Gross Movie Reviews #285

By Tim Gross

Repligator (VHS) – A fun monsters and boobs no budget from 1996 starring Gunnar Hansen and has an appearance from genre favorite Brinke Stevens. The government is giving funding to scientists to develop a replicator machine or transporter machine. They go back and forth on what they want to exactly call it throughout the film. But anyway the government wants to see it work and their volunteer is not quite ready what is about to happen to him next when he is transported to the next room only to come through the door as a woman. Apparently the machine stretches the DNA causing men to become women, who in return become topless women with alligator heads if they have sex! Go ahead and read that again… This film is all about the boobs and gator heads as it is also up to these topless women/men to fix the machine to stop the chaos. Reviewing the film does it no justice, it needs to be witnessed! I give it 2 ½ stars.

Eyes of the Chameleon (VHS) – Independent film icon Ron Atkins gives you this dramatic twisted film about a lovely lady named Sara who believes she is being chased by someone? A possible serial killer but as the story unfolds it becomes clear Sara truly is unsure what exactly is going on until the very end. Atkins uses Vegas to his advantage as the back drop for wonderfully twisted independent horror film. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Warlock 3: The End of Innocence (DVD) – Julian Sands didn’t make it this time out as the warlock but not surprising since this sequel comes about seven years after the second film. Bruce Payne takes over in this sequel that really has nothing to do with the other two films. Ashley ‘Hellraiser’ Laurence inherits a house that has been in her family. So Ashley and some of her friends go out to the old house that has a strange history and has been empty for the past 50 years. Bruce Payne has just made his way out of the catacombs of the house to cause havoc among the college kids. The movie has no charm, no thrill, boring as shit, as nothing and seems to be a troubled film that was named ‘Warlock  3’ for the mere reason of cashing in which I doubt. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Arcade (DVD) – Alex, her boyfriend Greg, and friends go to the local arcade “Dante’s Inferno” to check out the latest video game ‘Arcade’. Arcade isn’t just any new game; it’s a virtual reality game that changes and learns with each game played. When a level is cleared it adjusts. But the teenagers think it’s stupid until the expert Nick sits down and plays and becomes scared shitless from playing Arcade. The kids are given the tester home game versions of the new virtual reality game while Alex’s boyfriend begins to play and disappears into the game. Worried Alex waits outside, then at home calling his house after midnight looking for him. When she arrives at school the next day not only to find out Greg didn’t make it but most of her friends didn’t make it she begins to suspect there is something more to the new game? Personally I have always thought the effects were garbage but because it was a Full Moon film I had to see at least once when it was released for the first time almost 20 years ago. Didn’t like then, don’t really like it now but remembered it being delayed for a year or two before it was released while other films like Brainscan and The Lawnmower Man beat it to the punch. But rewatching this flick I cannot believe the cast for this Albert Pyun flick! Besides the very sexy Megan Ward and a young looking Seth Green but there is: Peter (A Christmas Story) Billingsley, Bryan (soap opera star) Dattilo, Sharon Farrell, Don Stark and the screenplay was written by David S. Goyer. I’ll be honest I’m surprised that Charles Band does not try to put this film on the front page of his website screaming the star power of the film? But there is a good chance like me he possibly dislikes the film because of its bad effects… I give the film 1 star.

Sinister (DVD) – Ethan Hawke is an author who has written some horrific books in the past and when he writes them he usually moves to the area he is writing about for a certain amount of time to soak in everything to put it in his book. Problem is he hasn’t anything worth reading according to most including his wife for the past decade. Hawke’s character believes the new house he and his family have moved into is different this time around especially when he finds a box of mysterious Super-8 films. These films depict slayings of families over the years in different areas and all have a missing child that is never found. The films soon suck Hawke’s character deeper and deeper into the mystery of whom is doing the killings that his family begins to be haunted by visions of the family that was killed outside of the house he just purchased. Love horror films that build like this did and had a bonus of making the killer an unusual suspect, since kids are usually the unwritten rule of it can’t be them in recent years. The film can be a little over dramatic and lack a little gore but is a fun film that can suck you into the storyline quickly. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Mama (DVD) – I loved the beginning of the film which sets everything up. Dad is about to do a double murder then suicide with his two young girls after they are in an accident deep in the snowy woods. But a dark force comes out of nowhere and breaks his neck and steals him away! From there its five years later and the brother have not lost faith in finding answers or finding his brother or nieces alive. The young girls five years older and living in the wild of sorts are found and have trouble adjusting to society when their uncle fights for the custody of them and that’s when strange things begin to happen. Such as the youngest girl still talking to an invisible woman named ‘Mama’ except to her and her older sister who has adapted better than her younger counterpart. A little creepy and scary for the horror movie beginners and has a letdown of an ending but was still glad I got to watch this flick. I give the flick 2 stars.

Sader Ridge (DVD) – A cute college girl named Sam has inherited a house that she remembers nothing about from a family she doesn’t know because she was adopted. Every time she has asked about her family before the Harris’ who are her legal guardians they just get upset. So Sam and three friends decide to take the ride to the house and try to help Sam sort out a past she knows nothing about. Things become strange when a man named Eric, who claims to be the caretaker and knew Sam as a young kid decides he can help them investigate the home and land. After Eric shows Sam around she begins to have lots of weird visions of her friends breaking down crying, saying prayers, and screaming verses of the bible as they begin to beat another. Now, Sam is unsure what’s real and what’s not and is unsure of trusting Eric even though he claims to be her best friend when they were five. Sader Ridge is a dramatic slow burn that is driven by Sam’s character unveiling her past in order for her to try and understand how she got adopted. The independent film was done for $11,000 by three dudes who just recently started the production company ‘The October People’. And I have to say it was money well spent on their first feature length project. The film is more of a thriller than horror but still effective in that slightly disturbing good way. I give this independent film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and the new company would like your support at www.facebook.com/saderridge .

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Don’t forget you can find me at Horror Realm this March 15^th thru March 17^th, 2013… Check for details on the convention at www.horrorrealmcon.com .

Gross Movie Reviews #284

By Tim Gross

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (DVD) – A little sickly of a horror film about a woman that has been raped and abused way too many times in an insane asylum. She is pregnant and the baby goes full term but the doctors tell her the baby didn’t make it. She then goes on a bloody rampage and it becomes an urban legend in a small town where the high school students over the years pull pranks, tell stories of it, and go to parties. But one person, Bill Moseley’s character who plays the town drunk/cemetery groundskeeper claims the urban legend of Mary Hatchet coming back as a ghost one night a year looking for her baby is true. When some high school students go to Mary’s grave to perform a half ass ritual then go home to party they begin dying quickly. The special effects look great for what you can see of them because most of them are hidden by darkness as the director apparently didn’t believe in having lights on set. If Bill’s slightly creepy performance is not enough then Danielle Harris’s rather dark role will keep you interested even if the film is poorly lit. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

The Ugly (DVD) – A rather pleasantly cool serial killer film that focuses more on why the killer kills than trying to catch the killer. As the serial killer has been caught already and has been the subject of abuse and being in restraints for the past six years as he brutally killed several people for what seem like no reason at all before he was declared insane. The only reason he gives for the murders is ‘The Ugly’ makes him do it and he murders to keep them quiet for so long. A young doctor whose last case was all over the press wants to investigate further into the killer’s psyche to prove maybe he doesn’t deserve a death sentence but needs to understand him in order to prove he is a changed man. There are a couple cool brutal scenes in the film but the film relies more on the psychological part as the patient and doctor go through past murders and learn about ‘The Ugly’. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Mil Mascaras: Resurrection (DVD) – The Jeff Burr film can also be found under the title Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy. If you ever have seen a Santo film from the 60s and 70s you get pretty much the same thing here with the biggest difference being Mil Mascaras being the all-knowing, scientist, detective, all-star wrestler who must stop an ancient mummy. It is a craptastic film filled with bad dubbing, zombies in robes, vampire models, luchadors fighting evil, Richard Lynch as the president of the United States, Harley Race and P.J. Soles being special judges at a tag team match that involves El Santo Jr. and Mil Mascaras. I don’t believe the film is ever to be taken seriously but it is a wonderful find if you enjoyed Santo and Blue Demon films of the past? I give the film 2 stars.

Wreck-it Ralph (DVD) – A wonderful constructed film about a video game villain named Wreck-it Ralph that has had enough of be thrown off a building every day and living on a brick pile instead of the penthouse apartment like all the other characters in the same game. Ralph decides to leave the game to get a medal so he’ll be accepted by the people who live in the apartment building he has to wreck in every game. Along the way Ralph encounters hundreds of video game characters we all know and love and enters a military vs. alien bugs game that he is able to get a medal but loses it in another game where he meets a little girl who changes how he feels about falling off a building for the past thirty years. The film is made with the love of arcade games and video game systems and really shows off their nerd’em when they include the Pac-Man ghost ‘Clyde’ and Bowser from Super Mario Bros. Anybody that is under 45 will enjoy laughing at this flick as I did as I give it 3 stars.

End of the World (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh shit yeah sci-fi fans SyFy Channel has a winner here as the film centers around a group of video store clerks who have just happen to watch every apocalypse film ever made and the world is going to end. But all their retarded knowledge apocalyptic films might not be enough so go to the local insane asylum to break out a popular sci-fi writer Walter Brown played by no other Brad Dourif who claims he was put there by the Department of Defense after he wanted to blow the whistle on them only wanting to protect the rich. Between the video clerks and Walter Brown they may just save the planet if they can get a call to a general in the D.O.D. to explain to him he needs to blow up some of Russia with a nuke to save the planet? Anything with Brad Dourif is usually good and adding nerds saving the planet you have SyFy Channel gold here I as I give the film 3 stars.

Knock Knock 2 (DVD) – Some dumb ass white people who go exploring Hollywood for ghosts and where celebrities died of strange deaths one night decide it’s smart to enter a boarded up home that isn’t on their map of the stars. If you enjoy shaky-cam, boring dialogue, and dumb twenty-something white people for 80 minutes then punch yourself in the face… Then every time you see copies of this film steal it and burn a watchable film over it! I really want to unwatch this film if it was ever possible or I’ll just hit myself in the head with a hammer over and over until I do. I give the flick nothing… Fuck the filmmaker should give me money just admitting I watched and reviewed the film.

The Evil Clergyman (DVD) – A lost and forgotten film of Empire Pictures/Full Moon Pictures history has been found again after 26 years. There has been stories, myths, articles of the film existing but up until recently it was truly believed it was lost. The film negative never completely finished disappeared according to Charles Band when a film house closed that was housing the film. Hell, I believe I remember reading a story about this film years ago in Fangoria magazine. But recently Charles Band found a VHS work print of the anthology that was originally called, “Pulse Pounders” that had three short films. The first was The Evil Clergyman based on a H.P. Lovecraft story, the second was Trancers 1.5, and the other was a sequel to a film called The Dugeonmaster. This 29 minute film clearly shows it was from a VHS transfer but with music and some finishing touches it brings the life the story of a woman who revisits a castle where her and a man of god had some kinky and sensual times together before the priest hung himself. The woman played by Barbara Crampton is sadden by being alone but is visited by the ghost of Jonathon (Jeffrey Combs) to tempt her to hang herself as he did. But she is visited by David Warner warning her about Jonathon wanting her soul and a creepy rat played by David Gale that just seems to creep the living fuck out of Crampton’s character. It is a fun 80s tale of Lovecraft creepiness that crosses elements of Re-Animator and From Beyond, brought to life by a great cast and Charles Band directing. If the anthology would have been released in 1988 before it was lost there is no doubt horror fans would have cherished this anthology just for this segment alone. But the horror fan inside of me is just excited to see a great piece of lost film that had Combs as an evil priest, Warner as an undead priest with a warning, Crampton’s perfect performance as usual, plus her naked butt, and David Gale as a freakish sick rat that kisses Combs’ character! The icing for this flick was special make-up effects done by John Carl Buechler who is just a cool bad ass dude! I give it 4 out of 4 stars and be purchased at www.fullmoondirect.com and info on how it all came together in the archives of the website www.fullmoonhorror.com .

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Don’t forget you can find me at Horror Realm this March 15^th thru March 17^th, 2013… Check for details on the convention at www.horrorrealmcon.com .

Gross Movie Reviews #283

By Tim Gross

Paranorman (DVD) – A perfect stop motion feature about an 11 year old kid named Norman who just happens to talk his dead grandmother… and everyone and everything else that has died. Apparently Norman has this power to see the dead and because of it he does not have any living friends. But soon Norman’s power is needed to help his small town from being destroyed by a 300 year old legend of a young witch wrongly accused by adults who didn’t understand. Norman’s crazy uncle after death tries to explain to Norman he is the key, but to Norman he just wants to be left alone. This movie is just freaking awesome as it is a kids movie but has enough adult horror movie themes that will make all horror movie fans happy! I believe this film has the charm of The Monster Squad and will be considered a classic by most people. I give the stop motion film 4 stars.

Alienator (VHS) – Fred Olen Ray made a 1989 sci-fi film that stars Jan-Michael Vincent, P.J. Soles, Joe Pilato, and Robert Clarke… And if that wasn’t enough it’s about a muscle bound woman cyborg that comes to earth capture the prisoner that has escaped a prison planet light years away. It’s very bad but so god at the same time! I give it 2 ½ stars for just the mere star power of the film.

Life Blood (DVD) – A vampire film that starts with a great premise of a lesbian couple given immortal vampirism by God in 1969, if they use their powers for good. Sounds like fun until you watch this horribly executed film that wastes performances from the likes of Charles Napier, the oddly attractive Scout Taylor-Compton, and that fat redhead kid from The Sandlot. Do me a favor and just pass this title up if you come across it as your life will be better for it. I give it a ½ star.

Biohazard (VHS) – One of the early films of Fred Olen Ray and perhaps one of the hardest to find out there in the movie market these days is fun no budget rip-off of Alien with Fred’s kid as the rubber suited alien! It’s not great by any means but you can see Fred Olen Ray using this film as a stepping stone to make up the future structure of Fred Olen Ray movies and what mistakes not to make in future projects. If you are a fan of Mr. Olen Ray’s and/or a horror nerd, it is worth tracking down. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Peeping Tom (DVD) – A somewhat overlooked 1960 classic that I finally had the chance to witness and was always interested in the film since Joe Bob Briggs refers to this film a lot through his books. Mark Lewis is a quiet type of guy who loves film and likes living alone constantly running his projector at night. But Mark’s love or obsession is taken one step further when he decides to only film women but kill them so he is able to watch the sheer terror on their faces over and over. Mark uses his camera as an extension of himself. Soon Mark becomes confused with the young lady downstairs who has shown an interest in him and Mark wants to change. A solid film that I now understand why Joe Bob Briggs talks about a lot and has a great ending for a classic horror flick, I give the film 3 ½ stars.

The Scare Game (VHS) – Eric Stanze’s first independent film that he written and directed in 1992. Six friends are pulled into a Dungeons and Dragons type of game that the only goal is to survive. Every few years a group of humans are challenged by the demon. But one by one the demon that brought the game to them is killing them. A very rough film but has its moments of gore and fun and if anything Mr. Stanze I believe learned a lot from making this shot on video movie for future projects. I give the film 2 stars. If interested it also has some cool behind the scenes stuff and trailers of a young filmmaker in the making.

Hotel Transylvania (DVD) – A cool animated feature that begins in 1895 when Dracula is taking care of his baby girl and has a dream of a safe place being built where humans would never bother his baby girl. A few years later Hotel Transylvania is born. Now, present day, Dracula’s little girl is all grown up at the ripe age of 118 years old and she wants to see the world but her father will not allow it because he is afraid what the humans might do to her? The film has all the classic monsters: the Mummy, Frankenstein, Invisible Man, Bigfoot, the Gillman, etc. And everything Dracula has built over the years for all monsters is threaten when a human boy comes mountain climbing to the castle and Dracula is forced to try and hide him from the other monsters. A great feature for the kids and it is still fun for the adults. I may prefer Paranorman but this film is needed to be shared with other horror movie fans as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Half Past Midnight (DVD-R) – A rare short horror film from a one-time filmmaker Wim Vink about a high school girl being bullied and abused decides to go on a vengeful killing spree of her classmates. Nothing beats a teenage girl killing people with an electric chainsaw that she plugs into her little utility belt! I give it 2 stars.

X-Men: First Class (DVD) – The fifth film in the successful X-men live action series decides to tell the story of how Magneto and Professor X came to be and how they started the X-men. The film mostly centers on Xavier and Erik a lot more than the other films but it also shows how original characters Beast/Hank McCoy and Raven/Mystique came to be and why they made the choices that have made them what they are in the films made before this prequel. For comic book fans it introduces the Hellfire Club and some of the faces and names of important people in future stories of the X-men. The movie for me was surprising great and declares after five films the X-men series is just getting started. For me personally the only disappointment may have been Emma Frost who seemed plain where she is more busty and outgoing in the comics and cartoons. And I still say I enjoy Kelsey Grammer as Beast. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Don’t forget you can find me at Horror Realm this March 15^th thru March 17^th, 2013… Check for details on the convention at www.horrorrealmcon.com .

Gross Movie Reviews #280

By Tim Gross

The Haunted Casino (DVD) – The film was originally released in 2007 under the name of Dead Man’s Hand but was rereleased as The Haunted Casino in 2010 with a lot of merchandise available from Full Moon’s website to help promote it. It was Charles Band’s comeback film of sorts as he seems to have taken a hiatus from directing films for a while like Lloyd Kaufmann and only executive produced several films. A college kid inherits an old casino on the outskirts of Reno, Nevada that had been closed for about 40 years from an uncle he did not know but heard stories about. The kid and his girlfriend have plans for fixing the place up until their dream is interrupted by ghosts of two mobsters played perfectly by Sid Haig and Michael Berryman looking two million dollars in silver. Slowly the kid’s friends are trapped into playing for their lives in the casino and having the house win every time. The film is one those killing time films you would watch if it is 5 pm on a Friday on SyFy Channel. But the film doesn’t make you wanna run out and watch the film over and over as it doesn’t have enough of Berryman and Haig. I give the flick 2 stars.

Rage (VHS) – A B-movie action flick from 1995 starring Gary Daniels as a second grade school teacher who just happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He ends up becoming a unwitting part of a government experiment that has to do with some kind of super soldier project that wasn’t having any great results with humans before Daniels character. Soon he breaks out and is on the run to get back to his family and wants to clear his name before some members of the government recapture him and silence him forever. It’s one big 90 minute stunt reel! I give it 2 ½ stars. And did I mentioned Mark Metcalf famously known for his appearances in the great comedy film Animal House and later the Twisted Sister videos makes a cameo appearance as the governor’s assistant governor.

Terror Hospital (VHS) – The 1978 horror film that finally got its release onto DVD under its other title Nurse Sherri is a horribly awesome horror flick about a nurse that becomes possessed after a doctor dies in the ER. Apparently the good doctor was a priest for some hokey religion that just happen to bring about a demon that becomes a green crayon cloud from the “Peanuts” comic strip and possesses Nurse Sherri! From there the nurse goes onto a murdering rampage. The flick is horrible, hilarious, and very dated, but that is the beauty of the film. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Django Unchained (Theater) – Never seeing the other films before this flick wasn’t sure of what to think about it. But the film is about a black slave named Django played by Jamie Foxx in 1858 who becomes a free man after a bounty hunter Dr. Schultz frees him. But Dr. Schultz soon understands he wants to become partners with Django because he sees something him besides Django being able to point out three brothers who have been violent criminals in the past. And the bounty hunter Schultz usually goes after the violent kind of criminals. Meanwhile, Django rides along with the hope of learning the bounty hunter craft and eventually freeing his wife. The film is entertaining and intriguing… and makes me want to see the films that were made before this. But have to give props to Quentin for the music as it paid homage to the spaghetti westerns of the past. I give the well-produced western 3 stars.

Tasmanian Devils (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Gotta enjoy SyFy Channel getting off on the right foot for 2013 with their first Saturday night premiere that is about blood thirsty demon dogs trying to eat Danica McKellar aka Winnie Cooper from The Wonder Years. And yes her boobs are still awesome! But if that wasn’t enough to intrigue you enough to watch the flick how about Apolo Ohno being impaled while base-jumping five minutes in and his blood releases the demon dogs. Plus, on the surprising side the SyFy Channel film used a lot more practical effects for the kill scenes which were unusually gory for the channel but cool in my opinion. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Now you can visit me at my new website: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but The Abomination shirt also!!!! www.fastcustomshirts.com

Worm (DVD) – A 20 minute short film with one of the coolest fucking independent movie posters I ever seen about a school teacher who is done with it all: other teachers, the lottery, stupid kids, nobody learning anything, except his love for a young student in his class. The short film gives a possible look into the mind of a school teacher who may have had just enough with life that he wants to take his life and some others lives out. The school teacher is brilliantly played by Robert Nolan and more about the short film can be found out at www.fatalpictures.com . I give it 3 stars.

Gross Movie Reviews #279

By Tim Gross

Creepy Classics (VHS) – A special of sorts that runs a little over 30 minutes and has Vincent Price hosting it and showing some older film clips from horror films from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Mr. Price goes on to explain what’s creepy, scary, and frightening. I believe it was released in 1988 and even has a trivia card inside the VHS copy. I don’t see it on DVD but has been uploaded on YouTube several times. I give it 3 stars.

Lake of Dracula (VHS) – A cool vampire film from Toho Productions that came out in 1971 that tackles a classic tale of a little girl that happens to stumble upon Dracula in a secluded house. Years later the girl, now an adult is faced with the same fear of Dracula as she begins having nightmares and people begin to show up drained of blood or disappearing. I really enjoyed this flick for the mere reason I was always under the impression Toho Productions just made Godzilla movies. The film is well worth tracking down if you enjoy foreign vampire films. I give it 3 stars.

Splatter Beach (DVD) – How can I simply put this…? Apparently the great Polonia Brothers set out to remake ‘Humanoids from the Deep’ starring Misty Mundae aka “Erin Brown” because she wants to be taken as a serious actress which is a whole other conversation it’s not worth wasting time on. The film is made cheap, bad effects, and with cheesy monster costumes but as usual The Polonia Brothers come through with making a very entertaining independent feature that also has several extras of the Polonia Brothers explaining several effects, writing, etc., for their other films. Which I have said in the past that independent filmmakers should find a few of the Polonia Brothers films on DVD and watch the extras before they set out to make their feature as I believe the Polonia Brothers are the most talented independent duo when it comes to having no budget and they always enjoyed the challenge of it. But if that wasn’t enough the DVD comes with a soundtrack starring the man, the myth, the independent legend Jon McBride! On the same soundtrack is the band that played on the beach in the film. But what’s so funny but awesome is when the band and the partiers are green screened onto the beach with Erin Brown and the college kid trying to save them from the creatures rising from the sea. I give this fun independent film 3 ½ stars have to thank the Polonia Brothers for being who they are!

The Tomb (VHS) – A hilarious low budget film from the legendary filmmaker Fred Olen Ray who knows how to make a low budget Indiana Jones flick on a $75,000 budget or less. Of course with it being the mid-80s it has all the usual suspects that show up in a Fred Olen Ray film for a cup of coffee or so. We have John Carradine, Michelle Bauer playing the evil vampire thing, Sybil Danning. The film is about a grave robber who steals an artifact from a tomb and sells it and now has the evil vampire woman (Michelle Bauer) controlling him in order to retrieve the artifact. This is the type of film you would show to someone who has never been exposed to Fred Olen Ray that pretty much shows it is not impossible to make awesome films in seven days. I give the flick 3 stars.

Fade to Black (VHS) – A very creepy serial killer horror film of sorts where a mentally unstable adult works for a film company and spends all of his time watching old classic films and being harassed by his crippled aunt. She keeps screaming at him about he is killing himself slowly and needs to find a girlfriend but he snaps when it seems like his movie world is closing in on him and begins killing people like scenes from the classic films he watches constantly. The film stars Tim Thomerson as the detective baffled by the murders and there is a small role played by a very young looking Mickey Rourke. Even with the film being over 30 years old as you watch it you think in the back of your mind you know a couple film friends that could easily be capable of this? I give the film 4 stars.

Frat House Massacre (DVD) – An independent slasher film about fraternity boys who are looking for more than your usual frat parties, drunken sex, and drugs. So when new pledges come to the frat house they usually do not leave unless they are considered frat material and then the others are tortured, murdered, or even forced to commit suicide. One senior knowing where the brutal hazing is going refuses to be a part of it anymore and is killed by his fellow frat brothers. One problem is his spirit enters his younger brother who was in a coma and wakes. The younger brother then decides to go to college and pledge for the same frat to seek revenge on all the frat brothers. Surprised by its two hour running time but have a lot of cool gore effects to keep you interested as I give the flick 2 stars.

Dead Genesis (DVD) – A horrible zombie flick about a writer/filmmaker who wants to go out in the field with a zombie hunting group called the “Deadheads” to film, interview, and document what they do on a daily basis of trying to make the world safe from zombies after an outback happened several months back. The filmmaker wants to make a documentary of the war on the dead as most believe the military isn’t doing enough to keep them safe. This movie was poop, I personally rather be playing Sega Genesis than try to watch this lazy piece of crap zombie flick. I give it 1 star.

The Amazing Spider-Man (DVD/remake) – I’m literally torn on how I should feel on this flick for the mere reason I believe Mr. Sam Raimi did such a great job on the original Spider-man flick a decade ago. This reboot, remake, whatever you would like to call it has Peter Parker crushing on Gwen Stacey and he must save New York from Dr. Connors also known as The Lizard. The film is entertaining looks great in some scenes and other scenes looks bad in others compared to the Raimi version. I think the biggest difference is new version of Spider-man relied more on computers so it could do things differently than the other three films did. But if you want my honest opinion I feel Mr. Raimi should have been left alone to film number four. Because instead of the film continuing Marvel’s greatness over DC live action superhero flicks I believe it takes a step back as this doesn’t excite me to see a sequel, where the X-men, Iron Man, and Avengers flicks have me wanting another sequel right now! But this is the new Hollywood these days, they have to reboot, remake or fix stuff that doesn’t need fixed. Again that is another conversation that can be debated until we die. If you love the movie, more power to you, which is cool with me I just believe Raimi got it right the first time around? I give the film 2 ½ stars.

The Feeding (DVD) – A lame excuse for a werewolf film where a werewolf is terrorizing a mountain side and is being tracked by a game commission officer the past three years. You know it is going to be bad when the werewolf shows up and the film goes completely grainy or cloudy every time to hide the crappy ass wolf costume. This is a prime excuse of why my partner Kyle Poling on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast believes there are only shitty werewolf films? I give the film 0 stars.

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