Gross Movie Reviews #300
By Tim Gross
Bleed (DVD) – A film that was released in 2002 under the Shadow Films label aka Full Moon Pictures that stars the beyond talented Debbie Rochon as a woman named Maddy who is the new girl in the office after a tragic murder of one its members recently happened. Soon Maddy becomes a suspect of other office workers being murdered after she is told a fake story of “The Murder Club” where each member works its way up to murder in order to be part of this exclusive club. The film seems like a cut and dry modern slasher but has enough twists and turns to keep even the most hardcore horror fan interested in this low budget fare. What also makes the film fun to watch are cameos by Brinke Stevens and Lloyd Kaufman playing Maddy’s parents when they were younger! Awesome shit! It is very rare to see Mr. Kaufman in a straight role, as many times you catch him in a very low budget independent film, “insert title here” being himself and pumping up the film and Troma for 30 seconds. Plus, it’s cool to see most likely the office used is the Full Moon offices as you can clearly see ‘Curse of Puppet Master’ and a ‘Parasite’ poster in the hallway among many others. I give the flick 3 stars.
Witchouse (DVD) – Directed by David Decoteau in 1999 is not a mere ‘Night of the Demons’ throw away but more of a fun horror romp that may have taken a cue or two from Tinney’s masterpiece on a much smaller budget. The supposedly creepy college girl Elizabeth has invited friends to a party that just happens to be a ritual she is performing to bring back an evil witch named Lilith. The friends soon learned they are not just there to get drunk and bang like bunny rabbits. They are all decedents of those who burned Lilith at the stake. A cool alternate horror film pick when looking for films to watch on a rainy weekend. I give the flick 2 ½ stars.
Witchouse 2: Blood Coven (DVD) – A year after the first film, J.R. Bookwalter directed this sequel that was hugely influenced by ‘Blair Witch Project’ that was white hot at the time. An old house is being destroyed to make room for a new shopping mall and some remains have been found on the property. Some college students and their professor are invited to the site to investigate and soon find out that remains may belong to a famous witch named Lilith and her friends or coven. When trying to get a DNA sample the professor cuts herself and almost instantly becomes possessed by the spirit of the evil witch and begins her killing spree. Not a great follow up but has a couple highlights: Jeff Burr appearance as a man on the street asked about witches and Andrew Prine as a man who is a witch hunter. Prine’s character explains the town made a pact with Lilith and her coven hundreds of years ago when a plague hit. And now they are back to start their coven again. I give the flick 1 ½ stars.
Witchouse 3: Demon Fire (DVD) – This film was again filmed a year later and by J.R. Bookwalter also where this time Bookwalter and crew take a totally different approach to the Lilith witch legend and throws in a good cast in Debbie Rochon, Tina Krause, Brinke Stevens, and Tanya Dempsey for good measure. This may the best of the three films as Debbie Rochon and best friend played by Tina Krause are making a documentary about witches and witch related things and to see if witchcraft is real? Debbie’s sister played by Tanya Dempsey has a falling out with her boyfriend and they all decide to do a séance, coven circle, whatever you wanna call it as Debbie’s character wants it for her documentary. She reads from a fake book of spells and says a few lines but a pissed off Lilith played by Brinke Stevens shows up and has plans of her own. Weird shit continues to happen to the three women after the weird event and keeps you the viewer on your toes of whether Lilith actually exists or not. Great low budget flick worth rewatching again as I give 3 stars.
Goobers! (DVD) – The film was originally released in 1997 as ‘Mystery Monsters’ where Charles Band began a line of kid’s films in the 90s when things at Full Moon was going great. The film was recently rereleased under a new name ‘Goobers!’ Apparently, the drunk Happ Abby from the ‘Trancers’ films plays an asshole Cap’n Mike in a kid’s puppet show where the three puppets move around like they have a life of its own? Cap’n Mike went to a different dimension which is not explained and steals these monsters, goobers, puppets… whatever you wanna call them off of an evil woman that will stop at nothing to imprison them again. The evil woman is known as Executive Producer Mara. It’s a kid’s film so keep that in mind when watching it. A new kid is on set and has yet to hit puberty because when they do Cap’n Mike gets rid of them. But this new kid is very curious about the supernatural monsters and learns they are being kept against their will and vows to help them. A great flick for hardcore Full Moon fans to seek out. I give it 3 stars.
Shandar the Shrunken City (DVD) – Another Full Moon film that is now under Charles Band’s Moonbeam Films label and was released under a different title in 1998 “The Shrunken City”. Two kids named George and Lori go searching around a construction site where George believes he found something cool there. When they go searching they just happen to find a shrunken city in a globe that just so happens to have live people in it that have been sleeping for the last 26,000 years and on the run from some assassins called the OOD! But years ago the bootleg ‘Krull’ creatures aka robot extras from ‘Dollman’ aka used monster masks from Full Moon’s ‘Oblivion’ found the peaceful city of Shandar and tried to destroy it. In hopes of a better future the inhabitants decided to shrink the city and were not able to be found until now. With the power source lost and the OOD hot the trail of Shandar it is up to George and Lori to save them from the OOD and find the power source so the city expands to its original size and destroy their small town. I give the kid’s flick 2 ½ stars.
Night at the Magic Museum (DVD) – Another Full Moon film that has been rereleased recently that was originally called, ‘Mystery Museum’ in 1999. The story begins in 1632 where a sorcerer imprisons some evil dudes in a painting as they were about to destroy a village for the “Jewel of Polaris”. Hundreds of years later the painting just happens to be in a museum where a young lady named Kim works at and she just happens to have her younger brother Ben with her and during a stormy night at the museum lightning opens a portal between the painting and our world sending them to 1632. Ben and Kim need the help of their little sister back in present time and some help from the villagers to make sure the evil dudes don’t kill them before they find the “Jewel of Polaris”. Not as good as the other Moonbeam Film releases but if you are going to have a Full Moon film weekend you got to include the ones most people don’t know about as I give this film 1 ½ stars.
Decadent Evil (DVD) – A disappointing horror film starring Phil Fondacaro as Ivan the vampire hunter who tracks down a lady head vamp named Morella to a strip club called, “Visions”. The strippers are all vamps and use the club to feed and help Morella get 10000 souls. If she accomplishes this goal she can become immortal. The film is 65 minutes long and between the flashbacks of the film ‘Vampire Journals’ and random footage of strippers, and credits you may have 30 minutes of an actual horror movie. Not even the cool puppet named Marvin that just so happens to be the father of Ivan the vampire hunter will keep you interested in this mess! I give the film 1 star.
Decadent Evil 2 (DVD) – The sequel to very disappointing vampire flick of the same name picks up a year or so later where the vamp stripper Sugar and her boyfriend are searching for a way to change Marvin back to normal. What makes the film insulting is Mr. Band gets a bootleg Phil Fondacaro aka Ricardo Gill to play an undead Ivan the vampire hunter who just happens to be carried around in a suitcase. Apparently, Sugar and her boyfriend find another strip club that just happens to have another head vamp going for 10000 souls. Honestly, this film is crap and that is the best way to say it. I give it 1 star.
Dangerous Worry Dolls (DVD) – A Full Moon film that is about a woman named Eva who is in a women’s detention center and just trying to do her time and get out and starting over. Of course the long term inmates have taken a liking to Eva and trying to force her to be their drug mule, plus she has been harassed by a coked up security officer. But Eva’s daughter during visiting day gives her a present: Worry Dolls. Supposedly the legend is you put the small figures under your pillow at night and they take all your worries away. Eva does this that night and feels 100% better the next day. But Eva doesn’t understand she is becoming possessed by the Worry Dolls that make her break a woman’s arm in three places and wants to start trouble for those who made her life miserable inside the detention center. Or as I like to describe this film: Charles Band remakes ‘Reform School Girls’! I give the film 2 ½ stars.
Gangsters, Guns, and Zombies (DVD) – A UK zombie film that revolves five thugs who just happen to rob a bank when a zombie apocalypse breaks out and we have running zombies everywhere. Most of the film is spent with the thugs mostly driving a countryside looking for a safe house and getting attacked by zombies every time they make a stop. Nothing new happens in the film but have a feeling zombie fans will be more than happy to add another sub-par zombie film to their collections as I give it 1 ½ stars.
World Gone Wild (VHS) – Another little known late 80s film that is set in 2087 and apparently Bruce Dern and Catherine Mary (Night of the Comet fame) Stewart help a small village called “Lost Wells” go 75 years after the major war started and almost wiped out humanity. With a new threat of a man who brainwashes young men into his religion and tries to seek more in the wastelands, Dern decides it is time to go the ruins called the city in order to find an old friend in Michael Pare to help him save his peaceful village. Another film that makes you wonder who in Hollywood actually knows what they are doing as another cool film with a little help would most likely have found its audience in 1988. I give the apocalyptic flick 3 stars.
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