Gross Movie Reviews #294

By Tim Gross

Eve of Destruction (DVD) – Many forget movies like this from the 90s, I do not! It’s a 1991 film starring Gregory Hines as a special armed forces agent who takes his work serious. He’s been called in on a unique situation that has him looking for a cyborg woman whose programming has gone haywire. With the help of the scientist that built her Mr. Hines comes to find out the cyborg is a walking nuclear bomb that will take out possibly millions. The cyborg’s only weak point is her eyes. It’s not a film you’ll find on anybody’s top 100 lists but it is worth revisiting just for the mere reason of Gregory Hines and wonder what the hell he was thinking… But anyhow I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

Wolfen (DVD) – An underrated flick about a possible werewolf or shape-shifter eating popular New Yorkers or at least the people who have connections to destroying the slum buildings in an old part of the city. The film has a few scenes of gore as a detective is brought into the investigation of the murder spree when there aren’t any answers or real clues to why. The detective dives head first into the investigation only to understand this isn’t your run of the mill killings. With the help of coroner Gregory Hines and an animal expert and tree hugging weirdo Tom Noonan the detective believes he could be chasing a werewolf or a shape-shifter as the local Native American population believes. Most horror fans forget as ‘The Howling’ and ‘American Werewolf in London’ were on the big screen about the same time and overshadowed the film. ‘Wolfen’ wasn’t as good as those popular werewolf films but definitely brought a twist to the popular horror character. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

It Came From Beneath the Sea (DVD) – Its four years later after ‘The Thing from another World’ and Kenneth Tobey is busy trying to impress another young lady as the world is in terror because of a giant octopus fucking up boats and beaches. It’s a fun mid 50s film that is about mutations and what terror they can bring or just blame it all on the H-bomb. I give the film 3 stars.

Nightmare in Wax (DVD) – A deliciously psychedelic horror film about a special effects man who was scarred by his former boss Max Black when he was about to marry Paragon Studios favorite actress. With one eye and pissed at Max Black our killer now works with wax or so you think as his creations look so life like because they are. The horror film inspired several others over the years including 1988s ‘Waxwork’. It is a horror film that will have you the viewer agreeing with the former special effects man and him seeking for revenge along the way. This is the type of film that your dad or mum would allow you to watch when you were a kid to gage if you were easily scared or not. We are talking local horror host midnight screening days which lacks these days with all the channels and technology we have these days. I give it 3 stars.

Gorgon Video Magazine Volume One and Two (DVD-R) – Another late 80s creation for horror nerds like me that existed for a brief time but for one reason or another never continued… This is another great series or would be series that is jam packed with interviews, clips of horror films, and tips on how to make fake blood. They all have their own charm and all are very cool to watch to see where those who were in the video magazine are at now? Wanna go down memory lane then get your ass to YouTube or a horror convention as this is starting to pop up in the most random places. I give it 4 stars.

A Good Day to Die Hard (Blu-ray) – I always has enjoyed the people who just tear apart the latest ‘Die Hard’ sequel. Hell, I don’t like the third but that never stopped me from watching it like ‘Outlaw Josey Wales’ every time it pops up on the random basic cable channel. The point is its fucking John McClaine and you know what you get in a ‘Die Hard’ film and usually doesn’t disappoint. But people still rag on it like its Michael Dudikoff trying to get ‘American Ninja part 6’ off the ground? Well, fuck them! Because I am here to say once again to go buy it, go rent it, go enjoy a great kick ass action film starring Bruce Willis. This time around John’s son Jack is in Russia and has just gotten out of jail after a huge explosion set him free along with a Russian mob boss who was going to come clean. Of course people want this information and John McClaine just happens to be in the neighborhood to find out about his son and fuck the bad guys up as usual! Get pass some of the computer effects, crack open a beer, and enjoy John McClaine kicking ass in Russia… Chernobyl style! I give it 3 ½ stars.

Axe Giant (DVD/SyFy Channel) – I can’t get enough of random giant CGI monster flicks from this channel but this isn’t any ordinary CGI monster flick from SyFy… Its mother fucking Paul Bunyan and he is a mutant child that people shunned back in the late 1890s after his ass got mid-evil on Grizzly Adams and his clan when they ate his only friend, a blue ox named “Babe”. And the shit went fucking global as soon as B-film star Joe Estevez showed up doing his best imitation of Crazy Ralph! All in all the film is filled with lots of cheese, CGI, and lack of real blood but I will always support a horror film produced by Robert Kurtzman and the music is done by Midnight Syndicate. I give the film 2 stars for being a fun mess of a horror film.

Sledgehammer (DVD) – In 1983 filmmaker David A. Prior had a vision of making a really low budget film. Not having much money and shooting on 35mm or even 16mm can be expensive he decided to try an untested format: Video! Before we had Jon McBride and Tim Ritter there was David A. Prior which I will be honest didn’t know about him or the film until many years later. But Mr. Prior accomplished a filmmaking career because of this new venture in 1983/1984. The film is a very rough around the edges with some mistakes made slasher film. But that is what gives this oddball shot on video horror film its charm. ‘Sledgehammer’ has the hilarious girlfriend/boyfriend montage to fill in time, a food fight that has a character use the phrase “Jagoff” not once but twice, music playing from a 45 player (that’s a record player for the young-ins), slow motion sex scene, slow motion confrontation with the killer, a fake séance to contact the killer, and awesome 80s independent shot on video boobs! And did I mention the killer maybe a ghost or maybe not, it’s never really explained. Mr. Prior may have not made the best shot on video horror flick but he did make one hell of a film to watch with a room full of horror nerds. The DVD has a couple commentaries that were recently done (2011) and an interview with filmmaker David A. Prior explaining the film and how it came to be. I give this wonderful piece of film history 2 ½ stars. Enjoy it for what it is horror fans…

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