Gross Movie Reviews #292
By Tim Gross
Demons 5: The Devil’s Veil (DVD) – A group of young skiers go skiing down a mountain only to fall in a hole that they cannot get out of. Soon they find a mysterious mask and begin to play with it not knowing what they have just done. They eventually find a cave that leads to ancient catacombs of a church guarded by a vicious dog and a lonely blind priest that just happens to look like the bootleg version of Julian Sands and Christopher Walken if they had a kid? The priest takes in the disoriented group of friends only to sense something is not right in the world any longer. When the priest learns the young friends removed the mask and played with it he knows they are possessed by a witch that cursed the church and is now trying to return to the world of the living. It’s a fun devil/witch/possession flick but wears thin at the end with the young people just trying to get their friends to bump uglies. If there is anything I learned from this movie is never remove a mask from a corpse in an ice cave its better if you just let the CGI Yeti come and get you as you know SyFy Channel will find a way. But off the beaten path I go this sequel is a little better than 3 and 4 but the best has yet to come as I give it 1 ½ stars.
Demons 6: De Profundis (DVD) – This or I should say believed last sequel of the ‘Demons’ series is also known as ‘The Black Cat’ and also at one time a part of “The Three Mothers” film series. There are a lot of things going on in this film that makes Italian film fans seek this flick out besides one of my favorite actors or actresses in Caroline Munro. A writer and a filmmaker who are best friends have come up with their latest and best film idea yet! They decide they want to do a film on “the third mother” aka Levana. There are references to Argento and Suspiria in the film when the two are discussing the film. But things get weird when the filmmaker wants his wife to play the part of Levana as he dives deeper into the history of the witch and is warned to not make the film. I was very impressed with the finished product and consider this a much underrated horror film as it’s the best of the sequels since part 2. I’m glad I was able to get a hold of a copy of this flick as it redeems the somewhat crappy sequels that come before it. What makes the sequel even weirder was Lamberto Bava was not involved. I give this great Italian horror film 3 stars.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre [3D] (DVD) – Wow, first off the film surprised the shit outta me… The thing I got to address before we get into the review is what would you consider this: TCM 1 ½? Remake? Remake of a remake? A sequel…? If I got to say what it is to me I would like to say this part 5 of the original series or the closest we may ever get? Are you with me so far? Reason I bring this up is the film tries to connect with the original film’s ending and tries to bring you the viewer up to speed about Leatherface. Once that is established and we are to believe Leatherface and family have been destroyed by ugly ass rednecks in a fire and a baby who was a part of the Leatherface family is taken we go forty years into the future which is weird because the young woman they show us is in her early 20s. Pretty much as I explain to all movie fans that if you are looking for logic, something original, etc., in a horror sequel, prequel, and seven films into the fucking series THEN YOU ARE WATCHING THE WRONG FUCKING MOVIE. YES I AM TALKING TO THE DUMB ASSES WHO STILL QUESTION THE LOGIC OF ‘FREDDY VS JASON’. Moving on, anyway the young girl gets a piece of mail that has informed her that she has inherited a house in Texas from a relative she never knew about let alone never knowing she was adopted. Her parents well the people who claimed her let’s say warn her about going to the evil place. This is what I enjoyed about the film more than anything was in short order kids party, Leatherface massacres everybody, and the girl understands at the end she actually inherited one the most notorious killers in filmland! AWESOME! The horror film defies logic, and spits in the face of what your usual cookie cut out mainstream horror is these days. The film is completely absurd and I love every god damn gory moment of it. And I got to see Gunnar Hansen, Bill Moseley, Marilyn Burns, and John Dugan in the same chainsaw movie. It’s not going to win best horror movie of the year but it entertained my ass and that is what I want. I give it 3 stars.
Don’t Let the Riverbeast Get You! (DVD) – I enjoy getting films people think I make up the titles and show them the film actually exists and it blows their minds. And this independent film doesn’t disappoint. Film focuses on a man named Neil Stewart who has come back to his very white bread/vanilla community Rivertown, USA. He was left at the altar three years ago by his cute fiancée because she didn’t believe him and his story of the Riverbeast he refused to let go of. Neil is back and just wants to reconnect with friends, work his job as a tutor, and live in his godmother’s basement without the hassle of a creepy reporter and assholes calling him “RB”. And if all possible win his fiancée back. Neil goes as far as hiring a ladies man/monster hunter to prove there is a Riverbeast but all the old dude keeps finding is the picnic girls. Whether the dialogue and the very WHITE community is intentional or not it adds a fun aspect to the independent film that relies more on characters than the Riverbeast just having a bloodbath which eventually comes. Pay attention to what kills the Riverbeast because you may piss yourself laughing because it actually makes sense in some odd way. But the music and acting of the film really bring visions of the good old days of independent films when they were shot on VHS. I highly recommend this flick if you are looking for something offbeat and different in your horror movie watching… I give the flick 3 out of 4 stars as it can be found at www.braindamagefilms.com .
Incest Death Squad (DVD) – I was happy when I finally sat down to watch this Cory J. Udler independent film just for the mere reason of its title and it was worth checking out. The independent film is about a reporter who travels from outside of Milwaukee to a very small and hidden town deep in Wisconsin to investigate why hookers are disappearing. What little he knows he would meet the love of his life at a small motel and just happen to stumble upon a brother and sister combo who enjoy killing and fucking all because the Lord is telling them to do it. But Jeb and Amber Wayne are not just killing anyone they are killing tourists or out of state tourists to be exact. To explain completely what exactly goes on would give away the whole film without witnessing the fun carnage but I can tell you this it has me interested in what Cory and crew have in store in the sequels to ‘Incest Death Squad’. I believe this was a good set up for a brutally fun independent trilogy. So prepare yourself for Cory to take your mind into a disgusting, sick, and actually interesting roller coaster ride into perverted fun horror. I give the film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and can be purchased at www.incestdeathsquad.com . Also lots of information on the sequels and other projects Mr. Udler has going on.
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (DVD) – Honestly folks, what was so fucking unexpected? The Peter Jackson trilogy of ‘Lord of the Rings’ pretty much printed money, so forgive me for being a little pissed dude went and made three more fucking films that involved hobbits. The film is good but is it great, like the others, not really… It’s pretty much more of a kid’s version of ‘Lord of the Rings’ but just the shit that happen before that. Really people, Peter Jackson did a wonderful job but I believe as a movie fan I and many others are allowed to be pissed if another filmmaker thinks it’s a good idea to make a trilogy of prequels just to cash in. Is this really what Peter Jackson is doing? Maybe not, we all know he is a huge Hobbit and Lords of the Rings fan himself but it comes off as he is just cashing in. Sorry the Lucas thing has me bitter along with many others but bottom-line if you want more Hobbit adventures, you got it! Peter Jackson did a great job. I just prefer the ‘Lord of the Rings’ movies and this film seemed more of a film aimed at a much younger crowd. I give the film 2 ½ stars just because Peter Jackson and Wingnut Films are awesome and prove why they are one of the few that know what they are doing with CGI.
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