Gross Movie Reviews #273

Gross Movie Reviews #273


By Tim Gross


Priest (DVD) – A different kind of vampire film set in the future where priest means something different than what we know. Everything is dark and bleak and every hour people bless themselves as it is God’s way. In the future, ‘priests’ are hand-picked by the holy ones to be trained in the vampire fighting ways to rid their culture of the vermin. Apparently these creatures started to feed on any human around until humans barricaded themselves in these holy cities and were protected by the ‘priests’ who all but wiped them out. Several years later the vermin have appeared again but this time with purpose and seem to be even more unstoppable than before. A pretty cool comic book style film with a great action star in Karl Urban playing the former ‘priest’ now head vamp, plus you can never go wrong with Brad Dourif being in the film. This isn’t any blockbuster of vampire film but a bloodsucking film that was overlooked at the theaters that need a second look? I give the film 2 ½ stars and Karl Urban deserves to be in “Expendables 3”!

Dead Souls (DVD/Chiller TV) – A dark and depressing film about a priest, deacon, whatever and his family where the man of God kills his family but couldn’t kill his newborn. Now, the newborn has just turned 18 years old and has received a letter about his family estate that he never knew about in Maine. Living a sheltered life the teenager sets out on his own to learn about his past he never knew… Bill Moseley has a small part but plays the deputy who found the newborn and the slain family members and 17 years later is considered a crazy drunk. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.

American Horror House (DVD/SyFy Channel) – A waste of time so called horror film about a house that happens to be haunted by people who were killed there in the past and the landlord or the pseudo sorority mother is controlling it. Boring and borders on the line of just plain retarded! Hey SyFy, let’s stick to the CGI shark flicks… I give it a ½ star.

Junkyard Dog (DVD) – Supposedly based on true events, a serial killer who just happens to be a tow truck driver/wrecking yard owner picks up young women looking for help when their car breaks down. But he does this just once a month so he can savor the horror of the woman he kidnapped while he also savors the taste of last month’s victim.  But eyebrows are raised in the small town where the serial killer resides when a FBI agent arrives and also disappears. Somewhat slow moving film but it does have Brad Dourif as the small town sheriff. Plus if you enjoy serial killer films you’ll want to at least see this once? I give it 2 stars.

G.H.O.S.T. (DVD) – Maya is a very driven ghost hunter, she lives and breathes ghosts. But who is having financial issues and her show about paranormal investigators is being canceled. But Maya is convinced if they have one final scary ass show that fans will force the network to keep the show or to be talked about for quite a while. While Maya is being told she needs to find a new career she reads online about an opera house that has history and has been closed for many years. The opera house dates back to the civil war days and there have been many strange unexplained deaths in the southern opera house. The last twenty minutes of the film is bizarre and far from what is expected from this type of film. J.T. Roberts who wrote and directed the film shows he has a true understanding of ghost hunting and is even able to joke about it in the beginning of the film. But this understanding helps him shape a smart, dramatic, thriller of an independent film about ghost hunting and how Maya becomes consumed with the subject of ghosts. I personally am not a big fan of ghost hunting or some of the crappy independent ghost hunting films that have popped up in recent years but Mr. Roberts and crew have my respect for making a very entertaining and interesting film on something I usually don’t care much about. I give the great independent ghost hunting film 3 out of 4 stars and can be found at .

The Exorcist III (DVD) – Originally titled “Legion” but later became part three of the series stars George C. Scott as a detective who helped with catching the serial killer named “The Gemini Killer” 17 years ago. Its 1990, and suddenly a boy and a priest are murdered and looked exactly like the Gemini murders years ago. Soon after some investigating the detective becomes fixed on a man inside a padded cell of a hospital where his best friend just happened to be murdered and drained of his blood. This man has never left his cell and has been barely awake for 17 years until now. Without trying to give too much away I personally believe too many people were too critical of this film when it was first released and many refused to believe it was ever made. But I love the film and thought it was an excellent sequel and should have been made in 1977 when that shitty abomination called “The Heretic” was released. I would even go as far as saying it was slightly ahead of its time. But again rewatching this sequel it has held up well over the years and believe maybe the fan base of the original film wasn’t ready for something like this film in 1990? Horror fans who haven’t seen it, should… And those who bashed it then might want to go back and rethink their thoughts on the film as Exorcist fans in general have been abused with the Heretic and two different versions of The Beginning, so it cannot be as bad as you think? I give this much underrated flick 3 ½ stars.

Exorcismus (DVD) – A young girl who is starting to become a woman begins to have behavioral issues according to her parents but none of the family could anticipate what it could actually be. The young woman has seizers and when she awakes people close to her are hurt or killed. If she isn’t having seizers she is having these very bizarre and unexplainable visions of blood and her doing terrible things. The family turns to the uncle who is a priest who has recently had some trouble with his perish as a young girl died during an exorcism he was performing. Knowing the signs he immediately wants to help and videotape the events that happen. But as the girl’s mind is unraveling things become clear of how and why this is happening to her. The very cool Doug Bradley shows up for a cameo as another priest but this film doesn’t do much to separate itself from the glut of films of this ilk that have recently been released. I give the film 2 stars. Stick with Exorcist III.

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