Category Archives: Gross Movie Reviews

Gross movie Reviews #295

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Gross Movie Reviews #295

 

By Tim Gross

 

Battle Royale (DVD) – Every so often a horror film comes along and changes the rules or explores something of the genre that fans feel hasn’t been touched upon enough or ever… Japan’s ‘Battle Royale’ from 2000 is one of those films. It changed the rules, it surprised us all. This film mostly seen through bootleg copies in America by a lot of hardcore horror movie fans shortly after it came out and understood it would be tough for it to get a legit release. The film does have some of the same overtones as a ‘Death Race 2000’ or a ‘Turkey Shoot’ but it helps get the viewers’ attention when they are using 9th grade kids to kill themselves to help resolve population problems in the future. In the film there is an act; the Battle Royale act that has been passed to help with over population and unruly teens in the future Japan. Officials pick a 9th grade class and drop them on an island where they have 3 days to kill each other till one is left standing. 42 enter and many die quickly, harshly, and in agonizing ways. Along the way there is also two teens that are experienced and one wants to shut down the program or Battle Royale act to send a message to the government. This film if never seen before and I am not talking ‘Hunger Games’ kiddies which clearly ripped off the concept to make it watchable for ‘Twilight’ fans is like a hard sucker punch to the gut with its in your face style of murder and controlled mayhem! It’s a film in my opinion changed the rules for future horror films and proves nothing is taboo when it comes to subject matter in horror films. I like the music, I love the murders in the film between the kids, but one of the underlying plotlines is the romance that brews between two 9th graders who never really took the time to get to know each other. I give this iconic film 4 stars and ‘Hunger Games’ can go suck donkey dick.

Maniac (DVD/remake) – So we get another remake and it’s of a William Lustig film of all titles. This was a remake that came out of left field and some sense like ‘Last House on the Left’ and ‘I, Spit on Your Grave’ has a feverishly hardcore following that makes you question: Can it actually work in 2013? The real surprise I believe of the film is Elijah Wood playing the Joe Spinell role of Frank. But with Alexandre Aja behind the camera and a lot of remake experience under his belt he was able to give a different dimension to the Frank character who gets off on scalping ladies and placing it on mannequins at home. But also its POV style lends it a little different look than Lustig’s brilliant and beautifully disgusting film from 1980. If you are a fan of the original it doesn’t leave the original concept and tries its best to give you a gritty, creepy, and dirty film for present day viewers which is rarely seen these days. But for those who are unfamiliar with the 1980 classic, Elijah Wood’s character Frank uses online dating sites to troll for women and scalp them for his friends aka mannequins at home. Which Frank’s world gets weirder when the pills do not help his condition but viciously killing women does? Most hardcore horror films will enjoy this latest remake but I do warn the newbie horror fans prepare yourself for this film if you never had the guilty pleasure of enjoying a viewing of Joe Spinell in William Lustig’s ‘Maniac’ it is a film like no other. I give the remake 3 stars and was glad to be able to set aside that it is a remake long enough to enjoy it for what it is.

Hatchet 3 (On Demand) – Adam Green (producing/writing only) for his third round of Victor Crowley picks up minutes after the last sequel where Danielle Harris’s character wonders into a police station to declare she has finally killed Victor Crowley. Once arrested the local town sheriff and others soon find 30 or 40 dead bodies in the swamp and the remains of Crowley. But there is one disgraced reporter who doesn’t believe little Danielle Harris has truly killed Crowley or all those are lying in pieces in the swamp. She believes it’s only a matter of time before Crowley puts himself back together and has another blood orgy of murders with the local sheriff and others out in the swamp. And the kicker is the reporter explains that Harris’ character is the only one that can save them all from Crowley. For slasher fans it’s another fun round of gore and more with pretty much every genre actor or actress (exception of the Phantasm and Evil Dead gangs) starring. But the horror film lacks some heart as Adam Green tries to close out his ‘Hatchet’ chapter of his career. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

VHS 2 (On Demand) – This film continues its anthology horror of having two people or private investigators breaking into a house looking for a college aged kid who may have been there? After finding a videotape of him there the couple continues to investigate while one watches videotapes the other searches the house for clues. Zombies and aliens make this a more complete and fun horror anthology than the first and has the ground work for many more sequels in the future if produced and treated right… I give this film 3 ½ stars and hope we do see a couple more of these sequels soon?

Dark Wake (DVD) – A low budget picture made right here in Pittsburgh, Pa., and produced by independent film company North Shore Productions in 2005. Two detectives Jake and Max are on a case of local people being killed, tied up, and left along one the many riverbanks of Pittsburgh. The dead all have a connection to a nun who is about to receive an award for her great service to the city over the years but the two detectives struggle to make the right connection to her before it’s too late. But during their investigation they do come across an underlying plotline of botch abortions, fixed adoptions, and Jake learns something about his mother that his father never told him about that connects them all to the nun. Filmmaker Bruce Koehler features a lot of Pittsburgh for the background but struggles to keep this thriller together with its unique and chilling plot. The independent film has its good and bad moments but is a worthy thriller for direct to video fans as I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and its available at www.amazon.com . Don’t forget to look for local actor David Dietz in the film.

End Game

End Game (DVD) – Another independent thriller starring Kurt Angle as Brad a man who is a perverted madman of sorts as he stalks women for his pleasure. This 2009 feature from North Shore Productions has Brad becoming obsessed with Carol (Jenna Morasca) when he talks to her after killing her roommate in a sleazy hotel downtown. But Brad ups the ante of playing games with local detectives who cannot seem to find Brad as he poses as a detective himself to get close to his victims and kill them without being found by the police. Finally getting Carol to be with him Brad feels confident to take that last step of kidnapping a police detective’s wife and kid for insurance of escaping. The final product has its creepy moments that a thriller can have but I actually believe having Kurt Angle struggle through acting as a sexual predator hurts more than help the independent film and may have been much better with someone else starring as the Brad character. I give the film 1 ½ out of 4 stars and can be found at www.northshore-productions.com and don’t forget to look for local actor David Dietz.

Terrorvision (DVD) – A long waited film to DVD and Blu-ray that had been lost but never forgotten is proof of the fun films Charles Band and Empire Pictures use to produce on a regular basis. The Puttermans are a common family of four with their grandpa who stops by all the time to have flashbacks of the war and constantly preparing for the next attack. Now when I mean common, common for the eighties as mom and dad are swingers, the teenage daughter looks like a valley girl, and little brother enjoys the Elvira look-a-like on TV. But the Puttermans have gotten a satellite dish that dwarfs everyone else’s dish or cable and it just so happens to ooze green shit out of it and pick a space monster that was supposed to be trash and can be very dangerous for humans. The monstrous thing begins eating anyone in the household and is trying multiply before the Putterman kids figure out a way to kill it. Empire Pictures classic that I give 4 stars too, and let’s not forget John Carl Buechler’s monster effects.

The Creeps (DVD) – This 1997 Full Moon film is quite different than what Charles Band usually gives horror fans. Like ‘Head of the Family’ this film ‘The Creeps’ does not stick with the killer puppet or Jack Deth formula but deals with the original mythical monsters or as most horror movie fans know as the Universal Monsters but without calling them that. A mad scientist somehow figures out if he builds these machines, in theory he is able to go to the library that has the original literary works of Dracula, Mummy, Frankenstein, and the Wolf Man. Steal the books and his machine will bring the creatures of the night to life. Great idea apparently until he also figures into his equation he needs a virgin! But with luck the young and hot Liberian is trying to track down the mad scientist to stop him until she is able to get away. But not so fast as the mad scientist was able to bring the mythical creatures to life or the state of undead in our world but they are only half-sized since the virgin got away before being sacrificed. Soon the monsters are tracking her down to fix their short situation. A great film with great creature effects, which never gets talked about when discussing Charles Band and his creations. Also very surprised this film never spawned a sequel but now so much time as passed I doubt there ever would be one? But if you like Universal Monsters, you like Full Moon, and you enjoy Phil Fondacaro this film is a pleasant surprise for you. I give this underrated film 3 ½ stars.

Independence Day-Saster (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I always enjoy when SyFy Channel feels like it needs another holiday horror film. And this flick does not disappoint when mechanical creatures aka aliens from outer space attack earth. But they come from inside the earth to strike first when the mother ship is nearby. With the president missing and several countries being wiped out the only hope seems to be a small town firefighter, a scientist, and a couple teenage computer nerds who just so happened to run into the president during an attack. The film is a fun reminder that not all summer films need to be made for 200 million dollars to be entertaining! I give it 2 stars.

Mad Monster Party (DVD) – Oh what a fun and maddening stop motion horror treat from the same people that gave us ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’. Boris Karloff voices the mastermind behind all the legendary monsters: Dr. Frankenstein. The good old doctor has decided it’s time to retire and wants all his old friends there for all the fun when he gives all his secrets to his only living relative. But some of the monsters are trying to come up with a plan of their own to ruin the retirement party to become the new master of monsters. A fun kid monster film is nearing the age of 50 years but still fun as ever to watch as I give it 4 stars.

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Darkest Night (DVD) – A movie made in the Philippines about events that took place at a home Christmas 2003 and 17 people went missing. But seven years later with a recovery team and a lost videotape of events, a filmmaker takes it upon himself to tell the story of what really happened that night as the recovery team digs through the rumble where the house was at. The authorities just chalked it up to some kind of accident or fire that destroyed everyone. It’s got demons, shaky-cam, a hell world, incest, and victims dying in several fun ways with no hope of survival. If you believe in the devil and demons this independent feature might up your alley as it does have its creepy and unsettling moments. But its holes in the plot are crater sized and should be taken with a grain of salt if you truly are going to enjoy this independent film. I have to give the film 2 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.braindamagefilms.com  .

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter (DVD) – It sucked but I missed this flick out in theaters but loved the trailers, the look, and the storyline of course. But it seemed shortly after it was released there were a lot of haters… Why? Not sure exactly but for those who were interested I am here to calm any fears of the movie being bad. The film is bloody, hilarious at times, and loves the blending of US history with vampire hunting. Apparently, the confederates were using the vampires during the bloody battle at Gettysburg. With Lincoln’s mother being killed by a vampire when he was young he decides once his father dies he will seek revenge but is stopped by a man named Henry. And Henry helps guide Lincoln’s thirst for vengeance in the right direction and teaches him the ways of vampires. The film being comic bookish to begin with help forgive some of the cheesy CG effects but note there is a few scenes I can honestly understand why they used them. The film is entertaining and is the utter example of a fun popcorn film for you to be entertained and escape reality for two hours. Hell, I have heard some critics call it another ‘Van Helsing’ and believe those who have should just shoot themselves in the face. If you tell me there is a movie with one of the greatest presidents ever fighting vampires I’m watching it every time. I think part of the problem is people overthink films, life in general and sometimes just let your imagination go and enjoy crazy shit like Lincoln fighting vampires or even… zombies. Anyway, go watch this fun horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

Nine Miles Down (DVD) – A somewhat supernatural/sci-fi flick that stars “Bootleg Highlander” Adrian Paul as a security officer checking out a scientific research site out in the middle of an African desert where there has been no contact with the team for several days. Once arriving at the site he begins to investigate and finds strange things but no people. Once about to leave a woman comes jogging into the research center as if she came out of nowhere. She slowly explains what the scientific team was doing digging far past the outer crust of the earth and soon that everybody became delusional. I found the film to be a fun watch as you were even unsure at the end of the film whether or not “Bootleg Highlander” suffered from delusions brought on by gas from inside the earth or was being tricked by a very hot looking “Devil Woman”. I give the film 3 stars.

The Dead and The Damned (DVD) – A lower budgeted film that involves a bounty hunter, the old west, and zombies. A bounty hunter is trying to track a Native American who supposedly raped and killed a white woman. While tracking him unbeknownst to the bounty hunter the small mining town where he left his horse just happened to have someone roll in a meteor rock that try to bust open and it spills out spores that infects the mining town and turns them into zombies. It’s up to the bounty hunter, the Native American, and the woman that was bought to be used as bait for the Native American to kill all the zombies or spiritual demons according to the Native American. The effects and the running zombies were a turn off for me but did enjoy a scene where a blind zombie was trying to find the woman locked up in the saloon. Overall I would pass on this flick more times than not as I give it 1 ½ stars.

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my latest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout, Woodchipper Massacre, and Spookies T-shirts also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #294

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Gross Movie Reviews #294

 

By Tim Gross

 

Eve of Destruction (DVD) – Many forget movies like this from the 90s, I do not! It’s a 1991 film starring Gregory Hines as a special armed forces agent who takes his work serious. He’s been called in on a unique situation that has him looking for a cyborg woman whose programming has gone haywire. With the help of the scientist that built her Mr. Hines comes to find out the cyborg is a walking nuclear bomb that will take out possibly millions. The cyborg’s only weak point is her eyes. It’s not a film you’ll find on anybody’s top 100 lists but it is worth revisiting just for the mere reason of Gregory Hines and wonder what the hell he was thinking… But anyhow I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

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Wolfen (DVD) – An underrated flick about a possible werewolf or shape-shifter eating popular New Yorkers or at least the people who have connections to destroying the slum buildings in an old part of the city. The film has a few scenes of gore as a detective is brought into the investigation of the murder spree when there aren’t any answers or real clues to why. The detective dives head first into the investigation only to understand this isn’t your run of the mill killings. With the help of coroner Gregory Hines and an animal expert and tree hugging weirdo Tom Noonan the detective believes he could be chasing a werewolf or a shape-shifter as the local Native American population believes. Most horror fans forget as ‘The Howling’ and ‘American Werewolf in London’ were on the big screen about the same time and overshadowed the film. ‘Wolfen’ wasn’t as good as those popular werewolf films but definitely brought a twist to the popular horror character. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

 

It Came From Beneath the Sea (DVD) – Its four years later after ‘The Thing from another World’ and Kenneth Tobey is busy trying to impress another young lady as the world is in terror because of a giant octopus fucking up boats and beaches. It’s a fun mid 50s film that is about mutations and what terror they can bring or just blame it all on the H-bomb. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Nightmare in Wax (DVD) – A deliciously psychedelic horror film about a special effects man who was scarred by his former boss Max Black when he was about to marry Paragon Studios favorite actress. With one eye and pissed at Max Black our killer now works with wax or so you think as his creations look so life like because they are. The horror film inspired several others over the years including 1988s ‘Waxwork’. It is a horror film that will have you the viewer agreeing with the former special effects man and him seeking for revenge along the way. This is the type of film that your dad or mum would allow you to watch when you were a kid to gage if you were easily scared or not. We are talking local horror host midnight screening days which lacks these days with all the channels and technology we have these days. I give it 3 stars.

 

Gorgon Video Magazine Volume One and Two (DVD-R) – Another late 80s creation for horror nerds like me that existed for a brief time but for one reason or another never continued… This is another great series or would be series that is jam packed with interviews, clips of horror films, and tips on how to make fake blood. They all have their own charm and all are very cool to watch to see where those who were in the video magazine are at now? Wanna go down memory lane then get your ass to YouTube or a horror convention as this is starting to pop up in the most random places. I give it 4 stars.

 

A Good Day to Die Hard (Blu-ray) – I always has enjoyed the people who just tear apart the latest ‘Die Hard’ sequel. Hell, I don’t like the third but that never stopped me from watching it like ‘Outlaw Josey Wales’ every time it pops up on the random basic cable channel. The point is its fucking John McClaine and you know what you get in a ‘Die Hard’ film and usually doesn’t disappoint. But people still rag on it like its Michael Dudikoff trying to get ‘American Ninja part 6’ off the ground? Well, fuck them! Because I am here to say once again to go buy it, go rent it, go enjoy a great kick ass action film starring Bruce Willis. This time around John’s son Jack is in Russia and has just gotten out of jail after a huge explosion set him free along with a Russian mob boss who was going to come clean. Of course people want this information and John McClaine just happens to be in the neighborhood to find out about his son and fuck the bad guys up as usual! Get pass some of the computer effects, crack open a beer, and enjoy John McClaine kicking ass in Russia… Chernobyl style! I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Axe Giant (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I can’t get enough of random giant CGI monster flicks from this channel but this isn’t any ordinary CGI monster flick from SyFy… Its mother fucking Paul Bunyan and he is a mutant child that people shunned back in the late 1890s after his ass got mid-evil on Grizzly Adams and his clan when they ate his only friend, a blue ox named “Babe”. And the shit went fucking global as soon as B-film star Joe Estevez showed up doing his best imitation of Crazy Ralph! All in all the film is filled with lots of cheese, CGI, and lack of real blood but I will always support a horror film produced by Robert Kurtzman and the music is done by Midnight Syndicate. I give the film 2 stars for being a fun mess of a horror film.

Sledgehammer

Sledgehammer (DVD) – In 1983 filmmaker David A. Prior had a vision of making a really low budget film. Not having much money and shooting on 35mm or even 16mm can be expensive he decided to try an untested format: Video! Before we had Jon McBride and Tim Ritter there was David A. Prior which I will be honest didn’t know about him or the film until many years later. But Mr. Prior accomplished a filmmaking career because of this new venture in 1983/1984. The film is a very rough around the edges with some mistakes made slasher film. But that is what gives this oddball shot on video horror film its charm. ‘Sledgehammer’ has the hilarious girlfriend/boyfriend montage to fill in time, a food fight that has a character use the phrase “Jagoff” not once but twice, music playing from a 45 player (that’s a record player for the young-ins), slow motion sex scene, slow motion confrontation with the killer, a fake séance to contact the killer, and awesome 80s independent shot on video boobs! And did I mention the killer maybe a ghost or maybe not, it’s never really explained. Mr. Prior may have not made the best shot on video horror flick but he did make one hell of a film to watch with a room full of horror nerds. The DVD has a couple commentaries that were recently done (2011) and an interview with filmmaker David A. Prior explaining the film and how it came to be. I give this wonderful piece of film history 2 ½ stars. Enjoy it for what it is horror fans…

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my last book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout and Woodchipper Massacre T-shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews gets to chat with the EAST COAST HORROR GROUP VHS PANEL!!!

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The EAST COAST HORROR GROUP is joined by a panel of VHS experts. Ken from Cinema Wasteland, 42nd Street Pete, Ed Demko from Cult Magazine and Tim Gross from grossmoviereviews.com talk all things VHS. From the early days, to the death of VHS and finally the resurgence of the VHS collector. Listen in and track the life cycle of the media that brought the movies from the silver screen to your living room. Enjoy!

http://eastcoasthorrorgroup.com/

 

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Gross Movie Reviews #293

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Gross Movie Reviews #293

 

Colin (DVD) – A zombie film that dares to be different out of the UK but instead bores the living shit out of trying to stay awake for the entirety of the film. The story follows a dude who gets bitten during a zombie outbreak and wonders London. Biggest problem is nothing fucking happens! And if wasn’t enough to annoy me I know this will annoy some horror fans as the filmmaker seem to enjoy the shaky cam. So put drugs that help you sleep away as this movie will literally put you in a coma. I could not drink enough beer to make this film worth wasting my time on again. I give this useless zombie film 0 stars.

 

The Fearmaker (VHS) – The film is mostly widely known for its other title ‘The Mutations’ from 1972 that stars the legendary great one, Donald Pleasance who plays a scientist who believes he knows how to speed up evolution. What makes the film a lot of fun besides it looking a lot like the historical film ‘Freaks’ or at least heavily influenced? And Dr. Loomis is half-in-the-bag the whole film! Anyway, Pleasance plays a professor who believes mutations are what help evolution along and he also believes the next step is plant and human together. The professor uses a disfigured aka elephant man look-a-like from the freak circus show to capture live patients for his experiments and in return he will cure the elephant dude. But the local freak circus is pissed that too much bad attention is coming their way and they no longer feel safe and must do something about it. A great mess of a 70s horror film must watch with one of the greatest actors ever in Donald Pleasance. I do not believe this film has much of a release in any format but can be found on YouTube and other movie websites for free. I give the freakish film 2 ½ stars.

 

Stitches (DVD) – Let me just tell you now this as made it onto the best horror film list of 2013 behind ‘John Dies at the End’. We meet Stitches the clown in an Irish town where he is banging a random hottie doggie style until he remembers he is late for a party where he has to entertain 10 year olds. When Stitches arrives he meets Tommy and friends who are not kind to Stitches the clown. A lot of Stitches tricks are boring to the kids so Tommy hits Stitches in the face with a soccer ball causing him to fall and take a knife to the skull in the dishwasher. Thus sending ten year olds scrambling and Tommy scarred for life or until 16 when he is still having nightmares of Stitches at a clown funeral where they some special ceremony. But not to give too much fun away Tommy’s friends have decided it’s time for him to have a birthday party for the first time since the incident and everyone is invited, including an undead clown. Stitches the clown was able to combine gore and bad jokes that make you remember the good old days of Freddy Kruger of the 80s. The slasher film is gory as hell, funny, well written, and make you stand up and scream for sequels! I give it 4 stars.

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Freaky Farley (DVD) – A 2007 independent film from the same people that gave us the odd but fun independent feature ‘Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You!’ has an earlier independent film that involves a man named “Freaky Farley” where he is a small town Peeping Tom and his father is a famous radio host. Of course Farley’s father is hard on Farley and Farley develops huge father issues which are a major plot point of the film. But when Farley meets a girl a lot like him named Scarlett his world is complete or so he thinks until he finally goes to the cabin his father has not allowed him to go to since his mom’s death. A well-produced film, but very rough around the edges. But after seeing this film and the progress in the Riverbeast film you can see the filmmaker started early on creating his own little alternate world that continues through the films but enjoys using the same cast of actors in different roles which can help create exciting and good films in the long run. So independent movie fans start visiting their website at www.shockmarathons.com and start supporting as I give this flick 2 out of 4 stars. For the love of god people they have fucking Trogs in this flick! And that is awesome in my opinion!

Leaf Blower

Leaf Blower Massacre (DVD) – A film after my heart and it has a tagline: “When autumn arrives no one survives!” I am all in then. With the cool vintage horror box art, the killer looking a lot alike the ‘Nailgun Massacre’ killer, and the killer takes time to plug in the leaf blower to kill one of his victims its cinema gold. The only thing that upset me about the film is it being a short film. Now there is no way I believe it could go 80 or 90 minutes but I was hoping a little more than 14 minutes. But it’s well worth the effort because the filmmaker Anthony Cooney is also a ‘Nailgun Massacre’ fan and leaves it with the potential of a sequel. And folks that is all I can ask for in a film like this. Terry Lofton would be proud as I give the short film 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more info on the film go to https://www.facebook.com/anthonycooney187?fref=ts .

 

Long Weekend (DVD) – A lost and forgotten couple vacation film that goes bad. Like ‘Day of the Animals’ of bad. An Aussie couple who apparently are a half step from divorce have ventured out to a beach near some woods for a camping getaway to maybe try and patch things up? As fixing the relationship goes downhill quickly strange occurrences and odd behavior from the animals cause tensions to be worse. The film has radio reports and a TV report that might lend a little bit of a clue on what might be the problem but the film never directly points out this is the reason for the weirdness of the animals or strange occurrences. The 1978 film can drag a little at certain points but has a great ending that makes up for it. The DVD is available here in the US and you can find the film on YouTube as I give the movie 2 stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout and Woodchipper Massacre T-shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #292

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Gross Movie Reviews #292

 

By Tim Gross

 

Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil (DVD) – A group of young skiers go skiing down a mountain only to fall in a hole that they cannot get out of. Soon they find a mysterious mask and begin to play with it not knowing what they have just done. They eventually find a cave that leads to ancient catacombs of a church guarded by a vicious dog and a lonely blind priest that just happens to look like the bootleg version of Julian Sands and Christopher Walken if they had a kid? The priest takes in the disoriented group of friends only to sense something is not right in the world any longer. When the priest learns the young friends removed the mask and played with it he knows they are possessed by a witch that cursed the church and is now trying to return to the world of the living. It’s a fun devil/witch/possession flick but wears thin at the end with the young people just trying to get their friends to bump uglies. If there is anything I learned from this movie is never remove a mask from a corpse in an ice cave its better if you just let the CGI Yeti come and get you as you know SyFy Channel will find a way. But off the beaten path I go this sequel is a little better than 3 and 4 but the best has yet to come as I give it 1 ½ stars.

The Black Cat

Demons 6: De Profundis (DVD) –  This or I should say believed last sequel of the ‘Demons’ series is also known as ‘The Black Cat’ and also at one time a part of “The Three Mothers” film series. There are a lot of things going on in this film that makes Italian film fans seek this flick out besides one of my favorite actors or actresses in Caroline Munro. A writer and a filmmaker who are best friends have come up with their latest and best film idea yet! They decide they want to do a film on “the third mother” aka Levana. There are references to Argento and Suspiria in the film when the two are discussing the film. But things get weird when the filmmaker wants his wife to play the part of Levana as he dives deeper into the history of the witch and is warned to not make the film. I was very impressed with the finished product and consider this a much underrated horror film as it’s the best of the sequels since part 2. I’m glad I was able to get a hold of a copy of this flick as it redeems the somewhat crappy sequels that come before it. What makes the sequel even weirder was Lamberto Bava was not involved. I give this great Italian horror film 3 stars.

 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre [3D] (DVD) – Wow, first off the film surprised the shit outta me… The thing I got to address before we get into the review is what would you consider this: TCM 1 ½? Remake? Remake of a remake? A sequel…? If I got to say what it is to me I would like to say this part 5 of the original series or the closest we may ever get? Are you with me so far? Reason I bring this up is the film tries to connect with the original film’s ending and tries to bring you the viewer up to speed about Leatherface. Once that is established and we are to believe Leatherface and family have been destroyed by ugly ass rednecks in a fire and a baby who was a part of the Leatherface family is taken we go forty years into the future which is weird because the young woman they show us is in her early 20s. Pretty much as I explain to all movie fans that if you are looking for logic, something original, etc., in a horror sequel, prequel, and seven films into the fucking series THEN YOU ARE WATCHING THE WRONG FUCKING MOVIE. YES I AM TALKING TO THE DUMB ASSES WHO STILL QUESTION THE LOGIC OF ‘FREDDY VS JASON’. Moving on, anyway the young girl gets a piece of mail that has informed her that she has inherited a house in Texas from a relative she never knew about let alone never knowing she was adopted. Her parents well the people who claimed her let’s say warn her about going to the evil place. This is what I enjoyed about the film more than anything was in short order kids party, Leatherface massacres everybody, and the girl understands at the end she actually inherited one the most notorious killers in filmland! AWESOME! The horror film defies logic, and spits in the face of what your usual cookie cut out mainstream horror is these days. The film is completely absurd and I love every god damn gory moment of it. And I got to see Gunnar Hansen, Bill Moseley, Marilyn Burns, and John Dugan in the same chainsaw movie. It’s not going to win best horror movie of the year but it entertained my ass and that is what I want. I give it 3 stars.

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Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You! (DVD) – I enjoy getting films people think I make up the titles and show them the film actually exists and it blows their minds. And this independent film doesn’t disappoint. Film focuses on a man named Neil Stewart who has come back to his very white bread/vanilla community Rivertown, USA. He was left at the altar three years ago by his cute fiancée because she didn’t believe him and his story of the Riverbeast he refused to let go of. Neil is back and just wants to reconnect with friends, work his job as a tutor, and live in his godmother’s basement without the hassle of a creepy reporter and assholes calling him “RB”. And if all possible win his fiancée back. Neil goes as far as hiring a ladies man/monster hunter to prove there is a Riverbeast but all the old dude keeps finding is the picnic girls. Whether the dialogue and the very WHITE community is intentional or not it adds a fun aspect to the independent film that relies more on characters than the Riverbeast just having a bloodbath which eventually comes. Pay attention to what kills the Riverbeast because you may piss yourself laughing because it actually makes sense in some odd way. But the music and acting of the film really bring visions of the good old days of independent films when they were shot on VHS. I highly recommend this flick if you are looking for something offbeat and different in your horror movie watching… I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars as it can be found at www.braindamagefilms.com .

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Incest Death Squad (DVD) – I was happy when I finally sat down to watch this Cory J. Udler independent film just for the mere reason of its title and it was worth checking out. The independent film is about a reporter who travels from outside of Milwaukee to a very small and hidden town deep in Wisconsin to investigate why hookers are disappearing. What little he knows he would meet the love of his life at a small motel and just happen to stumble upon a brother and sister combo who enjoy killing and fucking all because the Lord is telling them to do it. But Jeb and Amber Wayne are not just killing anyone they are killing tourists or out of state tourists to be exact. To explain completely what exactly goes on would give away the whole film without witnessing the fun carnage but I can tell you this it has me interested in what Cory and crew have in store in the sequels to ‘Incest Death Squad’. I believe this was a good set up for a brutally fun independent trilogy. So prepare yourself for Cory to take your mind into a disgusting, sick, and actually interesting roller coaster ride into perverted fun horror. I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be purchased at www.incestdeathsquad.com . Also lots of information on the sequels and other projects Mr. Udler has going on.

 

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (DVD) – Honestly folks, what was so fucking unexpected? The Peter Jackson trilogy of ‘Lord of the Rings’ pretty much printed money, so forgive me for being a little pissed dude went and made three more fucking films that involved hobbits. The film is good but is it great, like the others, not really… It’s pretty much more of a kid’s version of ‘Lord of the Rings’ but just the shit that happen before that. Really people, Peter Jackson did a wonderful job but I believe as a movie fan I and many others are allowed to be pissed if another filmmaker thinks it’s a good idea to make a trilogy of prequels just to cash in. Is this really what Peter Jackson is doing? Maybe not, we all know he is a huge Hobbit and Lords of the Rings fan himself but it comes off as he is just cashing in. Sorry the Lucas thing has me bitter along with many others but bottom-line if you want more Hobbit adventures, you got it! Peter Jackson did a great job. I just prefer the ‘Lord of the Rings’ movies and this film seemed more of a film aimed at a much younger crowd. I give the film 2 ½ stars just because Peter Jackson and Wingnut Films are awesome and prove why they are one of the few that know what they are doing with CGI.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout and Woodchipper Massacre T-shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #291

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Gross Movie Reviews #291

 

By Tim Gross

 OOGA-BOOGA-COVER300

Ooga Booga (DVD) – Charles Band and Full Moon’s latest release that was trying to play off of the ‘Django Unchained’ press by using taglines and poster art to stir up film fanatics has been finally released. It stars the great Stacey Keach and Karen Black. I enjoy the premise of an African tribesman coming to life from the spirit of a black man Devin gunned down for racist reasons, it is borderline Blaxploitation. Come on who doesn’t want to see a “Slurshy Machine” (yeah, I spelled it right) electric glitch brings to life the next greatest puppet of Charles Band’s world! Apparently the point of the story is don’t have a drunken actor who has entertained kids for thirty years or you’ll get gunned down by racist cops in a convenient store. Then only to have your spirit (Ooga Booga) make your girlfriend get butt raped to get keys from three criminals who caused the problem in the first place. Then your spirit and girlfriend make your way to Karen Black’s trailer park to seek revenge and onto the way fucking racist judge played by Stacey Keach. The movie sounds good, looks good, but I believe at some point when you cross that line of racism it just isn’t funny like introducing dolls (the Bad Ass dolls) to be exact only to cash in on your cult followers who will put out cash for you no matter what… The actor that plays Devin even has a line poking fun at the racist Bad Ass dolls for their names. I love the Ooga Booga doll, he is awesome. It reminds me of the tiki doll from ‘Trilogy of Terror’ but the film fails to deliver on what could be a great franchise for Mr. Band. For that I give it 2 stars but I keep repeating Ooga Booga, Ooga Booga, Ooga Booga!

The Quest

The Quest (VHS/YouTube) – A very cool Aussie film from 1986 that blends Monster Squad, Goonies, and several other mid-80s films that were popular with the ‘E.T.’ kid! The ‘E.T.’ kid’s parents die while hanging out in Aussie country so a good friend takes in the kid as his own. To kill time since he is very different from your typical kid there he invents things, is a daredevil of sorts at the age of 12. When himself and two friends witness an event at a pond in the mountains he is convinced he wants to find what’s living underneath the water or does he? The film has several different names but has not been released on DVD as of yet. It’s a great adventure film and reminds of the days of when you were out of school during summer in the 80s and you would find cool films such as this and ‘Fortress’ on HBO at 8:30am on a random Thursday morning. Movie fans its worthy of searching out and watching just for the ending then get to the internet machine and start a campaign for this fucker to be released on DVD! I give it 3 ½ stars.

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RAD (VHS) – Again another forgotten kids 80s flick that is all about BMX racing and what’s this Ray fucking Walston! Local kid does good flick from 1986 is about a teenager Cru jones who is given the chance to race the big names at “Helltrack” but of course the promoter fears what he could do to his main racer’s rep. So just like the kids in the film ‘Kidco’, Cru Jones and friends must raise money for the race and find a sponsor who just happens to be Ray Walston. Along with that storyline you get all the coolest bike tricks at the time that you and I most likely torn the skin off of our legs just jumping the curb out front of our houses. But the topper from the film and disappointed I didn’t remember this from my childhood is when Cru and his cute girlfriend (Christian) who went and did ‘Full House’ TV show do bike tricks at the local school dance. I give the film 3 stars.

 

Rise of the Dinosaurs (DVD/SyFy Channel) – The film was called ‘Jurassic Attack’ but I believe for no other reason there is a good chance SyFy Channel has made a movie of that name or going too? But SyFy vet Corin Nemac aka Parker Lewis sends some troops into an uncharted jungle to take down a weapons dealer. When the mission gets fucked up, Vernon Wells is gets pissed and is about to go ‘Road Warrior’ on Nemac’s ass because he doesn’t understand the seriousness of the problem. If that wasn’t enough there is dinosaurs eating people. Can you tell ‘Jurassic Park’ is being rereleased soon? I give the film 2 stars and give Vernon Wells 4 stars for still being a bad ass!

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Best of the Best 4: Without Warning (VHS) – Yep, you got that right. There wasn’t a warning Phillip Rhee did another sequel to this franchise. But anyhow apparently fulfilling Miramax’s contract Phillip Rhee wrote, direct, produced, and acted again in this above average action flick which has his character Tommy Lee fighting the bad guys for disc copy of the Federal Reserve money designs. Along the way you have Tobin Bell (Yeah that guy) playing a Russian who steals the designs, Ernie Hudson playing a hard-nosed cop, Art LaFleur playing Rhee’s friend who gets fucked up by golf balls, and son of a bitch Paul Gleason playing a priest! Grab a six pack of Yuengling because I am in to watch this action flick again as I give it 2 ½ stars.

 

Hostel III (DVD) – A clone of Eli Roth decided to make ‘The Hangover’ into a horror movie. I give it 2 stars as you knew I was going to watch it just because it was a sequel!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout and Woodchipper Massacre T-shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #290

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Gross Movie Reviews #290

 

By Tim Gross

 mechanic2

The Mechanic (DVD) – A great 1972 flick that stars Chuck Bronson, and was remade starring Jason Statham in the Bronson role. Bronson plays a hitman who is aging and finds out his health isn’t as good as it once was. Bronson takes a young charming and energetic man in Jan-Michael Vincent under his wing to teach him the ropes of properly killing someone and getting paid for it. Bronson stresses to him its more than a hit. You need to do your research before you make your move which makes for action packed ending. Film is dated but still effective and fun action film. I give the ‘More Chuck for your buck flick’ 3 stars.

 

The Initiation (DVD) – Daphne Zuniga of ‘Fly 2’ and ‘The Sure Thing’ fame plays a college freshman Kelly in this early 80s slasher film that has quite a twist to it. Kelly seems to be haunted by her dreams or nightmares you can say and she meets Professor Adams who might be able to provide some answers for her with his help. Meanwhile, for Kelly to get accepted into the cool sorority she must steal her dad’s keys to the mall he owns so her future sisters and her can steal a security guard’s uniform and get out. But someone has other ideas about this when they begin to kill not only the college kids one by one but her father… or who she thought was her father? This is one of the few slasher/horror films from the 80s that slipped by me and was glad to finally sit down and watch it. Without giving the twist away I can see where films like ‘Hide and Go Shriek’, ‘Pledge Night’, and a few other late 80s films burrowed from the ending. Hell doing a little research there was actually no ending to the original script. The producers came up with one with the new director they brought when the film fell behind in shooting and budget in 1983. With that I give this cool slasher film 3 stars.

 

Naked Lunch (DVD) – Possibly, one the stranger films I have ever sat down and watched and that is saying a lot. Peter Weller plays an exterminator who runs out of roach powder during a job and soon is investigated because there officers that believe he is using it to get high. Weller finds out it is actually his wife using it and screwing around with his friends when he isn’t around. If that wasn’t weird enough Weller soon decides to try the powder and finds him in another world where his typewriter is alive and he is writing reports. When in reality when he comes down from his high he is actually writing a complex and interesting story he doesn’t have any clue he is writing. Before I lose you or myself on trying to explain the film any longer, take my word on it sit down and try to watch this sober and it will blow your freaking mind in a good way! I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Iron Man 3 (Theater) – If anybody was a little disappointed with part two you will not with part three as Robert Downey Jr. and crew prove why everybody is Iron Man crazy after seeing this wonderful summer flick. This time around it isn’t Tony Stark stealing the show as much as Ben Kingsley may have played one of his best roles to date! Iron Man takes on Mandarin in this sequel where he tries to rip apart everything that Stark loves. The film makes Stark seem more human and if this is the last film of the series it was a good one. It not only connects the first two films but the Avengers films and Thor films. Grab the popcorn people, grab the beer, and enjoy this summer blockbuster as most will not be this entertaining. I give it 4 stars!

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Demons 3: The Ogre (DVD) – Wow, I forgot how fucking bad this film was or should say still is… Anyway a female writer moves into an old house/castle with her husband and kid and just keeps having bad boring ass dreams about her walking around this house/castle and every once in a while is scared by the stunt Troll living in the basement. Nobody dies, nobody is naked, honestly was there a fucking point to this film? God please help me as I will watch the other sequels. I give this 0 stars.

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Demons 4: The Sect (DVD) – The 1991 sequel is more about the bizarre and odd as a woman lives in a house that seems to have a creepy past and it just so happens to have blue goo coming out of the water pipes. The woman is chosen, chosen for what, not totally sure as the movie was trying to suck the life out of me by watching it but some old dude is reborn and his friendly cult members make her have a child which she doesn’t want at first. But then grabs it and runs into a fire to burn up with the cult leader. If you are into boring witch movies with lots of blue goo, you found it! I give it a ½ star.

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The Lords of Salem (Theater) – Shame on Hollywood studios for not giving this truly bizarre but fun throwback type of horror film a bigger push. Agree or disagree whatever Rob Zombie does film wise it makes most if not all of the horror community pay attention to it. Visually this is one of the coolest horror films I have seen in the past decade! Sheri Moon Zombie plays a DJ with some drug problems in her past but is a part of a popular overnight radio show that just so happens to have Ken Foree a part of it also. Sheri’s DJ character receives an album in her real name (Hawthorne) called “The Lords”. She takes it home and plays it. It begins to almost change her by putting her into a trance of sorts and she his freaky ass dreams that made me ask myself at least once during the film, “What in the fuck is going on?”, in a good way. Strange things keep happening in her world including her landlord has her sisters stop by and want to hang out. Not knowing these are witches that were burned at the stake centuries ago and back to make good on their curse of the Hawthorne Family. It all leads to a one-time event of “The Lords (of Salem) to play a concert. Even though the scenes of Richard Lynch and a few other much known genre names were cut out of the final print we are still treated to characters played by Bruce Davison, Meg Foster, Dee Wallace, Michael Berryman, and Sid Haig. But if you blink you may miss a couple of them? If Rob Zombie set out to make a visually bizarre horror film that deals with witches and leaves an impression of unbelievable proportions on me, then mission accomplished. For me ‘The Devils Rejects’ is still Mr. Zombie’s best film but this ranks high and glad he showed he just doesn’t do remakes and renews my faith in bigger named filmmakers. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #289

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Gross Movie Reviews #289

 

By Tim Gross

 

Hellraiser: Revelations (DVD) – Now before we even get into the review of “the fat Pinhead” film, understand I knew I would have to review this flick at some point and know that most of my movie collection consists of bad movies so you should have known this was coming at some point. But anyway this sequel no matter how you feel about it (most people despise it) represents what is wrong with Dimension Films, Hollywood, and proves horror films will always play second fiddle to crap like the next Jennifer Aniston bomb, Twinkling vampires, or the next PG-13 piece of 3-D shit shoved down our throats! The film was rushed for the mere reason to keep the rights to the ‘Hellraiser’ films and pretty much insulted the one person that keeps the franchise in the brilliant actor Doug Bradley. I was with Mr. Bradley on that he declined to play the character of ‘Pinhead’ knowing full well what they spent on the budget for the entire film (believe it is a little over $300,000?…) should have been the paycheck for Mr. Bradley. The latest chapter in the series has two teenagers turning into adults who travel to Mexico to do everything wrong… including killing a woman in a men’s restroom during sex. Soon after they are visited by a hobo who gives them the puzzle box and convinces them this is the ultimate pleasure. One opens the box and another is just pulled in. Some time goes by and we are at a dinner with the parents of both discussing where could their sons be until a knock at the door happens to be one of them drenched in blood and in shock. Once the parents try to leave to get help, the cars are gone, phones don’t work, and it’s time for the writers of the script to steal Clive Barker’s original film idea that played out in the first film already. I tried to look at this film in a different light but when it comes down to it the film is downright insulting to ‘Hellraiser’ and Clive Barker fans. My little glimmer of hope was maybe they were going to go the route of Clive Barker’s graphic comic books in the late 80s and early 90s where you have Pinhead and the Cenobites in different stories to continue the mythology of the characters? But my slight glimmer of hope was crushed horribly into the ground! Sorry horror fans our only hope now is if Clive can get some help in obtaining the rights of the series from Dimension or just say fuck it and make an unofficial ‘Hellraiser’ sequel…? ‘Hellraiser’ its best you stay away because you will only become angry. I don’t give it shit!

 

Curse of the Swamp Creature (DVD) – An awesomely bad movie from the mid-60s about a scientist experimenting on the natives to make the perfect human only when the experiments die he feeds the failures to the crocodiles out back. And if you get a chance to track this film down (YouTube possibly) take a close look at the back of the house as it looks like a swimming pool where the crocs are supposed to be and lots of National Geographic footage of the natives and crocs. I give the film 2 ½ stars just for entertaining me as much as it did.

House of Good and Evil

House of Good and Evil (DVD) – A great looking film that is more of a slow burn thriller than a straight horror film begins with Maggie and her husband fighting and then rushing to the hospital when a tragic event happens. Several months later, the couple move out to a home in the country to get away from things and maybe start over at building a family. While the husband is at work, Maggie trying to keep herself busy starts to hear things and see things. Is Maggie going insane? What is really going on? The writers and filmmaker did a wonderful job of keeping the ending of the film a surprise until the very end of this independent film. Everybody involved with this film should be proud because everything from lighting, to way the scenes are shot, to making the viewer guess what exactly is going on? Horror fans that are always looking for something different to watch, keep an eye out for this film as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

Scream and Scream Again (VHS) – A great horror film that makes me question whether Vincent Price is actually acting or if this is his true personality which would be cool and a little scary at the same time. Price is a scientist who is trying to perfect humans or actually replace them while being funded by secret individuals. Vincent Price chewing up the scenery as a scientist who doesn’t believe in playing god as much as perfecting what is already available to him more than makes up for the lack of screen time the other big two ‘Hammer’ film actors Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing have. A film that could be classified more as a sci-fi than horror film is something every horror fan should watch once in their lifetime as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Incredible Two-Headed Transplant (DVD) – This is a film that in the immortal words of Kyle Poling, “Bootleg Thing with Two Heads that has Rosey Grier”. This 1971 film has Bruce Dern as a young scientist who is on the brink of something special as he has been transplanting heads of all kinds of animals to other animals. If that wasn’t enough for you, the legendary Scooby-Doo voice actor Casey Kasem plays Dern’s best friend trying to help Dern’s wife out because of her loneliness. But eventually Dern’s character goes too far as he transplants a killer’s head to a mentally retarded man who just happens to be the same size as wrestler “Andre the Giant”. This huge actor is best known as ‘Milt’ the pimp’s bodyguard in the funny 80s film “Bachelor Party”. And then chaos ensues in the countryside. I give the film 2 stars.

 

Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (DVD) – Apparently, we the horror fan don’t get enough of the three mountain men that live in West Virginia woods and eat people, or the studio believes so? But this time around college kids are partying in the woods getting ready for the Halloween weekend “Mountain Man Festival”. The kids drive into town until they miss running down Doug Bradley who just happens to be the guy helping out the three cannibals this time around. After crashing and then trying to put a beat down on Mr. Bradley the cops show up and arrest everyone. The cannibals are pissed and begin killing anyone walking around town and plan on breaking Bradley’s character out of jail. The film could be the worst of the bunch for its lack of reality and shitty make-up effects. But I think about this logic and my question is: What do you expect for a direct-to-video fourth sequel and then it isn’t so bad of movie especially when Doug Bradley plays one evil ass bastard! He pretty much reminds all the characters they will die of horrible deaths every five minutes and wants to rape one girl with his boys then kill her. So he was pretty much “Pinhead” without the make-up… Did you hear me Dimension Films? Anyway I give the film 1 ½ stars. It’s a sequel; I knew I couldn’t stay away from it.

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I.B.S. (DVD) – If anything independent filmmaker Mike O’Mahony and Maniac Films had entertained the shit out of me with their two past features. And nothing changes with this film as we are introduced to a man named Larry who just happens to have a bad shitting issue called IBS aka Irritable Bowel Syndrome which is an actual condition that affects millions of people. Larry has tried pills, exercise (or he claims), therapy, everything and wants something to help so he can ask out the hot girl in the office. It doesn’t help Larry that his lazy roommate is constantly doing threesomes on a nightly basis and just lives life without a care. But Larry, by accident finds a cure for his condition or delays the problem. Larry accidentally kills the office bully and finds out shit doesn’t want to pour out of his ass for no apparent reason. Soon he is on a killing spree that has him putting a girl’s face into a plastic fan, chasing a guy with a riding lawnmower, and killing the hot office girl with his underwear band! Once again Mr. O’Mahony gives a shit loaded, gallons of blood filled, entertaining masterpiece of independent gore and comedy. And let me mention James Costa who plays Larry has to be dedicated as he has had a part in all three features. I give the film 3 out of 4 stars. You can find details about the film and purchasing it at www.facebook.comibsmovie.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #288

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Gross Movie Reviews #288

 

By Tim Gross

 

Bunraku (DVD) – A wild and over the top film starring Josh Harnett as a cowboy without a gun coming into town for revenge where ten killers rule the city and led by Ron Perlman who has been seen by very few. If that wasn’t enough Woody Harrelson plays a bartender who helps get the cowboy and a samurai together to kill off the ten killers for the city to be free. A little icing on the cake is Demi Moore playing Perlman’s woman but has a backstory with Woody’s bartender character. And the film is set in post-apocalyptic world with no firearms and has the look of Frank Miller’s ‘Sin City’ but in color. I found the flick for 3 bucks which was an awesome find for this crazy action film that went unnoticed direct-to-DVD… This is a film that has a little of everything and doesn’t disappoint as I give it 3 stars.

 

The Thing From Another World (DVD) – Every time I watch John Carpenter’s ‘Halloween’ and the music hits on TV while the kids are watching this film I get chills. This 1951 classic was a film that set up the 50s with crazy aliens, blobs, and killer rug-like creatures thanks to Howard Hawks. It was based on the short story “Who Goes There?” as was Carpenter’s remake 30 years later. Scientists find something odd that crashed into the frozen ice of the Artic and wanna go investigate. After finding what really could be a UFO they accidentally blow the ship trying to melt the ice but find its oddly large occupant. The scientists and armed forces personal take it back to base and it thaws out while they argue what should be done with the creature? Between blood sucking plants and a giant alien that grew its arm back or could be referred to as a pissed off carrot makes this film not only entertaining but fucking awesome every time I hear filmmakers like Carpenter, Romero, and even Spielberg talk about seeing this film during their childhood. I give the ultimate sci-fi classic 4 stars!

 

Battledogs (DVD/SyFy Channel) – It might be another crappy werewolf film but at least they loaded the film with some genre favorites to make it watchable. The cast: Craig ‘Nightbreed’ Sheffer, Ernie Hudson, Bill Duke, Debbie Rochon for one line, and I believe the dude that does all the freaking Allstate commercials! A woman has contracted a werewolf virus by accident and has brought to an airport where she changes and starts biting a lot of fucking people. Soon Bill Duke is talking about nuking New York City! I give it 1 ½ stars.

 

Hide and Creep (DVD) – This is a pull no punches kinda of zombie film that makes fun of rednecks but yet puts together one hell of an entertaining buckets of blood zombie film! The dead rise from their graves and people are more worried about the Auburn football game than trying to solve why zombies are roaming a small southern town. You know you are in for some no budget fun when the video clerk drops off a dead body at the sheriff’s office because the sheriff is off for the weekend. And did I mention the zombie was killed with a VCR that had a copy of ‘Night of the Living Dead’… So get your Auburn football jersey on and start Netflixing this mother fucker as I give it 3 ½ stars.

dark-age-movie-poster-1987-1020255937

Dark Age (VHS) – Of course I have found another giant crocodile film to watch and review, I cannot get enough of them. It’s almost as addictive as ‘Puppet Master’ sequels people! What we got here is a pure 1987 Australian film that copies the ‘Jaws’ storyline for the first half of the film until the crocodile eats an Aborigine kid and they say it was because he was ‘sick’… Then all of sudden it’s save the crocodile because he is a god among the Aborigines that includes after capturing the croc and it is loaded on a tractor trailer for a car chase scene. Love this film… why, because it has one fake ass giant crocodile and an awesome child chomping scene I haven’t seen since the killer animals PG classic ‘Grizzly’. Giant crocodile fans you must track it down and witness this great Aussie film as I give it 3 stars!

The Granny

The Granny (VHS) – Oh yeah, somebody made this flick in the mid-90s! A fun but poorly shot supernatural horror film starring Stella Stevens as a granny looking for the ‘fountain of youth’. A mysterious man shows up at her door shortly after the family she hates arrives to have roast beef for Thanksgiving. He gives her a potion and three rules to follow which of course she doesn’t want any part of because she hates her family but this magic potion supposedly can give you a second chance where you are immortal. Sunlight hits it, she dies, she awakens in a morgue, then comes back home days later to start killing off the family as they party in her house and cannot wait to spend her money. Two memorable scenes from the film is the cat transformation and the penis cutting scene that makes you say, “EW”. I give this forgotten gem 2 ½ stars.

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

 

Gross Movie Reviews #287

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Gross Movie Reviews #287

 

By Tim Gross

 Crossbearer

Crossbearer [The Hammer of God] (DVD) – If you like your independent horror films filled with sex, drugs, and violence? This film is right up your alley. But that isn’t the only thing enjoyable about this horror sleaze picture… Heather is a stripper who has a shithead for a boss, gets shit from the person whose house she stays at, and hopes for just one break so Heather and her girlfriend are able to fly off to Italy and start over. She has a dream and she might have gotten a break when she arrives to work late and her boss wants her to do this drug drop-off to prove she still wants the job? What the shithead boss doesn’t know is Heather is going to exchange the drugs for money of course but she isn’t coming back. The drop-off is at an abandoned warehouse where hobos and drug addicts hang out from time to time until an unnoticed figure only known as the ‘Crossbearer’ wonders the dark and dank location reciting verses from the bible and he is off his rocker. The sex, drugs, and awesome violence is fun but the religious nut ‘Crossbearer’ just happens to be a very interesting piece to the film that doesn’t get enough screen time for my liking. This character and his storyline makes this fun sleazy horror film stand out from most independent horror films and makes me want a sequel! The DVD comes with lots of extras including a 2 ½ hour making of featurette. This glorious violent film can be found at www.adversaryfilms.com as I give it 3 out of 4 stars.

 

X-Treme Fighter aka Sci-Fighters (DVD) – Don the Dragon Wilson and his son get stuck inside a virtual reality game his father made and only Lorenzo Lamas and Cynthia Rothrock can help along the way for the father and son duo to find a way out. No words can possibly describe what I actually watched, but if I had too, here it goes: Imagine if Charles Band and Albert Pyun decided 13 years after the film Arcade they would remake it with B-action stars and release it on DVD… Wait, did your head explode? I give it 1 ½ stars and give you the viewer 4 stars if you can make it all the way through without wanting to keep your thumb on the fast forward button.

Easter Casket

Easter Casket (DVD) – Perhaps the craziest independent holiday horror film I have seen in the past year or two but it also came the same man that gave us “The Puppet Monster Massacre”, so I knew what to expect. On a $3000 budget Dustin Wayde Mills goes out of his way to give you an Easter film will never forget. Father Asher (Demon Slayer) is a chosen one who helps protect the church and is called to duty when the Easter Bunny just happens to be the anti-Christ and is pissed that the church would like to take all the bunny shit out of the holiday. But that just isn’t enough for Mr. Mills he puts together a gracefully hilarious film of nun-fucking, inter-species sex that leads to the anti-Christ growing Godzilla-like, killer peeps, and the Mega Pope! You heard me right Mega Fucking Pope. I was shouting “Mega Pope” away all day during Easter! Apparently we have the answer to who the church answers too and it is the Mega Pope that just so happens to resemble Galactus in some odd way or my mind just could not contain absolutely nutzoid fun horror film I just witnessed. Thanks to Mr. Mills I now know not to piss off the Easter Bunny especially if I am a nun. Then you just get raped, inter-species style. I give this flick 4 out of 4 stars and available at www.eastercasket.com . Let’s also not forget the great performance from upcoming actress Janet Jay as her actions teaches you never eat the wrong candy so Mega Pope away!

 

The Collection (Blu-Ray) – The sequel to the highly popular film “The Collector” that surprised most horror fans a couple years ago opens up with a couple girlfriends going to an underground party that just happens to be the place for The Collector to set his traps. Instead of a couple people The Collector wants to kill everyone all at once after humongous lawnmower trap is set in motion after Emma Fitzpatrick’s character finds Josh Stewart in a red trunk still alive. Mass beheadings and blood splattered by the hundreds of gallons follow. But this time Josh Stewart’s character is able to escape but The Collector takes another possible victim with him. Stewart’s character is next shown in a hospital where he is trying to heal up but soon rushed out to help a group of people go back to where The Collector took him to save the girl. Good story and I enjoyed the film but sorry horror fans there is no way they can top the first film but I did enjoy the fleshing out of The Collector and what he is all about without ever giving away who exactly he is. Horror fans do not shy away from this film as its bloody, exciting, and moves the story along without giving away much about The Collector. I just don’t believe no matter what budget or actors for the sequel the filmmaker wasn’t going to top the first film. Just glad he was able to give a sequel to make horror fans scream for more. I give the film 3 stars.

All American Zombie Drugs Key Art

All American Zombie Drugs (DVD) – A horror/comedy that can be misleading about two young drug heads who have used every possible drug and starting to find drugs are not as good as they use to be. Out of work and out of money they decide it’s time to start making their own drugs to sell but they need an investor. Along comes a hot rich Goth chic and they are in business or until they find out the stuff is fake. Without skipping a beat they go to the Google machine or that inter-web thingy and look up how to make drugs with household products. Once one of the characters tries their own product he is sent into a deep coma which makes him believe the drugs turn his friends into zombies. It’s a funny ass independent comedy but to call it a horror/comedy is borderline call at best. Just because you have two scenes of zombies attacking characters and one of your main characters keeps seeing and talking to his dead brother while he is high doesn’t make it a horror/comedy, maybe a fun dark comedy as the filmmaker uses ‘zombies’ in the title to maybe get more attention from a distributor or movie fans. Smart move for the short run but possibly hurt the comedy film in the long run. It may not be a horror film in my eyes but I still enjoyed the overall product and give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars. The film and more info about it is available at www.midnightreleasing.com .

 

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.