Gross Movie Reviews #279

By Tim Gross

Creepy Classics (VHS) – A special of sorts that runs a little over 30 minutes and has Vincent Price hosting it and showing some older film clips from horror films from the 50s, 60s, and 70s. Mr. Price goes on to explain what’s creepy, scary, and frightening. I believe it was released in 1988 and even has a trivia card inside the VHS copy. I don’t see it on DVD but has been uploaded on YouTube several times. I give it 3 stars.

Lake of Dracula (VHS) – A cool vampire film from Toho Productions that came out in 1971 that tackles a classic tale of a little girl that happens to stumble upon Dracula in a secluded house. Years later the girl, now an adult is faced with the same fear of Dracula as she begins having nightmares and people begin to show up drained of blood or disappearing. I really enjoyed this flick for the mere reason I was always under the impression Toho Productions just made Godzilla movies. The film is well worth tracking down if you enjoy foreign vampire films. I give it 3 stars.

Splatter Beach (DVD) – How can I simply put this…? Apparently the great Polonia Brothers set out to remake ‘Humanoids from the Deep’ starring Misty Mundae aka “Erin Brown” because she wants to be taken as a serious actress which is a whole other conversation it’s not worth wasting time on. The film is made cheap, bad effects, and with cheesy monster costumes but as usual The Polonia Brothers come through with making a very entertaining independent feature that also has several extras of the Polonia Brothers explaining several effects, writing, etc., for their other films. Which I have said in the past that independent filmmakers should find a few of the Polonia Brothers films on DVD and watch the extras before they set out to make their feature as I believe the Polonia Brothers are the most talented independent duo when it comes to having no budget and they always enjoyed the challenge of it. But if that wasn’t enough the DVD comes with a soundtrack starring the man, the myth, the independent legend Jon McBride! On the same soundtrack is the band that played on the beach in the film. But what’s so funny but awesome is when the band and the partiers are green screened onto the beach with Erin Brown and the college kid trying to save them from the creatures rising from the sea. I give this fun independent film 3 ½ stars have to thank the Polonia Brothers for being who they are!

The Tomb (VHS) – A hilarious low budget film from the legendary filmmaker Fred Olen Ray who knows how to make a low budget Indiana Jones flick on a $75,000 budget or less. Of course with it being the mid-80s it has all the usual suspects that show up in a Fred Olen Ray film for a cup of coffee or so. We have John Carradine, Michelle Bauer playing the evil vampire thing, Sybil Danning. The film is about a grave robber who steals an artifact from a tomb and sells it and now has the evil vampire woman (Michelle Bauer) controlling him in order to retrieve the artifact. This is the type of film you would show to someone who has never been exposed to Fred Olen Ray that pretty much shows it is not impossible to make awesome films in seven days. I give the flick 3 stars.

Fade to Black (VHS) – A very creepy serial killer horror film of sorts where a mentally unstable adult works for a film company and spends all of his time watching old classic films and being harassed by his crippled aunt. She keeps screaming at him about he is killing himself slowly and needs to find a girlfriend but he snaps when it seems like his movie world is closing in on him and begins killing people like scenes from the classic films he watches constantly. The film stars Tim Thomerson as the detective baffled by the murders and there is a small role played by a very young looking Mickey Rourke. Even with the film being over 30 years old as you watch it you think in the back of your mind you know a couple film friends that could easily be capable of this? I give the film 4 stars.

Frat House Massacre (DVD) – An independent slasher film about fraternity boys who are looking for more than your usual frat parties, drunken sex, and drugs. So when new pledges come to the frat house they usually do not leave unless they are considered frat material and then the others are tortured, murdered, or even forced to commit suicide. One senior knowing where the brutal hazing is going refuses to be a part of it anymore and is killed by his fellow frat brothers. One problem is his spirit enters his younger brother who was in a coma and wakes. The younger brother then decides to go to college and pledge for the same frat to seek revenge on all the frat brothers. Surprised by its two hour running time but have a lot of cool gore effects to keep you interested as I give the flick 2 stars.

Dead Genesis (DVD) – A horrible zombie flick about a writer/filmmaker who wants to go out in the field with a zombie hunting group called the “Deadheads” to film, interview, and document what they do on a daily basis of trying to make the world safe from zombies after an outback happened several months back. The filmmaker wants to make a documentary of the war on the dead as most believe the military isn’t doing enough to keep them safe. This movie was poop, I personally rather be playing Sega Genesis than try to watch this lazy piece of crap zombie flick. I give it 1 star.

The Amazing Spider-Man (DVD/remake) – I’m literally torn on how I should feel on this flick for the mere reason I believe Mr. Sam Raimi did such a great job on the original Spider-man flick a decade ago. This reboot, remake, whatever you would like to call it has Peter Parker crushing on Gwen Stacey and he must save New York from Dr. Connors also known as The Lizard. The film is entertaining looks great in some scenes and other scenes looks bad in others compared to the Raimi version. I think the biggest difference is new version of Spider-man relied more on computers so it could do things differently than the other three films did. But if you want my honest opinion I feel Mr. Raimi should have been left alone to film number four. Because instead of the film continuing Marvel’s greatness over DC live action superhero flicks I believe it takes a step back as this doesn’t excite me to see a sequel, where the X-men, Iron Man, and Avengers flicks have me wanting another sequel right now! But this is the new Hollywood these days, they have to reboot, remake or fix stuff that doesn’t need fixed. Again that is another conversation that can be debated until we die. If you love the movie, more power to you, which is cool with me I just believe Raimi got it right the first time around? I give the film 2 ½ stars.

The Feeding (DVD) – A lame excuse for a werewolf film where a werewolf is terrorizing a mountain side and is being tracked by a game commission officer the past three years. You know it is going to be bad when the werewolf shows up and the film goes completely grainy or cloudy every time to hide the crappy ass wolf costume. This is a prime excuse of why my partner Kyle Poling on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast believes there are only shitty werewolf films? I give the film 0 stars.

Now you can visit me at my new website: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but The Abomination shirt also!!!! www.fastcustomshirts.com

Gross Movie Reviews #278

By Tim Gross

6 Bullets (DVD) – Gotta love Jean-Claude Van Damme is back making movies… very cool fucking action movies! JCVD plays an ex-military turned mercenary who owns a butcher shop and is usually hired to rescue family members from slave traders. But his last mission ends badly when he was hired and saved a little boy, in the aftermath two young girls were killed by their captors. JCVD swears off helping people and just wants to run his butcher shop but recently a high profile MMA fighter comes to town and his 14 year old daughter is kidnapped and with the help of JCVD’s son at the US embassy they ask JCVD for help but he refuses at first. After soaking his brain with Vodka and being screamed at by his son he decides to take the job but it apparently ends badly when a young girl is found burned and mutilated in a tub of a house. But a certain detail makes JCVD still try to get the daughter back as he believes she is still alive. Great follow-up flick for JCVD after Universal Soldier: DOR and Expendables 2. Van Damme is doing a great job of declaring he is back and plans on being in some of the best action flicks we have seen in years? I give it 3 ½ stars.

The Amateur Monster Movie (DVD) – A fun zombie film from independent filmmaker Kyle Richards about strange deaths of boy scouts on Cadaver Island by the hands of a werewolf. But of course one the scout’s friends Walter Romero, is not happy with the explanation he was given and wants to investigate. But Walter’s biggest challenge isn’t getting to the island as much as fighting off zombies that are attacking his small town. But Walter and his new stoner friend plan on getting the local high school hottie Ashley high so they can take her dad’s boat to the island! It was obvious Kyle didn’t set out to add something new to the zombie genre but to make his mark on an oversaturated zombie genre and a mark he made with his hilarious dialogue, fun gore effects, and Boy Scout humor! I also really enjoyed the soundtrack as it makes the film have a late 70s feel to the film… Kyle once again proves why I always enjoy getting the chance to check out screeners from unknown filmmakers. Mr. Richards shows he has talent, passion, and I could see a long career for him in horror film? I give the flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars and can be purchased at http://www.spadeheartclub.com/ .

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (DVD-R) – I was finally able to get my hands on a copy of this film that still hasn’t seen a legit DVD or theater release. Why? God only knows why, I’m sure it has something to do with politics or just the plain fact most if not all studios do not have a clue of how to support such a film that isn’t called, “Quarantine” or “Paranormal Activity”? The film is edited quite perfectly as the film is put out there as a film documenting the events and actions of a serial killer who changed a lot of the rules of being a serial killer and confused the FBI for years. But how the FBI knows this is they finally find the house the killer was dwelling only to come up empty but find hundreds of VHS tapes documenting everything the killer has done since he began several years before. If you take anything from the film the filmmakers did an awesome job of constructing this film to make it interesting and enjoyable. I really wish films like this would have an easier time of getting out there and having a chance of making money? I give the flick 3 stars.

Outpost (DVD) – A Nazi-zombie flick from the UK about a physicist traveling with a small group of mercenaries to an old compound in the middle of nowhere. But this military compound was a place thought to be long forgotten and unoccupied. But at one time at the end of WWII Nazis were experimenting with several things to make super soldiers. And the formula just happens to deal with electro-magnetic fields. Also the mercenaries find an old man unresponsive until he is shot in the head and takes one the men with him as he disappears. Apparently the machine that was used in the experimental project actually made super soldiers but with it malfunctioning they only are able to survive near the compound. But if anyone enters the compound the undead Nazis come to kill with a purpose. You can’t beat watching supernatural Nazis from the past still killing! I give it 3 ½ stars.

Outpost 2: Black Sun (DVD) – The UK Nazi-zombie film Outpost produces a sequel that picks up minutes after the original with a second military team making its approach to the Nazi compound only to also be attacked and killed by the undead. But now that the experimental Nazi-zombies are aware they have decided it’s time to back to business of killing everyone who opposes the Nazis and taking over the world! The electro-magnetic cloud that was only over the compound now has spread 30 miles and has the UK army ready to drop the atom bomb on the place unless a team of personal can get in there and shut down the field in a certain time frame. Outpost 2 continues the fun and interesting storyline of the first film. Outpost 1 and 2 are well worth tracking down and buying or renting the copies. I give the sequel 3 ½ stars.

Saint (DVD) – The Dutch film is also known as “Sint” overseas but pronounced “Saint” here in the US. But in the spirit of the killer Santa Claus movies this Dutch film has St. Nickolas killing people on December 5^th and a full moon during the holiday in Amsterdam. Of course no one believes the one cop who has been tracking St. Nickolas for years and path of killing and warns anyone who will listen until he is suspended from the police department. Some believe and some don’t but the undead St. Nickolas doesn’t disappoint in killing everyone in gory fashion and especially when he has help from his sidekicks ‘Black Peters’! This film is ridiculously awesome and has my respect as another great Santa Claus killer film! Leave it to the Dutch to make a film that has possibly more gore than the original Silent Night Deadly Night. I give the flick 3 ½ stars.

The Wednesday Children (DVD) – A 1973 independent film made by Professor Bob West, that predates ‘Children of the Corn’ which is the best way to summarize the flick. The sole surviving 16mm print was restored and put on DVD by upcoming talented filmmaker Jorge Delarosa of Slow Mutants Productions. I love the storyline of a kid who is not happy with his parents and is approached by a man who works for the local church reverend and offers him a deal. The deal is to basically rid the world of adults so children can be happy. The film is a little slow and takes a while to get interesting but that was the way most 70s flicks was made. They were driven by more story and dialogue than scenes of straight gore or blood that we got use to in the 80s. Professor West should be proud of what he made in 1973 and I’m glad Mr. Jorge Delarosa brought it to my attention this film being restored and available for purchase at www.slowmutants.com . I give the 70s flick 3 out of 4 stars.

Reel Evil (DVD) – Well Full Moon Pictures recently decided to take a chance with their latest release that just happens to fall in the popular ‘found footage’ genre. The film is about three filmmakers taking a job on low budget film being filmed in an old closed asylum where they would be filming the extras or behind the scenes stuff for the DVD release. But once the three are pretty much run off after a scuffle with the lead actress they decide to tour the lower levels of the asylum to find much more than they were ever ready for. The three decide knowing weird shit is going they still set up cameras in hallways and certain rooms hoping to catch possible ghosts? Soon not only the three filmmakers die in horrible ways but along the way so does most of the cast, director, producer of the small budget horror film as the film ends with the police finding dead bodies and the cameras. This is pretty much a well-produced film that horror fans are not going to find a middle ground on. You will either like it if you have been a fan of these types of films in the past or hate it like the rest before it. I was just glad to see Full Moon do something outside of killer dolls genre. I give the flick 2 stars.

Gangrene: The Dink Documentary (Blu-ray) – If you were any type of Punk or Alternative music fan in the 90s you most likely came across the band Dink in one form or another. Well, here is a very cool Behind the Music-type documentary of how close they were to making it big and it just never happens for so many reasons. Filmmaker Jorge Delarosa takes a very in-depth look into the history with Dink band members except the lead singer of how they got started in Kent, Ohio and how it all eventually went to shit. Mr. Delarosa does a wonderful job with the documentary of making you aware of the band Dink whether you are the biggest fan or have never heard of them before as he gets stories from band members of the popular music fests they played on and the night it all ended that concluded with a local radio host destroying them on live morning radio! The documentary is an interesting and exciting look inside the world of the band “Dink”! And Mr. Delarosa proves his versatility in the filmmaking world with this documentary as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. The film is available at www.slowmutants.com .

John Dies at the End (DVD) – So Mr. Don Coscarelli it’s been awhile since we heard from you, what do you have in store for us horror fans? Apparently, everything fun from Donnie Darko, Memento, Fight Club, and even Phantasm 4 and put it into a very crazy and over the top film that will not make sense to most but will have you enjoying every second of it all the way. We are taken onto a journey by this young man named Dave who tells the story of his best friend John who goes to this party with a guy who offers what is called ‘soy sauce’ in a syringe to a journalist (Paul Giamatti). John takes it and crosses dimensions and keeps calling Dave from the possible future? After a call 3 in the morning Dave while driving to John’s place has John pop into his Ford Bronco in a dead like state. Dave tries to figure out what happened to John until he pricks himself with a syringe he found on John and begins to see things like nothing ever before. Soon Dave finds himself with John acting as spiritual exorcists as described at one point in the film. There are things from other worlds trying to enter ours and John and Dave just happen to be the answer to keeping them in their own worlds. The film is a mind-blowing adventure and another great classic of Don Coscarelli’s career that does not disappoint. I give this mind blowing flick 4 stars and possibly already the best film of 2013! Thank you Don… Now, let’s get Phantasm 5 moving?

Now you can visit me at my new website: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but The Abomination shirt also!!!! www.fastcustomshirts.com