Gross Movie Reviews #335
By Tim Gross
Stalking Bigfoot (DVD) – This was an odd find at a recent Cinema Wasteland convention but fuck it, its independent and its produced by Jabb Pictures. So two podcast hosts Tim-O and Harley set out to search for Bigfoot. It’s pretty much in the same mold as the first “Blair Witch Project”. Boring! But the film was put out by Jabb Pictures and that was enough for me to buy it and at least give it a chance. For that I give it 1 ½ out of 4 stars. You can purchase the DVD at www.jabbpictures.com .
Le Fear II: Le Sequel (DVD/Vimeo) – The latest from filmmaker Jason Croot is a mashup spoof about a director Carlos Revalos who believes he is ready to make his biggest feature to date. But Carlos needs financing as most of his pictures are low budget and wants to make his latest project on a ten million dollar budget and is convinced to put his house up for collateral. From there it’s just a nightmare for Carlos: his producer seems to be busy with everything except helping with this film (we are talking blow-up aliens and sparklers folks), at one point they must leave the main location because they don’t have the release forms, Most of their filming takes place in one trailer, actors and actresses walking out on the film, others just acting like complete divas and retards. It is a hilarious truthful take on making of a big budget independent film. I laughed a few times days after watching the film just because of seen this stuff actually happen over the years and to that I give this flick 2 ½ out of 4 stars. Check out there twitter page also:
The Lone Ranger (DVD) – Great flick about a man who believes in justice and peace in the old west… It’s just ashame two generations of movie fans have passed since this character was even relevant. My only complaint about the film is I would have liked to see a few more practical effects or stunts for the money that was spent on the project??? I give it 3 ½ stars.
The Raid 2: Berandal (DVD) – Only hours passed since the events of the first film and the head of a special task force within the police decides he wants the cop to stay undercover or be believed dead. Why, so this time he can go to jail for three years and becoming best friends with the biggest Asian mob boss’s son. Once again amazing fight sequences that will leave your jaw on the floor and great action but it seems this film is missing a little something that made the first film perfect. But do yourself a favor and at least give this sequel a chance as I give it 3 stars.
Half-Life Horror From Hell (DVD) – Filmmaker Mark Mackner writes and directs this crazy no budget Scooby-Doo plot driven film that stars the fucking nutzoid looking Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka as a Shaman and if that wasn’t enough it also features the amazing, beautiful, and talented actress Sarah French aka Sarah Scarlet. The Scooby-Doo plot has our hero or victim depending how you look at it named Brad back in town and he is still haunted by the events of an almost atomic meltdown ten years ago that took his father. Brad being an outcast in the small town soon notices his enemies or people who don’t like him are being murdered and there are reports of a ghost that looks like a man in a glowing radioactive suit. Meanwhile Sarah French’s character is trying to get some incest going if Brad is killed by her step brother! And Snuka is just Snuka in this crazy entertaining mess of a movie… as I give it 2 ½ out 4 stars. Oh by the way movie fans apparently radioactive ghosts POOP?! Go check out its Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/THE-HALF-LIFE-HORROR-FROM-HELL/162694619157
Zombie (DVD) – Lucio Fulci’s masterpiece that started the waterfall of Eye-talian zombie flicks in the early 80s and inspired many filmmakers looks more beautiful than ever on its latest transfer to DVD/Blu-ray. For those who been living under a rock it’s a gruesome zombie film about a woman concerned for her father when his boat shows up in one of New York’s harbors and all that is there is a fat zombie! So she takes upon herself with help from a New York reporter who wants to get to the bottom of what happen and where this originated. Their adventure takes them to an uncharted island where voodoo rules and the natives are pissed! The zombies rise and start fucking shit up. We are talking eye stabbing and underwater shark chomping! Fulci gave many the template of how to make a gritty and mean zombie film and I give the flick 4 stars for that.
Hole in the Wall (DVD) – Derek Carey and quite a few other Wisconsin filmmakers put together an independent anthology full of grit and sleaze that is not for the normal movie viewer. This anthology tests you the viewer what’s good or bad taste and has fun along the way as the film features: a crazy dude does all kinds of freaky and disturbing sexual shit, Goth whores who bring back Ed Gein’s evil spirit, a very odd couple having relationship issues, let’s not forget the appearance of a “Swamphead” VHS tape, psychedelic urine, period blood that makes a woman kill the world, a beautiful voice that controls men, and a man teaching an innocent curious farm boy about the joys of death that wraps up the anthology like a nice birthday present. Talking family entertainment people… Mr. Carey and company’s anthology is gruesome, intriguing, unstable and sometimes uncomfortable which makes this project brilliant find for the independent gorehounds. I give the film 3 out of 4 stars. Find out more about it at:
The Zombie King (DVD/YouTube) – A UK zombie film about misfits trying to survive the zombie apocalypse that was brought on by some bullshit: 7 swords, 7 souls, 7 days, 7 archangels, I don’t know. But anyway there is a Bill Goldberg zombie, a bloated Edward Furlong, and a demonized Corey Feldman there long enough to collect a paycheck that was more than the budget for this poor excuse for a zombie film as I give it 2 stars.
Vampire Chicks with Chainsaws (DVD/YouTube) – An independent film made for a thousand dollars that raises the question: Why do vampire chicks need chainsaws? Because it is essential to the plot of course! Some poor soul of a man must face off against some vampire chicks that want him dead since his blood is tainted…infected? If it wasn’t bad enough some hillbilly stole his wife, he needs help from a vampire hunter he is unsure about if he is going to defeat these female vampire demons that seem to have a fascination for chainsaws. The film smartly uses locations well and does not fall into the stupid people pit of having lesbian vampires. For its little budget and smart script I was relatively surprised how much I enjoyed this Indy vamp flick. I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars and always enjoy supporting projects like this. And movie fans you can find the full movie on YouTube.
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Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/ .
Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.
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