Gross Movie Reviews #645

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Alien: Romulus (Theater) – So this installment takes place about twenty years after the original Nostromo blowing up and a space research mission picks up the remains of the explosion. Now floating unmanned in space and about to crash into the rings of a terraformed planet with no sunlight some young folks get an idea of escaping the life term of dangerous work of going to salvage the cryotubes from the dead space station. They fly up and connect with the dead craft to explore and be in and out but it all goes wrong when they have to go hit the research lab? This is where the story literally tries to incorporate every ‘Alien’ film ever made in one way or another… Now saying that what is funny this might be the first entry you may not need to watch the others to understand what is going on? The film gives us a bit of everything including the dreaded Ripley Scott’s vision of Prometheus which is for a different conversation but doesn’t belong to this? Bottom line fans of this franchise there should be an entry every 16 to 18 months like the ‘Puppet Master’ series. Problem is Ridley Scott needs to let go or do we all forget he claimed “to be done with the series in the 80s” until 20th Century Fox came calling with their check book and wanting a sequel to ‘Blade Runner’? Or do all yinz horror fans forget that shit? Another conversation for another time (GIMME NEIL Bolmkamp’s vision of the real “Alien 3”), sorry this movie opens that door for me to bitch! Anyhow don’t pay too much attention to the Prometheus shit as this movie was good but not great but worthy of rewatching several times because they got it right! I give it 3 stars now please give me a series of films with the Colonial Marines and yes my photo is on a recent Aliens comic… Go check I am not lying!

Zombies Invade Pittsburg (Vimeo) – This movie is so rare it took someone (Ninja Master Dan Komarek) digging  around archive.org and someone who posted this once watched Public TV movie posted on Vimeo to make me aware and for me explain to both parties this is most likely a Florida film? Long story kids… From Jess Turner productions and released in 1996 but actually made in 1988 after much research by me it is not a Pittsburgh, Pa., zombie flick. First, yinz forget the “H” n’at at the end of Pittsburgh, Pa., which is a dead giveaway along with the palm trees but let’s move on. A barrel of unknown goo is leaking into the waterways and the police are baffled of how it got there or what it could be? After a few phone calls and long scenes of the sheriff talking to people making himself look important he finds out it’s entirely the government’s fault that cleans it up quickly. But for the love of Rutger Hauer it is too late as the goo has leeched into the waterways and cemeteries and the dead are rising. The film has some blood but most of the film is shot too dark for a lot of the zombie scenes, along with no real ending after 88 minutes but still fun for weird nostalgia reasons as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

Rejected (YouTube) – This short film from Rene Riva Productions is an interesting one as they made an anthology into 15 minutes with a ‘VHS’ vibe. It is late November 1997 at the Sonu Studios and a couple of TV hosts are showing the rejected ads for the new Sonu digital camera that takes floppy disk. The characters in these ads that use the new advanced camera face certain death! Plain and simple this is 15 minutes of horror awesomeness done right as I give this short film project 4 out of 4 stars.

Killer Campout II (DVD) – Brad Twigg and folks head back to the woods a few years later for this sequel to give Indy horror fans a supernatural slasher. It is 1990 and Camp Phoenix has reopened for an open minded camp counselor guru who wants troubled teenagers to find themselves while camping at Camp Phoenix. But three dysfunctional misfits decide it’s a good idea to dig up the corpse of a serial killer, Blackwell, to perform a satanic ritual and of course that won’t go bad? Once raised from the grave the evil force known as Blackwell wastes no time to slaughter all in his woods! A very solid Indy cast that seems to fit their roles and are not just throw-ins, a good amount of gore, and some awkward sex scenes to satisfy the slasher formula for viewers. But if I was to point out something I would love to see this edited down to about 78 minutes instead of its 93 minute running time as a few scenes linger a little too long at times but still gotta give this sequel 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Babezilla vs. The Cyber Skanks: Rise of the Mecha Babezilla (DVD) – Please check your brain at the door before watching as Hojbob Productions wants to make sure you are in for a roller coaster ride of sleaze! The latest from filmmaker Andrew J. Chambers where you know exactly what you are in for immediately as the movie opens with a hilarious disclaimer. The main plot of this sleaze is creepy corporate types wanna turn beautiful young ladies into robotic skanks to fight their nemesis “Babezilla”. They are tired of her kicking their ass with her laser shooting titties! So when Babezilla isn’t fighting zombies or doing terrible porn she likes to do meet and greets to meet her fans. There is where the Cyber Skanks try to tackle the superhero for good but fail only to have Babezilla track them down to their evil lair. If you like sleaze, great casting of Indy stars (Jessa Flux, Kelsey Livengood, Clint Beaver, and Ginger Lynn), bad taste, and a kung fu master (?) known as Master Beta? Then yinz are in for a gringe worthy treat in another adventure of Babezilla as I give this hilarious project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

Die, Daisy, Die! (DVD) – Mark Mackner returns to a long running character of his creation named Daisy Derkins (four features and a short film). After the much loved superhero Daisy defeats a lizard person she wants to settle down a bit and open a comic book shop. But hey let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves as Daisy understands there is no guarantee running a business and takes up a second job with the new shady dating app everyone is using in town called “DateGo”. The app is all the rage but it is all to help financials of the humanoid lizards and their attempts to stop the great Daisy Derkins and her amazing superhero antics. The humanoid lizards come up with a convoluted plan to go back in time with another villain “The Dawn Avenger” to not kill Daisy but to rewrite history for they won’t have to lose to her again in their fight to take over the world. Meanwhile Daisy is just worried what it is like to be interviewed on Public Access TV for her grand opening of her new comic book shop. This is like some weird alternate universe Troma film from the late 90s but hey look at that Lloyd Kaufman shows up to play himself and throw off the weird timeline of a serial killer returning to the present with the lizard creatures and Daisy as she must stop them all. Did you understand all that because I am still trying too as I give this project 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

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Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

Gross Movie Reviews #425

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Gross Movie Reviews #425

 

Dire Wolf (DVD) – If by some chance you do not this more recent film from Fred Olen Ray it is also known as “Dino Wolf”. I could not confirm if this was a ‘SyFy Channel Original’ but either way it found me to watch as usual. Maxwell Caulfield stars as a by-the-book small town sheriff that has to figure out why the military left their bootleg experimental “Project Metalbeast” out? As it slowly tears through the locals in the woods Caulfield and others have to figure out how to destroy this thing before it destroys all of them. If you are a Fred fan its worth tracking down the low budget flick, if not you most likely will be bored and wanna move on as I give it 2 stars.

 

Damned by Dawn (DVD) –  A very slow British film about a Banshee haunting a family after they move into a home and a woman keeps having weird ass dreams about the Banshee. It was boring poo so move on… I give it a ½ star.

Daisy Derkins vs. The Bloodthirsty Beast of Barren Pines! (DVD/Vimeo) – Mark Mackner is back with his sequel to the misadventures of Daisy Derkins. This time out Daisy is out hitchhiking out in the woods only to be picked up by an unknown punk band whose car breaks down immediately. So as they venture out in the woods to get help Daisy faces many challenges as she must fight criminals, cannibals, and the punk band themselves and eventually a dinosaur! No shit folks the dinosaur looks like they stole it straight out of a Polonia Brothers film made before 1996? If that wasn’t enough to entice the hardcore Indy film viewer, Daisy uses a plastic sheriff badge as a throwing star to defend herself at one point. For that I am thankful for as Mr. Mackner continues to have fun with the character he created named Daisy Derkins. There is already a third Daisy Derkins film in the plans. I give this tale 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Goon: Last of the Enforcers (DVD) – Doug Glatt is back as the minor league hockey goon that plays all out for his team. But Doug is getting older and now about to become a father which has him thinking it might be time to get a real grownup job. Especially after his last fight did not go as well as the Highlanders hockey team’s owner son who plays for another team destroys Doug. This gives Doug time to reflect and ponder if he can do anything else? If anything he heads to a fighting on ice bout with his best friend and sees a familiar face that helps set Doug straight on what he should do with his hockey life… A very good sequel that was no way going to be better than the original we got a few years back. Instead of trying of trying to top it, everyone involved played it smart and gave us an entertaining film about Doug evolving with his teammates and hockey. Another damn good hockey flick that you need to add to the list as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse (DVD) – Two friends are trapped at a telephone exchange building when the zombie apocalypse hits Australia. Not sure what to do next with their unique situation they become concerned with the lack of beer they may have until another friend and his daughter show up. Now that they have beer, the conversation turns to should they venture out to fight or just stay to come up with a better plan? While bickering they believe it’s a good idea to get the military involved since they would come and save them? Even when that goes wrong and the zombies actually learning how to get past their blockades it’s time to make a run for the truck and get out. Plus this film sets a new precedent for symptoms of a zombie virus as you are infected if you have purple spots on your beanbag! I give the humorous Australian flick 3 stars.

The Shape of Water (Theater) – An amazing creature love story set in the 50s. A mute woman works as a janitor with her best friend at a classified facility that has just gotten a new addition. This new exciting addition happens to be a creature that lives in the water and was worshipped as a god in South America. The military is very interested, the Russians are interested but not that interested, but this mute woman forms a relationship with the creature. She feels exactly like the creature and has finally someone that understands her. Forming this bond with the creature by eating lunch with him every day, a scientist who happens to be Russian posing as an American sees this amazing experience as something that needs to be researched. Russia does not feel the same way and the Americans are just looking for the next dog to send to space as the “Great Space Race” has begun. The janitors with the help of a friend and the scientist sneak the creature out and into the mute woman’s apartment. This is just temporary until they can release the creature when the rains come. During that time the woman and the creature’s relationship becomes that much bigger and find it difficult to part from each other when its time. The movie is absolutely amazing looking and gonna be one of the best films of 2018 as I give it 4 stars.

 

Brawl in Cell Block 99 (DVD) – Vince Vaughn plays a character most movie viewers are not use too as he is a man who has just been laid off and found his wife has been cheating on him. After taking out his anger on the wife’s car they have a conversation about trying to have a kid again and about going to be a drug runner to make the bills. 18 months go by and the couples’ are doing well with a child on the way. But Vaughn’s character is forced to work with a couple outsiders as he makes a compromise so he can have time off with his wife and newborn. Things go bad and real bad as the cops have a shootout Vaughn’s new associates. After the smoke clears Vaughn’s character is facing seven years of prison until Udo Kier shows up to inform him his wife was kidnapped. If he does not find a way to go kill another inmate at a maximum security prison his newborn will chopped to pieces and sent to him. So the chaos begins as Vaughn’s character fights, scratches, and destroys his way through prison in order for his wife and newborn to be taken care of. A well-produced film that went on a limb having Vince Vaughn casted in the main bad dude role that pays off big time. I give the solid flick 3 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Independent horror fans it is coming… GROSSFEST! July 28, 2018! Go check out www.grossfest.com for all the details!