Gross Movie Reviews #285

By Tim Gross

Repligator (VHS) – A fun monsters and boobs no budget from 1996 starring Gunnar Hansen and has an appearance from genre favorite Brinke Stevens. The government is giving funding to scientists to develop a replicator machine or transporter machine. They go back and forth on what they want to exactly call it throughout the film. But anyway the government wants to see it work and their volunteer is not quite ready what is about to happen to him next when he is transported to the next room only to come through the door as a woman. Apparently the machine stretches the DNA causing men to become women, who in return become topless women with alligator heads if they have sex! Go ahead and read that again… This film is all about the boobs and gator heads as it is also up to these topless women/men to fix the machine to stop the chaos. Reviewing the film does it no justice, it needs to be witnessed! I give it 2 ½ stars.

Eyes of the Chameleon (VHS) – Independent film icon Ron Atkins gives you this dramatic twisted film about a lovely lady named Sara who believes she is being chased by someone? A possible serial killer but as the story unfolds it becomes clear Sara truly is unsure what exactly is going on until the very end. Atkins uses Vegas to his advantage as the back drop for wonderfully twisted independent horror film. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Warlock 3: The End of Innocence (DVD) – Julian Sands didn’t make it this time out as the warlock but not surprising since this sequel comes about seven years after the second film. Bruce Payne takes over in this sequel that really has nothing to do with the other two films. Ashley ‘Hellraiser’ Laurence inherits a house that has been in her family. So Ashley and some of her friends go out to the old house that has a strange history and has been empty for the past 50 years. Bruce Payne has just made his way out of the catacombs of the house to cause havoc among the college kids. The movie has no charm, no thrill, boring as shit, as nothing and seems to be a troubled film that was named ‘Warlock  3’ for the mere reason of cashing in which I doubt. I give it 1 ½ stars.

Arcade (DVD) – Alex, her boyfriend Greg, and friends go to the local arcade “Dante’s Inferno” to check out the latest video game ‘Arcade’. Arcade isn’t just any new game; it’s a virtual reality game that changes and learns with each game played. When a level is cleared it adjusts. But the teenagers think it’s stupid until the expert Nick sits down and plays and becomes scared shitless from playing Arcade. The kids are given the tester home game versions of the new virtual reality game while Alex’s boyfriend begins to play and disappears into the game. Worried Alex waits outside, then at home calling his house after midnight looking for him. When she arrives at school the next day not only to find out Greg didn’t make it but most of her friends didn’t make it she begins to suspect there is something more to the new game? Personally I have always thought the effects were garbage but because it was a Full Moon film I had to see at least once when it was released for the first time almost 20 years ago. Didn’t like then, don’t really like it now but remembered it being delayed for a year or two before it was released while other films like Brainscan and The Lawnmower Man beat it to the punch. But rewatching this flick I cannot believe the cast for this Albert Pyun flick! Besides the very sexy Megan Ward and a young looking Seth Green but there is: Peter (A Christmas Story) Billingsley, Bryan (soap opera star) Dattilo, Sharon Farrell, Don Stark and the screenplay was written by David S. Goyer. I’ll be honest I’m surprised that Charles Band does not try to put this film on the front page of his website screaming the star power of the film? But there is a good chance like me he possibly dislikes the film because of its bad effects… I give the film 1 star.

Sinister (DVD) – Ethan Hawke is an author who has written some horrific books in the past and when he writes them he usually moves to the area he is writing about for a certain amount of time to soak in everything to put it in his book. Problem is he hasn’t anything worth reading according to most including his wife for the past decade. Hawke’s character believes the new house he and his family have moved into is different this time around especially when he finds a box of mysterious Super-8 films. These films depict slayings of families over the years in different areas and all have a missing child that is never found. The films soon suck Hawke’s character deeper and deeper into the mystery of whom is doing the killings that his family begins to be haunted by visions of the family that was killed outside of the house he just purchased. Love horror films that build like this did and had a bonus of making the killer an unusual suspect, since kids are usually the unwritten rule of it can’t be them in recent years. The film can be a little over dramatic and lack a little gore but is a fun film that can suck you into the storyline quickly. I give it 2 ½ stars.

Mama (DVD) – I loved the beginning of the film which sets everything up. Dad is about to do a double murder then suicide with his two young girls after they are in an accident deep in the snowy woods. But a dark force comes out of nowhere and breaks his neck and steals him away! From there its five years later and the brother have not lost faith in finding answers or finding his brother or nieces alive. The young girls five years older and living in the wild of sorts are found and have trouble adjusting to society when their uncle fights for the custody of them and that’s when strange things begin to happen. Such as the youngest girl still talking to an invisible woman named ‘Mama’ except to her and her older sister who has adapted better than her younger counterpart. A little creepy and scary for the horror movie beginners and has a letdown of an ending but was still glad I got to watch this flick. I give the flick 2 stars.

Sader Ridge (DVD) – A cute college girl named Sam has inherited a house that she remembers nothing about from a family she doesn’t know because she was adopted. Every time she has asked about her family before the Harris’ who are her legal guardians they just get upset. So Sam and three friends decide to take the ride to the house and try to help Sam sort out a past she knows nothing about. Things become strange when a man named Eric, who claims to be the caretaker and knew Sam as a young kid decides he can help them investigate the home and land. After Eric shows Sam around she begins to have lots of weird visions of her friends breaking down crying, saying prayers, and screaming verses of the bible as they begin to beat another. Now, Sam is unsure what’s real and what’s not and is unsure of trusting Eric even though he claims to be her best friend when they were five. Sader Ridge is a dramatic slow burn that is driven by Sam’s character unveiling her past in order for her to try and understand how she got adopted. The independent film was done for $11,000 by three dudes who just recently started the production company ‘The October People’. And I have to say it was money well spent on their first feature length project. The film is more of a thriller than horror but still effective in that slightly disturbing good way. I give this independent film 2 ½ out of 4 stars and the new company would like your support at www.facebook.com/saderridge .

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Don’t forget you can find me at Horror Realm this March 15^th thru March 17^th, 2013… Check for details on the convention at www.horrorrealmcon.com .

Gross Movie Reviews #284

By Tim Gross

Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (DVD) – A little sickly of a horror film about a woman that has been raped and abused way too many times in an insane asylum. She is pregnant and the baby goes full term but the doctors tell her the baby didn’t make it. She then goes on a bloody rampage and it becomes an urban legend in a small town where the high school students over the years pull pranks, tell stories of it, and go to parties. But one person, Bill Moseley’s character who plays the town drunk/cemetery groundskeeper claims the urban legend of Mary Hatchet coming back as a ghost one night a year looking for her baby is true. When some high school students go to Mary’s grave to perform a half ass ritual then go home to party they begin dying quickly. The special effects look great for what you can see of them because most of them are hidden by darkness as the director apparently didn’t believe in having lights on set. If Bill’s slightly creepy performance is not enough then Danielle Harris’s rather dark role will keep you interested even if the film is poorly lit. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

The Ugly (DVD) – A rather pleasantly cool serial killer film that focuses more on why the killer kills than trying to catch the killer. As the serial killer has been caught already and has been the subject of abuse and being in restraints for the past six years as he brutally killed several people for what seem like no reason at all before he was declared insane. The only reason he gives for the murders is ‘The Ugly’ makes him do it and he murders to keep them quiet for so long. A young doctor whose last case was all over the press wants to investigate further into the killer’s psyche to prove maybe he doesn’t deserve a death sentence but needs to understand him in order to prove he is a changed man. There are a couple cool brutal scenes in the film but the film relies more on the psychological part as the patient and doctor go through past murders and learn about ‘The Ugly’. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

Mil Mascaras: Resurrection (DVD) – The Jeff Burr film can also be found under the title Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy. If you ever have seen a Santo film from the 60s and 70s you get pretty much the same thing here with the biggest difference being Mil Mascaras being the all-knowing, scientist, detective, all-star wrestler who must stop an ancient mummy. It is a craptastic film filled with bad dubbing, zombies in robes, vampire models, luchadors fighting evil, Richard Lynch as the president of the United States, Harley Race and P.J. Soles being special judges at a tag team match that involves El Santo Jr. and Mil Mascaras. I don’t believe the film is ever to be taken seriously but it is a wonderful find if you enjoyed Santo and Blue Demon films of the past? I give the film 2 stars.

Wreck-it Ralph (DVD) – A wonderful constructed film about a video game villain named Wreck-it Ralph that has had enough of be thrown off a building every day and living on a brick pile instead of the penthouse apartment like all the other characters in the same game. Ralph decides to leave the game to get a medal so he’ll be accepted by the people who live in the apartment building he has to wreck in every game. Along the way Ralph encounters hundreds of video game characters we all know and love and enters a military vs. alien bugs game that he is able to get a medal but loses it in another game where he meets a little girl who changes how he feels about falling off a building for the past thirty years. The film is made with the love of arcade games and video game systems and really shows off their nerd’em when they include the Pac-Man ghost ‘Clyde’ and Bowser from Super Mario Bros. Anybody that is under 45 will enjoy laughing at this flick as I did as I give it 3 stars.

End of the World (SyFy Channel/DVD) – Oh shit yeah sci-fi fans SyFy Channel has a winner here as the film centers around a group of video store clerks who have just happen to watch every apocalypse film ever made and the world is going to end. But all their retarded knowledge apocalyptic films might not be enough so go to the local insane asylum to break out a popular sci-fi writer Walter Brown played by no other Brad Dourif who claims he was put there by the Department of Defense after he wanted to blow the whistle on them only wanting to protect the rich. Between the video clerks and Walter Brown they may just save the planet if they can get a call to a general in the D.O.D. to explain to him he needs to blow up some of Russia with a nuke to save the planet? Anything with Brad Dourif is usually good and adding nerds saving the planet you have SyFy Channel gold here I as I give the film 3 stars.

Knock Knock 2 (DVD) – Some dumb ass white people who go exploring Hollywood for ghosts and where celebrities died of strange deaths one night decide it’s smart to enter a boarded up home that isn’t on their map of the stars. If you enjoy shaky-cam, boring dialogue, and dumb twenty-something white people for 80 minutes then punch yourself in the face… Then every time you see copies of this film steal it and burn a watchable film over it! I really want to unwatch this film if it was ever possible or I’ll just hit myself in the head with a hammer over and over until I do. I give the flick nothing… Fuck the filmmaker should give me money just admitting I watched and reviewed the film.

The Evil Clergyman (DVD) – A lost and forgotten film of Empire Pictures/Full Moon Pictures history has been found again after 26 years. There has been stories, myths, articles of the film existing but up until recently it was truly believed it was lost. The film negative never completely finished disappeared according to Charles Band when a film house closed that was housing the film. Hell, I believe I remember reading a story about this film years ago in Fangoria magazine. But recently Charles Band found a VHS work print of the anthology that was originally called, “Pulse Pounders” that had three short films. The first was The Evil Clergyman based on a H.P. Lovecraft story, the second was Trancers 1.5, and the other was a sequel to a film called The Dugeonmaster. This 29 minute film clearly shows it was from a VHS transfer but with music and some finishing touches it brings the life the story of a woman who revisits a castle where her and a man of god had some kinky and sensual times together before the priest hung himself. The woman played by Barbara Crampton is sadden by being alone but is visited by the ghost of Jonathon (Jeffrey Combs) to tempt her to hang herself as he did. But she is visited by David Warner warning her about Jonathon wanting her soul and a creepy rat played by David Gale that just seems to creep the living fuck out of Crampton’s character. It is a fun 80s tale of Lovecraft creepiness that crosses elements of Re-Animator and From Beyond, brought to life by a great cast and Charles Band directing. If the anthology would have been released in 1988 before it was lost there is no doubt horror fans would have cherished this anthology just for this segment alone. But the horror fan inside of me is just excited to see a great piece of lost film that had Combs as an evil priest, Warner as an undead priest with a warning, Crampton’s perfect performance as usual, plus her naked butt, and David Gale as a freakish sick rat that kisses Combs’ character! The icing for this flick was special make-up effects done by John Carl Buechler who is just a cool bad ass dude! I give it 4 out of 4 stars and be purchased at www.fullmoondirect.com and info on how it all came together in the archives of the website www.fullmoonhorror.com .

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can purchase my newest book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Also let’s not forget I’m a part of “The Greatest Show Unearthed”… For more details on this show go check out and support at: http://www.facebook.com/BarnabusBaileyGSU and http://www.barnabusbailey.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Don’t forget you can find me at Horror Realm this March 15^th thru March 17^th, 2013… Check for details on the convention at www.horrorrealmcon.com .