Gross Movie Reviews #415

 

Return of the Seven (DVD) – No folks I did not find another Donald Jackson “Rollerblade Seven” movie… But this flick is the sequel that was released two years later starring Yul Brynner as the man in black. He now has a bounty on his head but that does not stop him in this western of gathering another group of seven to fight some mean dudes. This time he takes on a Mexican gang of thieves that won’t leave some farmers alone. Nowhere near as exciting as the first movie but worth wasting the two hours on as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

The Sentinel (DVD) – A great late 70s creepy flick that has pretty much every Hollywood somebody showing up for screen time. Allison Parker is a fashion model who wants some space and time to herself aka she wants her own apartment and not to be married just yet. She finds a cheap apartment where the only other resident in the building is supposedly some quiet blind dude in the top unit. Once moved in, cue the supernatural mumbo jumbo and Allison is going nuts. The weird happenings are affecting her personal and professional life as she believes she is going crazy. But in reality there is a reason she was meant to be there and it could be for good or evil as the weirdness ramps up! Still a fun flick to revisit as I give it 3 stars.

 

Living Dead World (DVD/YouTube) – A really low budget flick that has a flying object hit earth, make a big flash, and boom low budget zombies. Now the zombies have a civilian, a prisoner, and a US Marshal trapped in someone’s garage trying to survive the night of flesh eaters. I really wish this independent flick was worth talking about but this film is very dull with not a whole lot going on plot wise. I will actually pass if there is sequel as I give this flick 0 stars.

 

Decay (DVD) – I believe a low budget zombie flick from the UK where college engineering students are working at the Large Hardon Collider. They are doing computer models for their school work when the red alert goes off for radiation levels going up down in the tunnels. Believing they screwed up something they go underground and find the off switch. Yeah you heard me right if all else fails turn it off and back on to reset it just like my zombieputer? Doing this everything goes back to normal but now they are lost in the tunnels and wanna kind of explore anyway. Little they know a crew was affecting by radiation in the tunnels and now roam looking to eat flesh. Like the zombies in “The Video Dead” these zombies also don’t have to be shot in the head to go down. The students fight among each other as they try to figure out how to stop the zombies from getting to the surface and for them to escape. The Indy zombie flick has some good zombie chomping moments and the cool tunnel system set keeps you interested long enough to say you were glad you gave the flick a watch. I give Decay 2 stars.

 

Ninja Assassin (DVD) – A Europol agent is looking into some murders that seem not to have a suspect or real motive. But has a crazy theory about ninjas! And the murders are assassinations done by a group of ninjas? Or clan of ninjas? The deeper she goes the more interested other agencies from around the world become interested in her work. Why? Because the agent tracks down a man who possibly is a ninja but he has turned his back on his clan and killing off ninjas and people involved one by one. Brutal bad ass fight scenes make this action flick most amazing and want to watch it over and over as I give it 4 stars.

Wizards of the Demon Sword (DVD) – I found another Fred Olen Ray project that is Conan on a budget of a value meal at McDowell’s. But that doesn’t stop me from being entertained by this 1991 gem where a woman and her father are ambushed. The father ‘Ulric’ is the keeper of a special knife of ‘Aktar’ that in the wrong hands can make a person the most powerful in the world. Lord Khoura now has the blade but is having trouble unlocking its true power and is having trouble tracking down the daughter who he believes is the key. The young woman travels with a young swordsman in hopes of taking down Lord Khoura and saving her father. Lots of boobs (a staple in Fred Olen Ray films) and an appearance by Michael Berryman might make you wanna watch the Deathstalker series again or like me just enjoy the B-movie incarnations that were released after Arnold’s Conan movie was released. Thank you Mr. Olen Ray as I give this 2 ½ stars.

 

Nightmare Weekend (DVD) – Not totally sure how I made it through this complete shitfest of a movie but I did for the main reason it was a mid-80s flick that I can cross off my list movies I needed to see. Or in this case I really didn’t need to see. Three young women are invited to a mansion for no apparent reason except to wander and look pretty. Little they know a scientist has been doing experiments with a computer called Apache. And his assistant has some bad intentions for the three young women? But a puppet named George that plays on a Collecovision oversees the virginal daughter of the scientist who seems to get into trouble quite often. Also George tries to override Apache to stop the experiments. Doesn’t make a lick of sense but does a little when you learn the director behind it was famous for making lots of softcore porn flicks so go figure as I give this mess 1 star.

 

Evil in the Time of Heroes (DVD) – A Greek zombie film where zombies are attacking present day Greece and the story follows four people throughout the film who are part of a prophecy. Billy Zane is a mysterious messenger who comes from the past 3000 years ago to help out the new heroes in defeating the evil plague that has hit Greece. The topper of the film is Billy Zane is of course the best thing that happens in the film but once the evil is defeated Greece still gets decimated by the military to stop the spread of evil. I give it 1 star as I needed a little more gore and a little more Billy Zane.

 

Some Guy Who Kills People (DVD) – A very interesting film starring Barry Bostwick as a small town sheriff who is trying to solve a murder or murders as the bodies begin to pile up. Meanwhile, Ken is a mid-30s man working at an ice cream shop and just feels he does not fit in life. Released from insane asylum a few years he keeps to himself especially since he has flashbacks of the high school basketball team torturing him for a comic book he made. As the bodies pile up the one connection to it all is they were on the basketball team that pumbled Ken. Ken is now also trying to juggle a girlfriend and an 11 year old daughter that he never met. Is it Ken killing the people or someone else? The movie is pretty hilarious and has some great gory kills as I give the film 3 stars.

 

The Secret of Crickley Hall (DVD) – A BBC production that flips back and forth from 1943 and present day. A London couple loses their son as mom falls asleep at a park and the kid seems kidnapped. Almost a year after dad has a job opportunity outside of London and they get to move into a house that used to be called Crickley Hall and has a history. The family is just trying to move past their son being gone but strange noises and the kid’s voice is heard in the home. An old man named Percy played by David Werner tries to tell them the haunting tale or warn them about the flash flood that killed all the kids in the orphanage that was once Crickley Hall. A good paranormal buildup for ghost story fans as they connect the events of 1943 to present day Crickley Hall. I give this mini-series 2 ½ stars.

 

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