Gross Movie Reviews #291
By Tim Gross
Ooga Booga (DVD) – Charles Band and Full Moon’s latest release that was trying to play off of the ‘Django Unchained’ press by using taglines and poster art to stir up film fanatics has been finally released. It stars the great Stacey Keach and Karen Black. I enjoy the premise of an African tribesman coming to life from the spirit of a black man Devin gunned down for racist reasons, it is borderline Blaxploitation. Come on who doesn’t want to see a “Slurshy Machine” (yeah, I spelled it right) electric glitch brings to life the next greatest puppet of Charles Band’s world! Apparently the point of the story is don’t have a drunken actor who has entertained kids for thirty years or you’ll get gunned down by racist cops in a convenient store. Then only to have your spirit (Ooga Booga) make your girlfriend get butt raped to get keys from three criminals who caused the problem in the first place. Then your spirit and girlfriend make your way to Karen Black’s trailer park to seek revenge and onto the way fucking racist judge played by Stacey Keach. The movie sounds good, looks good, but I believe at some point when you cross that line of racism it just isn’t funny like introducing dolls (the Bad Ass dolls) to be exact only to cash in on your cult followers who will put out cash for you no matter what… The actor that plays Devin even has a line poking fun at the racist Bad Ass dolls for their names. I love the Ooga Booga doll, he is awesome. It reminds me of the tiki doll from ‘Trilogy of Terror’ but the film fails to deliver on what could be a great franchise for Mr. Band. For that I give it 2 stars but I keep repeating Ooga Booga, Ooga Booga, Ooga Booga!
The Quest (VHS/YouTube) – A very cool Aussie film from 1986 that blends Monster Squad, Goonies, and several other mid-80s films that were popular with the ‘E.T.’ kid! The ‘E.T.’ kid’s parents die while hanging out in Aussie country so a good friend takes in the kid as his own. To kill time since he is very different from your typical kid there he invents things, is a daredevil of sorts at the age of 12. When himself and two friends witness an event at a pond in the mountains he is convinced he wants to find what’s living underneath the water or does he? The film has several different names but has not been released on DVD as of yet. It’s a great adventure film and reminds of the days of when you were out of school during summer in the 80s and you would find cool films such as this and ‘Fortress’ on HBO at 8:30am on a random Thursday morning. Movie fans its worthy of searching out and watching just for the ending then get to the internet machine and start a campaign for this fucker to be released on DVD! I give it 3 ½ stars.
RAD (VHS) – Again another forgotten kids 80s flick that is all about BMX racing and what’s this Ray fucking Walston! Local kid does good flick from 1986 is about a teenager Cru jones who is given the chance to race the big names at “Helltrack” but of course the promoter fears what he could do to his main racer’s rep. So just like the kids in the film ‘Kidco’, Cru Jones and friends must raise money for the race and find a sponsor who just happens to be Ray Walston. Along with that storyline you get all the coolest bike tricks at the time that you and I most likely torn the skin off of our legs just jumping the curb out front of our houses. But the topper from the film and disappointed I didn’t remember this from my childhood is when Cru and his cute girlfriend (Christian) who went and did ‘Full House’ TV show do bike tricks at the local school dance. I give the film 3 stars.
Rise of the Dinosaurs (DVD/SyFy Channel) – The film was called ‘Jurassic Attack’ but I believe for no other reason there is a good chance SyFy Channel has made a movie of that name or going too? But SyFy vet Corin Nemac aka Parker Lewis sends some troops into an uncharted jungle to take down a weapons dealer. When the mission gets fucked up, Vernon Wells is gets pissed and is about to go ‘Road Warrior’ on Nemac’s ass because he doesn’t understand the seriousness of the problem. If that wasn’t enough there is dinosaurs eating people. Can you tell ‘Jurassic Park’ is being rereleased soon? I give the film 2 stars and give Vernon Wells 4 stars for still being a bad ass!
Best of the Best 4: Without Warning (VHS) – Yep, you got that right. There wasn’t a warning Phillip Rhee did another sequel to this franchise. But anyhow apparently fulfilling Miramax’s contract Phillip Rhee wrote, direct, produced, and acted again in this above average action flick which has his character Tommy Lee fighting the bad guys for disc copy of the Federal Reserve money designs. Along the way you have Tobin Bell (Yeah that guy) playing a Russian who steals the designs, Ernie Hudson playing a hard-nosed cop, Art LaFleur playing Rhee’s friend who gets fucked up by golf balls, and son of a bitch Paul Gleason playing a priest! Grab a six pack of Yuengling because I am in to watch this action flick again as I give it 2 ½ stars.
Hostel III (DVD) – A clone of Eli Roth decided to make ‘The Hangover’ into a horror movie. I give it 2 stars as you knew I was going to watch it just because it was a sequel!
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