be girls who disappear from this halfway house from time to time. Plain and simple though kids if your werewolf looks like shit it always equal bad movie unless you really are playing it for laughs. So let’s review kids: bad werewolf, bad movie, simple as I give this lackluster entry 1 star.
The Werewolf of Woodstock (YouTube) – This 1975 TV movie has a farmer going out during a storm only to have a freak accident with lightening. Apparently lightening changes you into a werewolf and every night Bert rip off his bandages and roam the farmland looking for victims. Once authorities figure out it is Bert they use rock music to lure the farmer out to trap him but the werewolf farmer is slick and steals a dune buggy to escape. This film is absolutely terrible but in such a fun way as I give it 2 ½ stars just for the laughs.
The Amityville Cult (DVD) – Entry #30 has a young man named Stan DeFeo inheriting his grandmother’s estate in Amityville… Wait WTF? What yinz kids doing here, come on. Anyhow a Thomas Davenport tracks down Stan to explain the inheritance. Once Stan arrives he becomes engrossed with his grandmother’s diary explaining her slutty ways in the 60s and how she fell in with some satanic friends. These Satanists supposedly control the community because they established their cult in the 60s if anything this super dull film will help you get some sleep as I give this boring ass film about Stan’s grandmother being a whore a ½ star. If interested you might find the film under the title ‘Birthright: An Amityville Horror’.
Amityville Vampire (DVD) – Surprise! Entry #31 has vampires… again. Also has the hilarious quote from a character, “I only came out here because you looked like a K-mart Ryan Reynolds”. The film is also known as ‘Red Moon Lake’ as a cleaning crew at the Amityville home in the middle of the woods disturbs the evil force. This demonic force possesses one of the crew and heads out into Red Moon Lake’s woods. Anyhow to give the movie a whole lot of filler a lovely couple is driving to Red Moon Lake for the weekend and keeps each other company discussing the vampire legend. There is a couple cool gore effects but movie is super boring at times especially when there is some of the most monotone acting you’ll ever see any movie as I give it a ½ star.
Amityville Scarecrow (DVD) – Entry #32 is set in the U.K. where the Amityville land is a cornfield where a trailer park sits and corn has really never grown because the land was cursed! So siblings’ mother dies and they argue over what should be done with the cursed land such as rebuilding on it? Meanwhile their dead mum forgot to mention her and a few others went all Freddy Kruger backstory on a dude after some girls went missing years ago. Now there is an evil scarecrow that fucks up people who stay there at the generic trailer park. Just another dumb and terrible entry into the Amityville series that literally has the two other titles “Amityville Cornfield” and “Scarecrow’s Camp”. If that wasn’t enough brace yourself there is a sequel in the works as I give this entry zero stars.
Amityville Uprising (DVD) – Entry #33 has the small town of Amityville suffer a terrible explosion at the local military base that is causing a toxic storm of acid rain above the small town. For the most part the locals are calm until supernatural things begin to happen to residents turning them into demonic things that must attack the Amityville police station. Those inside of the station must fight for their lives cause there is… zombies man! Yinz really need to stop the madness of making these subpar entries as this gets 0 stars for zero thought.
Viva Knievel (DVD) – An all-star cast along with Evel Knievel who is just trying to entertain the world. But there is a bad ass sports agent that recruits a young friend of Evel to lure him for a lucrative bike jump in Mexico. The plan is get Evel there, he dies doing the bike jump, the sports agent loads up a truck that looks like part of the Evel’s convoy with drugs and bring them over the border with Evel’s dead body? With the help of Jessie, a reporter, and an old friend Evel the crazy stunt driver he is stops the elaborate scam to get drugs over the border. If you remember Evel Knievel but not the movie do yourself a favor and carve out 90 minutes for this fun motorcycle ride down memory lane as I give it 3 stars.
Amityville in the Hood (DVD) – Entry #34 is from Dustin Ferguson again as he tries to tie “Toybox” and “Clownhouse” into this entry into the series as it takes place three years later. A couple guys break into the infamous 112 Ocean Ave. to steal the enormous stash of weed. Meanwhile back in Compton, Big M is not happy someone has stolen his ultimate product called “Amityville Possession”. The weed is possessed causing those who take part into it to become demons. An Amityville police officer contacts a police officer in Compton to get evidence of the weed being spread there so he can have a search warrant to bring down the operation in Amityville. Problem the officer is plagued by the cursed objects and has a history with the infamous Amityville home. Will this stop him from stopping the Compton craziness as all are turning into demons? I loved the ‘Leprechaun in the Hood’ vibe to the film that Dustin had but felt the premise wasn’t seen to completion? Either way this entry was entertaining enough that I wouldn’t mind seeing more of it as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Amityville Witches (DVD) – Entry #35 has a couple similar titles, info, and different release years according some websites on the Google machine making it confusing and understanding at the same time why it is so hard to track some of these entries down. In some countries right now it can be found as ‘Amityville Academy’. Our story begins with a couple women being hung in 1602 for their beliefs. We flash forward to present day where two guys burglarize a home but are confronted by three witches who pleasantly get rid of them without a fuss. Thus this setting up a storyline where two covens are battling each other and a young woman named Jessica is stuck in the middle as she is the key for both. The film feels like a mash-up of the low budget series ‘Witchhouse’ with the 90s version of ‘The Craft’ and feel it would most likely stand up better without Amityville in the title. Now the film isn’t my cup of tea as I am not a huge fan of horror films with witches but this was a pleasant surprise 30 some entries in and believe this film has yet to find its audience as I give it 2 ½ stars.
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