Gross Movie Reviews #279

Gross Movie Reviews #279


By Tim Gross


Creepy Classics (VHS) – A special of sorts that runs a little over 30 minutes and has Vincent Price hosting it and showing some older film clips from horror films from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Mr. Price goes on to explain what’s creepy, scary, and frightening. I believe it was released in 1988 and even has a trivia card inside the VHS copy. I don’t see it on DVD but has been uploaded on YouTube several times. I give it 3 stars.


Lake of Dracula (VHS) – A cool vampire film from Toho Productions that came out in 1971 that tackles a classic tale of a little girl that happens to stumble upon Dracula in a secluded house. Years later the girl, now an adult is faced with the same fear of Dracula as she begins having nightmares and people begin to show up drained of blood or disappearing. I really enjoyed this flick for the mere reason I was always under the impression Toho Productions just made Godzilla movies. The film is well worth tracking down if you enjoy foreign vampire films. I give it 3 stars.

Polonia brothers 2




Splatter Beach

Splatter Beach (DVD) – How can I simply put this…? Apparently the great Polonia Brothers set out to remake ‘Humanoids from the Deep’ starring Misty Mundae aka “Erin Brown” because she wants to be taken as a serious actress which is a whole other conversation it’s not worth wasting time on. The film is made cheap, bad effects, and with cheesy monster costumes but as usual The Polonia Brothers come through with making a very entertaining independent feature that also has several extras of the Polonia Brothers explaining several effects, writing, etc., for their other films. Which I have said in the past that independent filmmakers should find a few of the Polonia Brothers films on DVD and watch the extras before they set out to make their feature as I believe the Polonia Brothers are the most talented independent duo when it comes to having no budget and they always enjoyed the challenge of it. But if that wasn’t enough the DVD comes with a soundtrack starring the man, the myth, the independent legend Jon McBride! On the same soundtrack is the band that played on the beach in the film. But what’s so funny but awesome is when the band and the partiers are green screened onto the beach with Erin Brown and the college kid trying to save them from the creatures rising from the sea. I give this fun independent film 3 ½ stars have to thank the Polonia Brothers for being who they are!


The Tomb (VHS) – A hilarious low budget film from the legendary filmmaker Fred Olen Ray who knows how to make a low budget Indiana Jones flick on a $75,000 budget or less. Of course with it being the mid-80s it has all the usual suspects that show up in a Fred Olen Ray film for a cup of coffee or so. We have John Carradine, Michelle Bauer playing the evil vampire thing, Sybil Danning. The film is about a grave robber who steals an artifact from a tomb and sells it and now has the evil vampire woman (Michelle Bauer) controlling him in order to retrieve the artifact. This is the type of film you would show to someone who has never been exposed to Fred Olen Ray that pretty much shows it is not impossible to make awesome films in seven days. I give the flick 3 stars.


Fade to Black (VHS) – A very creepy serial killer horror film of sorts where a mentally unstable adult works for a film company and spends all of his time watching old classic films and being harassed by his crippled aunt. She keeps screaming at him about he is killing himself slowly and needs to find a girlfriend but he snaps when it seems like his movie world is closing in on him and begins killing people like scenes from the classic films he watches constantly. The film stars Tim Thomerson as the detective baffled by the murders and there is a small role played by a very young looking Mickey Rourke. Even with the film being over 30 years old as you watch it you think in the back of your mind you know a couple film friends that could easily be capable of this? I give the film 4 stars.


Frat House Massacre (DVD) – An independent slasher film about fraternity boys who are looking for more than your usual frat parties, drunken sex, and drugs. So when new pledges come to the frat house they usually do not leave unless they are considered frat material and then the others are tortured, murdered, or even forced to commit suicide. One senior knowing where the brutal hazing is going refuses to be a part of it anymore and is killed by his fellow frat brothers. One problem is his spirit enters his younger brother who was in a coma and wakes. The younger brother then decides to go to college and pledge for the same frat to seek revenge on all the frat brothers. Surprised by its two hour running time but have a lot of cool gore effects to keep you interested as I give the flick 2 stars.


Dead Genesis (DVD) – A horrible zombie flick about a writer/filmmaker who wants to go out in the field with a zombie hunting group called the “Deadheads” to film, interview, and document what they do on a daily basis of trying to make the world safe from zombies after an outback happened several months back. The filmmaker wants to make a documentary of the war on the dead as most believe the military isn’t doing enough to keep them safe. This movie was poop, I personally rather be playing Sega Genesis than try to watch this lazy piece of crap zombie flick. I give it 1 star.


The Amazing Spider-Man (DVD/remake) – I’m literally torn on how I should feel on this flick for the mere reason I believe Mr. Sam Raimi did such a great job on the original Spider-man flick a decade ago. This reboot, remake, whatever you would like to call it has Peter Parker crushing on Gwen Stacey and he must save New York from Dr. Connors also known as The Lizard. The film is entertaining looks great in some scenes and other scenes looks bad in others compared to the Raimi version. I think the biggest difference is new version of Spider-man relied more on computers so it could do things differently than the other three films did. But if you want my honest opinion I feel Mr. Raimi should have been left alone to film number four. Because instead of the film continuing Marvel’s greatness over DC live action superhero flicks I believe it takes a step back as this doesn’t excite me to see a sequel, where the X-men, Iron Man, and Avengers flicks have me wanting another sequel right now! But this is the new Hollywood these days, they have to reboot, remake or fix stuff that doesn’t need fixed. Again that is another conversation that can be debated until we die. If you love the movie, more power to you, which is cool with me I just believe Raimi got it right the first time around? I give the film 2 ½ stars.


The Feeding (DVD) – A lame excuse for a werewolf film where a werewolf is terrorizing a mountain side and is being tracked by a game commission officer the past three years. You know it is going to be bad when the werewolf shows up and the film goes completely grainy or cloudy every time to hide the crappy ass wolf costume. This is a prime excuse of why my partner Kyle Poling on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast believes there are only shitty werewolf films? I give the film 0 stars.


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