Gross Movie Reviews #525

 

Cyberjack (VHS) – If by some chance you have not heard this 1995 Michael Dudikoff title it was also released under the title ‘Virtual Assassin’. A low budget sci-fi flick with a piss poor ‘Blade Runner’ back drop that follows Nick (Dudikoff) as an ex-cop with a gambling problem. After his partner was killed in action by a criminal named Nassim (Brion James), Nick has been having hard times now a janitor. Their paths cross as Nassim is trying to steal and upload the ultimate computer virus to his mind to control the world. Well Dudikoff just happens to be the janitor and does his best “Die Hard’ imitation to save the world as I give the flick 2 stars.

 

Better Off Zed (DVD) – Guy and Paige happen to be a cute married couple who just happen to be managing quite well during a zombie apocalypse. Their home is fenced in and safe for now as Guy is enjoying his new free time and Paige is starting to feel differently. As time goes on and Guy believing this is the best thing that could happen to them Paige begins to entertain the idea of escaping the city apocalypse life. Once Paige finds out Guy has been holding out on her about a plane dropping flyers about a safe place for humans to escape the city, the relationship breaks down. The film is more about the couple’s relationship than it is about being a hardcore zombie flick. I give it kudos for trying to be different but the ending of the film left a bad taste in my mouth as I give it 1 star.

 

Baby Frankenstein (DVD) – A mother and teenage son move into a home that has a padlocked attic. Of course the teenage son wants to know what is up there. But the real question should be if you were buying the home wouldn’t you have asked about the locked attic beforehand? Anyhow the son breaks into the attic and eventually finds a dwarf Frankenstein that he cannot wait to show off to the cute neighbor girl. After a short chase of dwarf Frankenstein the teenagers become friends with this creature and hang out or as I summarize the film as “Adventures in Baby Frankenstein-sitting”. Not even the great Andre Gower could save this boring bootleg Disney horror movie that I give a ½ star too.

 

American Beast (DVD) – James heads to the small town of Solitude after he learns his mother has died. He comes to find out he has inherit a storage locker that holds a box full newspaper clippings, a diary, and cassette tapes about a creature and a strange event, 1939 in the woods. James slowly reads more into this matter and finds himself wanting answers. Problem his James might not like the answer to why his family is all kinds of screwed up as I give the film 1 star.

 

The Last Thanksgiving (DVD) – Every Thanksgiving a good wholesome cannibal family kills every year for the holiday as its tradition. The family uses this tradition to honor a pilgrim named Abigail that they claim fed human flesh to people during the original big feast hundreds of years ago. This year the family picks a local non-busy restaurant for their holiday dinner. The only savior might be the town bitch Lisa Marie who is stuck working her shitty job on the Thanksgiving holiday. What starts off like a fun slasher film to add to the collection falls apart as the story gets dull quickly and actually annoying? Maybe my hopes were too high for a fun Thanksgiving horror movie we don’t see too often as this just didn’t trip my trigger as a horror fan and for that I can only give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Pigster (DVD) – ‘Pigster’ was the original title of the film but has been officially released under a different title ‘Feast of Fear’. A gory mess of cinema where roommates go visit a fortune teller (Robert Davi) who happens to be a collector of sorts. This collector has the young friends sign a contract that will bring their one wish true but they must pay with their flesh as a killer pig comes to collect! Yay, you figured out how to reboot ‘Wishmaster’ and offend horror fans in your version of it. Makes sense many people are not talking about this feature as it seemed buried very deep in the streaming world these days as I give it 1 star.

Wolfman’s Got Nards (DVD) – A wonderful documentary from star Andre Gower as he documents everything that went down during the 30^th anniversary and celebration of ‘The Monster Squad’. A quite in-depth look into the fans of the film, the history of the bootlegs, Fred Dekker thinking it failed, and who were behind bringing the creatures to life on screen. This documentary is an absolute treat to watch as I give it 4 stars.

 

Midnight Macabre (DVD) – A horror hostess takes you through a cheap horror anthology that all three entries deal with the supernatural. None of the three stories were memorable but the film did star a bright and upcoming actress in Nadia White. I have watched several independent horror films with her over the past year and firmly believe this actress is someone horror fans should look out for when checking out the latest Indy releases… Even though I give the film a ½ star I am sure you will not be disappointed with this cool talented actress.

The Golden Age of Horror Comics I & II (YouTube) – An independent documentary created by Zane Whitener that possibly takes the deepest dive into horror comics I have ever seen. The creator spends a lot of time on the 40s and 50s horror comics because of Bill Gaines but also explains how all comics were changed forever. The creator literally reads some of the early comics in length just so you can feel the impact these writings had on kids and the government. The second half of the documentary talks more of how everything changed in the 70s after we got past the cheesy Batman show we all know and love. But the brilliance or hilarity of that original Batman show might have been the fallout of EC Comics? Zane practically touches upon almost every horror comic throughout the decades and their impact on the artists and fans alike. So if you got three hours to kill I highly recommend this well-produced documentary that not just celebrates horror comics but will teach you something also as I give it 4 stars.

 

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