Gross Movie Reviews #302
Age of Dinosaurs (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Treat Williams plays an out of work L.A. firefighter trying to connect with his teenage daughter. So what better way to connect than to take her to a theater where Robocop’s Ronny Cox just happens to have his own Jurassic Park on stage? He is trying to sell the dinosaurs will help in the long run for burn victims, etc. For the love of god movie fans this is the same guy who made sure Murphy had a Fourth Directive… So you can’t trust this dude. The film may look somewhat crappy but does deliver in gallons of blood and unintentional laughs so I give it 2 stars.
The Odd Angry Shot (Blu-ray) – Synapse Films dug this war relic out of thin air as I never heard of such a title. But it’s the Australian version of ‘Platoon’ several years before it and not as much Hollywood dramatics to it. But this Australian Vietnam film depicts it wasn’t easy for Bryan Brown and other Aussies during a horrible war that some are still trying to forget also. The film mainly centers on a man who left home for the war and changes during the course of the film as his friends die or go home and his girlfriend breaks up with him in a letter. In the end he is a broken man trying to figure out what goes on next. I know if my dad was still living he would embrace this film as many of the older generations gravitate towards war films. For me it was intriguing because you usually only see America’s take on the Vietnam War. The Blu-ray has a fun stunt featurette and a commentary. You can check out more details on this film at www.synapse-films.com as I give it 2 ½ out of 4 stars.
Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Imagine a modern day Hatfield and McCoys feud in Louisiana and one of them has been dumping their shine into the swamps the past six months and it has affected the local gators. To the point they grow bigger, they are red, and if they happen to bite you, you become a mutant gator also. The only hope is what’s left of the two sides to put their feud to the side and stop the mutations before it’s too late. Like ‘Robo Gator’ it was fun for the first 45, 60 minutes but it then seemed like they stretch this outrageous idea a little too far. But I will always enjoy the PS3 Mortal Kombat gator sequence that happens between the one girl’s boyfriend and father who just happen to be gators by ¾ the way in the film! I give the flick 1 ½ stars.
The Salute of the Jugger (VHS) – A much underrated and somewhat unknown Australian/American production that combines 80s TV show American Gladiators and Rugby in a post-apocalyptic world. And they just happen to play with dog skulls… Apparently the dog skull has some significance in the future. And the name Jugger is the name of the warriors who take part in this barbaric sport. And none other than Rutger Hauer is a former big city Jugger who now roams the wastelands with his handpicked team to win dog skulls, get drunk and laid afterwards. But when his dog comes up lame he allows a young Asian woman with spirit join and he takes her to the big time to prove a point to those who banned him from the sport and big city. The film is very violent, has Rutger Hauer, and it has Delroy Lindo, I demand this film should have a special DVD release for all the nerds like myself to enjoy as I give it 4 stars.
Demon (DVD) – Bodies begin to pile up in some local swamplands in this independent feature where the victims are bloodless and not only the FBI shows up to investigate but an odd couple of scientists who know a little too much of why bodies are piling up. FBI agent Diaz spends most of the film running into dead ends and more bodies until the bootleg Sleestak creature finally shows itself and Diaz learns the creature is actually a genetic experiment. Filmmaker Rob Walker crafts an interesting creature film that should have spent more time in the editing process before distribution as too much shaky-cam at the wrong times and poor sound quality take away from a descent concept of an independent creature film. I give the film 1 ½ out of 4 stars and more details about the film can be found at http://www.braindamagefilms.com .
Beast: A Monster Among Men (DVD) – A horror film with a misleading trailer and cover but for good reason as this covers up a well-crafted dramatic thriller about friends and supposedly friends go camping in the mountains on August 4, 2009. Only to completely disappear and very little clues of what happened the next day when authorities investigated. The story has layers as one man; Ely has history with the other friends and is not well-liked. You get some information on why but not all that keeps you at the edge of your seat and suck you into the film as what you believe happen doesn’t happen or did it as Ely wonders into the woods. His best friend Bill chases after only to be followed what sounds like a woman screaming minutes later. From there friends decide to go searching the woods at the dead of night blaming Ely but not knowing the real truth behind the screams, the bloody bodies, and the odd sounds heard throughout the night. I enjoyed this independent feature for the mere fact it was willing to take a chance on making the viewer ultimately decide what actually happens when the film ends leaving it open without leaving it open… Very clever as I give the film 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at www.braindamagefilms.com .
Chernobyl Diaries (DVD) – An interesting film concept as it tries to tackle the subject of Chernobyl. Interesting in the fact since disaster happened in the mid-80s I have always found it very interesting what would happen with the fallout. So when the trailers hit YouTube and TV the film had my attention until I heard what the film was actually. But anyway six people take an extreme tour with their tour guide Uri who just happens to be former Special Forces and has done this for the past five years. The tour consists of going into the small town near Chernobyl that was evacuated years ago never to be populated again and leave before nightfall because of the radiation. As Uri puts it nature has reclaimed the land. But after a bear almost mauls the group in one building and a few other weird things go on, the group tries to leave only of course the van won’t start. When Uri goes to investigate a noise or a possible person at night stuck in the van that is when the film really gets going with possibly mutants eating people, killer dogs tracking down the group, and the radiation starting to get worse and affecting the group. Spoiler alert: Only to be disappointed by the strange things are escaped mental patients. They didn’t just hint at it, they just basically said fuck it here is your ending! Deal with it! This movie concept works really well until the filmmaker just decides they just don’t fucking care how it ends. So good concept, disappointing result! Thank you for wasting my time Hollywood, I give it 1 ½ stars.
Enter the Ninja (DVD) – Franco Nero is in the Far East to study to be a ninja. Once he passes the test he goes to visit a friend in Manila where his friend and wife are being scared off their land by some underlings of a big business man played by Christopher George. From there Nero begins a rampage of crazy ninja death for the next 90 or so minutes. No Nero then we do not have Dudikoff? The film is dated (1981) but still a lot of fun to watch as that small crazy kid inside of you enjoys ninjas fighting to the death. Nero plays an awesome American Ninja that I give 3 stars too.
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