Gross Movie Reviews #291

By Tim Gross

Ooga Booga (DVD) – Charles Band and Full Moon’s latest release that was trying to play off of the ‘Django Unchained’ press by using taglines and poster art to stir up film fanatics has been finally released. It stars the great Stacey Keach and Karen Black. I enjoy the premise of an African tribesman coming to life from the spirit of a black man Devin gunned down for racist reasons, it is borderline Blaxploitation. Come on who doesn’t want to see a “Slurshy Machine” (yeah, I spelled it right) electric glitch brings to life the next greatest puppet of Charles Band’s world! Apparently the point of the story is don’t have a drunken actor who has entertained kids for thirty years or you’ll get gunned down by racist cops in a convenient store. Then only to have your spirit (Ooga Booga) make your girlfriend get butt raped to get keys from three criminals who caused the problem in the first place. Then your spirit and girlfriend make your way to Karen Black’s trailer park to seek revenge and onto the way fucking racist judge played by Stacey Keach. The movie sounds good, looks good, but I believe at some point when you cross that line of racism it just isn’t funny like introducing dolls (the Bad Ass dolls) to be exact only to cash in on your cult followers who will put out cash for you no matter what… The actor that plays Devin even has a line poking fun at the racist Bad Ass dolls for their names. I love the Ooga Booga doll, he is awesome. It reminds me of the tiki doll from ‘Trilogy of Terror’ but the film fails to deliver on what could be a great franchise for Mr. Band. For that I give it 2 stars but I keep repeating Ooga Booga, Ooga Booga, Ooga Booga!

The Quest (VHS/YouTube) – A very cool Aussie film from 1986 that blends Monster Squad, Goonies, and several other mid-80s films that were popular with the ‘E.T.’ kid! The ‘E.T.’ kid’s parents die while hanging out in Aussie country so a good friend takes in the kid as his own. To kill time since he is very different from your typical kid there he invents things, is a daredevil of sorts at the age of 12. When himself and two friends witness an event at a pond in the mountains he is convinced he wants to find what’s living underneath the water or does he? The film has several different names but has not been released on DVD as of yet. It’s a great adventure film and reminds of the days of when you were out of school during summer in the 80s and you would find cool films such as this and ‘Fortress’ on HBO at 8:30am on a random Thursday morning. Movie fans its worthy of searching out and watching just for the ending then get to the internet machine and start a campaign for this fucker to be released on DVD! I give it 3 ½ stars.

RAD (VHS) – Again another forgotten kids 80s flick that is all about BMX racing and what’s this Ray fucking Walston! Local kid does good flick from 1986 is about a teenager Cru jones who is given the chance to race the big names at “Helltrack” but of course the promoter fears what he could do to his main racer’s rep. So just like the kids in the film ‘Kidco’, Cru Jones and friends must raise money for the race and find a sponsor who just happens to be Ray Walston. Along with that storyline you get all the coolest bike tricks at the time that you and I most likely torn the skin off of our legs just jumping the curb out front of our houses. But the topper from the film and disappointed I didn’t remember this from my childhood is when Cru and his cute girlfriend (Christian) who went and did ‘Full House’ TV show do bike tricks at the local school dance. I give the film 3 stars.

Rise of the Dinosaurs (DVD/SyFy Channel) – The film was called ‘Jurassic Attack’ but I believe for no other reason there is a good chance SyFy Channel has made a movie of that name or going too? But SyFy vet Corin Nemac aka Parker Lewis sends some troops into an uncharted jungle to take down a weapons dealer. When the mission gets fucked up, Vernon Wells is gets pissed and is about to go ‘Road Warrior’ on Nemac’s ass because he doesn’t understand the seriousness of the problem. If that wasn’t enough there is dinosaurs eating people. Can you tell ‘Jurassic Park’ is being rereleased soon? I give the film 2 stars and give Vernon Wells 4 stars for still being a bad ass!

Best of the Best 4: Without Warning (VHS) – Yep, you got that right. There wasn’t a warning Phillip Rhee did another sequel to this franchise. But anyhow apparently fulfilling Miramax’s contract Phillip Rhee wrote, direct, produced, and acted again in this above average action flick which has his character Tommy Lee fighting the bad guys for disc copy of the Federal Reserve money designs. Along the way you have Tobin Bell (Yeah that guy) playing a Russian who steals the designs, Ernie Hudson playing a hard-nosed cop, Art LaFleur playing Rhee’s friend who gets fucked up by golf balls, and son of a bitch Paul Gleason playing a priest! Grab a six pack of Yuengling because I am in to watch this action flick again as I give it 2 ½ stars.

Hostel III (DVD) – A clone of Eli Roth decided to make ‘The Hangover’ into a horror movie. I give it 2 stars as you knew I was going to watch it just because it was a sequel!

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also Cannibal Campout and Woodchipper Massacre T-shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Gross Movie Reviews #290

By Tim Gross

The Mechanic (DVD) – A great 1972 flick that stars Chuck Bronson, and was remade starring Jason Statham in the Bronson role. Bronson plays a hitman who is aging and finds out his health isn’t as good as it once was. Bronson takes a young charming and energetic man in Jan-Michael Vincent under his wing to teach him the ropes of properly killing someone and getting paid for it. Bronson stresses to him its more than a hit. You need to do your research before you make your move which makes for action packed ending. Film is dated but still effective and fun action film. I give the ‘More Chuck for your buck flick’ 3 stars.

The Initiation (DVD) – Daphne Zuniga of ‘Fly 2’ and ‘The Sure Thing’ fame plays a college freshman Kelly in this early 80s slasher film that has quite a twist to it. Kelly seems to be haunted by her dreams or nightmares you can say and she meets Professor Adams who might be able to provide some answers for her with his help. Meanwhile, for Kelly to get accepted into the cool sorority she must steal her dad’s keys to the mall he owns so her future sisters and her can steal a security guard’s uniform and get out. But someone has other ideas about this when they begin to kill not only the college kids one by one but her father… or who she thought was her father? This is one of the few slasher/horror films from the 80s that slipped by me and was glad to finally sit down and watch it. Without giving the twist away I can see where films like ‘Hide and Go Shriek’, ‘Pledge Night’, and a few other late 80s films burrowed from the ending. Hell doing a little research there was actually no ending to the original script. The producers came up with one with the new director they brought when the film fell behind in shooting and budget in 1983. With that I give this cool slasher film 3 stars.

Naked Lunch (DVD) – Possibly, one the stranger films I have ever sat down and watched and that is saying a lot. Peter Weller plays an exterminator who runs out of roach powder during a job and soon is investigated because there officers that believe he is using it to get high. Weller finds out it is actually his wife using it and screwing around with his friends when he isn’t around. If that wasn’t weird enough Weller soon decides to try the powder and finds him in another world where his typewriter is alive and he is writing reports. When in reality when he comes down from his high he is actually writing a complex and interesting story he doesn’t have any clue he is writing. Before I lose you or myself on trying to explain the film any longer, take my word on it sit down and try to watch this sober and it will blow your freaking mind in a good way! I give it 3 ½ stars.

Iron Man 3 (Theater) – If anybody was a little disappointed with part two you will not with part three as Robert Downey Jr. and crew prove why everybody is Iron Man crazy after seeing this wonderful summer flick. This time around it isn’t Tony Stark stealing the show as much as Ben Kingsley may have played one of his best roles to date! Iron Man takes on Mandarin in this sequel where he tries to rip apart everything that Stark loves. The film makes Stark seem more human and if this is the last film of the series it was a good one. It not only connects the first two films but the Avengers films and Thor films. Grab the popcorn people, grab the beer, and enjoy this summer blockbuster as most will not be this entertaining. I give it 4 stars!

Demons 3: The Ogre (DVD) – Wow, I forgot how fucking bad this film was or should say still is… Anyway a female writer moves into an old house/castle with her husband and kid and just keeps having bad boring ass dreams about her walking around this house/castle and every once in a while is scared by the stunt Troll living in the basement. Nobody dies, nobody is naked, honestly was there a fucking point to this film? God please help me as I will watch the other sequels. I give this 0 stars.

Demons 4: The Sect (DVD) – The 1991 sequel is more about the bizarre and odd as a woman lives in a house that seems to have a creepy past and it just so happens to have blue goo coming out of the water pipes. The woman is chosen, chosen for what, not totally sure as the movie was trying to suck the life out of me by watching it but some old dude is reborn and his friendly cult members make her have a child which she doesn’t want at first. But then grabs it and runs into a fire to burn up with the cult leader. If you are into boring witch movies with lots of blue goo, you found it! I give it a ½ star.

The Lords of Salem (Theater) – Shame on Hollywood studios for not giving this truly bizarre but fun throwback type of horror film a bigger push. Agree or disagree whatever Rob Zombie does film wise it makes most if not all of the horror community pay attention to it. Visually this is one of the coolest horror films I have seen in the past decade! Sheri Moon Zombie plays a DJ with some drug problems in her past but is a part of a popular overnight radio show that just so happens to have Ken Foree a part of it also. Sheri’s DJ character receives an album in her real name (Hawthorne) called “The Lords”. She takes it home and plays it. It begins to almost change her by putting her into a trance of sorts and she his freaky ass dreams that made me ask myself at least once during the film, “What in the fuck is going on?”, in a good way. Strange things keep happening in her world including her landlord has her sisters stop by and want to hang out. Not knowing these are witches that were burned at the stake centuries ago and back to make good on their curse of the Hawthorne Family. It all leads to a one-time event of “The Lords (of Salem) to play a concert. Even though the scenes of Richard Lynch and a few other much known genre names were cut out of the final print we are still treated to characters played by Bruce Davison, Meg Foster, Dee Wallace, Michael Berryman, and Sid Haig. But if you blink you may miss a couple of them? If Rob Zombie set out to make a visually bizarre horror film that deals with witches and leaves an impression of unbelievable proportions on me, then mission accomplished. For me ‘The Devils Rejects’ is still Mr. Zombie’s best film but this ranks high and glad he showed he just doesn’t do remakes and renews my faith in bigger named filmmakers. I give the film 3 ½ stars.

Any comments or questions please send to: GrossMovieReview@verizon.net, GrossMovieReview@aol.com or www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

You can always visit and see some past reviews at: www.grossmoviereviews.com !!!

You can purchase my book from Library of the Living Dead Press called, “The Big Ass Book of Gross Movie Reviews” at www.amazon.com .

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle and I talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at http://bloodbathsandboomsticks.blogspot.com/

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe has the only place that you can purchase a Gross Movie Reviews t-shirt but also The Abomination shirt also!!!! Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.