Gross Movie Reviews #499

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Gross Movie Reviews #499

 

Vampire Pinup Girls (YouTube) – So Kiss of Death Productions has a newer short film and with the Silvios I am always interested in what they are up too. This around the story centers on a photographer named Draven who feeds on his young models after using them for his newest project. I like the premise, solid cast, and who is behind the short film but it feels like there is no ending and comes off more of an “investment video” (Just in case you need to know: this was an actual thing years ago especially during the VHS days) or an unfinished project than a true short film project. Something tells me this may show up as an extra on one of their upcoming features as I give it 2 out of 4 stars.

 

Revolution 666 (DVD) – A 2014 film from filmmaker Matt Jaissle that has a radio DJ playing an unknown CD that was sent to him. The CD just so happens to contain a song called “Revolution 666” that was recorded by a famous band decades ago but never released. There is a whole cult that surrounds this unreleased recording! When the DJ plays the song over the airwaves it awakens a zombie in a graveyard to feast on a young lady then head over to the local Hard Rock Café. The zombie steals clothes, a knife, and a walrus mask from a display to begin his killing spree. If that wasn’t enough the DJ now has to deal with the so-called cult members who believe they are “the four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Sounds interesting saying it out loud but the film was pretty dull but will give Matt kudos for the creepy ass basement they shoot in late in the film as that could have been a great location for a better movie as I give this 1 star.

 

Raw Courage (DVD) – Ronny Cox pulls a John Saxon where he is a producer, writer, and actor for the film. Who is Ronny Cox that older asshole in 1987s ‘Robocop’ who wants to fuck everyone with OCP and his hidden prime directives on Robocop? Yeah… you remember now. Cox with two other friends are runners who come up with some crazy two day run through the desert (72 freakin miles) that will end with them showing up at some small town festival. Problem they run into some non-military weekend warrior assholes who are preparing for the oncoming war. Film was made in 1983 but hey put it in present day situation the story is actually relevant again? Anyhow, when one of the runners is accidentally killed by the weekend warriors it becomes a weekend of survival as the two survivors are just trying to get to the finish line. Something of a different thriller flick worth checking out as I give it 3 stars.

Clown Town (DVD) – Before we talk about this flick you must pronounce like me (Claun Tawn, yinzer language… you know what I am talking about.) The film claims to be inspired by true events so of course that is always a bad omen but I still gave it a chance. Years ago a babysitter is slaughtered by a boy named Ricky who dresses like a clown to do it. 15 years pass and four people heading to a concert in Ohio drive thru this abandoned town of Clinton to meet someone that has one of their cell phones. Soon the four learn this was a mistake as the abandoned town is full of killer clowns who torture and kill anyone that passes through. The town is an urban legend to surrounding counties and towns but your local serial killers who dress as clowns use it as their stomping grounds. I hated the beginning (Halloween anyone?) but after that it was a nice gory slasher that of course was better than Rob Zombie’s ‘31’ (never letting that one go.) For that I give this fun take on clown killers 2 ½ stars.

 

It Chapter Two (remake/On Demand) – 27 years have passed since the “Losers” have taken on the town legend “Pennywise”. Pennywise has haunted the town and its children every 27 years and The Losers believe they have finally killed it. But strange murders begin to happen again and the gang reunites for the final showdown. It wasn’t perfect by any means but so much a better second half than the original from 1990. Even though I give it 3 stars remember Tim Curry was still better!

 

Color Out of Space (DVD) – Holy balls was this movie out there and thank the gawd Rutger Hauer that Richard Stanley gave it to us and Nic Cage stars. Nathan Gardner and family chose to move out to the sticks recently from the city. Nathan just trying to do right by his family believes it is the right move until everything changes one night when a meteorite hits their front lawn. From there everything begins to change slowly because of the alien entity that may have been inside the space rock. Even though things are mutating Nic Cage “can handle it” as he says throughout the film trying to keep the family calm. There aren’t the right words that can possibly explain this absolutely weird but very interesting film besides it is super colorful and I am not sure I fully understood it? For that I enjoy it exists and I thank Richard Stanley for making it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Branded (DVD) – A weird Russian/American co-production film that deals with the evils of marketing to humans and their fast food habits. It begins with a child being hit by lightning and when he awakes he sees things a little different than everyone else. He uses this talent to become a marketing genius until an old guru comes along and changes thinking with different marketing no matter the cost. This causes the world to be brainwashed to go in another direction five years later. Thus Misha’s old love comes looking for him to change the balance again. Super weird shit folks as I give it 2 stars.

 

Barquero (DVD) – This 1970 film stars Lee Van Cleef as man who mostly keeps to himself that built a boat to get people across a river on a daily basis. Warren Oates is a famous criminal who wants to get his gang and silver across the river to enter Mexico before the army comes looking for them. Lee Van Cleef aka Remy refuses passage for the outlaw thus starts a standoff as Remy believes he is doing the right thing trying to save the small village his boat is at. Or for my summary: this is a lost film where Lee Van Cleef’s character from ‘A Fistful of Dollars’ and ‘For a Few Dollars More’ needed something to do in his downtime. He builds a boat, goes to the other side of the river, outlaw comes along and demands him to come back over, Remy says “nope, Remy smokes his pipe, bangs someone’s redhead wife… End of the movie and I loved it as I give it 3 stars.

 

Gunan, King of the Barbarians (DVD) – Another Italian rip-off ‘Conan’ fantasy film about twins who grow up and one is a warrior of prophecy and the other is just a bootleg version of it. After bootleg brother dies the true warrior goes about cutting through armies of stuntmen where his sword bounces off of them not cutting them to death. All this to become king, prove his strength, and I would be surprised this wasn’t an episode of ‘Mystery Science Theater 3000’. Not a good bootleg ‘Conan’ by any means but I believe Addison Binek has a new movie to riff as I give it a ½ star.

Snatchers (On Demand) – A teenager named Sara who is trying to be popular with her friends has sex with the hot guy Skylar she was seeing a while back. Sara awakes the next day to her surprise to find herself nine months pregnant! Backstory is its 2012 and her boyfriend went to Mexico and messed with some kind of Mexican statue of a god with a big penis. Sara asks her ex-bestie Haley for help. They head to the free clinic only to destroy the doctor’s head with Sara’s “VAGE CANNON” (her words not mine) and the bad idea becomes worse as it is a weird creature that acts like a parasite to humans. It only gets worse from there for Sara as her and Haley find out there is a second monster inside her. After the police department is destroyed by the monster chasing down Sara and Haley, the two friends find Skylar’s computer and learn of his debacle in Mexico as the two come with a plan to destroy the parasites… hopefully. Great casting of the two best friends, cool creatures, hilarious story as this film could show up on my “Best of 2020 list” as I give 4 stars.

 

Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans (DVD) – So Jim Wynorski takes the 1987 sequel into the comedy realm more than the serious fantasy realm where Deathstalker saves a woman, Evie, who claims to be a seer. Evie tries to explain to Deathstalker that there is a demon double of her made so the new princess can rule the kingdom with an evil sorcerer that made her. Deathstalker doesn’t take it too serious until he faces off with the evil sorcerer for his life. Lots of boobs and fun makes the typical Wynorski joint watchable as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Deep Shock (DVD) – The UN wants to shoot torpedoes into the polar ice caps to slow down global warming. But something happens during the launch at the North Pole that shuts it down and a research team is sent in for answers. The team finds out it is from an electrical surge from the giant eels that are readying the Earth for the eradication of the human infestation. The film is a non-SyFy channel flick that stars David Keith, Sean Whalen, and Mark Sheppard wow the shit I find to watch as I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Underwater (On Demand) – So Tian Industries drills seven miles into sea for resources of course. But being so deep into the sea there has been rumors of strange events and shadows seen. The movie begins immediately with a catastrophe hitting Kepler Station as it is collapsing from the sea. Survivors make their way through the debris to decide what their next plan of action as they have 30 minutes before the whole station blows up. Problem is the survivors must walk into the unknown darkness to cross the sea floor to an undamaged station so they can get a signal out for rescue. The survivors soon learn they are not only not alone but the sea creatures that are tracking them may have been the cause of everything as one character put it “They are here to take back.” Kristen Stewart plays the lead in Nora and I absolutely hate her as an actress. Honestly we all have that actor or actress we hate but she was bearable in the film and also having T.J. Miller for comedic relief wasn’t a bad thing. I am always a sucker for creature features and this was no different in this deep sea horror as it captured the kid in me that loves these flicks as I give it 3 stars. And the creatures were pretty fucking cool!

 

Bloodshot (On Demand) – Superhero movie or not I will let yinz be the judge as I was just curious about Vin Diesel doing another action flick. Garrison is a military man through and through that always completes his mission. Garrison is seen as a perfect specimen who is the first to survive this billion dollar experiment? After being shot in the head and watching his wife die Garrison awakes in a high tech hospital where he has been given a second chance from a bio-mechanical experiment or he became “Jason X”! Yep, I said it first but anyway he doesn’t remember his past at all but after hearing “Psycho Killer” by the Talking Heads he is off to finish his unfinished business. Here is the twist, Garrison is being programmed to remember this as none of its true and he is a soldier being used over and over. Every time after an assassination he has his memory wiped and oh yeah he cannot be killed because he is “Jason X” (go look it up kids). It is a fun bloody action film that reminds me of ‘Universal Soldier’ and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ as I give it 3 stars.

 

Coven: The Emergence (YouTube) – A couple of kids spot a shadowy figure out in the woods and haunted by its presence in this short film from Matthew Marasco as I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Gravewater (YouTube) – Another short film from Matthew Marasco about people drinking water out of a hillside and getting fucked up by it. Apparently if sacrifice a kid you may stop something? The short film has lots of imaginary but in my opinion the film feels unfinished or possibly not seen through from script to film because budget constraints? I give the short film 1 out of 4 stars.

 

Perdition (YouTube) – Another short film from Erik Vada that is more of a thriller than horror where a criminal makes one last heist at a local bank before calls it quits. The criminal believes he has gotten away with the heist but afterward is haunted by a mysterious spirit/ghost that keeps popping up to speak with him. I like the concept and would have liked to seen it fleshed out a little more but it is an interesting enough watch especially for fans of the paranormal or subjects of life/death ideas as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!

Gross Movie Reviews #497

0

Gross Movie Reviews #497

 

Party Night (DVD) – In a small town where a few girls have gone missing in recent months does not stop a group of six teenagers from ditching their prom. Instead the longtime friends head out to a remote house to party one last time before they all part ways for college. There is some fun to be had at Mount Pleasant Lake and after some high school drama the killing begins. Little known fact in low budget horror films: girls missing, creepy lakefront property, teenagers drinking, and hormones do mean yinz will die. I wasn’t super impressed with the movie but I got to give Troy Escamilla for actually using actors that look the part and using teenage drama to tell the story. Was I mad I watched it, hell no it put me on notice to keep an eye out for future projects from Troy as I give it 2 stars.

 

Timesweep (YouTube) – Dunbar Film Studios is days from being demolished and the studio has been empty for a decade or two. A group of people along with a local news anchor and cameraman arrive at the building to take one last look at film history. As the group enters the building they are transported through time fighting various things and monsters. Not that you would know they were transported through time you get this through some weird side story that is explained about 50 minutes in. When you hear the explanation you totally get why no one cares about this film? But the real story is what the filmmakers used their budget on because this film had a good sum of money and it looks like none of the money showed up on screen. I give this cheap bootleg of ‘My Science Project’ a ½ star just for the mere curiosity of watching it.

A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day (DVD) – I love Steve Rudzinski as he keeps making movies that I would describe to a normal non-movie watching human and they would think I made something up! The third installment in the series picks up in 1993 where Wally’s father arrests a Leprechaun which causes a curse to be placed on Wally in present day. The curse causes Wally and his famous cat Whiskers to switch bodies. This of course means Whiskers gets to eat anything and everything and Wally is left screaming in a cat’s body! Wally’s partner Ellen, now the only functional one of the group must find the prosecutor and the judge from the 1993 case to lift the curse from all three. As usual Steve’s independent film about cats is absolutely hilarious and is a great G-rated introduction into independent film for folks who don’t watch much of it. I give Steve’s cat flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Go check it all out at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

A Meowy Christmas Vacation (DVD) – Steve Rudzinski’s fourth installment picks up from the surprise ending ‘A M3owy St. Patrick’s Day’ where Wally hasn’t been home for months and for good reason. With Wally gone and Ellen still looking for the missing detective Whiskers the cat is paying the bills with funds from its “Instacat” social media posts as apparently millions are following. Meanwhile Wally greeted by an old friend in Rick (Ben Dietels) must adjust to the desolate future of 2050, lizard aliens, and everyone having an eye patch! As Whiskers continues to keep all of Wally’s pets… I mean friends calm until he is back from his long vacation. Wally teams up with the one-eyed warriors to take down Zagel the evil emperor to help prevent this horrible future and get Wally back to 2020. And there is wrestling… Oh and there is Santa Claus. Nope, I am not making this amazing funny shit up. Steve was great again, Ben Dietels was wonderful, and I can’t stop laughing when I think of this movie as I give Steve, his cat, and their friends 3 ½ out of 4 stars. Go check it all out at www.silverspotlightfilms.com .

 

World of Death Volume One (Blu-ray) – A wonderful collection of independent short films from all over the world that even has ‘The Muck’ from Tony Wash. Plus this collection also includes one of the best short films out there that I still laugh at in ‘Invaders’ that involves poor judgment by two would be criminals. The surprise short film from this collection though might be ‘Permanent Press’ about a demon in a Laundromat that has possessed a dryer! Not a bad one in the bunch and there is like 30 in this collection so enjoy as I give the anthology 3 ½ stars. Check out www.wodfilm.com if you dare.

 

Frames of Fear (DVD) – Another independent anthology that involves six films introduced by a character named Festering Frank played by acting vet George Stover. All the films had this nostalgic 90s independent DV feel to me and that is a good thing. But the two short films that stood out for me had to be the one where the guys go digging up rare VHS tapes and one zombie comes for them. And of course ‘Wrestlemassacre’ short was just fucking hilarious if you are a 80s wrestling fan. All solid efforts here as I give anthology 2 ½ stars.

 

Brutality (DVD) – An anthology sequel to ‘Frames of Fear’ as it was also titled ‘Frames of Fear 2’. But anyway Festering Frank is back from the dead again to introduce four new tales from Nathan Hine, Brad Twigg, John Ward, Jim Roberts, and Mike O’Mahony with a wraparound story involving Festering Frank. The two stories ‘The Last Days of Livermore’ and ‘What’s Wrong with Mom?’ were ones I have seen in the past but the other two short films are also pretty solid as we get a killer Santa in a storage unit building. And we get some fucked up baby death going down that may have a hidden message to it… or not. Anyway I give this independent anthology sequel 3 stars.

 

VFW (On Demand) – For the love of John Carpenter thank you Joe Begos for making this idea exist! A new drug called “Hype” has hit the streets and screwing up people quicker than ever before. The drug is making zombies or “Hypers” out of people and tearing cities down. Boz is a drug lord who is about to have a huge deal go down and kills the wrong strung out girl as her sister Lizard takes it personally and steals his stash. Nowhere to run Lizard busts into an old VFW where some old vets are just having their daily drink, watch old videos of women exercising, and telling war stories. A couple of drugged out punks follow her in and that was a big mistake as they attack one of the vets. The old vets take care of the trash pretty quickly in a brutal way. This is where the chaos or war begins as the vets must defend the post and themselves from the onslaught of strung out punks because Boz wants his stash no matter what. This film is absolutely FUCKING AWESOME! The casting of Stephen Lang, Fred Williamson, William Sadler, George Wendt, Martin Kove, and David Patrick Kelly as the war vets is perfect. This is my new ‘Assault on Precinct 13’ as I give possibly 2020s best film of the year 4 stars all the way. I will be watching this flick at least once a year.

 

Guns Akimbo (On Demand) – Daniel Radcliffe continues his pick of odd film roles (but we cinema fans love it) where he plays a nerdy character “Miles” who provoked people online who run a game on the dark web called “Skism”. After meeting the man who created it in Miles’ apartment he is knocked out and awakes with guns bolted to his hands. Miles has 24 hours to kill the “Skism” game champion “Nix” played by Samara Weaving. The movie is bonkers in a good off the rails ‘Hardcore Henry’ way as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Lunatic! (DVD) – A short film that runs a little over 38 minutes about two dudes doing a weekend of camping with just the basics. The survival trip includes no cell phones and Scott and Dave are being stalked by an unknown masked maniac. Dave thinks it is a male bonding trip but soon finds out Scott brought him there because Scott has heard about the disappearances in the wooded area and his sister was the latest to disappear. I liked what Erik Vada did with a simple story and how the two characters developed over time. I would have liked it to be a little shorter or get a little more into why this killer exists but hey cannot be too picky as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Low Road (Vimeo) – A Michael McCallum short film that involves a man who is very precise on how to take his revenge for the death of his woman. I give 3 out of 4 stars and don’t forget to check out www.rebelpictures.net .

 

Breaking Wheel (Vimeo) – Another short film from the talented Michael McCallum that involves woman named Nancy who spends months distraught and in disbelief after the disappearance of her boyfriend. Trying to understand the why, what, and how she visits his last destination. As usual great casting, great story, and the shots look perfect as I give this short 3 ½ out of 4 stars and don’t forget to check out www.rebelpictures.net .

 

Any comments please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.net or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling, John Shatzer, and me talking about horror flicks on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com .

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com and support!

GROSSFEST IS COMING JULY 25TH AND 26TH, 2020… GO TO WWW.GROSSFEST.COM  FOR DETAILS!