Gross Movie Reviews #458

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Gross Movie Reviews #458

 

The Happytime Murders (On Demand) – In a world where puppets and humans exist together a private eye who happens to be a puppet and a former cop gets a case from a sexy young lady puppet. The case isn’t open and shut as he likes as someone is killing all the puppets involved with a very popular kids show from the 90s. The private eye finds himself soon teamed up with his ex-partner, a human trying to solve the mystery of who is the killer? Lots of adult humor, the puppets looked great, and a cool buddy cop flick of sorts. This wasn’t as much as “Meet the Feebles” as I thought it would be so good for them. I didn’t love it and I didn’t hate it but worth at least a watch as I give it 2 stars.

 

Upgrade (On Demand) – This should have been the “Robocop” remake! A mechanic named Grey rebuilds a classic Trans-Am in the near future for a super-rich computer whiz. After Grey and his wife begin driving home from dropping the car off they are in a bad car accident and his wife is killed by some thugs. Grey is paralyzed, but is given the chance to try an experimental computer chip that should restore all feeling back to his limbs and help him move again. Grey agrees and has implanted into his spine and STEM the computer chip almost works immediately. But Stem also thinks and talks for itself and decides to start talking Grey and help him find his wife’s killers. Grey unsure at first slowly allows STEM to show him he is quicker, smarter, better now. Grey uses his paralyzed status to track down all involved without being detected as a suspect. Once Grey goes down this wormhole with STEM there is very cool twists in the plot that make the movie a must rewatch several times. Plus I believe the plot hits on a nerve of this not too distant future could be very real sooner than we think? This action flick is absolutely amazing as I give it 4 stars.

 

Hotel Artemis (On Demand) – A weirdo flick set in the not so distant future of 2028 where Jodie Foster is a manager/doctor to a hotel or safe house for criminals. Criminals pay big bucks for these certain safe houses all over the world if by some chance they are injured in some way. If you do not have a membership you are thrown out on your ass. Foster’s character is a shut-in who has lots of anxiety and hasn’t the outside world in a couple decades. But it all goes to shit when the big boss comes to be fixed up and there is an assassin there inside the hotel to take him out. This flick is one of those check your brain at the door and just enjoy the entertainment. I give the film 2 ½ stars.

You Might be the Killer (DVD) – This is one those slasher flicks that doesn’t overthink the plot and just has a lot of fun with what it is. Sam is a good dude who once a year takes time away from his business and goes off the grid for a weekend. He goes to a camp with a bunch of friends and just has wholesome camp fun. But a big problem arises when he is calling his best friend Chuck (Alyson Hannigan) because he believes a psycho killer has killed all the campers and now is stalking him? They go through all the movie clichés until Sam remembers at some point the story about a cursed mask being at a dead tree was actually real and he put the mask on. When he has the mask on he is an unstoppable killer who slaughters his friends in many brutal ways. When the mask is off he doesn’t recall anything and believes he is being stalked also. I loved watching this bloody flick that never took itself serious and delivered the goods on just being a fun horror flick to watch as I give it 3 stars.

Commando Ninja (YouTube) – This absolute 4 star gem is from the mind Ben Combes. Ben decided to kickstart his love letter of a movie to 80s action movie genre. This film combines at least 20 different action film ideas into one movie. The film begins with a flashback of 1968 Vietnam where a recon team led by John Hunter is ambushed by ninjas with Predator vision. Then the story flashes forward to 1986 where John Hunter is approached by an old Green Beret vet to let him know the evil ninjas are back and John’s daughter gets kidnapped by these evil creatures. From there it flashes back and forth between 1968 and 1986 showing where John got his ninja training and how he tracks down the evil ninjas that took his daughter. But just when you thought it couldn’t get any more ridiculous he has to time travel to the future in 1998 to get her back. Before I forget there are also dinosaurs and cyborgs in this film and the Trans-am in 1998 like the one in “Smokey in the Bandit”. This is a must own for any 80s action film lover as it leaves no stone unturned bringing its brilliant story to life. I give this project 4 stars and a front runner for one of the best films I have watched in 2019.

 

Bigfoot Ate My Boyfriend (DVD) – The film opens of course stating that it was based on true events. Sheriff Bailey has a situation on her hands as bodies are piling up in the woods and news wants to know what is going on. So she calls in the only local Federal Bigfoot Investigator she knows to help her track it down and stop it. But a former child star Jimmy Johnson of ‘Kung-fu Kid’ has plans of his own of going into the woods and challenging Bigfoot to a fight and getting it on film. Thus the event should thrust him back into Hollywood stardom. A hilarious but bad film about a Bigfoot that growls like a poodle when attacking and I am damn glad to own it as I give it 2 out of 4 stars. More info on the film can be found at www.gatorbladefilms.com .

 

Project: Eugenics (DVD) – A bad end of the world zombie film with not many zombies and is to be continued at the end of the film. The premise is a corporation called Eugenics wants to experiment on millions of citizens to see if a zombie vaccine works and they get all the profit. I give it 1 star.

 

Over the Edge (DVD) – A 1979 film that was based on a true event involving unruly teenagers and a Midwest community in the mid-70s. With the cities becoming overrun with crime and drugs, many families began to move out to rural areas where communities where were being built for people trying to escape the city life. Or what would become known eventually as the suburbs. This community of New Granada is supposed to be a wonderful place for families but a lot of their population is teenagers with nothing to do except for one rec center for entertainment. When a piece of land is no longer going to be a drive-in and bowling alley and going to have office space built on it the young people get upset. On top of that a rogue cop closes down the rec center soon things get out of control between the young people, the adults, and the cop. The film is watchable and stars a young Matt Dillon but doesn’t really have a character you really connect or root for. There are several other films of the early 80s that make this formula work better on film as I give the cautious tale of “Parents talk to your kids” 2 stars.

 

Den of Thieves (On Demand) – A wild action/crime flick where a crew of bank robbers try to pull off one of the biggest heists of the century and must deal with a L.A. sheriff that doesn’t always play by the rules. The crew is led by a man named Merrimen who been imprisoned for the past decade and use that time to plan a heist at the Federal Bank Reserve. Meanwhile the sheriff played by Gerard Butler knows Merrimen has something planned but always seems to be one step behind. A way better heist flick than you would ever believe so give it a chance as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Category III: The Untold Story of Hong Kong Exploitation (DVD) – A wonderful documentary documenting how this rating came in existence in Hong Kong cinema and how it has changed after 1997. A good bit of Hong Kong’s popular films took advantage of this rating and produced some of the greatest over the top films the world ever seen. Its peak existence was between the years 1988-1997 and they explained what led to the rating being made and what happened to Hong Kong cinema after China took control again in 1997. Very interesting stories behind Hong Kong cinema and some of the titles I have watched or heard over the years while searching for movies in video stores. I give the documentary 3 ½ stars.

 

Nude Nuns with Big Guns (DVD) – The title says it all as there really isn’t much to the plot except nuns being made to make drugs for bikers who work for the Catholic Church. Then the drugs are sold everywhere. When Sister Sarah is pimped out and pumped full of drugs she is saved by a so-called witch doctor. Sister Sarah in the drugged out dreamland receives a message from god to kill all that are involved with the drug trade. So becomes the nun vigilante that cannot be stopped as she massacres everyone for what they did to her. Fun B-movie crap that has big boobs, bullets, and lots of blood as I give 2 ½ stars too.

 

Any comments or questions please send to grossmoviereview@verizon.netor www.facebook.com/grossmoviereviews . Remember folks always support your local independent movie theater, independent video store, and independent filmmakers! It will keep horror alive………

Don’t forget you can also hear Kyle Poling and me talking about horror flicks on a weekly basis on the Bloodbaths and Boomsticks podcast at: www.bloodbathspodcast.blogspot.com/ also available at http://www.stitcher.com/podcast/kyle-poling-2/bloodbaths-and-boomsticks?refid=stpr

Plus you can always go to the greatest T-shirt place online or if you are in Texas visit the store of “Fast Custom Shirts” where T-shirt Joe is the only place you should purchase your horror T-shirts: Go to www.fastcustomshirts.com for details.

Grossfest 2 is coming… July 20, 2019, check our Grossfest Facebook page and www.grossfest.comfor details and upcoming guests. #grossfest #grossfest2019

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Check out all of our end of the year lists at Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week we call a close to Christmas and introduce Kyle to an all-time Santa jam that he has never seen in CHRISTMAS EVIL.  John talks about a really cool 50’s monster movie with a lot more going on than it seems in THE CRAWLING EYE A>K>A> THE TROLLENBERG TERROR.  Then Kyle (who doesn’t give a shit about Christmas) talks about a truly lost film in NINJA BUSTERS starring a third rate Kung Fu Cheech and Chong and that one dude from Big Trouble in Little China.  Plus we answer your questions and tell all the news that’s fit to print… or make up if you’re Bloody Disgusting.  

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Christmas vacation is over… the overtime has died down… and we say goodbye to 2018, but not before we have our say.  Join Kyle, Tim, John, and special guest T-Shirt Joe in recalling the worst and best movies we all saw in 2018.  This is the giant sized special annual get the fuck outta her 2018 edition.

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We got four new shows for yinz!

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This week we check in with old Sid Haig and see what he’s has been up to with the ladies in BEYOND ATLANTIS.  Then we get the movie we need right now socially as American soldiers in WWII punch zombies in the face in OVERLORD.  And we got some kung fu robot shenanigans in DEATH MACHINES.  And as a bonus movie we got a weirdo family drama/high school coming of age/detective/sleazy sex-sploitation flick from the director of Death Wish in SCREAM FOR HELP.  We also got the mandatory football chat, listener questions, conspiracies, and news.

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On this week’s show we get to see what happens when computer students turn into murdering masterminds in INTERFACE.  Then we go to cheerleader camp in an 80 boner jam… (Or is it) that none of us have ever heard on called GIMME AN F. And finally 6 NFL players come home from Vietnam to avenge some murder in THE BLACK SIX. We also get around to having some football chat, what we’ve been watching this week, and news!

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This week we dig into some Brian DePalma jams in the cross dressing cult favorite DRESSED TO KILL.  Then we start to get into the Christmas mood as Bill Goldberg jackhammer powerbombs this way through a ton of b list celebrity cameos in SANTA’S SLAY.  And finally Kyle covers an all in one night crime/missing person/mobster jam in RUNNING SCARED.  So check it out or Paul Walker will narc you out.  

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This week we have 4 movies to check out.  The first being one of the most touted and beloved films of 2018 in HEREDITARY.  Then we have a slasher featuring a killer Santa slasher featuring a bag of dicks… literally in ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE. Then we move on to a killer mutant snowman in JACK FROST featuring gratuitous Shannon Elizabeth side boob.  And finally we got an amazing flick that is exclusive to Shudder in TERRIFIED.  Spoiler alert!!!  One of these movies is one of our most hated movies ever to appear on our show and one is the best.  

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Best of 2018 list or at least what I watched this year!

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1) Terrifier (On Demand) – A film from Damien Leone that I had been hearing things about for a couple years it seems. Well horror movie fans grab the Halloween candy and turn down the lights as there is a new fun Halloween holiday horror flick to enjoy! Art the Clown is out on the town Halloween night carrying his sack of goodies. Art not having much to say voice wise uses his actions to tell you what he is about to do. As Art wanders the streets a pretty young lady named Tara catches his eye and follows Tara and her friend Dawn into a pizza shop. Of course Dawn takes pics of her and the weird ass clown that keeps an eye on Tara for her social media page. From there it just gets creepy as hell as their car has a flat and Tara runs to a close by apartment building to use the bathroom. The fun holiday night goes to hell when Art the Clown shows up again to begin his bloody path to the girls and anyone that interferes. I love the whole thing of Art the Clown just existing and actor David Howard Thornton was perfect for the role. “Terrifier” wasn’t just entertaining but pure horror awesomeness as the film took the gore level up a notch with a great ‘death by hacksaw’ scene (poor Dawn)! The film was grim, gritty, and absolutely beautiful. Mark my words “Terrifier” will be one of the best horror films of 2018 as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

2) The Night Watchmen (DVD) – So Blimpo the Clown, a Baltimore native, has died in Romania while on tour. His body is shipped to the Baltimore Gazette instead of the morgue down the street. The night watchmen are made a deal by the two guys who made the mistake to keep it overnight. We are introduced to two crazy watchmen who for the most part just watch porn and play cards, while a third that might be witness protection reads a lot, and the new guy who is done with the band thing. Everything that happens at the gazette is known by these guys: missing lunches, cute girls on which floor, when the boss (James Remar) is feeling up young ladies’ butts. Well their boss gets curious about Blimpo’s coffin to see if he can steal anything but instead finds Blimpo the Vampire! Blimpo and his fellow going army of vampires have taken over the building and Karen the cute journalist is in trouble. So the night watchmen and the rookie come up with a plan to save her and possibly ask her on a date while fighting vampires. We get a hilarious, awesome glorious bloody mess of a horror film that will be on my ‘Best of 2018’ list. I give this movie 4 stars folks.

 

3) The Shape of Water (Theater) – An amazing creature love story set in the 50s. A mute woman works as a janitor with her best friend at a classified facility that has just gotten a new addition. This new exciting addition happens to be a creature that lives in the water and was worshipped as a god in South America. The military is very interested, the Russians are interested but not that interested, but this mute woman forms a relationship with the creature. She feels exactly like the creature and has finally someone that understands her. Forming this bond with the creature by eating lunch with him every day, a scientist who happens to be Russian posing as an American sees this amazing experience as something that needs to be researched. Russia does not feel the same way and the Americans are just looking for the next dog to send to space as the “Great Space Race” has begun. The janitors with the help of a friend and the scientist sneak the creature out and into the mute woman’s apartment. This is just temporary until they can release the creature when the rains come. During that time the woman and the creature’s relationship becomes that much bigger and find it difficult to part from each other when its time. The movie is absolutely amazing looking and gonna be one of the best films of 2018 as I give it 4 stars.

 

4) Bubba the Redneck Werewolf (DVD) – Bubba is a redneck through and through and doesn’t stand up for himself much as his high school girlfriend (Bobbi Jo) is now seeing someone else. Bubba depressed decides to make a deal with a demon to help this status and he is turned into a werewolf for his soul. While Bubba is learning of his new appearance, strength, actually having sex with Bobbi Jo, and hunger for chicken wings at the bar, the demon is going around the small town and finding gullible folks. The demon makes deals for their souls that go bad quickly. Now the small town looks to Bubba the Redneck Werewolf to do something about it? And Bubba does what any self-respecting person does and that is challenge the demon to a game of quarters! I absolutely loved this film and totally believe if the great horror film “Wolfcop” exists more horror fans would have found this 2014 flick and been talking about it. This is much lower budgeted film than “Wolfcop” but is very witty take on the werewolf concept and think horror and werewolf fans need to give this film a chance as I give it 4 stars.

 

5) Another Wolfcop (Theater) – Lowell Dean finally gives me the sequel not only I wanted but all Wolfcop fans. Lou is still on the prowl but these days during a full moon Sheriff Tina believes it would be better that Lou is locked up. Busy drinking and having his usually ‘Liquor and Donuts’ baker dozen as they are the official sponsor of Wolfcop. Of course Lou doesn’t listen and gets out and after an incident; Tina has to take lip from the mayor (Kevin Smith) about a Wolfcop running around town.  After a night of the usual chaos and Lou taking a truck back because its evidence he finds his dead friend or reborn friend/shape shifter Willie in a present. So the old tag team is back, maybe as Wolfcop has come against a new robotic foe that was built by a scientist controlled by Sidney Swallows. Swallows plans on getting the local folk drunk on his new cheap beer ‘Chicken Milk Stout’ then killing them at the hockey game. Honestly I am not making this up as Willie now has a mutant dick that smokes weed with him. Willie also has a werewolf sister who bangs Lou and has six tits! And apparently snorting moon rock is like steroids for werewolves. This beautiful mess is all mashed together in a 82 minute sequel that is just as much fun as the original. See it now as I give it 4 stars.

 

6) Mom and Dad (DVD) – This bat shit crazy film stars Nic Cage and Selma Blair as normal parents just trying to make it through parenthood. But a strange unexplained virus is hitting parents worldwide where they have the urge to kill their own children. And parents are just doing plain boring murders they are trying to do some brutal ass damage. Once the virus hits Nic Cage and Selma Blair’s characters it is freaking hilarious as they chase their kids all over the house and try to gas them out of the basement. When you thought it could not get any better we get a great scene about life sucking with kids and people not understanding. But the ultimate topper is when the grandparents show up for the forgotten dinner and the grandpa is mother fucking the man, the myth, the legend Lance Henriksen and he starts stabbing the shit out of Nic Cage. Horror fans check the brains at the door and just enjoy this this amazing piece of film of complete chaos and how beautiful it is as I give it 4 stars.

 

7) Mayhem (DVD) – Imagine if “The Belko Experiment” was done better with a simpler plot to it. The new virus that is affecting people around the globe is the ‘red eye virus’. This virus doesn’t kill you as it attacks your brain and makes you just not care. Some people it affects them sexually, some people it gives them angry rage, and so on. The point is this law firm with the help many people that work long and hard for the company found a way to get a man off for murder who killed a co-worker during the time he was infected with the virus. The CDC is aware of it and constantly trying to find a cure for it. But someone has put the virus into the water supply of the law firm and now it is on lockdown. Not before the dude that found the loop hole is fired and a woman his company is screwing over is supposed to be thrown out. Because of the lockdown the two decide to make a pact to make their way to the top in a gruesome, murderous, sexually charged rampage to kill the president of the company because they wouldn’t be blamed. Great concept for a film, gory as fuck, and absolutely entertaining as hell as I give it 4 stars.

 

8) Halloween (Theater) – Remake, sequel, forgetting everything in the series? Take your pick as Blumhouse Productions goes the route of JJ Abrams “Star Trek” in bringing Michael Myers back for another installment. That’s the best way to describe it. But I will give you the long way about it also: Okay folks, first you are supposed to forget everything after the first film 40 years ago… Second, even though “Halloween II” took place the same night Halloween 1978, forget that too just in case. Third, no this isn’t a remake of “H20” even though there are a few scenes of déjà vu. Fourth, Laurie Strode and Michael Myers are not brother and sister which I believe they explain quickly and brilliantly during the film. Fifth, didn’t Laurie Strode die? Oh yeah, you were supposed to forget that too since you are not supposed to remember she died already in Part 8. Sixth, no Busta Rhymes and Michael died for good at the end of part 8 (if interested “Halloween: Resurrection”, remember don’t blame me). Seven, didn’t Rob Zombie start a new timeline? It’s very therapeutic for me to explain this.  Now with all that out of the way I absolutely fucking love this film. It felt like a part of the series part sequel/part renewing of original material. After The Babysitter Murders in 1978 Michael Myers was captured by the Haddonfield Police and Dr. Loomis. Since then Michael has been sitting in a maximum security asylum for the past 40 years and Laurie Strode has become a basket case doomsday prepper who suffers from surviving that night. A British podcast team comes asking questions on the 40th anniversary of the murders. Laurie is more concern as they are about to move Michael to a horribly tortuous secured facility where he will live out the rest of his life not saying a word. They show him the mask and it does get a reaction but still no words. It is believed that both Michael and Laurie only live to kill each other at this point? Of course Michael escapes and starts murdering spree going house to house until finding out where Laurie and her family is. This time Laurie is prepared! If you pay attention there is a lot of talk of Dr. Loomis, the school daze scene, Laurie Strode falling out the window and getting up, the people behind this really did their best to incorporate the first film. Including the opening credits! Simply it was nice to enjoy the series again without trying to reinvent the ‘Boogeyman’ as I give this 4 stars with a little hesitation for the mere reason I believe there is a couple different endings for this film and that MAKES ME INTRIGUED.

 

9) B-Documentary 2 (DVD) – Nick Charles is back with a sequel to his great documentary about the independent film world. With introduction done by Lloyd Kaufman of course, Nick and crew worked their asses off to get opinions and conversations from several actors, actresses, and filmmakers. Some are well-known and some are on the rise as they dig deeper in this documentary to help explain things to audiences that may not know what goes on in the independent film business. This time around we get: Gary Sherman, John Bloom aka Joe Bob Briggs, Adam Green, Lynn Lowry, Tiffany Shepis, Kevin Van Hentenryck, Glen Coburn, James Balsamo, Mathew Fisher, Kevin Forte among several others. They were all asked questions such as “How they got started?” “How should future filmmakers get started?” “What is the key to make a successful movie?” You see where this going but the varying opinions is what amazed me because I could argue different points with each of the people interviewed but also agreed with several things that are said on this DVD. Viewers and filmmakers alike this isn’t just a ‘need to watch’ movie… People this is a ‘need to own right now’ documentary that gives you more than just an inside look of independent filmmaker but a peak into the lives of these celebrities you may not have had the pleasure of knowing or hearing of their experiences. I believe Nick and crew got the right mix of talent that is featured in this movie as they are all just different enough to make this work flawlessly. This absolutely perfect film documentary should be used in film school as I give it 4 out of 4 stars.

 

10a) Swiss Army Man (DVD) – Possibly the most bizarre, completely entertaining, and glorious film you will ever watch in your life. I do not say that lightly. Daniel Radcliffe said it best on a late night talk show, “It’s a film about farting, erections, and a dead guy.” If you do not find that funny: one, this isn’t the film for you and two, you are most likely dead inside? The film begins with a young man played Paul Dano who is trapped on a small island trying to hang himself until he sees a dead body wash up on shore. Its Manny aka Daniel Radcliffe and once he begins farting Dano’s character rides him across the water to freedom and onto an adventure that will blow your mind. They become friends, eat out, share stories, start fires, and fight a bear. You get the picture? If you haven’t witnessed this film yet make it so because the ending makes the movie even more bizarre and fun. I give this hilarious flick 4 stars farting all the way.

 

10b) Brutal Relax (short film) (Vimeo) – From the makers of one of the best films of 2017 “Fist of Jesus” in my mind that I watched, comes this beautiful gem! A man is told by his doctor he needs to relax so this man heads to the beach in his white underwear, sits on the beach, and listens to music. He loves it, he is relaxing… Then ugly creatures come from the sea and begin a brutal bloody gore filled massacre on the beach. Our main character still sits blissfully unaware of what’s going on as people are running for their lives and being ripped a apart and feasted on! The creatures luck changes for the bad when the man’s music stops and he stands up in a fit of rage and takes it out on the creatures. Once again brilliant, beautiful, fun, amazing, and downright entertaining. For me 2018 has started off right with this short film as I give it 4 out of 4 stars. For more details on this project and the great “Fist of Jesus” head over to www.fistofjesus.com .

 

10c) Sicario (DVD) – A female F.B.I. agent (Kate) who is a bad ass has just been pulled to be a part of a D.O.D. mission. She is to observe and understand what is coming. She is to observe a team of experts who plan to fight against the Mexican cartels who just happened to tunnel their way into Arizona recently. She has the chance to make an actual difference as there has been a change at the highest level of U.S. government to try to stop or at least counter the latest actions of the cartels. Josh Brolin is a free spirited man who believes Kate can learn and understand what the government is trying to do here with the cartels. But then she introduced to a mysterious man, a hitman played by Benicio Del Toro who is very calm in what he does and kind of looks out for Kate at first. A deal has been made, lines are now blurred, and there isn’t procedure any longer, as its war! And the hitman is here to restore order by any means needed. Alejandro, the hitman is a Columbian hitman that is here in the U.S. to restore order. When Kate disagrees she finds out the hard way this isn’t the F.B.I. any longer. With this latest flick I have seen Del Toro has just made it into ‘my top 5 actors I want in everything’. This action flick about the cartels does not wimp out as it is cold hearted and fucking awesome as I give it 4 stars.

 

10d) Black Panther (Theater) – Bottom line Marvel movie fans Black Panther’s universe is much bigger than you can imagine and how much it will impact the next “Avengers” flick. For the most part this is an origin story of the character and has a kick ass villain to boot. The Black Panther isn’t all about staying hidden but believes the world needs help but first he must save his kingdom from his cousin. A cousin that was abandoned in America and not brought home after his father’s death. The film is absolutely wonderful and the landscapes are just beautiful. Marvel should be proud of the job they did with this fun film because it stands in my top five Marvel films to be rewatched over and over again. Now do me a favor and give me another damn “Blade” movie for the love of Wesley Snipes! Saying that this comic book movie is a must see as I give it 4 stars.

 

10e) The BPO Halloween Mixtape from Hell! (DVD) – The BPO Films trio has a lot of fun with a couple of short films called Benny Bob and Phantom’s Super Halloween Special 1 & 2. Also in between you get a couple “Pizza Boy” trailers which I could not stop laughing throughout. If Benny Bob and Phantom are not trying to scare each other they do fight a demon! This collection doesn’t show off their talent as much showing they are all about just having fun when they put together a wonderful project and that can take you a long way. It reminded me a lot of the early stuff that I have seen from independent filmmakers Jim Roberts, Steve Rudzinski, and Rick Fusselman. Make something out of nothing and just enjoy what you put on film. Dumb hijinks that doesn’t get old and also just referencing popular movies like “Ghostbusters” doesn’t hurt for laughs. Well done guys as I give it 4 out of 4 stars as this entertaining DVD will get replayed around Halloween at my home. For more info on these guys check out www.bpofilms.com .

 

Honorable mentions for 2018!

Puppet Master: The Littlest Reich (On Demand) – One of the most talked about horror films of 2018 and for good reason. This got a lot of horror fans’ attentions when the puppets first showed up at Texas Frightmare weekend and we all were learning this film will be very different from the original Charles Band production. It is hard to define if this is a reboot, sequel, etc., as the new film is based on the characters but taken in a much darker direction that many of the “Puppet Master” entries stayed away from. But anyhow a comic book store employee has recently moved back home after a divorce and has hooked up with the girl across the street. They make the decision to head to a toy convention that is celebrating the 30 year anniversary of ‘The Toulon Murders’. There he hopes to sell what he thinks are one of Toulon’s original puppets that may or may not have killed his brother when they were young. Once there and after the creepy tour with Barbara Crampton the retired cop, the dolls are disappearing from people’s hotel rooms and thought stolen. But the evil puppets are killing again thanks to Toulon who has risen from the grave! The hotel becomes the center of an all-out bloodbath and the only way to maybe stop the murdering puppets is find the undead Toulon. After watching the film I was surprised at the cameos and how many bodies pile up in the film. The film takes a wonderful and entertaining ride into evil and I liked it! Not a fan of the puppets like the original but I am wanting more… I give the film 3 ½ stars. But I have two questions I want answered: When is the sequel coming? And will Charles Band ever make another “Puppet Master” film now with this existing?

 

The Babysitter (DVD) – This teen horror film that is a wolf in sheep’s clothing lures you in thinking the film is just another teen horror but blossoms into a hilarious gore fest. Cole is a nerdy teenager that still has a babysitter. But the babysitter is a very hot young lady named Bee that just seems to get Cole. Cole and she have a lot in common and Cole is starting to grow up and see Bee in a different light. Cole convinced by the girl across the street to stay up to see if Bee parties or make out with her boyfriend after Cole goes to sleep during babysitting nights. Cole does… And what Cole witnesses is nothing he was prepared for as Bee invites friends for a game of spin-the-bottle which turns into a blood-soaked sacrifice! Cole now must go all “Home Alone” in order to survive Bee and her friends now he knows the truth. The horror flick is a fun reminder yes it takes lots of blood and guts to entertain but also just a simple hilarious storyline could make the horror film worth the watch. I really enjoyed this fun horror flick as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Domestics (On Demand) – The film is set in a post-apocalyptic world where the government may have hit the reset button by dropping black poison on all its citizens one random day. Those who were immune or survived are faced with fighting for their lives day in and out if you are anywhere near the major highways or roads. These are the areas where different gangs of “Sheets, Gamblers, cannibals, etc.” settle at looking for fresh humans for whatever means they need. We are introduced to a lovely couple who were in the process of a divorce right before all this shit went down and just trying to survive like everyone else. The wife has lost contact with her family and wants to travel to Milwaukee to see them. So the husband packs up the AMC Eagle and get on the road out in the Midwest to drive to their destination and satisfy the wife. I really enjoyed this possible reality or outcome of America because I could easily see this happening and that is some cool shit! For that I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

The Sleeper (Blu-ray) – A way cool 2-disc retro horror flick set in 1981 on a college campus. The Thetas are looking for a few new pledges but an unknown psycho has other plans as he keeps crank calling the sorority house and announcing which member he is about to kill next. His weapon of choice is a hammer which brutally messes up his victims. When more girls begin to go missing the police begin to take the murders seriously but have trouble tracking down who the killer could be? Justin Russell the writer/director of the film puts together a wonderful horror walk down memory lane that was like a mash up of “Black Christmas” and “Graduation Day”. If that wasn’t enough we also get a cameo appearance by the man, the myth, the legend, Joe Bob Briggs as the doctor but also you get him to do his ‘drive-in totals’ for the film as an extra. Great stuff folks as I give this fun retro horror film 3 ½ stars.

 

Bong of the Living Dead (Blu-ray) – A group of friends who smoke tons of pot and debate zombie movies on the front porch daily is the main plot of this flick. Their lifelong dream of a zombie apocalypse happens in front of them and it doesn’t go exactly as planned. If anything it is lame for the group of friends. They spend days in the house not in danger and of course smoking lots of weed. But after a couple close calls of a zombie attack and the weed supply running low the group has decided it may be time to have an actual plan to do something before they are all zombies! Max Groah and crew did a wonderful job of crafting an excellent zombie/comedy with great dialogue, cool characters you care about, and some excellent effects. It’s hard to believe this was an Indy project as it is proof of when everything is done with love of the genre.  As hilarious as the film is it does take a serious tone close to the end of the film which caught me off guard. But from beginning to end this film does not disappoint Indy fans as this may be this year’s “Attack of the Killer Donuts” as I give it 3 ½ out of 4 stars. For more details about the film: www.bongofthelivingdead.com and www.facebook.com/botldmovie .

 

 

Street Team Massacre (DVD) – Oh I had no clue what I was getting into but glad I watched this flick. This movie has moved into my great finds that include stuff like “Death Metal Zombies”, “Woodchipper Massacre”, “Holy Shit… Zombies”. But anyhow this 2007 independent film begins in a room full of people in lab coats in 1999. They have a college aged test subject who is there to test their energy drink and give them feedback for twenty bucks. He drinks a Mango energy drink and soon begins attacking all in the room. Several years go by and we are in the Eco-Elixir conference room present day where a new sales/street team person is going to be introduced to his co-workers. Excited for the struggling juice company he is excited to get out on the street until he and his team have a run-in with the Jock Juice crew on the beach. The Jock Juice team always seems to be one step ahead of the Eco-Elixir team until new guy comes up with an idea to go check out this unknown music jamboree in the mountains. Problem is there are only six or seven rednecks and the jamboree was only five minutes long. But unbeknownst to the team members their Eco-Elixir has been switched with the “Mango” test drink from years ago that causes changes in people and make them attack others. Now, you have biting rednecks with a uni-brow trying to kill both energy drink teams. Its cheesy, stupid, has Lloyd Kaufman looking at a ‘Gorillas in the Piss’ magazine, Roddy Piper selling energy drink out of his driveway, and George Hardy as I am all in as I give this 3 ½ out of 4 stars.

 

Housesitters (Vimeo/DVD) – An independent horror/comedy that has young two girls: Angie and Izzy getting the perfect job of housesitting for a guy that Angie met the night before. Plus the house has everything including a Platinum card to order anything and the satanic pentagram with candles in the basement. But the young ladies still have free reign of the house. This includes smoking lots of weed, watching a crazy amount of porn with the pizza guy, and hanging with their guys until a little demonic creature shows up and kills them in their bathroom. Once they understand they cannot leave the house as there seems to be a void outside of it they find a spell book. They also find a note inside explaining they are part of a demonic ritual to bring forth a demon god. The two decide to confront it in the basement with surprising results. Jason Coffman put together one amazing film as it made me laugh out loud six or seven times. The Indy flick isn’t just entertaining but gives you something unexpected and funny. I love this kind of stuff and kudos to Jason and company as I give this flick 3 ½ out of 4 stars. You can find out more about the film at www.facebook.com/Housesittermovie or www.housesittersmovie.com .

 

No One Lives (DVD) – Oh for the love of Rutger Hauer this was such a pleasant surprise. We have a family of criminals who look for small time heists, people to screw over, cons, etc. Their last job goes bad when they had to kill the people that lived at the house they were robbing early. Upset, they hit the bar and find a normal looking couple that looks like they have money? The innocent couple is moving and just wants left alone but of course that cannot happen. The couple gets taken on a dimly lit road and the criminals believe they got a score that will make up for the last one that went wrong. Things go sideways when the woman of the couple slices her own throat on a knife and they break into the gentlemen’s car only to find a blonde woman tied up in the trunk. Things go to even weirder when they learn this normal looking man is a crazed and beyond smart serial killer that is upset his trophy has been killed. Chaos ensues as the criminals now become the hunted in their own home. Brutal and beautiful at the same time as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

The Machine (DVD) – It’s the future and a very bright doctor named Vincent McCarthy is doing research and trying to develop A.I. that will like a human. Lots of tries but it always thinks like a computer. He wants it to be logical. He dreams of a cyborg of sorts that you cannot tell the difference. But also too he is trying to make a program, a chip, or parts that would form with the human brain, arm, leg to become one with them. The good doctor is trying this on war vets that have no hope of brain function or missing limbs and no where else to turn. Of course the government that is funding the project wants it as a weapon. The government’s goal is to defeat China in this not too distant future. While looking for an assistant or testing them Dr. McCarthy finds Ava, a woman who has a program of her own that is fond of the good doctor and how he treats the program as an equal. When the higher ups feel Ava and Vincent are getting to close they kill Ava. Dr. McCarthy knows this and builds a prototype robot with Ava in mind. From there the film gets very interesting as it does not take the usual twists you would expect. Enjoyable flick that may explain this reality is not as far away as we common people think as I give it 3 1/2 stars.

 

Victor Crowley (Blu-ray) – The fourth entry into the “Hatchet” series has Victor Crowley returning to his roots in the swamp to begin killing again. This mishap begins when Andrew Yong after a decade since the horror he faced he writes a book about “The Bayou Butcher” and goes on tour. Meanwhile a filmmaker who is also a huge fan of Mr. Yong’s wants to get him to do a cameo in her fake trailer about Crowley? Before she really has a chance to ask Andrew is pulled away for a big deal to go back to the swamp for a network special. The plane goes down in the swamp and the filmmaker and crew while there try to help the survivors. While doing that they forgot they left YouTube on trying to learn part of the script that has someone reciting the voodoo ritual to bring Crowley back. Once the right person aka Tony Todd shows up saying the ritual and Crowley is back from the dead on a killing spree again. I really enjoyed this entry as it seemed to keep it simple and keep it very bloody but also hit all the right slasher film cues as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Slaughter Drive (DVD) – Ben Dietels independent film tells the story of a man named Doug who is a filmmaker. Doug gets home feeling like a failure when his last film doesn’t go over well only to be greeted by his soon-to-be ex-wife bumping uglies with another man. With things this bad Doug tries to get past his troubles and start on his next project which has him setting up his camera in the local park. While there friends convince Doug to leave the camera and go drinking with them. Some hours pass and Doug heads back only to be confronted by a stranger who says nothing and runs off. Doug comes to regret leaving his camera in the park later as this stranger maybe his new weirdo neighbor who is killing off Doug’s friends. When Doug watches the footage of what his neighbor done Doug tries his ass off to convince police and his two best friends that he is living next to a crazed killer! It is crude, hilarious, and rough around the edges kind of slasher with some excellent effects work. It also helps many Yuengling bottles make it into scenes along with someone mentioning their buckeye in conversation… I give this hilarious film 3 ½ out of 4 stars.  Find out more at www.bpofilms.bigcartel.com .

 

The Rezort (DVD) – Another fun take on the zombie genre from the UK I believe? Ten years has passed since some worldwide virus turns millions of humans into zombies. The antidote was introduced to everywhere except one island. This island has now become a ‘Jurassic Park’ of zombies where some big corporation got the idea of if you got the money they have the zombies to shoot and kill. But no one thinks how are they resupplying the stock of zombies? The story mainly revolves a woman whose father was killed during riots when the zombie virus first started to spread. She believes going to this island will get her over her nightmares and fears? Once there she has faced her fears but wasn’t counting on the zombies getting loose in the park and begin feasting on all vacationing there. Now, she and a small group of others have five hours to get off the island before the military levels the island! A wildly entertaining zombie flick folks as I give it 3 ½ stars.

 

Annihilation (On Demand) – Natalie Portman gets pulled into something you cannot imagine when her missing husband shows up at her door from a secret mission he was on. After being pulled over by the military and husband almost dying she is meeting with a scientist played by Jennifer Jason Leigh who explains an event that happened three years ago. Well an unexplained event involving something falling from space into a lighthouse that they now call the ‘shimmer’. Something is a rainbow force field that is expanding. It first just covered the lighthouse but eventually took over the swamp, the state park, and a community. It’s feared it will continue to spread all over earth? The government has sent several people into the shimmer but none have returned except for Portman’s husband which there are no answers for? So Portman, Leigh, and three other scientists make their way into the shimmer to see if they can get to the lighthouse and get answers. Once inside they encounter some very strange shit that is mutating plant and animal alike. Visually the movie is beautiful and plotted out very well. Honestly if the “Lost” TV show had any sense and could have been this instead of the ‘dreaming we are all dead’ bullshit it was. Sorry spoiler alert if you ever wanted to watch that poor excuse for a show? But I get the feeling many are not going to understand a film like this and feel this film might be a couple years before it is actually understood? We will see but if you want to enjoy a bizarre sci-fi flick to fill that void inside your inner nerd this film will it and more as I give it 3 stars.

 

Worst movies of 2018!

Bigfoot vs. D.B. Cooper (DVD) – Once again I am watching stuff I couldn’t make up if I tried unless I was David DeCoteau? A pretty boring film full of shirtless hunks, it’s November 1971 and supposedly in the woods turkey hunting in the state of Washington. A man named Bernie now older tells a story of how and why he knows the real story of D.B. Cooper. There is a reason the authorities have never found D.B. Cooper and it’s all because of Bigfoot. And Bigfoot is a Peeping Tom apparently? Weird shit so of course I watched it as I give it a half star only for having voiceover work done by Eric Roberts and Linnea Quigley.

Jeepers Creepers 3, let’s never speak of this again! Sorry it still bothers me this film exists.

See yinz at Grossfest!

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Two new episodes with our new podcast partner John!

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On this historic episode we finally fill the vacant spot left when Cory G. turned into a ghost and vanished with our Cinema Wasteland buddy John Shatzer.   Alone with the new host he will be chatting about a sleazy William Shatner joint in IMPULSE. Kyle runs down a great mid 2000 monster / virus jam in SPLINTER.  And Tim chats up the Blumhouse flick HAPPY DEATH DAY.  Also, we run John through the gauntlet of questions.  We got football chat (naturally).  We discover the identity of Super Host.  And in sad news we get an insight into the Pittsburgh church shooting.  So Download this episode or the IRS will audit us.

 

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This week we will be breaking down 3 more movies.  The first being what happens when a college professor takes to the mountains with his class to hunt Bigfoot in 1980’s NIGHT OF THE DEMON… (Spoiler Alert) someone gets his dick ripped off.  Then we travel to 1970’s gritty New York to hunt bust kung fu moves on a spirit possessed CHUD in DEVIL’S EXPRESS starring WARHAWK TANZANIA!  Then finally we get new women in prison flick in AMAZON HOT BOX starring the great Ellie Church.  We also answer all the questions that were fit to print, go through the news, and mull over a ton of other topics, you know, as we want to do.  

 

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Just posted a crap load of new podcasts!

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This week’s episode we are still drunk on the afterglow of the glorious return of Joe Bob Briggs and his 24 hour movie marathon.  BUT WE MARCH ON!!!  We will be covering a weirdo Canadian flick in BEYOND THE 7TH DOOR.  And Kyle finally gets off his ass and watches the Savini effects fronted slasher flick in The Prowler.  Also, we chat about Tim’s opinion on the Shudder service, Donald Pleasence chainsaw fights, Deep cut Cheech and Chong flicks, we answer your questions and read all the newest news.  

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On this week’s episode football returns and that means that Kyle’s ranting and raving dad has returned to scream and yell.  After alienating most of all the cult movie fans by talking sports we get back to the subject at hand and that is and all time Disney sci-fi classic in THE BLACK HOLE.  And Tim covers a quasi-cult flick that surly has a fan base that is quite large in ALIEN NATION.  We also got all your normal things like NEWS and listener questions.  So listen to this show or no spoiled milk for you!!!

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On this week’s show we continue to alienate people with football chat but it doesn’t matter because we got predators… First we talk about the sequel to and all time action jam starring Danny Glover who seems to be too old for everything in PREDATOR 2.  Then we sleep for 15 years until we get to PREDATORS.  Then we almost another 10 years to cover the newest jam THE PREDATOR.  Also time and Kyle also finally get to talk about Sicario 2 and the cult of Benicio Del Toro.  Bizarre Dolph Lundgren flicks that were found at a dollar general.  The sad, sad death of Terrarium TV and we also got your questions and news too.  So download this episode you beautiful motherfuckers!

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On this week’s episode we talk about government cheese and the perils of getting older and shitting your pants.  But besides that we cover the flick that set the internet on fire in MANDY.  And we also cover another fine flick from the glorious land of Australia in BOAR.  Also we chat about the problematic Alex Jones. Kyle discovers the glorious 90’s flick The Adventures of Ford Fairlane.  So, download this episode or the Diceman won’t take you out and throw a hamburger down your throat.

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We got two new episodes for yinz that you are gonna want to hear!

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This week Kyle and Tim return to talk about a new classic (to us) from that magical place of New Zealand in THE QUIET EARTH.  And a highly … or not so highly regarded sequel to an all-time jam in RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD PART 2.  Also we do the weekly rounds of answering your questions, reading the latest horror movie news, and we also got a list of top Bigfoot movies to round out the show.  So, download this show or the earth will die! 

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This week is a very special show for a variety of reasons.  First being that if you know Tim Gross you know he can talk about 2 things endlessly.  Puppet Master and Rutger Hauer flicks.  And we have both in CROSSWORLDS and the new remake…reboot…reimagining…what the fuck ever it is in PUPPET MASTER: THE LITTLEST REICH.  And Kyle shows up to cover BLACK SABBATH starring everyone’s grandpa Boris Karloff.  Also, we talk about Tim and our good buddy OUT OF PRINT DAN finally braving the rainy Indiana weather to come hang out with Kyle in his beloved hometown of Portland Indiana.  We also talk about our trip to Shelbyville Indiana to the Skyline Drive In to attend the Super Monster Movie Fest.  This is one jam packed show so enjoy. 

 

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That time of the month for new episodes of Bloodbaths and Boomsticks

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This week it’s the law of diminishing returns as we check out all 3 flicks the Tales From The Crypt had to offer in the excellent (and perhaps the best 90’s horror movie) Demon Knight, Bordello of Blood, and Ritual.  We also answer your listener questions and serve up a slice have been watching this week.

 

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It’s Shark Week!!!  We got the new Jason Statham Jam THE MEG.  The sequel to the greatest summer blockbuster of all time in JAWS 2, and a flick we have been wanting to see for a while now in HOUSE SHARK.  Also we do the normal of reader questions and we recall this week’s watching habits.  Also we have a serious discussion of the pros and cons of the theatrical experience.

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We got two new episodes for yinz!

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This week we return to see what’s been happening in movie land… And the answer is not much.  So, we decide to talk to about a flick where a pyromaniac builds a fireproof murder cellar in an old house in DON’T GO IN THE HOUSE.  Then Tim chats about a flick where someone finds Dr. Herbert Wests’ reagent and gives it to a T. Rex and a bootleg Brian Bosworth and a few expendable mercs show up to fight it in a wack-a-doo flick called JURASSIC DEAD.  We also talk about the week’s movie watching habits, news, and all forms of other types of bullshit.

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Tales of the weird abound in this episode.  Tales from the first annual GROSSFEST!  Yes folks… it started as a joke and ended as a damn good time had by all.  Wanna know if Tim fought a CHUD?  Wanna know how many smokes Tom Gross smoked?  Wanna know the whereabouts of Kyle’s lost keys? Well listen to this show as it’s the round-up of all the sights and smells that was GROSSFEST!  We have all the normal movie chat to,  you know… if your into that kind of stuff.

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